Need more details, how are they unfriendly?
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Thereās not enough information here to know anything more than the OP owns or manages a barn and thereās a boarder who pays on time.
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I am one of those people who cherishes my riding time as my time. I donāt like gossip and I donāt generally talk when Iām riding. Some people may think Iām snobby or rude, but really, Iām just concentrating on my goals for that ride.
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Agree with the poster who mentions we donāt really know enough about the situation to offer good advice.
As an aside, I did want to say, though, that I imagine most of us value our āme timeā spent at the barn with our horses. But I donāt think that absolves us from being at least cordial to other boarders and the barn staff. I think itās possible to smile and respond, and occasionally initiate conversation with others, and still get our desired horse time in.
Even right before or after a ride, as you get on and walk around on a loose rein or after your real schooling, walking around to cool down a bit is a nice time to chitchat if you donāt have time to chat while grooming or briefly after turning back out post ride.
I say that as someone with severe shyness and social anxiety BUT also as someone who has found wonderful and lasting friendships at the barn. Sometimes a little chitchat is an investment in your future (hokey as that may sound).
And if nothing else, having a few ābarn friendsā can prove helpful if you are unable to get to the barn for any reason, and donāt want to impose on (or donāt trust) staff to put that extra eye on your horse.
I will be interested to hear how this plays out with the OPās boarder!
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Brunswick- If I were in your shoes I would communicate in text or writing for the important issues.
She may be there for her horse and alone-time to de stress (Been there myself).
Her job is to pay the bill you present her in exchange for the privilege of accessing your facilities and her horse.
She is not required to interact with the rest of the boarders.
Some people (Like myself) Are cautious when making friends but those friendships run deep and last for decades or death.
There are worse boarders to have.
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As an introvert myselfā¦ I would probably be this boarder with the given info. (Thankfully my herd is home. I would not do well boarding)
However, I will offer this.
I work on a farm, there are about 27 of us. Now I know all my coworkers, we are all pretty close.
However when new people get hired, their first impression of me is the farm b word.
I am very quiet and reserved till I know someone. So all communication with mew hires and me is often text. Itās easier for me to have a group text with my hay crew than trying to call everyone or talk to everyone individually. With people I know I call to tell orders but new hires i tend to just text as it is easier for me to make sure they have the instructions in writing.
But around the shop? I maybe say hi then fuel up and leave. I will talk to the people I know well, but it takes time for me to warm up to the point of casual conversation.
I know for me, getting to be alone in the tractor or changing water is my favorite time of day. I vibe to my music and relax. Having people constantly wanting to talk or interact during my quiet time would drove me up a wall.
Again we dont have all the details. She pays board on time, seems to behave (that we know) so why does it matter? If people wants to toss a fit that she wont be social they need to get over themselves. People do not have an obligation to be social. This could be their quiet time . Dont infringe on that.
Jusy use text and email. Trust me as an introvert myself this will help. Plus then it is all in writing too (never hurts)
I know if I were at a. Barn where people were constantly trying to get me to be social and talkative i would lose my mind.
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I think unfriendliness is only an issue if it impacts horse safety or the barn atmosphere to an extreme level. For example, if the barn owner informs the boarder about a series of issues that arenāt, in and of themselves life or death but add up like, āhey, could you get your horseās winter blanket mended before it becomes a safety hazard,ā or āall horses here have to have breakaway halters,ā or āyour horse isnāt keeping weight, maybe you should get the vet to have a look at him next time he comes round because Iām concernedā and the boarder just stares into space or rolls her eyes, then yeah, maybe itās time to have a sit down.
Iād personally be more concerned about boarders who spread malicious gossip or say cruel things about others than those who are silent. Sociability is a difficult thing, though, because particularly at a barn, there tends to be such a wide range of personalities between horse people, more so than perhaps in an office. I tend to be an extreme introvert, but I do usually say hello to people, ask about their horses, and then go about my business. Iāve occasionally met some people who like to spend their entire time at the barn in silence, talking only to the horse. I much prefer that to the other end of the scale, though.
Iāve only encountered one or two compulsive talkers in a barn situation, and I admit I find it very unnerving to my concentration, even when no harm is meant. I remember one woman who was 100% very nice but I just couldnāt deal with how she would talk literally nonstop from arriving at the barn to getting in the saddle (or hang on to a horse being groomed by someone else and talk to the horse).
If the boarder is new there is the slight possibility sheās still shell-shocked from being at an overly talkative, gossipy barn (or had a bad social encounter at her previous barn).
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Maybe the boarder just wants to spend their time with their horse and not partake of the social aspect that can come with boarding?
Maybe they donāt feel the need to reply to what you are telling them about their horse? I am not an introvert, but someone in my family is and it can come off as completely antisocial, but in reality it is far from it.
Give needed info by email and be thankful they pay in full and on time. No reason to throw them out.
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I am one of those people who has the first impression of being a B - snobby or standoffish, unlikable, aloof, Iāve had to tangle with this for years.
The truth? I am a combination of very, very shy and very introverted. I am very slow to warm up to people and until I am familiar with the ārules of engagementāĀ (which vary person to person, from place to place) I am very reserved and donāt offer much. As a result, unless I am actively networking, I tend to leave people with poor impressions of me. Iām slow to warm up so it can take a very long time before I am easy and amicable. Even with people I know and like at the barn, I often will just acknowledge them and leave it there. I have finite hours in my day and am at the barn because I am doing something with the horse(s), not socialize or get caught up. Itās just not what I prioritize at the barn. Iām sure people I like may even consider me unlikable because of this but frankly, Iāve never been too concerned by it because again - there for the horses. I can be polite and minimally engaging and be on my way.
That said, I pay my bills on time, I donāt engage in drama, I follow the rules and I take the time to convey my appreciation of staff for working so hard and doing an excellent job. People communicate with me via text (which I reciprocate) and everything largely has been copaceticā¦
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Donāt tell my exDH that :lol: If itās not something you can call a partner without making the argument worse, itās not a neutral word :lol:. To be fair, if I use this word, I generally precede it with āwillfully.ā If someone is uneducated or doesnāt know something, I usually say that. Ignorant comes across as a flaw.
I wish OP would come back with more details, but it could be that she read the other thread from a equine professional asking about how to deal with a client, and is terrified to come back. I can believe it, COTH has gotten exceedingly uptight the last few months.
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Personally I donāt feel the need to be āfriendsā with my clients. I am happy with quiet and minimal chitchat, and I donāt require validation or praise. I do, however, feel the need to be āon the same pageā with clients regarding the animal that Iām taking care of. I would not tolerate overt rudeness from a client. If someone is rude or unpleasant to me when everything is fine, how are we going to communicate and troubleshoot when a problem comes up? It would be hard to serve the best interest of the horse under those circumstances. Also, just as a practical matter, horse boarding is not a great money maker, so I refuse to deal with clients that drain my emotional energy or tend to cast a shadow on my day.
Also, I find that one rude or inappropriate person can, in some cases, really shift the atmosphere of a barn. As a BO, Iām responsible for maintaining a pleasant atmosphere in the barn. People are paying a lot of $$ to own and enjoy a horse, and itās my job to keep the barn as an enjoyable place. Itās a fine line, though, because sometimes a few personal differences are simply inevitable.
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Youāre right. Iām like this at the gym. I never look anyone in the eye or say hello to anyone unless I am elbow to elbow with women in the locker room. But out on the floor, I totally keep to myself and do not engage in small talk. I occasionally have people ask me a question (are you using this etc) and I give them the shortest response possible and keep on trucking. I actually need to get my workout done promptly and get back to work most days, and donāt have time for socializing.
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As someone who is an introvert and hates small talk, I find it bizarre the way some of you find it perfectly acceptable that this boarder just blew off the OP. Assuming OP was talking to her about important horse care related things (and even if she wasnāt), itās not that hard to at least grunt acknowledgement back. You value your alone time at the barn? Cool, you can still act civilized and use your words to answer a question and still make it clear you want to be left alone.
Unless this boarder has a legit reason for behaving this way, Iād find a way to ask her to move on. Even if she does pay on time, that doesnāt make the stress of dealing with her worth it.
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It has honestly never occurred to me that I should could or would want to talk to anyone at the gym! Or actually in aerobics class either unless I go with a friend obviously.
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I think wilfully is now implied.
I was struck with this word shift a few years ago. In class we were discussing a short story where the humor and pathos turned on the fact that the child narrator had her feelings hurt by her uncle getting married.
I said that the child narrator was ignorant of the facts of adult life.
One of my students piped up immediately āoh sheās not ignorant she just doesnāt know. I wouldnt call her ignorant.ā
After that I started watching how the word was used and 100% in casual use in my area it is used as an insult for deliberately rude behaviour.
Whereas to me, a sentence like this is still correct:
Ignorant of the fact the Midwest was blanketed by a blizzard, she turned up at the airport to find her flight cancelled.
Now you would need to say unaware or uninformed or unknown to her.
I think also there is a sound alike thing driving this shift. Ignorant sounds like ignore so that sounds youāve wilfully ignored some rule of etiquette or some person, or you are raised by wolves white trash or similar. Thatās not really in my vocabulary but I realise thatās the current meaning.
I find it really interesting when words shift meaning sideways like this.
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Iām a BM, and my favorite clients show up, do their thing, and leave. The check appears in the appointed location promptly on the 1st of the month. We may cross paths 3-4x/year. If there is a horse issue, we swap texts. (Of course, we call/speak in person if thereās something major.) If people want to chat, thatās fine, but Iām just as happy to leave them alone if thatās how they roll.
Thatās me. If youāre happiest with clients who want to socialize regularly, then itās a bad fit and time to make a change. If you canāt communicate about horse issues, itās definitely a bad fit and time to give notice. Not every barn is the right fit for every horse and owner. Good luck!
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Oh Please.
This is board is a still walk in the park compared to how it was in the past.
I donāt think you remember how tight a ship the moderators ran when you joined. Perhaps you blocked it out - the mind does that with painful memories.
Who here was around ten years ago? Fifteen? More? This board was tough back then
no western,
no endurance/trail
no off topic- even on good days
If a post was not horse related it was booted*
Ah, the good old days.
- Leaning on cane. As I recall young ladies, the only threads that were not horse related and allowed to stay up were the 9/11 threads and the Baby Aidien threads because this was before facebook or twitter and this forum was how we found out things in āreal timeā even if it was dial up.
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Oh I remember, Erin as a mod was a tough cookie. It oscillates back n forth, sometimes the PC Posters are so put in force that itās like walking thru Berkeley campus.
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Yes - this. We need the OP to clarify. It is possible that the person may have a disability that makes conversation difficult, but that is not an excuse in the real world. My office recently had a person like this (and she has taken a new job and weāre all glad). I understand she may have a form of autism, but she is not unintelligent or unable to communicate so it became difficult to make excuses for her behavior at the office. And certainly, at a barn, no one is looking for eloquence. Or, the boarder in question could let the BM know she would be able to respond better by text/email unless emergencies, etc.
The āextremely unpleasantā part is concerning. What exactly does this mean?
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Thatās a tough one. I boarded with a lady for a long time that could be quite rude. She was very sensitive to comments that seemed more innocent than anything and formed pretty strong dislikes of other people and then she could be mean and confrontational. By mean and confrontational, I mean yelling at people when it was not an immediate safety situation and generally looking for a fight in the ring. Eventually being around her was extremely uncomfortable.
i boarded with another lady that was all business. If someone tried to chit chat sheād kind of mumble something and get right to her horse. I think she was busy and not interested in socializing.
dimmm
