Dear Cat, WHY??? Perverse Things You Wonder About

[Drive_NJ]

Dear Cat - WHY is it that when you sit on me watching TV you are light as a feather, but when you get on me to sleep your little 8 1/2 pound self becomes a ten ton weight focused directly on my throat. Or the nerves in my shoulder, Or some other vital part.

Dear Cat - WHY is it that you have to sit with you BUTT directly in my face - always!

Dear Cat - WHY cant you just ignore the evil spawn of Satan we brought into the house 3 years ago to rescue her from a life in the shelter. Mostly she ignores you. Why do you have to HISS at her, thus alerting her to your presence. If you just ignored her, there would be peace.

[macmtn]

[QUOTE=chestnutmarebeware;7792520]
macmtn, have you ever read Doreen Tovey’s book, Cats in the Belfry? She writes about her three Siamese in 1950s in England, and the constant sacrifices/embarassments she and her husband endure because of them. Hysterical! Your post sounds like it came right from the pages of this book.

The part about Solomon deciding to become a horse is not to be missed![/QUOTE]

thanks
I am going to get that one. She has written a whole bunch of cat books… Looks like I may have my new author for the winter.

[michelle06259]

Dear Cat.

Why did you give me half of a dead squirrel??? After you gave me the dead mouse yesterday, and I said “thank you, but next time can you please bring me something I can eat” did not mean the bottom half of a squirrel. What I really meant was bring me a deer or turkey.

You are a sweet kitty for bringing me gifts. But can I pretty please have a deer next time.

Love, Your owner

[_Teddy]

[QUOTE=michelle06259;7795953]
Dear Cat.

Why did you give me half of a dead squirrel??? After you gave me the dead mouse yesterday, and I said “thank you, but next time can you please bring me something I can eat” did not mean the bottom half of a squirrel. What I really meant was bring me a deer or turkey.

You are a sweet kitty for bringing me gifts. But can I pretty please have a deer next time.

Love, Your owner[/QUOTE]

Dear owner:
You not happy? I shared!
Waz big squirrel, good eats!!

Cat

[SmartAlex]

Dear Cat: WHY? are you licking the window?!

[tabula_rashah]

[QUOTE=SmartAlex;7798903]
Dear Cat: WHY? are you licking the window?![/QUOTE]

LOL I have a window licker too

[spotted_draft_x_fill]

Dear Kitten, If you wanted to look out the window, I could of opened the blinds for you. Now because of your help, we don’t have to worry about that anymore.

Why do you think it’s good fun to roll in the litter box and fling your poop and clumps everywhere?

I know the garbage can looks like a big box of kitty toys, but it’s really not.

Sitting on top of the large dog’s crate and reaching down in there to smack her on her head is not going to win over her affection.

Dear Cat, you should know better to be up on the table. Just because the kitten hasn’t learned to stay off, doesn’t mean it’s now ok for you to do it.

[cloudy18]

Dear Cat, is there a scientific explanation as to why you hack up hairballs in the middle of the night EVERY time? Or do you just do it because you’re an ass?

Dear Hairy Cat, how do you manage to leave what looks like a small hairy cat at the top of the stairs approximately ten minutes after I’ve vacuumed?

[aurora171989]

not really a perverse question, but why misty do you stand under the end table and step up and down with your hind legs while quivering/wiggling the base of your tail? I would post a picture but something went wrong with my photobucket account

She generally does this when waiting for me to chase her or throw something I just wonder why and what is she doing.

[Simkie]

Dear Cat: why is showing up for breakfast such a problem now? You show up for Mr S when he feed you on the weekends. You show up at the end of breakfast when I let all of the other kitties out. How about you just show up when I put down food instead? The routine is always the same. What gives?

Dear Other Cat: what do you get out of standing on your hind legs and pawing madly at the glass doors on the bookshelf? It’s hilarious, but I really don’t understand.

[PaintedMare]

Dear Cat: why must you pee on my beanbag chair? I clean your box two times a day. It’s about 20 feet from the beanbag chair. I understand the beanbag must feel like litter under your paws but as soon as we lock eyes you dart for under the bed. You know. You know and you still do it.

[spotted_draft_x_fill]

dear kitten: I think you have been watching too much of The Walking Dead. I know I must look like a zombie hunched over and shuffling to the bathroom, but I’m not, I promise. So there’s no need to hunch up, hiss, and run backwards from me.

[SmartAlex]

Dear Cat:
Why do you never chew the tartar control treats? If you had not inhaled each and every one over the past 14 years you may not have a dentist appointment scheduled to chisel the tartar off your teeth. Seems to me your great cat wisdom would have seen the logic in this…

[SmartAlex]

Dear Cat,

Why are you laying diagonally across my side of the bed refusing to move while I huddle on 3 inches between your head and the edge? Are you quite comfy?

[msj]

Dear Squeaky Cat,

Why, at night when I’m trying to sleep, do you bring in your catnip toy and bat it around the room, under the bed, and even bring up ON the bed? You wake me up with all the commotion! :eek: You know that I will get up, take the toy, and put it in a sandwich bag in the fridge. I’ve even taken it at night before I go to bed and put it there if I can find it. I realize that you are a nocturnal animal and you sleep most of the day away, but please take your toy to another room. There are 10 other rooms you can play with it!!!:yes:

[Mosey_2003]

Dear Cat:
You are such a big pretty marmalade cat! It is very cold here, and you are outside. Therefore, why did you run away when I said, “Here kitty kitty kitty!” instead of coming to my office door to come in and snuggle? LET ME LOVE YOU WILD KITTY!!!

:sigh:

[Holly_Jeanne]

Dear Cat: Why do you ask to be let out, decide it’s too cold/nasty and want to come right back, and then ask to go out repeatedly after that? Trust me, the weather hasn’t changed in the last two minutes.

Why, when you are locked in the closet or stuck in a drawer do you not speak up when I am desperately searching for you? You obviously want out when I finally do locate you and you certainly don’t have a problem with speaking up ordinarily.

[PaintPony]

Dear Cat,
WHY do you have to make so much noise in the litter box?
I get it, you’re obsessively clean, but why do you have to spend an extra 5 minutes in there after you pee? To make sure every piece of litter is in its proper place?

Seriously - does anyone else have a cat that does this? After she uses the box (it has a lid) she scratches the litter up and then spends a few (extremely loud!) minutes scratching the walls and ceiling of the box too. (From the inside). She sometimes does this on windows as well. What a weirdo!

I did see one other cat at a shelter do this one time. After he used the box he proceeded to scratch/paw the walls of his cage.

[jen-s]

Dear Yashi, Ferdinand, Finnegan, and Patrick,

Why did I see a mouse run across the floor last night? And only a half-hearted chase by one of you? I realize that the youngest is blind, but at least he sniffed around. For the other 3 of you with full sight, why was there not a mangled mouse in my bed this morning? (And why on earth was I hoping to need to wash the sheets! shudder) No more toys until the visitor is apprehended.

[tabula_rashah]

Dear Kitten,
Why cannot you not understand that water makes you wet??? It’s all fun and games to play and splash around in it until you realize you are once again wet, then you throw a fit and howl about it.