Is anyone has any experience dealing with very unfriendly boarders, how did you deal with it? Said boarder always pays on time so no issues there, they are just extremely unpleasant in all other dealings. Ignorant, sometimes won’t even respond to you when you are speaking to them regarding their horse etc.
Unfriendly or just rude?
I’m sure everywhere I boarded, people thought I was unfriendly and rude ðŸ¤·ðŸ¼”â™€ï¸ I seriously cannot carry out a conversation with annnnyonnnee except my spouse and like one co worker. (I blame being sheltered for most of my life, partly because of horses)
I wouldn’t mind, especially if they pay board on time. Unless it’s interfering with horses safety/care?
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If they won’t look at you and have a conversation… there may be more going on than ignorance or rudeness.
Try switching to written communication, preferably email, text if you must. See if that goes better.
At least the money keeps coming in! But it’s your barn, so if they’re making you uncomfortable, consult your contract and give them notice that they need to move their horse.
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Do you want to keep this person as a boarder or do you want this person to leave?
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Get rid of them now. I had one like this last year. She was passive agressive and rude. I dreaded seeing her and though she never complained to my face about anything, apparently she was taking pictures of things she had a problem with instead of talking to me like a normal person. She moved to Texas and 2 days later bashed me to high heavens online. Trust your gut. It’s not worth your stress and she probably makes other boarders uncomfortable too.
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I would suggest that it’s tme for her to move on to another situation. The one person I’ve run into like this believes that she has been wronged by everyone else (even when they don’t know her). She is certain everyone is talking about her and are out to get her. When she still spoke to me I was struck how frequently she talked about going to court and her lawyer friends helping her out. It was very odd and, in a way, sad. Her behavior does negatively impact any communication about her horses.
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Check first if she has hearing loss or is a bit Asperger’s.
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There is a young gal at my barn who doesn’t come across very friendly. I just say Hi and she usually says Hi back. She does not have any interest in saying anything else so I keep it at that.
”‹”‹”‹”‹”‹”‹She talks a lot with those who have been there prior/the barn owners, so I just chalk it up to her being shy. I was the same way when I was her age. She’s a senior in HS.
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Are they just shy? On the spectrum? Quirky? Or outright rude?
Or in my case, my hearing isn’t so great out of one ear, so I may disregard someone coming from my off side. Not on purpose! But usually people speak louder or come closer to draw my attention.
There are some people that want to come, do their thing, and go. This is not a social event for them. I get this!
But what do you mean by the boarder not talking about the horse? An example? Like, if you approached said boarder about the horse or making a change to the horses feed, plan, or whatever, what exactly does said boarder do? Some people aren’t talkative.
I am familiar with an individual that is a bit aloof, ignorant, and has no desire to learn. Drives most of us nuts with confusion, but ultimately isn’t a mean person and the horse is generally ok, so relatively harmless to others.
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I think it depends on whether she’s shy, maybe has some social anxiety (Maybe an Aspie or on the spectrum?), or is outright rude. If the last, maybe you should give her notice to leave. Does she make you so uncomfortable you want her to leave? It’s your barn, so if you dread going out to the barn when she is there and you find yourself avoiding her, perhaps ask her to leave.
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To some extent I think it depends a bit on the details here. If you mean that you are pointing out something that has to do with the horse’s safety or wellbeing and the boarder is rude or dismissive, that’s one thing. If you are trying to be friendly and chatty …Dobbin was so adorable in the paddock today!.. that is something else.
Of course your facility, your rules and you can ask anyone to leave for whatever reason you like, or no reason at all.
I had a barn worker who was chatty. Whenever I saw her (and often even when I didn’t, because she was a texting maniac) she was always babbling about something the horses did, or the barn cat did, or whatever. It went on all day. I’d be at work on a conference call and the phone would be lighting up … ping! ping! ping! with her rapid fire texts. Of course, you get an unexpected text from the barn - you always look at it in case something serious had happened. But no, with her it would be a bunch of smiley faced things she just wanted to share because they amused her or whatever. It was seriously annoying, particularly when I would be traveling for work and she’d forget that I was three or four time zones away and she’d wake me up at 3 or 4 am with one of her stupid “cutesy” texts. I am sure she thought I was rude and unfriendly…
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I’d say hello and keep walking. Can you email about the horse instead of speaking to Miss No Manners?
It’s not clear to me what’s going on here and other people have offered reasonable explanations for why this person may have difficulties communicating in typical fashion.
However, this part: “Ignorant, sometimes won’t even respond to you when you are speaking to them regarding their horse etc.” raises red flags for me. To me, this indicates that you are unhappy with some aspect of the way the boarder is handling her horse and that your efforts to communicate what you consider to be significant and necessary information about the horse and the way its being handled are being rebuffed. If this is true, you should probably ask her to leave because she’s obviously not a good fit for your facility and she will continue to drive you nuts if she stays.
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As someone who has dealt with boarders others called “prickly”, may I offer an alternative viewpoint as well:
Some boarders are not at the barn to socialize. It’s THEIR time, to spend with their horse. I’ve had tons of boarders like this that other people would say were snobby or rude - I never saw that side of them; I just saw the side that for whatever reason, preferred the company of their horse.
They don’t owe you anything other than a board check and the acknowledgement/adherence to your barn’s rules as specified in a contract.
Personally, I like the types that pay on time. However I’m with @NoSuchPerson person that it sounds like, perhaps there is a clash of personalities here… if that is the case, it may be easier on your mental health to politely ask them to go elsewhere.
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I dunno here. Maybe she’s ignorant and rude but how often do we, as group, tell boarders who get sick of the chit chat and gossip of any boarding barn to just keep to themselves and ignore it?
Afraid I was probably deemed unfriendly. Always schooled my flatwork seriously, wore a watch, detail oriented groomer and had to manage limited barn time. Be happy to chit chat afterwords but they usually had some epic newsflash I, invariably, couldn’t care less about and wanted immediate gratification sharing it, never were around when I finished the work.
Was always attentive to BM and trainer in regard to horse related conversation.
Not really enough info here and, of course, we only get one side. OP needs to just think it out before deciding what to do, if anything. Maybe consider if this boarder is just shy or whatever and prefers to keep to herself or is creating a toxic situation with the other boarders.
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“Extremely unpleasant” to me would be worth addressing. Without details couldn’t say precisely how I would personally address it, but there’s no call for active unpleasantness and it should be managed.
If she’s simply coming across as unfriendly - maybe not very outgoing, gruff, not big on social graces etc. will be up to you to decide if its worth addressing. It may very well be caused by any number of the suggested things, or could simply be her personality. Not everyone is a cupcake.
There’s a long time boarder where I board who seems to often come across similarly to folks - I never got that impression from her, likely because I am annoyingly friendly by default. I was friendly and chatty to her from the first and while we didn’t immediately become friends, she was always kind and polite to me, and now we are now frequent riding buddies who occasionally meet outside of the barn for dog walks together etc. If she’d responded to my friendliness by being closed off I would have backed off and left her to it - no one owes me their time or attention. Grumpy people get to live in the world too!
I guess all to say - if she’s being a jerk, deal with it. If she’s just being not actively nice, I personally would probably accept the timely board cheque with a smile.
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Ignorant is an interesting word. The dictionary definition used to mean just didn’t know something, fairly neutral.
Nowadays it has morphed into meaning that someone is ignorant about common manners, or is deliberately behaving badly, or is ignoring you.
So which is it? And what kind of conversation do you want?
Honestly in my world a horse person that keeps their head down, does their work, is quiet in the barn is a blessing. I don’t try to interact with them beyond a smile and nod if I catch their eye walking past. I would reserve “completely unpleasant in all their dealings” for the drama queens and the folks who stand at the other end of the barn complaining loudly about everyone and everything.
As far as speaking to them regarding their horse, is this crucial information? Soft chitchat? Or are you trying to get them to do things your way that are really none of your business, like shoes on/off, bits yes/no, a particular supplement, etc? I find it super annoying to have someone lobbying me about these kinds of things once I’ve made my decision. I would totally have selective deafness if someone wanted to rabbit on about the cure of the day.
Also how much does barn manager need to talk to boarders? I kept my horse one summer at a barn belonging to good friends, busy season, and days went by when they were too busy with lessons and feeding and turning in to say more than hello. If you are the barn manager you don’t need to talk to your boarders unless there is a late payment, a major care change, or a vet incident.
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Are they just unfriendly but otherwise OK = just leave them be to spend their time at the barn with their horse. I’ve known several barn owners where they communicated little with their boarders - they, however, were showing as amateurs at the time so it was better for them to keep a distance from boarders less anyone accuse them of being pros. it wasn’t a problem for me so I’m not sure why it’s a problem in the reverse. As another poster said there could be some other reasons as well. I’ve been at barns where everyone gets along great, is friendly, yet one just wants to ride and leave as the barn wasn’t their social thing as it was for the rest of us.
