Dear Cat, WHY??? Perverse Things You Wonder About

[chestnutmarebeware]

Please add your own! Or possibly provide an explanation for these odd behaviors… :lol:

Dear Cat: When we’re walking together, why can’t you just run beside me? Instead, every few strides, you continually cut right across my path, causing me to stop, trip or fling myself to the side to avoid stepping on your butt. I’m not amused.

Dear Cat: You’ll be 18 in March, and you’ve lived with me since you were 6 weeks old. I’ve never hurt you, and you trust me enough to clip your nails while you sit unrestrained beside me on the couch. But you won’t take food (even Kentucky Fried Chicken–your not-so-secret addiction) from my hand. In fact, you act like I’m actively trying to poison you. If that was the case, wouldn’t I have accomplished this years before?

Anyone else?

[JumpQH]

Dear Cat: Why do you totally ignore me, UNTIL I get on the phone, and then constantly talk and demand attention right that second? That is, until I get OFF the phone. Then you go away and ignore me again.

[Simkie]

Dear Cat: Why do you carry things around the house, meowing loudly? Cat toys I get, but entire roles of toilet paper pilfered from the bathroom or my sneakers? Why?

[Romany]

Dear Cat: why does it have to be a fresh can EVERY time? What’s so wrong with food that’s been in your dish for - horrors - a whopping 20 minutes?

And why is tuna your favourite food in the whole wide world? It’s not like we live in a fishing community! We don’t even have a pond. :rolleyes:

[weixiao]

This morning:

Dear cat: WHY ARE YOU SOAKING WET?!

[SmartAlex]

Dear Cat;

Why did you have to jump up on the bed and puke at least a cup of liquid all over the bedspread and my camera (I was downloading video to lap top. lesson learned)? Wasn’t the carpet good enough?

[Louise]

Dear Car;

Why, after having been with me for 15 years, after being the queen of the lap cats and always having to be in the same room I am, have you not learned that if I stand up (when you’re not on my lap) quickly, I’m not about to run right over and murder you where you stand?

[Ridinwyoming]

Dear Cat: Why do you insist on being picked up while I’m in the kitchen cooking, or decide to sneakingly lay down on the kitchen floor behind my feet without my knowledge?

[SonnysMom]

Dear Cat: Why do you like to steal my razors and hide them in my shoes?

Dear Cat: Why do you like to stuff everything you can down the bathroom sink drain? (tweezers, jewelry, hair ties, nail clippers, new OB tampons, razors)

[cnigh]

Dear Cat:

Why can you NOT come in/out the door the first time I offer?

Why can I not find at least 1 of the 100’s of hair ties I buy?

Why do you yowl when the puppy sniffs you? eg. whining child - It’s touching meee!!

Why do you come running when DH yells at the kids?

Why do you insist on rubbing on the MIL when you know she hates you. You never rub on anybody else.

[King_Creole]

Dear Cat:

Why do you have OCD in the litter box? Scratching in there to get the perfect pee/poop spot just isn’t enough for you. Why must you scratch the back of the litter box as well?

Why do you have OCD by your food bowl? The same litter box scratching happens on the wall and your scratching post near your food bowl. Why? And why is your favorite time to enact these OCD tendencies in the middle of the night?

Why do you stick your foot in your water and the drink it? Are you making sure water is there? Just curious.

Why do you lick and bite my face or arms in the middle of the night? I know I call them your “love bites” b/c it seems like you just love me so much you have to bite me, but it’s really annoying to get woken up to a wet willy.

[Wellspotted]

Dear Human:

Because I’m a cat.

P.S. to King Creole: :eek: :lol:

[Curb_Appeal]

Dear Cat:

Why do you insist on sleeping with your ass right in my face and twitching your tail on my nose every night? The king sized bed has plenty of room to spread out.

[_Teddy]

Dears Humanz

Iz Is showing you my luvvs, treats you as a cat!

Iz not my fault wez under attacks, your job iz to hold the fort, you did not.

That fuds are yuck! Must provide fresh seasfuds & chickenz! The offending fuds will not be tolerated!

Why pukes on carpet when there are betters?

Cats

[tbchick84]

Dear cat: Why must you come and lay on my keyboard the second I open the laptop?

Why do you eat every part of the mouse but the head and leave me that little lima bean shaped organ next to it?

Is there some reason you and the other cat cannot coexist on my bed while I am sleeping instead of engage in a turf war every night around 2:00am?

How is it you do not burst into flames sleeping that close to the wood stove?

[yellowbritches]

^my cats don’t speak like that.

Dear cat,
Why do you never learn that if you invade my personal space while I’m eating, you will be put on the floor. Do you never learn?

Dear cat,
Why, when you join me in bed in the early morning, do you have to bitch and moan and aggressively knead my pillow, boop my head, and otherwise make a total nuisance of yourself, when we ALL know you will be asleep in about 2 seconds, wrapped around my head, or squashed up as close to me as possible. Is the royal proclamation of your entry into the room REALLY necessary for what is basically a sleepy early morning snugglefest?

Dear cat,
You are the smallest creature in the house but are the equivalent of a feline garbage disposal. How is that possible?

Dear cat,
Why do you sit in the door for freaking EVER when we all know you want to come with me?

Dear cat,
why, when on our walks, do you go off down another path, yet SCREAM your head off like I’ve heartlessly thrown you to the t-Rex? YOU chose that path!

[ReSomething]

[QUOTE=King Creole;7787071]
Dear Cat:

Why do you lick and bite my face or arms in the middle of the night? I know I call them your “love bites” b/c it seems like you just love me so much you have to bite me, but it’s really annoying to get woken up to a wet willy.[/QUOTE]

Better yet, why do you crawl up on your belly, inches at a time, till you get to DH’s beard and then go into orgies of biting his chin and chewing on his beard and stuffing your head under his chin - why?

[tbchick84]

Dear cat, What is with cleaning yourself with your leg straight up in the air?

[RPM]

Dear Cat,

Why do you NEVER want to cuddle when I am awake and want to cuddle, yet you ALWAYS want to cuddle at five o’clock in the morning when I am sound asleep? You know I love you, I know you love me. Why can’t we get our timing right? (You’re a girl, too, for meowing out loud!)

[Chall]

[QUOTE=ReSomething;7787575]
Better yet, why do you crawl up on your belly, inches at a time, till you get to DH’s beard and then go into orgies of biting his chin and chewing on his beard and stuffing your head under his chin - why?[/QUOTE]

Re something: you will be replaced. Soon.
:lol: