It sounds like things are going well. And you are right, Cheerleading is not longer just shaking tushes and pom poms for most squads.
My daughter has no interest but I wouldn’t judge her if she did. She asked to do a camp once and while she enjoyed it she never asked to get into it.
What about Pony Club or letting her board the pony in a program where she has more kids around? I didn’t read all 5 pages but I know at that age the social aspect of anything starts to take precedence over the work part.
Yep, mentioned in other parts of the thread. We’ve tried pony club - not a motivator and she has lessoned with other kids spending time hanging out at the barn, again, not a motivator; she has shown with a group of kids, and again, not a motivator. I’m certainly not about to pay premium board fees and have to schlepp around more than I already am, just for said pony to sit there. At least if he’s mostly a pasture ornament at my place, the cost is minimal. She likes it when she does it provided its not very disiciplined - she detests dressage; but if we didn’t actually own the pony she is riding, or have our own place where the horses are kept, I think she would totally walk away from it for now. The stories others have related of daughters whose interests in horses waxed then waned, then waxed again make me hopeful that it’s something she’ll eventually come back to and appreciate more. Meanwhile, I’ll keep riding and enjoying mine and she’ll keep coming to the barn as part of the responsibility and of privilege of having hers.
What about polocrosse, endurance riding, or another less structured type of riding? My second daughter did not like eventing and “gave up” riding many times. She loved polocrosse, bareback trail rides, and dressage, but hated jumping. When she comes home to visit now, she always wants to trail ride.
It seems more often kids of parents who ride lose interest vs kinds whose parents do not ride and all the motivation comes from the child. Perhaps it has something to do that many kids instinctual want to differentiate from their parents/not spend so much free time doing what seems to them "mom’s " activity…or they were born without inheriting the “horse crazy” gene.
I would have loved to have that pony too as a kid! Am sure he will find a great home.
Chances are she will fondly remember pony later and be grateful he was in her life.
Judging is what parents are supposed to do. If you aren’t applying your judgment, you aren’t parenting.
I stand by my assertion regarding cheerleading. Didn’t say I would forbid it outright, mainly because that would make it more attractive, but I sure as $hit wouldn’t subsidize it. Sure, cheerleading is athletic and demanding, but if you want to do gymnastics, do gymnastics. If you want to dance, dance. In my observation, however, cheerleading is gymnastics plus way too much booty-shaking sexualized dancing for anyone not working in a strip club, plus a clique-y social scene and a laser focus on appearance and weight that doesn’t do any young girl any good. Fast-track to an eating disorder. Ugh.
Yes, there is clique-iness in riding, and there can be trivial social focus on appearance, but at least with horses a kid gets their hands dirty.
If your daughter is done w/ riding as a discipline beyond the enjoyment of an occasional trail ride, I get your disappointment, we all want to find activities to share w/ our kids, and many of us can remember how much we burned for the opportunities to work with horses when we were young, especially those of us from emphatically non-horsey backgrounds. But the important thing, noted above, is helping your daughter connect to something to passionately engage with.
Also, the thoughtful insights of Chris Rock on raising daughters seem somehow appropriate here.
Hi FatCatFarm,
I have a different perspective on the situation with your daughter. I hope it does not offend. I grew up in a family that was very into dance. My passion for horses came out of nowhere and was not particularly supported by my family. I was put in every dance class you could think of tap/jazz/modern dance/ballet/gynmastics/etc. in an effort to find one that I was interested in. I hated every minute of it, kicked and cried and said I wanted to ride horses. I wish my parents had listened to me and supported what I wanted to do, instead of what made THEM happy. It is great that dance made them happy, it just so happened to do nothing whatsoever for me. I guess I just want to offer a caution that you do not push your passion on your daughter. The suggestions for all the different disciplines (Ponyclub/polocross/endurance riding/etc) reminded me so much of my parent’s struggle to find something that would interest me in the dance world.
Maybe horses just aren’t your daughter’s passion. Maybe there is something else that makes her happy, challenges and fulfills her in a way that horses does not.
Meh. That still exists to some extent but cheering has changed a lot over the years. She’s tried gymnastics and did not care for the balance beam and uneven bars aspects of it. Cheering lets her do the floor exercises without them. I know quite a few young women professionals who were competitive cheerleaders and not those on the sidelines at college and professional games, and they seem to be pretty successful and happy individuals along with good team players. My niece is one of the them and has nothing but good memories of her time cheering and she too focused on that rather than horses.
I’m keeping and open mind about it and taking a wait and see approach. My daughter is into her second month of it and for all I know by this time next year she’ll be doing something totally different. I insist that she be involved in one regular physical activity and she wanted to cheer over riding lessons or swimming, so that’s the current endeavor. Not to mention there are girls of all shapes and sizes at the competitive gym we go to so it seems to be a healthy environment. Same goes for the instructors. While it’s not what I would do, it’s about her self-discovery and not mine.
[QUOTE=FatCatFarm;7820543]
Not to mention there are girls of all shapes and sizes at the competitive gym we go to so it seems to be a healthy environment. Same goes for the instructors. While it’s not what I would do, it’s about her self-discovery and not mine.[/QUOTE]
Good view to have. She is at a hard age. I personally think they should do more than just ONE physical activity. My mom was a top dancer and father was an all american swimmer (through college). I could swim before I could walk but didn’t show an interest in swimming competitively…I did for a few months at your daughters age. Was in dance and gymnastics probably from when I could walk. But never LOVED it. I started riding at 7…and would have LOVED to only ride but was required by my parents to do other things…and stick with them. At 9, I was enrolled in a girls athletic club (was very competitive) that did volleyball, basketball and softball. I hated it at first…but then loved it after the first season of each sport and played with that club until highschool (as well as paying for my school during that time).
Although for the first few years, I probably still wouldn’t have “asked” to do it…but didn’t fight going much…at those ages, wouldn’t we all just not want to do anything but play! I played varsity basketball in highschool and ran xc AND rode horses (was limited to riding 2-3x a week during the school year). Of course once in college…I focused more on the horses but the benefit I recieved from having played multiple competitive sports as a kid through my teenage years was huge. Keep her involved in more than just cheer (since it will make her more well rounded) but let cheer be her focus if that is her passion. Let horses be your passion and she can still learn from you pursuing your passion even it it is different from hers.
Thanks BFNE and I hear you about multiple activities and if I were a stay-at-home mom or had to work only part-time, her participation in multiple activities would be more do-able, as it is with my work schedule, one maybe two activities during the week is all that we can accommodate without making us all crazy and more sleep deprived than we already are. And honestly, right now she is a more brainy kid than athletic. But if she gets to where she wants to do more, I won’t stand in the way. Right now cheering and riding some, have her satisfied. Some kids thrive on being that busy and competitive, but she’s not that kid, at least not yet.
[QUOTE=FatCatFarm;7820612]
Thanks BFNE and I hear you about multiple activities and if I were a stay-at-home mom or had to work only part-time, her participation in multiple activities would be more do-able, as it is with my work schedule, one maybe two activities during the week is all that we can accommodate without making us all crazy and more sleep deprived than we already are. And honestly, right now she is a more brainy kid than athletic. But if she gets to where she wants to do more, I won’t stand in the way. Right now cheering and riding some, have her satisfied. Some kids thrive on being that busy and competitive, but she’s not that kid, at least not yet.[/QUOTE]
Yeah…I was pretty brainy too. My mom just had a policy of keeping us busy and tired so we didn’t get into trouble! It worked for the most part. My parents were lucky—both worked but I was in a more urban area. I walked to school and then rode my bike to practice (at the girl’s athletic club). I think a lot of my whining had to do with riding my bike home after practice…mostly up hill (getting there going downhill was kind of fun). But I wasn’t really given a choice and had to learn to suck it up! Then when older, my althetic activities were all at school…so you were just there longer. Getting out to the horses was harder. Where I lived though, we could do public transportation for a lot of places as well…and by age 10, most of us were taking public transportation. I would take the bus to get out to the horse after practices on the weekend (just had to walk about 1.5 miles). We were taught at a young age to be pretty street smart (change routes, aware of your surroundings etc).
[QUOTE=bornfreenowexpensive;7820664]
Yeah…I was pretty brainy too. My mom just had a policy of keeping us busy and tired so we didn’t get into trouble! It worked for the most part. My parents were lucky—both worked but I was in a more urban area. I walked to school and then rode my bike to practice (at the girl’s athletic club). I think a lot of my whining had to do with riding my bike home after practice…mostly up hill (getting there going downhill was kind of fun). But I wasn’t really given a choice and had to learn to suck it up! Then when older, my althetic activities were all at school…so you were just there longer. Getting out to the horses was harder. Where I lived though, we could do public transportation for a lot of places as well…and by age 10, most of us were taking public transportation. I would take the bus to get out to the horse after practices on the weekend (just had to walk about 1.5 miles). We were taught at a young age to be pretty street smart (change routes, aware of your surroundings etc).[/QUOTE]
Sounds like an idyllic upbringing; that and times do change. Where I would go home, drop my things, grab a snack, hit the door again and not be home until dark and somewhere in a 5 mile radius. Unfortunately, that is not something I am comfortable with for my daughter and we do live in the country without those types of services available. She goes to a small charter school which is great academically but less so athletically. Soccer and volleyball which they do offer, is not something she has shown any interest in. Once in high school she will have more options. We have a great YMCA and she spends summers there where she has had exposure to swimming, soccer, tennis and basketball, but these are not things she has expressed any interest in, yet. As she is making straight A’s, I’m not going to make her do something she isn’t enthusiastic about especially when I could be out riding my own horses thus preserving my sanity.
My daughter can be pretty determined and stubborn when she wants to be. So I will push to a point then backoff and let her tell me what she’s comfortable doing or not doing.
[QUOTE=FatCatFarm;7820715]
Sounds like an idyllic upbringing; that and times do change. Where I would go home, drop my things, grab a snack, hit the door again and not be home until dark and somewhere in a 5 mile radius. Unfortunately, that is not something I am comfortable with for my daughter and we do live in the country without those types of services available. She goes to a small charter school which is great academically but less so athletically. Soccer and volleyball which they do offer, is not something she has shown any interest in. Once in high school she will have more options. We have a great YMCA and she spends summers there where she has had exposure to swimming, soccer, tennis and basketball, but these are not things she has expressed any interest in, yet. As she is making straight A’s, I’m not going to make her do something she isn’t enthusiastic about especially when I could be out riding my own horses thus preserving my sanity.
My daughter can be pretty determined and stubborn when she wants to be. So I will push to a point then backoff and let her tell me what she’s comfortable doing or not doing.[/QUOTE]
Yes…I grew up in a great place…but it wasn’t any safer then as it is now.
I was walking home from school in 5th grade with a friend who was in 6th grade (so 1980-1ish). There was an old car parked on the side of the road . It gave me bad vibes (I never got close enough to see who was in it–just had a bad feeling about it). So I said to my friend let’s not walk past it and stayed on the opposite side of the road (it was a fairly large and busy road there). It was in the area everyday for almost two weeks—and I always stayed on the opposite side of the road from it. One day I stayed home sick from school and my friend walked home alone. She walked past the car. Guy in it tried to grab her and pull her in. She took off running and ran to my house where we called the police. Police said he was probably waiting for one of us to be alone…and they had reports he had tried to grab a kid a few miles away the month before. Nothing was ever on the news about it…and we walked home from school the next day (just told to be more careful).
The creeps and danger were there all along…just perhaps not as well publized.
ETA: Just to be clear…really does sound like you are doing a great job. Your daughter is very lucky to have you!
[QUOTE=FatCatFarm;7820612]
Thanks BFNE and I hear you about multiple activities and if I were a stay-at-home mom or had to work only part-time, her participation in multiple activities would be more do-able, as it is with my work schedule, one maybe two activities during the week is all that we can accommodate without making us all crazy and more sleep deprived than we already are. And honestly, right now she is a more brainy kid than athletic. But if she gets to where she wants to do more, I won’t stand in the way. Right now cheering and riding some, have her satisfied. Some kids thrive on being that busy and competitive, but she’s not that kid, at least not yet.[/QUOTE]
Well, I’m of the opinion that what you’re doing is an ideal parenting scenario ;). It’s great to support her passion & not push her in the direction that you’d choose if you were her.
I think it’s odd when you see kids who have their whole day planned out with structured activities & who are super busy all the time. Some kids thrive on that, but I think free time to just hang out & play is really important for developing a creative mind. Creativity springs out of “boredom.” When I was bored, I drew murals on the wall, wrote poetry, ran sprints in the yard, played random songs on my oboe, etc. Clearly we did not watch TV :lol:
[QUOTE=FatCatFarm;7820715]
Sounds like an idyllic upbringing; that and times do change. Where I would go home, drop my things, grab a snack, hit the door again and not be home until dark and somewhere in a 5 mile radius. Unfortunately, that is not something I am comfortable with for my daughter and we do live in the country without those types of services available. She goes to a small charter school which is great academically but less so athletically. Soccer and volleyball which they do offer, is not something she has shown any interest in. Once in high school she will have more options. We have a great YMCA and she spends summers there where she has had exposure to swimming, soccer, tennis and basketball, but these are not things she has expressed any interest in, yet. As she is making straight A’s, I’m not going to make her do something she isn’t enthusiastic about especially when I could be out riding my own horses thus preserving my sanity.
My daughter can be pretty determined and stubborn when she wants to be. So I will push to a point then backoff and let her tell me what she’s comfortable doing or not doing.[/QUOTE]
I have the perfect solution! I will gladly lease him for my 7 year old daughter for a year, and this could be a true test of whether or not your daughter’s heart is in riding. It’s a win-win! 
In all seriousness, (and I would totally lease him, he is WICKED cute! I remember when you briefly had him for sale months ago when this all first happened), alot of times it puts it in perspective naturally for children, kind of like the “don’t know what you have until it’s gone” kind of thing. Then it wouldn’t have to be so final with a sale. 
Chin up! It will all work out. You have the right attitude about it all, and she will find her niche.
I agree with Lori B that you should be wary of cheerleading. Look at the kids who have been doing it for a while and then decide if they are turning out the way you want her to turn out.
When my kids were selecting activities, I decided I would not support Drama or Cheerleading. The girls in our area who were in those activities were not turning out well. I never told the daughters they couldn’t do those activities. I just made sure those activities were very inconvenient for them.
Thanks for the feedback and support. I recently read a quip that the better parents are the ones who are reasonably certain they’re screwing it all up - and I resemble that remark. I don’t want to be a helicopter parent, and if we lived in a neighborhood I would be more comfortable with her walking to and from activities, but that’s just not our situation.
Ridingeaglesflight, I’ll keep that in mind but like I said, she may not be riding CJ (her pony) as much as I would like, but she definitely does not want him going anywhere and since he’s cheap to keep, he’s staying. But thank you for your post!
Interesting the cheerleading hate. Again, while it wasn’t my thing, friends and family did it and they’re all wonderful people so I am not against it and she’s already doing it. Am also not against Drama. Heck I was in Drama for a while and had a great time and in retrospect, have kicked myself for not sticking with it. So yeah, if she wanted to get involved with the Drama Club in high school, I’m going to totally support that, or even the local theater we have.
Far be it for me to get in the way of my child’s dreams. My parents did - my taking horseback riding lessons as a child was not an option - and it was endlessly frustrating as that was all I really wanted to do but they were clueless and dad was overbearing and tightfisted, and viewed the horses as moneypits.
A dislike of cheerleading as an activity is not saying I hate cheerleaders as people. I just think of it as an activity that rewards everything I don’t want a young daughter to be focused on, because society is bashing her over the head about that toxic stuff enough without any early and heavy indoctrination from the booty-shaking for tweens patrol.
As an update, the cheerleading eventually fell to the wayside too (thank goodness!) as she was having trouble with backflips and was falling behind her age group. So then she moved on to swimming until that got hard too, as in, they started pressing her to join swim team and making her swim multiple laps which she found boring.
After that, I declared a moratorium on trying anything new out for a while and that she would just have to suck it up and take riding lessons because I still wanted her to engage in some form of outside physical activity. And so far so good. She’s been back in lessons since the beginning of February and has been enjoying them more. She will ride by herself some to practice between lessons and we continue to trail ride to give both us and the horses a break from the ring. And then she’s spent time at our trainer’s barn just hanging out and helping out. Yay!
In fact, she’s grown so much over fall and winter, that I began keeping an eye out for a move up mount (thought I had one, but didn’t pan out) and eventually we were able to pick up a very nice 14.2hd POA gelding for not a lot of money who gives every indication of being a good soul, and she’s been riding only him for the past month. So we’re beginning to think of leasing, CJ, her small Welsh gelding since he is now just languishing in the pasture.
Good luck FCF!
My almost 18 YO has been riding since almost before she could walk, an now in co-op in HS for her last credits, she’s working with my SO with his standardbred racehorses. She’s ridden hunters, western (actually placed third at the QH Congress in the NCHA Cutting in 13 & under catch riding a horse), but the big thing for her is driving the horses. She’s hoping to do some Race Under Saddle (trotters) this summer if she can find a decent horse. We (my ex and I) never pushed her at any particular discipline, though I think it’s rotting his gut that she’s not into the cutting with him. I’d love for her to be riding hunters or anything western, but as long as she’s happy, she (sort of) keeps out of trouble.
Please keep us updated.
By submitting your email, you agree to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. You may also receive promotional emails from The Chronicle of the Horse. You can opt out at any time.
For Customers
Company
Terms of Use
