Daughter just quit riding; Update Post#151

[SuzieQNutter]

[QUOTE=saddleup;7698071]
I advise my friends to wait until their children or grandchildren beg, plead, barter, and ultimately WORK for the privilege of having a horse. I think if you give them one, especially if it’s what you would love for them to do, it often turns out badly. In retrospect I think my husband and I were too eager for our daughter to get into horses, even though she’s the one who broached the subject. If she would have proven her interest with more effort and time perhaps she’d have stuck with it.

Or maybe not.[/QUOTE]

That is so true. You are not giving them an opportunity you are creating a taker.

Kids who have to work for what they get stick with it. Those who get given everything give it up when they discover boys or sooner.

She should be working to pay for the new horse and not be given pocket money. JMHO

I delivered pamphlets to buy my horse.

I kept him from being a child until he taught my husband to ride.

[FatCatFarm]

Each to their own. I never begged for my pony. He was a handmedown from my sisters, but I loved him to pieces all the same. I did lobby to get my large pony and never looked back. I didn’t have to work to pay for their or my expenses, but I did have to do all of the care-taking, which I was happy to do. My daughter has always been very good at feeding and helping at the barn with chores and with the horses. If she’s not as horse crazy as I was, I think it’s just a difference in personalities. Horses complete me. While I don’t think they do that for her, she is definitely enjoying them and I do think keeping and riding horses instills all kinds of positive things like responsibility, compassion, empathy, pride and a sense of accomplishment, self worth, not being afraid to get dirty or to fall or get hurt; skills and abilities I would never have wanted her to miss out on. http://equusmagazine.com/blog/horsing-childhood-wsu-evidence-cortisol-stress-hormone-16393

[Clair2014]

I tend to agree that being bought a pony does not necessarily mean a child won’t appreciate it. I LIVED for horses from a VERY young age. My parents were not horse people but they indulged my passion. I had riding lessons starting at 5 years old and then my parents leased a wonderful pony for me starting at 7 years old. Two years later they bought the pony and shortly after they bought a farm. I always loved and appreciated my horses and that first pony lived with me until he passed away two years ago at 37 years old - I’d had him 25 years. Horses still are, and will likely always be, everything to me. If my parents hadn’t bought me my pony and encourged my riding they would have withheld the most important thing in the world from me.

Don’t let people make you feel bad for buying your daughter a wonderful pony. I’ve been teaching riding lessons for over 20 years and have yet to have a student with the same passion for horses I had. That’s saying a lot because I’ve brought a lot of kids up over the years. It used to disappoint me as an instructor until I realized that, no matter how much or how little passion a girl has for horses, they still learn invaluable lessons by learning to ride. Whether they stick with it or not, horses teach them something they can’t learn anywhere else and that is important. From an instructor’s point of view, your daughter is still very young. She may never have a passion like your’s but she will figure out where she wants to go in her life and she will be fine. For what it’s worth, I think you’re handling the whole situation very well.

[Mukluk]

Well sounds like your daughter is a bit of a dabbler. But perhaps in time she will find her true passion. Kudos to you on being supportive of her interests no matter how much they may switch around.

[candyappy]

I am the only one who is a “horse crazy person” in my family too. My kids all rode since they were old enough to sit on one and we have always had a pony ( then horse) for them to ride. My daughter has a nice appX mare who she rides but she only does it when I say I am riding. I think she likes it but has no desire to do it on her own. I accept it for what it is. I guess the horse crazy gene stops with me…

Your daughter is young yet. She may change drastically as time goes on. My daughter is 19, so no hope for her!

[SuzieQNutter]

I was also bought my first ponies as a child.

It was when I reached 15 and didn’t have a horse because of life that I worked for my first horse.

That was when we bought an agistment property and we have seen a lot of families come and go. 99% with girls and not boys.

Those that worked and earnt outside of their home to keep their horse, keep it through puberty and into adulthood.

Those that are given them all their life and I am even talking about riding instructors with indoor arenas and taking their daughters to Shows and wininning at a high level are not riding now that they have moved out of home.

One lady I used to ride with that happened to. Her daughter never came near the horse again. She took over riding the horse out trail riding for the next 20 years. The daughter had ridden him at an advanced level in Eventing. The mum and horse were quite happy for the next 20 years.

I wish you as much happiness as her.

I sm still ftiends with the mum on Facebook. I can ask her if her daughter came back to be a rerider in adulthood.

[danceronice]

[QUOTE=Lori B;7821358]
A dislike of cheerleading as an activity is not saying I hate cheerleaders as people. I just think of it as an activity that rewards everything I don’t want a young daughter to be focused on, because society is bashing her over the head about that toxic stuff enough without any early and heavy indoctrination from the booty-shaking for tweens patrol.[/QUOTE]

If you’re trying to avoid eating disorders, riding is not the thing I’d put them in unless no showing/no English disciplines/no appearance-based Western classes was the rule of the day. I would hate to put a tween who wasn’t naturally svelte anywhere near hunters as that’s how I started on the road to an eating disorder. Nothing like being 11 or 12 and constantly hearing you’re fat. By the time I was a thinner teen I wanted nothing to do with shows except mostly 4-H and still skipped fair one year for a criminal-justice camp for high schoolers. I’d never allow a child I was responsible for to ride hunters and give the foundation you need for eventing (plus the overlap with image-obsessed dressage) I’d be very hesitant there. Gymnastics would also be below…almost everything, really, on my list of sports with a lower injury risk and healthy body image than cheerleading. Basically it’s cheerleading without musicality or a team element and more pressure to excel or quit.

[Mukluk]

Gymnastics-beware body image stuff. That said… I attribute my background in gymnastics to helping me to be a very balanced rider. Gymnastics promotes balance, coordination, flexibility, and strength. It has also helped me in skiing, surfing, and many other sports I have tried.

[Samotis]

I don’t have a daughter, but I do have a 6 year old niece.

I bred my mare to a welsh pony and have the most adorable two year old half welsh pony gelding now.

Luckily so far my niece loves him and walks him around, brushes him and seems interested. I am trying not to push her and hoping she intends to ride eventually.

So pretty much I am planning pony finals in 2017.

I never had a pony and my God this pony is so stinkin cute!!! I want 5 more!!!

[FatCatFarm]

Just thought I would post an update as the saga continues. A year ago this month, we brought home an absolutely wonderful 5 yr old, 14.2hd POA gelding for my daughter to ride as she was outgrowing her small pony. Oliver was simply the best and he and my daughter had many good rides together. She never showed him because she just wasn’t driven to, but many enjoyable hours in lessons and on trail rides were had. Again, I loved him probably more than she did and appreciated what a great soul he was, even if she did not comprehend the gem she had. I say was as we unfortunately had to euthanize Oliver on March 1, 2016 due to complications of colitis. It was sudden and tragic. And now my daughter really doesn’t want another horse. She only wants to occasionally trail ride at this point and for that, she can ride my oldest horse. My daughter is only 10, turning 11 in June and maybe she’ll rediscover a love of riding at some point but evidently taking lessons and working to become better just wasn’t worth the bother to her. Makes me a little sad, but it’s her choice and I was getting enough pushback even before we lost Oliver, that I am done pushing.

She is currently playing soccer and because she is small, she’s in the back of the field. I tried to tell her that, that is the good thing about horseback riding: small, tall or in between, you don’t have to ride the bench or be marginalized to the back field unless and until your skills improve. Being an only child, I think it’s the team thing that appeals right now. She’s keeps trying different things on for size. We’ll see, but I doubt she’ll ever really come back to it.

[Pennywell_Bay]

I sympathize, but I will say- you never know what the future holds. A friend’s (who posts on here so maybe she’ll chime in) daughter basically stopped riding when she was---- 10 ish? And her parents had the nicest ponies.

She started back up and this year is showing and placing as a catch rider in Ocala.

I totally think you are doing the right thing by letting her do her own thing (as long as she is getting some kind of physical activity).

[FatCatFarm]

I really can’t complain. She’s a straight A kid and there are just so many distractions with electronics these days. I have to kick her outside to go absorb some vitamin D or she’d stay parked in front of the television, computer or videoplayer, all blasted day.

I’m debating about selling her saddles I really think I should go ahead. If she’s only going to trail ride, she can do that in one of mine.

[trubandloki]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

[SonnysMom]

[QUOTE=FatCatFarm;8574655]
I really can’t complain. She’s a straight A kid and there are just so many distractions with electronics these days. I have to kick her outside to go absorb some vitamin D or she’d stay parked in front of the television, computer or videoplayer, all blasted day.

I’m debating about selling her saddles I really think I should go ahead. If she’s only going to trail ride, she can do that in one of mine.[/QUOTE]

Sorry for your loss of Oliver.
You mention saddles (plural). I would keep one of her saddles that fits your horse well and is comfortable for trail riding. You mention she is small so it is unlikely she will fit one of yours well.
I am currently riding in a saddle that is too big and even on the trails it isn’t fun. It was putting me in a chair seat and I just struggle to maintain position.

It is hard to stay up in 2 point up a hill. I put a very plush seat saver (Christ) on it to help push me forward in the saddle and that helps a bit but that puts the lady bits and butt bones on the part of the saddle not intended to have me there. The fleece helps but I sometimes get sore. (New saddle comes either Tues or Wed- Yipee)
If you think she might eventually enjoy riding again having her ride in a saddle that she is uncomfortable in and she has to struggle to maintain position isn’t going to make her look forward to riding. I see that as one more reason for her to not want to ride. Just my $.02

[FatCatFarm]

[QUOTE=trubandloki;8574683]
I am so sorry to hear about your loss.[/QUOTE]

Thank you.

[FatCatFarm]

@SonnysMom;8574701

Sorry for your loss of Oliver.
You mention saddles (plural). I would keep one of her saddles that fits your horse well and is comfortable for trail riding. You mention she is small so it is unlikely she will fit one of yours well.

Thank you. Yes, I’ll probably keep one. Her dressage saddle is a 15" and will be the first one she outgrows; her jump saddle is a 16" but with velcroed knee and thigh blocks which can be moved around. I’ll probably keep it. It’s the better saddle of the two.

[CanterandCandor]

Kids are so funny.
I was a very competitive soccer player though age 10/11 or so, and then my intensive soccer club got a little too intense and I wanted to quit. My parents said to push through it, keep going, it’d pass, etc etc because they liked watching the games and they thought I was good. But good didn’t matter because I was miserable and my teammates were catty and I finally convinced my parents to let me quit going in to high school.

And then the riding lessons started. My parents were willing to pay for once bi-weekly (every 2 weeks) lessons if I cleaned my room, did my chores, and maintained my grades. After much begging and pleading, they let me half-lease a horse when I was 15, subsidized by my own babysitting money and extra chores around the house. No matter how much I begged, though, they never once considered buying me a horse.

I know it sounds odd, but it was actually a little disheartening for me. All the teens my age were moving up the levels on their own horses and “all” I had was a half-lease (obviously, I’m a little more grateful now ). Finally I convinced my dad to let me full lease a hunter and show him over the summer as my ‘graduation present’ for high school, and this past year, I graduated from college and bought my first horse with my own money and it couldn’t feel sweeter!

I wish my parents had let me quit soccer sooner, at 10, when I was beginning to hate the competitive atmosphere, and it sounds like you are a great parent for letting her do what she needs to do. Maybe her horseback riding could be the equivalent to my soccer-- I still play soccer, but not in an intensely competitive environment. It sounds like trail riding will be fun for her for now, and maybe when she’s a bit older and more consistent, and recovers from the loss of Oliver (sorry to hear ) she’ll tune back in to the horsey lifestyle.

Best wishes!

[xRecklessRenditionx]

I was the same way. I was 6 when I started and got my own school master horse when I was 8-9 and had him until I was 11, but I got out of riding and my mom didn’t want to force me so we sold the horse and my mom bawled for days, but at the time I didn’t understand. I still get to see him, but finally after a 3-4 year hiatus I got bit by the horse bug again and now I am as dedicated as ever. So my mom’s pretty happy with that.

Some it is a passing phase and for some it is recurring.

[FatCatFarm]

[QUOTE=xRecklessRenditionx;8575626]
I was the same way. I was 6 when I started and got my own school master horse when I was 8-9 and had him until I was 11, but I got out of riding and my mom didn’t want to force me so we sold the horse and my mom bawled for days, but at the time I didn’t understand. I still get to see him, but finally after a 3-4 year hiatus I got bit by the horse bug again and now I am as dedicated as ever. So my mom’s pretty happy with that.

Some it is a passing phase and for some it is recurring.[/QUOTE]

Thank you. This gives me a little hope. Obviously, only time will tell…

[xRecklessRenditionx]

[QUOTE=FatCatFarm;8575641]
Thank you. This gives me a little hope. Obviously, only time will tell…[/QUOTE]

Time is all I needed. When I saw people on YouTube eventing doing what I wanted and what made my heart beat a bit faster. I knew I had to pursue it. Just time was all I needed to come back to doing what I loved and now I am finally riding without any teeth pulling!