Car Accident in Wellington

[orangecrush]

[QUOTE=alittlegray;8475253]
Dear both families who are suffering today:

I wish there were words that could take away your pain. I know, unfortunately, just how little difference words make, It may be weeks before anything anyone is saying even makes sense.
Whether Andres was drunk or high, whether Sophie was drunk or high, neither deserved to die. Unfortunately their judgment was clouded and it let to a fatal moment for both of them. I know, in ways I won’t describe, how long it will be before anything feels “normal” for any of your family again. You’ll catch yourself laughing at something you see then clap your hands over your mouth and want to vomit - how could you laugh just xxxx days after…

Things like that will happen over and over, until one day you will smile or laugh and the immediate reaction that comes to mind won’t be pain. You’ll be able to think “She would have loved this” without it feeling a dagger to the heart. I promise. You’ll know then that the worst has passed.

Until then, while it’s useful to take to heart those here who want to be helpful, please put the rest on ignore. Yes, your loved ones screwed up and yes, they paid the highest possible price. That doesn’t mean that YOU have to pay over and over by reading hurtful crap online. It may even help to set aside your social media altogether for awhile.

I wish for you all the very best, and that the healing will come swiftly on the heels of the pain. Whatever the circumstances were, fight or no fight, or whatever else, none of that matters now. One day you WILL feel whole again, you just have to wait it out. I know. God Bless your families.[/QUOTE]

This is seriously bad form. Would you send a sympathy card to someone you actually knew that said these things? Would you walk up to the bereaved at a memorial service and say these things? If so, you need to pull out your etiquette book and read again.

[Bristol_Bay]

[QUOTE=orangecrush;8475377]
This is seriously bad form. Would you send a sympathy card to someone you actually knew that said these things? Would you walk up to the bereaved at a memorial service and say these things? If so, you need to pull out your etiquette book and read again.[/QUOTE]

Hey, no need to shame people.

[orangecrush]

[QUOTE=Bristol Bay;8475413]
Hey, no need to shame people.[/QUOTE]

I think there is a need. I have lost four immediate family members in a very short period of time, and if someone said any of this to me, I would be aghast. Better to shame someone anonymously than have them do this to someone in real life. I think I will take another year off from this forum. Yikes.

[OTTB2]

[QUOTE=orangecrush;8475438]
I think there is a need. I have lost four immediate family members in a very short period of time, and if someone said any of this to me, I would be aghast. Better to shame someone anonymously than have them do this to someone in real life. I think I will take another year off from this forum. Yikes.[/QUOTE]

I think there is a need for this thread to end… its no longer just condolences but just another COTH bickering fest not representative of either of the people who lost their lives.

[SendenHorse]

[QUOTE=OTTB_;8475445]
I think there is a need for this thread to end… its no longer just condolences but just another COTH bickering fest not representative of either of the people who lost their lives.[/QUOTE]

everything on here is a bickering fest, this is a discussion board.

Anyways, Alittlegray, please stop. Really. That was over the top, insulting, and uncalled for. Nice passive aggressive dig to make yourself look like the angel of social media.

These stories allow each of us to react/discuss in our own way, and there is no one “right” reaction to have. No one here has been in poor taste as far as discussing the victims.

[Bogie]

[QUOTE=orangecrush;8473784]
Unfortunately, some gossip rag posted a picture of the car and it will eliminate your disbelief pretty quickly. I have had the misfortune of seeing many photos of fatal car and motorcycle wrecks and this car was in pretty bad shape. So very, very sad.[/QUOTE]

If you look at the photo of the car it is very clear that at the time of the crash it was being driven very fast; certainly over the speed limit. My son had a very serious accident while speeding. He was lucky and survived. He wasn’t drunk or high. He was just driving too fast.

[nccatnip]

It might be time to give this thread a rest. There is far too little accurate information to even make a valid point in regards to this specific accident. You are now speculating and bringing in people who were not even involved. Please, for the sake of all, just stop.

[Mardi]

[QUOTE=nccatnip;8475622]
You are now speculating and bringing in people who were not even involved. [/QUOTE]

What people ?

[m_m1]

What am I missing? I thought Alittlegray’s post was compassionate.

[Canterwell]

Hello Moderators? Please can you throw the switch on this thread now before it gets any uglier?

[alittlegray]

So, having lost 3 family members in less than 6 weeks in 2015, my post wasn’t meant to be anything other than compassionate. It is just what grieving is like, no matter how we WANT it to be. Ignoring awful people on social media and giving yourself permission to laugh again when you are ready is all it was about. Because the whole world is going to judge without the benefit of all the facts. So keeping to what you know is right in your heart is all you can do.

I know I sure as hell wish someone had warned me what happens online when you lose a loved one under questionable circumstances very publicly. And I certainly meant no harm, I’ll will or mean thoughts to the families - just the opposite.

ETA, it makes me sick to think people took it as a slam or something. I intended quite the opposite, completely.

[back_in_the_saddle]

"alcohol is suspected to have contributed to the accident. It could be two months before blood tests performed on Rodriguez yield a result "

Until the tests are finalized, I don’t think anyone should be jumping to conclusions.

[beaujolais]

“What am I missing? I thought Alittlegray’s post was compassionate.”

+1

[Crockpot]

Yes, your loved ones screwed up and yes, they paid the highest possible price.

I have stayed off this thread but have to say this is just obscene and disgusting.

Even if you make the leap from -alcohol may have been a factor - (personally I would wait) to blaming the driver

How the Christly FK does the deceased passenger bear any blame such that her family needs this comment.

Wow.

This has gone too far…

[SendenHorse]

[QUOTE=Crockpot;8476343]
I have stayed off this thread but have to say this is just obscene and disgusting.

Even if you make the leap from -alcohol may have been a factor - (personally I would wait) to blaming the driver

How the Christly FK does the deceased passenger bear any blame such that her family needs this comment.

Wow.

This has gone too far…[/QUOTE]

uh, no. Its logical to blame the driver, he was the one who allegedly drank (or did drugs) so much he was impaired. He was controlling the car.

Who else would be responsible?

That is just simple logic. Nowhere is that mean in the least. What else are we supposed to think? This is not a situation where bad weather is even remotely a factor.

How is that NOT “screwing up”? It’s as bad of a decision as you can make.

Glossing over drinking and driving does no one any favors and allows this to continue in the party culture.

He was an idiot, but of course it’s also very sad. They are not mutually exclusive. Calling out reality does not make someone a bad person.

If there was some other reason for going into a barrier after a party at 3am driving what, 30 mph? then I’d be happy to know what that reason is and happy to be wrong.

If there was some reason to think about a cause being bad weather or falling asleep at the wheel, or other distracted driving, then I’d be happy to be wrong.

Why does it matter? because I don’t want anyone else do do this same thing and end up in the same way.

[Crockpot]

[QUOTE=SendenHorse;8476368]
uh, no. Its logical to blame the driver, he was the one who allegedly drank (or did drugs) so much he was impaired. He was controlling the car.

Who else would be responsible?

That is just simple logic. Nowhere is that mean in the least. What else are we supposed to think? This is not a situation where bad weather is even remotely a factor.

How is that NOT “screwing up”? It’s as bad of a decision as you can make.

Glossing over drinking and driving does no one any favors and allows this to continue in the party culture.

He was an idiot, but of course it’s also very sad. They are not mutually exclusive. Calling out reality does not make someone a bad person.

If there was some other reason for going into a barrier after a party at 3am driving what, 30 mph? then I’d be happy to know what that reason is and happy to be wrong.

If there was some reason to think about a cause being bad weather or falling asleep at the wheel, or other distracted driving, then I’d be happy to be wrong.

Why does it matter? because I don’t want anyone else do do this same thing and end up in the same way.[/QUOTE]

Can you not read. I guess so, You missed the point which was about the passenger who died.

your loved ones screwed up

I guess you missed this bit

How the Christly FK does the deceased passenger bear any blame such that her family needs this comment

So this also blames the passenger and clearly says that to her family

WTF. TRy actually reading before posting

[omare]

And I am not aware of many(alleged) “sympathy notes” being paired with the “helpful” pointing out/judgement that the love one(s) screwed up.

[AliCat]

The righteousness levels of both sides of this debate are the highest I’ve ever seen on here.

[Crockpot]

Whatever people may say about the driver- and I am one who likes to wait for facts- but never mind that–where the hell is there any evidence for blaming the passenger- as this poster clearly did and thought should be said to her family. Good God. Where is the evidence that the passenger screwed up:confused: and so her family should receive this message:eek:

This is what alittlegray wanted to say to the family

Dear both families who are suffering today…:

Yes, your loved ones screwed up and yes, they paid the highest possible price.

[alittlegray]

Let me try and explain:
Since she was old enough to get in the car with ANYONE, we have been telling DD (and all of our collected clutch of biological and semiadopted children) NEVER get in the car with someone you even THINK may have been drinking or doing drugs. Not even ONE drink. Because GOD FORBID something happen, that you could have avoided by calling a cab or calling me.

I have also told them all no matter where in the world they are, if they are so drunk they can only remember MY number to call ME and I will arrange a cab for them.

This is why I said what I did. Because she MADE A MISTAKE (which is what I said) and got in the car with someone unable to safely get her home. I am not blaming the accident on sophie or her family, I am simply saying she paid the highest possible price for not realizing he was not sober.

Overall, you are validating the point of my post which is that both families may want to step away from social media for a while until every comment doesn’t hurt and every mention of your loved one doesn’t make you want to vomit. Been there, done that, got the tee-shirt at this point personally.

The grief won’t pass until they give themselves permission to be happy again, that’s just part of the way it works. And I DO feel for them, very very much so.