Dealing with imperfection

[RJC]

I bought a young, green horse this winter. He had cantered a handful of times under saddle and the video of our trial ride bears witness to a complete inability to trot a 15m circle.

We’ve been progressing. Trainer is happy. I get compliments from our barnmates on how he’s coming along. We have a lovely canter now. Our 10m circles are decent. He’s never done anything scary and tries to please, but is still just 5 and sometimes has baby brain. We’ve ridden through the Training tests without anything particularly unattractive happening. He’s really just the nicest little horse.

Then…we scheduled our first show. And now nothing is fun anymore. There are a few things we are consistently struggling with, but they’re not world-ending problems. I just get frustrated that we can’t do things perfectly, and when we do get a really perfect version of something, I’m upset that we can’t reproduce it reliably. I hate watching videos of my rides because I find so much to critique (mostly my position and use of my body… horse is adorable).

I have a high stress job, drift easily towards unhealthy obsessions with perfection, and I’m wondering if I’m going to be able to show without being grumpy all the time. I’ve had friends who got serious about showing up the dressage levels and I scoffed when they quite trail riding and doing other “fun stuff” in favor of endless arena training. Now I have a potentially competative horse and I feel like that’s about to be me.

How do you keep a positive attitude and accept that this is an ongoing process (ie no need to stress when it takes more than two weeks to fix something)? I want to feel ok with “taking the show on the road” while it’s still not 100%.

[DancingArabian]

My suggestion would be to consider talking with a therapist about your pursuit of perfection. If it’s interfering with your enjoyment of things in life, it’s a problem.

i just aim to try to do better than the last attempt when I’m trying something.

[alibi_18]

As long as you don’t get upset at your horse!

But nothing will ever be perfect.
If GP riders can’t have perfect rides, so do us mere mortals.

Look at this : https://youtu.be/TBUSt8hPwio

David Marcus rode all his life for this moment, he had the horse and he qualified, and that happened at the 2012 Olympics… And he handled it with grace and calmness, like any rider should look up to.

Nothing is perfect, never will. That’s the beauty pf pur sport.

[KBC]

There is no perfection in dressage, just the endless pursuit of it…I live for the moments that feel like perfection, I try not to ask her to repeat it, straight away, because I know it doesn’t happen twice.

For me it’s all about the dance, and the moments that we float!

[ThreeFigs]

First, I’d tell you to slow down. My own coach tells me it takes a YEAR to get into a good partnership with a new horse. You’ve had this youngster what, 6 months or so? Take him on fun outings, like trail rides or pleasure shows, but do things that are not “high pressure” in your mind. Just forget that until next year, if even then.

Yes, a self-examination regarding “perfection” may be in order. 5-year-olds are not “perfect”. We humans are not “perfect”, either. Give yourself and your nice young horse the gift of time. Enjoy the journey and the fun of building your partnership. And if you get stressed out about entering a show – DON’T DO IT! Wait. You have time to develop.

There is no deadline.

[RedHorses]

Practice, I suppose. I think it helped when I left the dressage ring for the Hunter ring and then returned to the dressage ring. Trotting down the centre line was like coming home.

I have never been a hard core show competitor. I would say six shows was a busy year for me. I go for fun, for horse exposure/experience, and for feedback on our performance (which may be why the Hunter thing wasn’t for me).

I do work hard. I do try to progress. I do try to set us up to perform well. But I also expect our performance at the show to be a little below what we can do at home. And practice allows me to be okay with that.

I have the best horse possible for me and he has had several serious injuries requiring long, careful rehab during our years together. My mantra was “I’ve got time.” I bought him to be my riding horse for the next 25 years. I wasn’t going to sell him. I wanted a horse to ride in all the activities that interested me. The partnership was the important part. While we may not have as much time as we once did, I’ve still got time.

One thing that helped me was to not ride the day before. I couldn’t resist trying to fix something - which never works. I can ride the day before now, but it took me a long time to get to this point.

Something else that might help you now is to think about these first shows as test runs. It takes some trials to figure out how much warm up your horse needs. You’ll overdo it. Under do it. Do the completely wrong thing. :lol: How could anyone be 100% without some practice?

My horse absolutely must have five minutes to walk and gawk in the warm-up ring before starting to work. No matter how late I am, giving him that gawk makes him better able to focus on the job by a huge margin. It took me a few shows to figure that one out! By the time we got to a show late and I had less than fifteen minutes to warm up I knew what he needed and managed to produce a decent test.

These first shows are part of your horse’s training, not an exhibition of his training. Try treating it as such.

[mwh]

Entirely agree with ThreeFigs. 5yo is a baby in dressage terms. Yes some horses may be killing it at that age, for others, it may take another one or two years, especially if it’s a late maturing WB. Try to relax and enjoy the journey. At 5 (unless you are wholly invested in YH classes) just try to think of every ride, every positive small step and learning opportunity as an amazing investment that will really start to yield dividends a few years down the track. Frustration and impatience never bring success with a young horse - and they require lots and lots of positivity and patience. Young horses are a roller coaster. In the meantime enjoy the journey, praise and take pleasure in every little success.

[MysticOakRanch]

I’ll admit, I’m a Type A, alpha personality who beats myself up over mistakes. And I’m super competitive. I can relate…

So what I do is set goals - for the first show, to be honest, my goal is usually to stay in the arena, and not come in last. Once I see how the first show goes, then I slowly build on that. So, my show today (we are leaving in an hour) - after the last show, one of my goals is to have a less eventful warm up then last show (Pony can be explosive). Then - we’ve been working on the canter lengthenings - his canter is better then his trot, but the concept of lengthening was mind blowing to him. So I’ve been working on those at home - on the circle (DOUBLE mind blowing) and the long side. Our whole test may not be outstanding, but I want good scores and good response from him on that movement.

Since he’s not super forward, that was a good movement for us to focus on - it forces him to get in a more forward state of mind - and it is helping our other work. Since those are starting to come along, I’ve added a 2nd thing to focus on - transitions up and down (not just in the canter).

Then, because most perfectionists beat themselves up, I also pick something from MY riding to focus on. With Pony (who is small), my focus is keeping my leg long, and not drawing my heel up. That can keep me busy for the entire ride!

That gives me something to really think about as I’m riding. Instead of my mind going crazy - oh, that wasn’t right, oh, fix that, oh crap, oh how could I have let that happen, oh, that is coming up, oh, oh, oh… I focus very specifically on a few things, and slow my brain down.

Not sure if that helps. It has helped me keep focused and less wildly obsessive compulsive.

You say you have a few things that you are struggling with - pick ONE, and resolve to improve it. Not make it perfect, but perhaps take it from a 6 to a 7. Or from “it works 50% of the time”, to “it works 75% of the time”. And don’t overdrill that one thing - if you have THAT problem - make that something to work on for yourself. I don’t go until its perfect, I go until there is a slight improvement… Small steps, incremental improvement, and move on.

[Hej]

Like KBC said, there is no “perfect” in dressage.

A score of 10 means “excellent”. Not "perfect ".

Dressage is a sport and an art, so even “excellent”, “very good”, “good” and so on are not hard targets.

They are fluid moments that we work towards expanding and confirming.

A 5 year old is still a very young horse. Trust your coach that he’s doing well and enjoy him as he matures!

[2DogsFarm]

I have Liked every post on this thread!
& to add once more:
Chillax & enjoy your horse.

Unless your goal is to be short-listed for the Olympics (& even then) riding should be fun & relaxing for both you & your young horse.
You have plenty years left to put polish on things.

And approach a First Show like a Crash Test Dummy - “stuff” may happen or not.
But the more relaxed you are, the better chance at least part of that will transfer to your horse.
It may not be Perfect, it may come close.
But hardly the end of the World for either of you.

[ThreeFigs]

“And approach a First Show like a Crash Test Dummy” OMG, 2Dogs, I love it!

[merrygoround]

Try taking up surfing as a sideline,

Seriously there are too many variables in the interactions of two creatures to expect perfect unison without a great deal of work. This is why top riders are years in the making, and years in making the top horses. It takes time.

In the meantime enjoy the journey, Learn to exercise your sense of humor.

[2DogsFarm]

Well… BTDT… more than once :uhoh:

[KBC]

@ThreeFigs

“And approach a First Show like a Crash Test Dummy” OMG, 2Dogs, I love it!

My first show with The Wonder Horse - goals for the day

Don’t throw up
Don’t cry
Try to stay in the ring
Try to stay in the saddle.

We met all our goals, though judge did notice that we were a little less than relaxed

“Tense rider, very tense horse” was the commnent

[RJC]

Thanks, guys. I was in a weirdly rough place last night.

To cover a few things, I’ve only had him for 4 months, and no I don’t get mad at the horse. I just get mad at myself. I know 5 is young and I don’t have any long term goals other than enjoying a healthy happy horse (ie I’m not aiming for a specific level or medal or age limited class).

@MysticOakRanch, I can suuuuper relate to your post, right down to needing to work on not drawing the leg up in an effort to get the forward on a little guy. I make a conscious effort not to drill, but it’s easy for me to be tempted down that road. “I’ll get it if I try one more time.”

Part of the problem is that I lost my previous horse late last year due to a moderately traumatizing series of events. I feel pressure to get my new guy using himself correctly and building the right supporting muscles so he can have a long and healthy riding life. I feel like any inverted or unbalanced/uncoordinated steps are a bigger deal than they are because of this.

Our first show show is going to be a local schooling show and my goal is to stay in the arena and be in the right gait most of the time. The plan was to go to a recognized show next, but I might just need to cool it and have fun at more schooling shows first.

He’s really a super little horse. We’re just having a hard time with a couple things I think we should be able to do and because I’m under so much pressure in other parts of my life, I beat myself up over my riding too.

Therapy isnt a bad idea. It’s just yet another thing to schedule and do…

[WildLittleWren]

You sound like me. I, too, am a Type A personality, with a dash of OCD to go along with it :lol: . I make myself go on hacks and trailer out to trail heads regularly. Then I just focus on enjoying my horse. I also can justify it as well because even though my mustang is 7, she is green, with little “life experiences”, and it is good to get her out and about without the stress of showing.

I also do see a psychologist once a month to work on self improvement, especially when it comes to perfectionism and OCD. There is NO shame in having a professional help you improve as a person.

Also, I have learned to accept “good enough” on any given ride. Incessant drilling over and over on a particular exercise or issue makes my mare especially cranky, she is extremely intelligent and works better when what we are working on is frequently switched up, and I actually find that we make more progress in this regard.

Good luck!

[TMares]

Ride your corners, and breathe. Smile and talk to him in the warm up, like you are friends. The smiling is for your confidence. Little goals, little wins. Be easy on yourself, you deserve it.

[right_horse_at_the_right_time]

I am 100% type a perfectionist and it has negatively impacted me so many times in my life not because I can do some things perfectly, but because of the process that happens when I cannot. When certain things come easy to you, and then all of a sudden something doesn’t come easily to you, it sucks…

For some reason, and thank God for this, my relationship with my horse is probably the only thing in my entire life that I have learned to master not expecting perfection but just enjoying every single second I get to spend with him.

why do you ride? To move up the levels, win ribbons, get certain scores, master your own skills, train a horse?

Take some time and really think about that. Think about your actions and how your actions control your thoughts and then your thoughts control your feelings.

Figure out if they are getting me where you want to be for the reasons why you are doing this.

It’s not giving up on success, either. Our best moment ever resulted in a really cool championship…Because of our partnership, not because I was the best rider or had the fanciest horse.

To me, the partnership is the most important thing. And again, for some reason, it’s the only thing in my life that I don’t beat myself up early for not doing perfectly.

Challenge your belief system, question your own internal motivation, and make sure that your actions follow your heart and inner compass.

Also work through the death of your previous horse…likely a little bit of PTSDish hot buttons.

[Pocket_Pony]

I hear you, OP. I go through periods of wanting to show, then not wanting to show to give myself a mental break from being too hard on myself. Luckily for me I love trail riding and have access to great trails.

I try to remember why I’m in it and what my priorities are for my horses:

1. Longevity - so working with the idea that I’m building long-term soundness (barring any non-riding-related injuries) so that I can enjoy my horses for many years.
2. Partnership - having a good relationship with my horses so that we enjoy our work together.
3. Versatility - I want horses who can do many things - dressage, trail riding, maybe a little jumping, exposure to cows, working well around distractions, etc.

Waaaayyyy down on the list comes competition, though I enjoy it when I do it.

So if I keep my priorities in mind and follow my own goals in that regard, then I’m doing well.

I do struggle with the feelings of self-doubt . . . that I’m not far enough along with my pony, other people are doing more than I am, etc. But if I go back to my priorities, then I’m where I want to be. My priorities are mine. Other people’s are theirs. If someone’s priority is to do young-horse classes, then of course they should be doing more with their 5-year-old than I’m doing. And maybe they don’t have a horse that they can jump ditches and cross bridges with and handle their sh!t near cows or whatever.

My first horse show with my then-four-year-old pony all I wanted to do was have good geometry in the arena and give her a positive experience for the whole day. And we did that and it was great. Next show was the same thing but it was a small h/j show. And she was great.

I didn’t show at all last year for various reasons, and I doubt I will this year, either, because I like to be really over-prepared for shows and I’d like to be schooling more advanced stuff than we’re doing now before I show again.

[samwoww7]

This sounds hippy-dippy, but I started having fun riding again after I became “friends” with failure.

Stop viewing the things you are doing wrong as imperfection and failure. You can’t live life taking things so personally. Failure is an opportunity rather than a roadblock. You learn far more from overcoming failure than from taking the easy road. (As the cliche goes: a smooth sea never made a skillful sailor)

I guess my best advice is to stop making everything so important and learn to laugh at yourself and be thankful for imperfection.

Also: it sounds like your biggest “cringe moments” are from your own personal position and shortcomings. No need to stay in the sandbox to work on that! If anything going out on trails will force you into new situations that challenge your position and effectiveness of your aids. Try and think creatively about how you can incorporate fun activities with dressage concepts!