dear cat: why do you roll in the toilet, play in the toilet, and pull things (including your brand new $$ collar, a plastic bag, and my tack cleaning sponges :mad: ) into the toilet with you??
[QUOTE=beowulf;7992754]
dear cat: why do you roll in the toilet, play in the toilet, and pull things (including your brand new $$ collar, a plastic bag, and my tack cleaning sponges :mad: ) into the toilet with you??[/QUOTE]
Uh, did it ever occur to put the lid down?
Sorry, I just couldn’t resist it. 
Dear Cat,
Why are you the most annoying creature known to man? Why must you:
Whine loudly as soon as I decide to sit down to eat OR go to bed? What is it about me seeing to my own needs that bugs you so?
Why do you think any new piece of furniture, clothing, friend visiting or…bag…belongs to you immediately and must become your new throne?
Why do you think a headboard is actually a springboard, and my bed is your pool, with my sleeping head being the target? Does your “diving practice” at 3am amuse you? Why are you such a sadist?
While we’re on that topic, why are you 11 lbs yet sound like a load of bricks thundering into the ground when you jump down from something? I thought cats were supposed to be graceful and light on their feet.
Why do you always squeeze yourself self-righteously into whatever space I do not want you to go? How do you even know to go there since it’s not where I want and therefore where you want?
Why, of all things, are you afraid of pom-poms? I feel I have found the hole in Grendel’s armor. Ah ha! I shall start sleeping with a pom-pom wig.
Why do you think you are supposed to pee in the bathtub and poop outside? What are you, a man-cat who uses the outhouse and has created a urinal? Who taught you this?
How do you sucker everyone into liking you? Oh, that’s right- the same way I got suckered into it originally.
Dear Bruce cat,
You were the bestest of hunters and please don’t think I didn’t appreciate it. 
When I was in college, living off campus, and in bed sleeping one night, you got very energetic and tried so hard to wake me up by jumping furiously on the bed. Yes, you did succeed in that but I was pissed and kicked at the covers and told you to settle down. Well, when I got up in the morning, you were sitting very quietly and very, very, very proudly at the end of the bed with a large dead rat at your feet. :eek: :eek: What could I do but pet you on your head, grab a handful of Kleenex, pick the dead rat up, yell to my roommate downstairs that I was bringing down a ‘visitor’, and carry dead rat out to the garbage can!! My roommate and I both wondered what happened to the rest of the rat family. When we were off at school, you had a wonderful time hunting outside in the woods. You’d bring us back all kinds of trophies, from dead snakes to young bunny rabbits, mice and voles. I will admit you were the first real housecat I had and certainly one of the favorites. I must admit that you’d love the farm if you were still alive.
I also remember how bad I was about leaving closet doors open. When I started work after college I had left the linen closet door open and then remembered to close it just before I left for work. I came home and was very surprised that you didn’t come running to say ‘Welcome home Mom’ but I could hear you meowing. I followed the sound to the linen closet, opened it and out you jumped! I think you must have made a bee-line to the litter box as you didn’t make any messes in the linen closet except for getting a lot of long dark torty hair all over the towels. I didn’t even mind having to wash them before the next use.
Dear Kiwi Kitty,
Why must you poop in the sink?? The litter box is right there next to the sink, and frankly it’s easier to get to than jumping up on the vanity.
Dear Stormtrooper,
I have no idea why you love the chickens so much. The rooster frequently chases you. But you insist on hanging out near the coop on a regular basis.
[QUOTE=msj;7992847]
Uh, did it ever occur to put the lid down?
Sorry, I just couldn’t resist it. :D[/QUOTE]
ah, you underestimate the ingenuity of the feline denomination… this cat(ten) knows how to open doors (of the door handle variety) - a closed lid does nothing to halt his resolution to go skinny dipping…
[QUOTE=beowulf;7994257]
ah, you underestimate the ingenuity of the feline denomination… this cat(ten) knows how to open doors (of the door handle variety) - a closed lid does nothing to halt his resolution to go skinny dipping…[/QUOTE]
Nothing personal but I think I’m glad it’s your cat and not mine.
Mind you, I had a horse that would take the plastic handle of the electric fence in his mouth, carefully back up, and then drop the handle. Fortunately the electric fence was 3" on top of the post and rail fencing and the part that Chocolate opened was over a closed gate. I do understand how these critters of ours figure things out! :sigh:
mein darling kittehs -
No. I do not want a kiss from you. You just washed your butt.
How many times do I have to tell you that I cannot feed you when I am dead. Go ahead - keep running between my feet as I walk thus causing me to trip and fall. Hard. Once you made me hit my head. I repeat, I cannot feed you when I am dead.
The special food cost me a lot. Why oh why will you not eat it? And if you do, must you act like I’m poisoning you? Give it a rest already.
Dear Cat: Why do you insist on grooming the dog? You always lick her fur the wrong way, and quite aggressively I might add. And what is up with your toenail obsession? Please leave my husband’s toenails alone. As for your scary habit of perching on the stair railing-post (at the very top with a 20-foot drop behind you), I will continue to pretend I don’t see that. Be safe.
[QUOTE=msj;7994324]
Nothing personal but I think I’m glad it’s your cat and not mine.
Mind you, I had a horse that would take the plastic handle of the electric fence in his mouth, carefully back up, and then drop the handle. Fortunately the electric fence was 3" on top of the post and rail fencing and the part that Chocolate opened was over a closed gate. I do understand how these critters of ours figure things out! :sigh:[/QUOTE]
and i am glad i haven’t gotten that horse!! i like them to stay in their paddocks…
Oh, I forgot -
Dear Teddy -
Please stop burying the other cats’ poop and pee. Or if you must, could you please wait until they are finished? No-one likes doing their business with your burying madly right behind them and still managing to glare into their faces. Most off-putting…
Dear Jack and Duncan -
I beg of you STOP washing your feet in the water bowl after you have finished in the litter box. No-one - especially not me - likes that sludgy mess you have created.
P.S. I have been laughing so frickin’ hard at all these crazy posts. We have some real characters among us. And I don’t necessarily mean the cats. :lol:
Dear fellow cat keepers, why do we do this? The meowing, the gakking up of hairballs, the meowing, racing around at night like lunatics, opening cabinets and gnawing holes in the bread, the meowing at 4 a.m, why??? Dogs are so much easier.
Dear Elmo, if you don’t want to get shut in the bedroom all day, maybe you should make an appearance when I’m calling and calling for you. It’s not the first time either, so you think you’d learn.
Dear Casper and Fritz,
Why do you flee as if your lives are threatened every time I sneeze? To the casual observer, it would appear as if I sneeze hard enough to literally blow you off the back of the couches and into the next room.
Dear Squeaky Cat,
After reading a lot of the other COTHer’s post about their cats, I realize that you run when you want to from me simply because you are a cat! :sigh: All this time I thought maybe it was because you were originally a feral cat!!! Much as I do adore and love you, you rotten little &*%$#, I guess I’ve been very lucky in all the other cats that I had that didn’t run but jumped in my lap and let me pick them up and cuddle. Maybe you’ll change as you get older and maybe you won’t, but it doesn’t matter as now you are the queen of the household.
[QUOTE=beowulf;7995084]
and i am glad i haven’t gotten that horse!! i like them to stay in their paddocks…[/QUOTE]
Not to sidetrack this thread but:
Oh Beowulf, I thank my lucky stars that I had post and rail fencing over the entire farm and only the electric fence around the top rail of the sacrifice paddocks to keep them from chewing on the top rail in the winter. Otherwise he probably would running around somewhere right now. Chocolate was the kind of a horse ONLY a mother could love.
My trainer used to call him “Learning disabled, laterally disabled, and double-jointed at the withers!” He used to run around with his nose in the air and his ears were behind his withers. He’d drown in a rain storm for sure!
