For the record, I don’t think the OP is a horrible person based on what she’s written here. She’s found a good situation for the horse. She owes it a good situation, not lifelong care in her hands. My point is simply that her hand isn’t being forced; she’s making a choice. Life is about coming to terms with your choices. If her devastation at giving the horse up and worry for the horse’s future is too great, she has options. Everything in life is trade-off. I don’t think I’m “noble” for keeping my retiree; that was just the trade-off I was willing to live with. YMMV 
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It doesn’t sound at all as though the horse is being dropped off at auction. Honestly, if the previous owner can offer more turnout and is willing to take her back, that sounds ideal. However, I would agree with those saying that this mare’s prospects are few and far between. The hard fact is that there are few people willing to take an unsound horse, including as a companion horse. Only you can decide if you are comfortable with the chance that the previous owner will decide to give her away, and that she will end up in a bad situation. Many horses do end up in bad situations through this type of route. That is why some people are saying that they could not live with that chance. It doesn’t make anyone a saint - it’s just choices that we can and can’t live with. only you can know, based on the specific situation, what you can live with. There are people that I would give a horse back to, and people i
would not.
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I think where other posters (and myself) took offense was the heart horse wording and then her emphasis on wanting another horse that can further her barrel racing goals. She has (and can afford) the two horses she has now, I just don’t see why she can’t sell the younger horse. Anyways, whatever happens I wish the best for the OP and her horses
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I get that but to jump on the OP like you all did when she was clearly upset is just wrong. Also you missed the part about the barn closing down and her boarding options that would be best for the horse being extremely limited. I gave up my horse like that and it sucks. Guess I’m not as lucky as the rest of you.
I had to sell my heart horse when I went into college many years ago, and I do sympathize. OP I am sorry if I came across as harsh. I have just seen so many people get rid of a horse that has served them for years to get a “better”, more competitive horse so it is sort of a sore subject for me.
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Wow, this discussion went off the rails somewhere… some answers are, I agree, over the top. Again, IMHO, nothing wrong with rehoming the two unsuitable she has and buying a more suitable horse. The situation she has found for the older mare sounds more or less ideal. What doesn’t make sense is why the former owner wants to OWN a tricky, somewhat lame older mare (and potentially rehome it) rather than BOARD said horse for a couple of years before OP gets her own land. That doesn’t add up to me. Why would former owner take on a horse with limited use, a limited resale market, rather than having a monthly board fee (and the horse potentially off her hands in a couple of years)?
Something ain’t adding up. If I had a chance to place an older, not very usable horse that I cared about at a nice facility with a trusted friend who once owned the horse, I’d be relieved, not heartbroken. If I was worried that the situation might be temporary, I’d make it work so I’d have some control over it. Not sure what the upset is about.
I agree, something doesn’t add up but I totally understand why the former owner doesn’t want to board. How often have we heard about equine retirement homes having horses dumped on them when the owner can’t afford to pay? I would guess that the former owner (FO) doesn’t want the responsibility for the horse without the control, especially if she has specifically chosen not to go into boarding.
The OP has said she wants to get another horse but can’t afford the old mare. If I were the former owner of that old mare I would read into that, “likely to lose interest in a few months and stop paying board,” whether or not that is a fair assessment (although, in real life, the former owner actually knows the OP and we don’t, so that’s saying something). What if the former owner has a higher standard of care than the OP and worries about problems with vet decisions or euthanasia? Let’s say the FO thinks the horse needs a vet or a treatment and the OP doesn’t agree? Just worrying about that contingency might be enough to make the FO want a clean break, with clear control and ownership of the horse.
Just from her few posts, the OP sounds like she has a quick fuse and is prone to drama. If there is a guaranteed retirement situation where the mare will have better care, then, like fargaloo said, it sounds more or less ideal. Why the hand wringing? Why the heartbreak?
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I’m intrigued by the fact OP thinks former owner will pay her enough money for this unsound horse that she’d have funds to buy her own land!!
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I don’t think OP thinks the mare will pay for land! I do think it is likely former owner will take the horse for free but not pay for it. Who would? I hope OP’s plan to sell both and buy a better horse is predicated on saving some of the money she has been spending on them for…six months or a year or so and then using that.
the situation sounds good for the mare and she sounds much better off selling the other horse (also likely a low dollar horse at best). But I am sure together their expenses are pricey and in a while of saving that money she can buy something to meet her goals.
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Going by your original post ^^^^ : It’s been a couple of days now… and unless I missed something in subsequent posts, any word back from mare’s previous owner/your personal friend? Will she take her as per your contract to offer her back? If yes, then one problem solved, right? No need to be heartbroken over not owning this mare as friend sounds like she would only re-home/sell her to a responsible ‘someone else’ with same contract…and…if she does decide to sell mare couldn’t she inform you first and help you to be comfortable with sale to new owner who might be a great landing for this mare? You’ll be able to stay in the loop – keep track of her and thus be able to possibly own her again if and when you get land and/or find another boarding situation.
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So to answer your original question, how do you cope with selling your heart horse?
You just do.
You ask for pictures or updates, or you go visit. Hopefully, since this person is a friend, they will let you visit whenever you can. That helps. You try to follow where the horse goes, should they be sold again. It’s not always possible, and it really, really sucks when you don’t know where they are. But if the mare will be happy with your friend, you get to live with knowing she’s happy and well cared for.
If your friend doesn’t want her back, I think trying to find an all-inclusive retirement home would be great… and your friend might know of somewhere closer to you. I don’t know where you are, but if you want retirement home recommendations in VA, I know 3 off the top of my head. They’re not terribly hard to find, and most will include holding for vet/farrier.
https://www.chronofhorse.com/forum/forum/discussion-forums/off-course
this is why you keep the horse.
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OP I think you’re making sensible decisions here. I don’t know why people are bashing you.
I do agree that you should retain ownership of the mare while she is living with your friend - just in case. No matter how the situation works out (eg: you pay for board or don’t) get a written contract, signed by both parties and witnessed.
Is she close enough that you can visit her occasionaly? (sorry if this has already been mentioned and I missed it). It sounds as if your friend also has an emotional attachment to the horse and would understand you needing regular updates on her well-being.
Both your options - place her with a trusted friend or keep her - sound reasonable. I guess you just have to weigh up what is the best option for your horse and yourself financially and emotionally.
The very first thing you need to do is get rid of they saying “heart horse”. Its just a horse that you like, pretty much in the eyes of a horse you are totally replaceable with the next person who walks up with 2 more apples than you happen to have in your hands at any given time.
The horse has lameness issues and is a difficult ride? if the old owner is not willing to take her back (for free) then you need to either find a retirement boarding facility (if you board) or put her down depending on the quality of life and how much money you are able to spend on the horse.
You currently own 2 horses that are not suitable for your chosen discipline? Then sell the one that is sound and deal with the mare - resulting in less $$ to buy a new horse. Or change your riding to suit the needs of your current horses. Riders do this all the time. My hunter wanted to be a WP horse, guess what - he did WP. My old WP horse wanted to be a dressage pony - well we learned dressage.
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Agree
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When I was a kid I had the horse of my dreams. He was pretty, talented, smart-everything little girls who love horses daydream about.
I had all thru my teen years and when it came time for college, hard decisions had to be made. I had outgrown his abilities and my younger sister wasn’t interested in riding. He was still too good at 20 years old to just retire and he would have hated that anyway.
So I sold him to another young girl so she could start her riding career on him and take him to shows.
Honestly, I cried my eyes out when I gave him to her and cried myself to sleep for days after.
But I knew in my heart I did the right thing for him. He got another girl to love on him and got to keep going to shows which he loved.
Find the best situation you can for your horse, cry about it for awhile and then move on.
And then don’t be surprised to see a post on the “Missing Horses” thread about wanting to reconnect with that horse you loved, only to find it’s been sold down the line.Selling a horse is like spitting in a river. Once it’s out of your control, it joins the general stream of horses going to home after home, maybe losing a bit of quality each time. Look at the thread about that vet student who was offering “great retirement homes” to horses, then flipping them or selling at auction.
Maybe I’m a control freak. But it would take a lot for me to sell/give away one of my horses. They trust me - I won’t break that trust.
StG
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I keep all my horses until their deaths. Then I don’t have to worry about whether or not they are starved or go to slaughter. My parents had this rule, they were not horse people but they considered my horses pets like they did our dogs and cats, and it is what I believe in. While I was in college my parents kept my horses for me. Family members same as humans and dogs and cats.
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