Dear Pocket Trainer,
I have recently purchased your fine system but for the life of me cannot find the “tack adjustment” feature. How tight should my martingale be so that my show horse, Cha-Ching, doesn’t lift his nose that 1/4" too high to miss out on the blue?
Signed,
Flustered about Fitting
Dear Conned by Pccket Inc.!
Once again we regret to inform you that we do not have a “Pocket Princess” line. We beg of you, do NOT accept any more devices from Pccket Trainer (cheap, shoddy knockoff).
We have tried to advise you of the disconnect option available to help our trusted friends who are taken in by this evil marketing ploy, but have yet to hear from you. We can only surmise you are being held hostage by these poor substitutes for the Pocket Trainer Experience! We will contact the authorities immediately ($59.95 contact fee plus $9.95 per minute consultation).
Yours in a Pocket!
Pocket Trainer
See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
Hmm, wonder if the Vintage line and Pocket Trainer will team up to promote a fabulous blood stain removal product?! We don’t want those pretty Vintage trunks bearing the mark of others’ transgressions! 
<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Frank B:
Dear Pocket Trainer:
I urgently need your help! A certain cable channel (OLN if you haven’t already guessed!) has suddenly ceased carrying show jumping – and right in the middle of the Florida Circuit!
Oh! The humanity! I’m now watching bull riding – and NASCAR!
My question is – what wines would be appropriate for these sports?
(Signed) Perplexed in TN<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
For NASCAR I recommend anything with a screw top. For bull riding, well what ever it is, it must be kept in the brown bag.
Pocket Trainer knows little of such wines. Pathetic souls like myself who haunt racetrack backstretches and local circuits and who ride PMU babies feel qualified to answer such queries.
Resident racing historian
Founder of the Mighty Thoroughbred Clique
You all are cracking me UP!!!
The TB body slave formerly known as Lizviola.
Cross Country, Ditches, sounds DIRTY, ICKY, high risk of breaking a nail, hair being blown out of place, Oh just the thought is nerve wracking. Just think of what it would do to your pretty pedicure, which I’m sure is well maintained now that you sent in payment for Pocket Ped.
<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Pocket Trainer:
Dear Sister to a Sinner:
Hypothetically speaking, would your sister’s body fit into the plastic storage thingie?
As always, Pocket Trainer recommends a 1996 Grove Mill Sauvignon Blanc when watching “Double Indemnity” and jotting down useful notes…
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Dear Freakin’ Pocket Trainer:
You and your hoity-toity minions. 
The black storage trunk at Walmart was $39.98 and, once installed with a collapsible, three-section laundry hamper (which neatly tucked inside) I can contain all of my show gear without spending a fortune. The lovely matte finish, asphalt-toned PVC material–of which the trunk is constructed-- is deftly hid beneath my monogrammed trunk cover. So what if I have to prop the thing up on six-inch blocks of wood so that it matches the configurations of the other tack trunks in the aisle? So what if everything inside smells faintly of high tech plastics? I have learned to save a buck when I can.
I encourage you to embrace the humanity found at your local Walmart. They don’t sell expensive wine, but I do believe they offer a hearty selection of domestic beer, available in shiny, pop-top cans.
Meanwhile, I shall continue to keep an eye on those around me (in both California and elsewhere, Lord Helpus) who would like to profit from my demise.
Forever Frugal,
Merry
Dear Powder Puff!
While Pocket Trainer requires ALL her clients to discreetly flash some cash at opportune moments, Pocket Trainer requires a modicum of intelligence to be used in conjunction withthe cash flashing.
If you insist upon using your cash in such a manner, far be it from Pocket Trainer to pass judgement (we have a firm policy of not passing judgement as long as Pocket Trainer’s bills are paid!). But you might refrain from tipping Pocket Groom with that bill, especially after you made Pocket Groom run the 2 miles back to the barn (without the golf cart) to get your spurs, number, crop and helmet. Even better if you had remembered to tell Pocket Groom to get all those things at once instead of 4 seperate trips!
Sometimes there is just a penalty to pay for our sins. Pocket Trainer regrets this, as Pocket Trainer feels that there should be no penalties in our lives except that which comes with failing to buy just the right horse (as ably assisted by Pocket Trainer).
Yours in a Pocket!
Pocket Trainer
See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
Dear Trapped with a Lawnmower!
While Pocket Trainer appreciates your interest, at this time we are not considering expanding our line outside the Pocket Trainer Experience! models.
But we thank you for your inquiry!
Yours in a Pocket!
Pocket Trainer
See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
GOOD LORD!!! 23 offers and 3 actual demos!!! I can barely count that high, the thought of such harassment makes me swoon. Thank Heavens I have you to fend off such evils. How do you cope, it must be exhausting! Please please rush me a small army of Pocket Protektors to fight off any one who might try to force me to “groom” or “tack up” drink domestic beer from a can. . . the list of perils that exist out of pocket is simply horrific. What do you suggest I drink to calm my nerves.
Is there such a thing as too foreward? Did I scare PT off by making a foreward bold move with a bottle of wine in hand?
_\]
– * > hoopoe
The ancient Greeks did not write obituaries. They only wanted to know if you had a passion.
Dear Hunt Coatless!
I am afraidn you have nailed the proverbial problem right on the head, although if you have been spending as much time studying fashion notes as Pocket Trainer recommends, you should be confused about the use of the word “proverbial”. We at Pocket Trainer can only hope…
Meanwhile, we suggest that you wisk your mother’s credit card out of her purse and do her the enormous favor of purchasing Pocket Trainer’s Fashion Guide for Parents ($695 plus $195 per consultation). This appears to be your (and her!) only hope for your junior jumper future! Think of it as a rather premature Mother’s Day gift.
Meanwhile, have Dad get her a lovely bottle (or two) of Stags Leap 1995 Cask 23 Cabernet and I am sure her outlook on the world and all things Pocket will be much rosier.
Yours in a Pocket!
Pocket Trainer
See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
Dear Pocket Trainer,
I have a problem with my two almost all white horses Joe and Skip. I can never keep them clean. They instist on rolling in the mud once let out in their turn outs. How can I avoid them from getting dirty? Also I am having trouble keeping my tack clean is there a seperate device for this. My horses must alway look as if they are lawn ornaments.
Your truly
Knee Deep in Mud
Member of the Western Clique, Quarter Horse Clique and Stallion Clique
Owner of and slave to a small herd - Indio Joe (Paint Stallion), Im A Skip (AppY Gelding), You Cant Imagine (QH mare), and Miss Orphanannie Two (QH mare)
Dear Humble and Amused Fan!
We always appreciate it when the little people take time out of their day to let us know how special we truly are! And of course we would love to visit you, assuming you had appropriate accomodations for one such as us. Feel free to send us pictures so we can consider our decision.
Naturally, we always prefer a 1994 Chateau Ste. Michelle indian Wells Vineyard Merlot when mooching off our friends in the Pacific Northwest, although we can easily be tempted by a Sokol Blosser Reserve Pinot Noir if we find ourselves in Oregon.
Yours in a Pocket!
Pocket Trainer
See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
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