[QUOTE=FalseImpression;8729108]
I am so sad about this but I hope the pony is going to a home where he will be loved and cherished.[/QUOTE]
Fingers crossed that the sale concludes smoothly, but the deposit is from a woman who wants him for herself and is a petite rider, so hopefully it’s a forever home.
Congratulations to you on not forcing her to stay with it! From my own experience, the activities I was allowed to pursue on my own, and not those I was forced to practice because I showed talent in them, are the ones I still enjoy as an adult. I walked away from horses at 17 and came back 20 years later with a vengeance. Enjoy your horses, and may your daughter enjoy her journey, too!
My condolences on the loss of Oliver. 
My three girls all rode, the oldest starting about age 12 and the younger two at around 5 & 6. They did 4H and then Pony Club, hunters and eventing. I also had a “keep them busy” mentality, so they tried a lot of other activities too, they had to commit for the full season, and if they didn’t like it after a season they could choose not to continue, but they had to do SOMETHING.
2 of the 3 went on to be 3 season athletes plus riding, the oldest has always only ever wanted to do the horse thing.
My middle daughter was less intense about the horses. She’s naturally more cautious and was never crazy brave like her sisters were, and she certainly was less interested in the non glamorous parts of horse keeping, but she loved her pony and she liked the camraderie that came with riding with other kids in PC and her sisters, she just didn’t LOVE it. THey had a lot of fun in grade school, doing PC mounted games, going to Nationals, she was just a lovely, little rider, while not fearless like her sisters, her position/equitation and feel were always great. She was always doing it “right” while her sisters were tearing around half a** sometimes. When she was in middle school we were leasing a large pony in his teens that was starting to stop at fences. THey had a crash on a log fence during a C1 ratings prep. Neither she nor pony were injured, but that was the beginning of the end for her…she was rattled and chose not to rate for her C1. We were at the end of the lease for the pony and I didn’t want to renew it, and she was fine with that. I wanted to find another horse for her, but she chose at that time to quit riding. I think it was a relief for her. IT was something she always did and she was good at, but it was never a passion. She’s 21 now and never really looked back. We’ve always had horses at home and something she could ride if she chose to, but she hasn’t chosen to. She’s done a handful of trail rides here and there with her sisters or myself, mostly at our request and she still rides well…but it’s just not interesting to her. I grieved a bit, as mom’s do, but it just wasn’t her thing.
With her interest in gymnastics I have to wonder if she would have like vaulting.
I am wondering about the “fun” part of riding – was that ever part of your daughter’s experience? As a kid, I was dropped off at the barn at 9am and picked up at 4pm… I was a barn rat. My best friends were at the barn and my time revolved around that. Looking back, it seems that horses were almost secondary to playing with my friends.
This mix of horses and friends continued into my adult life when I boarded at various barns.
When I got my first farm, a lot of the fun went away — I was all by myself; riding was no longer a social activity. I did it (I had collected 8 horses by then), but I had not realized how much of my riding had been intertwined with being social. Riding can be a very solitary activity — fine for when you want it that way, but boring when you look forward to doing things with people.
I do not think I would have stuck with riding if it had been just me and my mom and my pony.
Kudos to you FCF, for doing the right thing by both daughter and pony. I’ve seen many cases where the parent had the passion for horses and the child did not. It never ended happily. It is better to move on.
DH and I were talking about this last night… Kids with ponies in the backyard aren’t necessarily interested in riding them; kids with swimming pools aren’t necessarily interested in swimming, etc.
IMHO, it’s best to learn a lot of things at a young age: ski, ride a horse, swim, dance, skate, etc. It’s incredibly hard to learn as an adult!
Now when your DD’s friends invite her to go riding, she can say yes with confidence. And she can teach them to cheer.
I say sell the pony, but keep the helmet 
[QUOTE=Lord Helpus;8732493]
I am wondering about the “fun” part of riding – was that ever part of your daughter’s experience? As a kid, I was dropped off at the barn at 9am and picked up at 4pm… I was a barn rat. My best friends were at the barn and my time revolved around that. Looking back, it seems that horses were almost secondary to playing with my friends.
This mix of horses and friends continued into my adult life when I boarded at various barns.
When I got my first farm, a lot of the fun went away — I was all by myself; riding was no longer a social activity. I did it (I had collected 8 horses by then), but I had not realized how much of my riding had been intertwined with being social. Riding can be a very solitary activity — fine for when you want it that way, but boring when you look forward to doing things with people.
I do not think I would have stuck with riding if it had been just me and my mom and my pony.[/QUOTE]
While yes, we did keep the horses at home, she did participate in group lessons with other kids and had pony play dates with friends who had horses so went on kid only trail rides and the like. While she seemed to enjoy all of that, it was never something she requested to do again, and always seemed to enjoy activities un-related to the horses, more. She was never the one asking to go and do these things, or to do them again. When I suggested pony club, which we had done before, she was not enthused. She really only wanted to trail ride. She had gotten to where she never took it upon herself to go to the barn, get her pony out and groom him, or simply visit with him, let alone hop on and go for a ride. All things I did spontaneously as a child growing up with horses.
I think she, like Chism’s daughter, is actually relieved. Because she had the pony, there was an expectation on my part, which I think was completely appropriate, that she participate in his care and that she make the effort to ride him, and she’s just stopped making the effort. It’s been dreadfully hot here but we had the odd day here and there where we caught a break and the temps weren’t as bad. Each time I suggested it would be a good day to give her pony some much needed exercise and I got push back; she would rather read; watch videos; she was too tired. That’s when we both knew she was done. I still have horses, and she still has boots, half chaps, riding pants, gloves and a helmet. She can ride if she wishes, but I won’t be paying to keep a pony who is too nice to be sitting in the pasture doing nothing because she would rather be doing things not involving horses. And barn time will go back to being me time rather than me often dealing with a sullen child who’d rather be somewhere else.
She knows she has to do at least one athletic activity and she’s chosen to go back to doing gymnastics so we’ll see how long that lasts. I do think that if horses meant all that much to her, she would have shown more interest. While yes it can be a solitary pursuit at times, she had multiple opportunities to make it more social and she just really didn’t want to be bothered.
That’s kids for you :). Mine had no interest in horses beyond a few years of lessons and playing around on the pony with friends. My daughter got into figure skating (completely at her own request) and had a great time doing that throughout middle and high school. My son did some skating and then some archery.
The activities I tried to get them into with me (martial arts lessons, horses) were fun for a bit but then they lost interest.
I basically did the same thing with my kids - they had to pick one sport but what it was was their choice.
It will be kind of sad for a bit when you see other mom’s and daughters riding but in the long run as long as she her own interests and is happy it will work out fine :). Plus it means you can focus on your hobby without worrying about whether or not she is enjoying it.
Its not the end of the world if your daughter doesn’t ride, although I know its disappointing. Think of all that money you can now spend on your own horse and riding. So glad you found a good home for the pony too.
If anyone cares, another update. I became One of Those Parents.
See: http://kpwebb.wixsite.com/fatcatfarmsporthorse/single-post/2016/10/17/Being-ONE-OF-THOSE-Parents
and
I have been through a similar story. Kept a fabulous old school pony going to teach my daughter to ride, found an adorable sweet small pony for her when she was 10. (That many, many, many people would have killed for.) Have a wonderful guest/child’s horse available.
She always liked it, but was never eaten up/possessed by it, and let’s face it - to get good at it, you have to be possessed. She went to riding camp for a couple of years and it was clear that she enjoyed the social aspect but that the horses were secondary.
So I let it go. On a pretty day, if all the stars align, she’ll happily go on a trail ride with me. And she was delighted to go to WIHS with me this year, which surprised (and delighted) me. She is not a child who can be forced to do anything, and our relationship is better for my understanding and respecting her desires and wishes.
Cupcake is adorable! Hope you two have a blast!
Thank you. Cupcake is a babe and exactly what was needed. My husband and I are just feeling our way along on this parenting adventure.
@FatCatFarm --I was searching the archives for moral support re: my non-horsey 9 year old daughter and found this thread. Just read the whole thing. How’s your daughter doing now?!? That POA is CUUUUUUTE!
#zombiethread
13yrs old, taking all AP classes; plays the flute so is something of a band geek. Funny and often too smart for her own good, but not a horse girl/barn rat. In fact, she only comes to the barn by request these days. She’s happy to help out if needed, and can be talked into a trail ride every once in a blue moon, but it’s simply not her thing so I let her, let it go. I sold the POA to a wonderful couple in TN who just trail ride and the wife adores her.
And while I wish it were different. It just isn’t and I’m back to riding by myself. :sigh: I hope things turn out more promising for you.
Please adopt me. I am 32 and so so so good at unloading the dishwasher.
I have a 9 yo too. She wasn’t horsey forever. Then suddenly seh was. It is very hard but I keep my mouth shut. I support her, but try to be hands off because I don’t want her to ride because it makes me happy. Horses take too much of one’s soul for that. If she gives it up, I’ll mourn this connection we have but I’m sure we’ll find another. Funnily enough my 14 yo boy is the one who’s happy to help at the barn. He goes with me to shows to act as groom and seems to just enjoy my company as well as that of the horses. But he has ZERO desire to ride or drive. Ohhh well.
Me too please! I’m twice as old as BravAddict and I am great at cleaning tack. And I love Saddlebreds! (Have only known one Percheron cross and he was lovely.)
You two are hilarious! It’s been bittersweet. I gave her all the opportunities to ride and enjoy horses, opportunities which I, as a child, would have killed for, and just not her thing. As a parent, you have to respect that and let her be her own person, but damn! I am SO JEALOUS of you ladies with your lovely daughters or even sons, who enjoy the horses just as much as you do. That’s truly special.
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