Buying the Right Horse: Talent vs. Emotional Connection?

[allons-y]

Got a failed WP horse because the trainer fried her brain. Threw herself over backwards if you mounted. I knew her owner and met her at 6 mos old. She slept on her back like a dog, I thought it was cute. It was probably ulcers, she was always anxious. Her owner gave her to me at 2 yo after the trainer gave up. She became my eventer and dressage beast. Kept her 20 years 'til her death, I just always loved her.

Bought an OTTB that ticked all the boxes. He certainly likes me, but I was replacing my lost heart horse at the time. I never felt the real connection with this one. He’s a sweet, goofy, tries to please doofus. (He’s the one that follows the path that arcs further away from me when coming in, just neighs and trots faster when I call him to 'just turn left already!") I try to meet him where he’s at, appreciate him as he is.

My current heart throb is the maybe 2 inches too short for me pony. I’m on a diet so he can be my dressage pony. I loff him.

My advice, go with your heart, if all else is equal with these two horses.

Good luck and enjoy yourself!

[Abbie.S]

Whose name goes on the sale agreement? Who is writing the check? Who will be paying horse’s upkeep bills? Who will be riding the horse?

That’s the person whose opinion and needs matter.

I understand that leaning heavily on trainers to make decisions regarding purchases and even handing over day to day care to coaches has become normalized in some disciplines, but I will never find it rational or acceptable and I’m a trainer myself. If it’s my name on the check and my butt in the saddle, I’m the one deciding which horse I like more based on whatever criteria are most important to me. I will go with clients to try horses and I will give them my opinions if asked, but at the end of the day THEY need to enjoy the horse and I am not in the business of creating riders beholden to me.

Buy the horse that better fits you where you’re at now, based on the criteria that are more important to you, not your trainer.

[ladyj79]

I find that beginners are not always best at determining appropriate criteria, and often buy a pretty flashy too much horse. Hopefully a good trainer helps avoid that heartache.

You know it’s funny but in my 30+ years in horses I’ve never heard of a beginner underhorsing themselves.

[crestinglight]

You guys are awesome. This is all such great advice, and great stories!
We haven’t moved into pre-purchase yet, but I’m sure that will reveal a lot that will help me make a decision.

Both horses are 100% beginner friendly, that was an absolutely necessity, both are (from what I know at this point) healthy, and tick all of the boxes for what I need. If both horses have acceptable pre-purchase, I’ll discuss a lot with my trainer and find out what he really thinks. It would also be a huge help to be able to do a trial with both of them, but I know at least the owner of the mare is on the fence about doing a trial, so that may not be an option.

To your point, MsM, being able to handle the horse alone is huge, and I hadn’t considered that. Since I’m very short, and the gelding is almost 17hh, he did pull his head up when we were trying to get the bridle on, and that was a pain. That kind of behavior can absolutely be trained out, but for now it would be obnoxious to have to get help every time I’m tacking up.

I think I really need to see them both again, spend time with them and with my trainer, and get a vet involved to start pre-purchase exams. That will tell me a lot. If they both come out positively, with the thumbs up from the vet and trainer, I think I’m going to go with the mare! Otherwise, if my trainer has a strong opinion, or if the vet finds a serious issue, I’ll go with their recommendation.

You have all helped me so much! Thanks again!!!

[Princess_Sparkles]

It sounds like the horse you need now is not the horse you are going to need in the future. I know you have lofty plans, but you don’t (safely) go from 18 inch crossrails to 3’6"-4’ quickly, you just don’t. And the horse you are going to want and need when you get there is NOT the one you are shopping for now. There is SO much theory, muscle memory, skill and learning to do before you are ready to jump courses at that height, and you need a horse to learn it on.

Buy the horse that is going to help you learn and grow as a rider, make you feel safe, and that you enjoy. Bonus if the horse will have some resale value because as I said, you are going to need a different horse if you really do follow the trajectory you are hoping to. Don’t shop for a 3’6" horse now. It sounds like both could potentially be fine for what you need right now, but I would lean to the mare as the one you will learn the most on and that has the bonus of you feeling connected to.

[fordtraktor]

@crestinglight

You guys are awesome. This is all such great advice, and great stories!
We haven’t moved into pre-purchase yet, but I’m sure that will reveal a lot that will help me make a decision.

Both horses are 100% beginner friendly, that was an absolutely necessity, both are (from what I know at this point) healthy, and tick all of the boxes for what I need. If both horses have acceptable pre-purchase, I’ll discuss a lot with my trainer and find out what he really thinks. It would also be a huge help to be able to do a trial with both of them, but I know at least the owner of the mare is on the fence about doing a trial, so that may not be an option.

To your point, MsM, being able to handle the horse alone is huge, and I hadn’t considered that. Since I’m very short, and the gelding is almost 17hh, he did pull his head up when we were trying to get the bridle on, and that was a pain. That kind of behavior can absolutely be trained out, but for now it would be obnoxious to have to get help every time I’m tacking up.

I think I really need to see them both again, spend time with them and with my trainer, and get a vet involved to start pre-purchase exams. That will tell me a lot. If they both come out positively, with the thumbs up from the vet and trainer, I think I’m going to go with the mare! Otherwise, if my trainer has a strong opinion, or if the vet finds a serious issue, I’ll go with their recommendation.

You have all helped me so much! Thanks again!!!

good, but decide which one you prefer before vetting them both. Then just vet that one. IF something comes up, then you can vet the other one. But hopefully the first will be OK and you will save yourself $1k.

[Groom_amp_Taxi]

OP, have you considered leasing? Seems like you have not owned before and leasing is often a smart interim move - especially if the horse you think you want eventually is not the horse you need now.

I have run across more than a few trainers who are very happy to help you buy and don’t necessarily point out the things that can go wrong. And yes, I have learned this the hard way.

If you do proceed with buying, very strongly consider what you will do if the horse you buy comes up with soundness/medical issues/injuries which require things like stall rest, rehab, etc - rendering horse unavailable to ride and you still on the hook for all the horse’s expenses. What if the worst happens and the horse has to be retired? Do you have a plan for that? Hint: pasture pet homes for giveaways are few and far between.

Doing due diligence thorough pre-purchase etc can minimize some of these risks, but these things happen fairly often. Leasing can be a way to avoid some serious setbacks to your aspirations and pocketbook.

[RockingJ]

I’ve never owned my horse, so I’ve ridden a lot of different horses. I think we develop “connections” through experience and improving riding and horsemanship skills.

I rode saddleseat for a number of years, and many people sell their show horses every two years or so to buy the new shiny thing. I’ve been reading George Morris’ autobiography, and it’s amazing, the number of horses that have come in and out of his life.

I would buy whatever horse works best for you now, but know it doesn’t have to be permanent.

[TWH_Girl]

@Feliz

. He’s quirky and can be a difficult ride but he’s never dirty and boy, he tries hard for me.

This describes my newer gelding exactly. He’s not a love bug, and a connection has formed over time. My older guy is by absolute solid, love of my life steady-eddy…and when I first got him, I thought about selling him many times. It’s hard to say which horse is right for you but my point is, don’t buy or not buy a horse based on the first impression. A true bond really does take time, effort and trust to develop. If you enjoy riding the horse and they are suitable for your goals, that is very important too. either one of the horses you are looking at sound nice though. good luck in your choice.

[crestinglight]

I have leased for quite a while now; unfortunately, my lease horse got sick and went lame, and is now retired. I have also owned before, and he was the very wrong horse for me, so I know what it takes to own and care for a horse. This time, I’m concerned with getting the right one.

I know I won’t be jumping 4’ in a year. When I say I’d like to move up quickly, I’m referring to about 5 years or so from now, I’d like to be jumping around 3’3" or 3’6". Both of these horses are actually child safe (though I’m not a child), so they both have a lot to teach me, while being safe to ride. I would not get a horse that is crazy, spooky, unsafe, insecure, etc. I’ve been down that road before and it was awful. I’m being realistic and I’ve done a ton of research, talked with trainers and the barn owner, and I know what I need.

Both of these horses fit what I need, I was just asking opinions on how highly people value a trainer’s opinion and thoughts, vs. how connected you feel, and whether you should go with what you “love” or what’s going to be a better riding fit.

[SuzieQNutter]

You sound inexperienced from what you said about needing help to bridle s horse that is taller than you

Most horses can put their head above you if they try. If it is a pony they can put it down to the ground instead.

But amazingly they only try that with people they know they can get away with it. You train head down. You can out the head band on his nose to hold his head down. You can stand on a mounting block. As with everything with horses there is more than one way to do it.

[Saskatoonian]

To answer your original question, I wouldn’t put a lot of stock in instant connection because it develops over time, and the more positive experiences you have, the more it will develop. At least that’s been my experience. You describe yourself as an advanced beginner, and seems like you trust your trainer. If that’s the case, I’d put a lot more stock in what the trainer thinks than anything else. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[crestinglight]

@SuzieQNutter

You sound inexperienced from what you said about needing help to bridle s horse that is taller than you

Most horses can put their head above you if they try. If it is a pony they can put it down to the ground instead.

But amazingly they only try that with people they know they can get away with it. You train head down. You can out the head band on his nose to hold his head down. You can stand on a mounting block. As with everything with horses there is more than one way to do it.

I’m really not interested in arguments, I find it fascinating that people seem to judge a situation they have no information on, and a person they have literally never met.

Call me inexperienced if you’d like, that’s fine, but people don’t become more experienced without… having experiences.

I’m 5’1", and I was alone in an arena with a horse I’d never met before, who is 17hh. There was no mounting block. He was rather nervous and bit overwhelmed. “But amazingly they only try that with people they know they can get away with it,” we had met for 2 minutes. He didn’t “know” anything about me, whether he could “get away with it” or not. We figured it out, and everything went very well in the end.

These kinds of responses are the reason people don’t like the horse community. This condescending, “I’m better than you and I know everything there is to know about you, your experience level, and horses,” attitude isn’t helpful. Being constructive like, “The next time he does that, try this…” is a lot more helpful.

I never claimed to be a professional, a Grand Prix rider, or anything else. I have a lot to learn, and the only way to learn is to move forward, struggle, have experiences, and do the best you can to get better and better as you go.

[crestinglight]

@Saskatoonian

To answer your original question, I wouldn’t put a lot of stock in instant connection because it develops over time, and the more positive experiences you have, the more it will develop. At least that’s been my experience. You describe yourself as an advanced beginner, and seems like you trust your trainer. If that’s the case, I’d put a lot more stock in what the trainer thinks than anything else. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Thanks Saskatoonian, I think that’s great advice. I do trust my trainer a lot, he knows my riding ability even better than I do, and he has my best interests at heart. He’ll definitely steer me in the right direction.

[KBC]

@KBC

I have bought many horses that I thought I instantly clicked with…much to my regret.

The Awesome Mr Gibbs, well he ticked everything on my want list, every single box, was perfect, apart from lack of personality and I didn’t ‘feel’ anything for him.

Fast forward a few months, what do you know he had a great fun personality that he had never been encouraged to express, and he became my one and only heart horse in all my years of horse ownership. He, and his successor are the only two trainer recommended horses I have bought, both were the right decision.

[anon38350891]

I think the whole “instant emotional connection” thing is bogus. Horses don’t speak human emotional language. They have their own language and it can be misunderstood by us.

When we say 'I just really clicked with horse x", often I believe we are projecting something onto the horse. I really clicked with an off-track thoroughbred once and we spent 5 years terrifying each other. I did not click with a small QH mare I got assigned to for a 4 hour trail ride in Big Bend, and she was the best horse I will ever ride in terms of responsiveness and silky softness. She had been under saddle for two months!! Which I did not know when I got on.

With my current horse, who was well started and very appropriate for me, I did not feel much connection until I’d been around him for 3 years, and learned to recognize when he was kidding, when he was bored, when he was feeling chipper and frisky, and where his favorite scritchy spots were. And to realize his true virtue: that I could stand him up at the gates of hell and he won’t. back. down. But that took time and situations.

Good luck to you, but don’t horse shop with your sentiments on your sleeve.

[CHT]

Go with safe and manageable.

Also consider that neither of these might be the right horse.

I have had clients really want the impressiveness of a warmblood, but then they found they couldn’t ride their larger gaits or bigger jumps without getting tight. People think they can develop those skills, but as an adult learning, who can only dedicate limited time, it can be hard to develop the muscle memory and reflexes to ride the bigger movers.

At your stage of riding, I would buy a horse that is suitable for the next couple years, and then resaleable. Something that will give you confidence and make you look forward to riding. Not something that needs training rides and might not have enough show miles to give a nervous newcomer a forgiving ride.

[SuzieQNutter]

@crestinglight

I’m really not interested in arguments, I find it fascinating that people seem to judge a situation they have no information on, and a person they have literally never met.

Call me inexperienced if you’d like, that’s fine, but people don’t become more experienced without… having experiences.

I’m 5’1", and I was alone in an arena with a horse I’d never met before, who is 17hh. There was no mounting block. He was rather nervous and bit overwhelmed. “But amazingly they only try that with people they know they can get away with it,” we had met for 2 minutes. He didn’t “know” anything about me, whether he could “get away with it” or not. We figured it out, and everything went very well in the end.

These kinds of responses are the reason people don’t like the horse community. This condescending, “I’m better than you and I know everything there is to know about you, your experience level, and horses,” attitude isn’t helpful. Being constructive like, “The next time he does that, try this…” is a lot more helpful.

I never claimed to be a professional, a Grand Prix rider, or anything else. I have a lot to learn, and the only way to learn is to move forward, struggle, have experiences, and do the best you can to get better and better as you go.

And that is the reason that a lot of people do not post. As people take offence over the slightest things. You did not say that you were tacking up in an arena. I did not think of that as in all the places I have ridden I tack in a tacking area and then walk to the arena, so I am the inexperienced one here.

We also post for the people reading this thread who only read so the suggestions are not just for you but anyone who hadn’t thought of them.

No mounting block in an arena? That is not good for the horses backs or the saddles. I hope you had a leg up.

Inexperience is not an insult. It means something you haven’t come across before. And believe me that horse knows more about you in 2 minutes than you know about him.

Once you mount he knows. It doesn’t matter how many pieces of paper you have or what you have done. He knows.

Have a photo taken and see where your leg comes down to. If no where near the bottom of his barrel you don’t fit. At 16hh she might be a better fit. If your leg comes below her barrel, you don’t fit.

The barrel has nothing to do with the height of the horse.

[Groom_amp_Taxi]

@crestinglight thank you for clarifying your experiences. I had no intention of offending or questioning your background, and I did make assumptions from your original post based on the way it came across. I consider it something of a personal mission to try to help people (who are open to help) from making some of the mistakes I have made in buying horses. I have not shopped for horses often enough to know how to value a sense of instant connection.

[J-Lu]

Well, in my experience, I’ve had and ridden horses who just didn’t have a personality/ a personal connection. They were fine. I’ve also had/ridden horses who had personalities and helped bridge our connection. These were the horses I enjoyed the most. I also think these horses have bigger “try” for you, and “try” means alot in competition.