Decision made thank you everyone
Would you have this problem if a doctor yelled at you and called you incompetent, or would you consider that inappropriate behaviour? Would you stick with a lawyer who told you that you are a fool rather than finding a solution to your problem? Would you stick with a mechanic who told you that the reason your car broke was because you don’t know how to drive it? You are an adult. You pay good money, hard earned, to have fun doing something for enjoyment. Why allow a person - one supposed to be helping you - to make you feel bad about yourself and to take away your enjoyment? Why “suck up” unhappiness? Life is too short to be miserable.
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You’re right. I wouldn’t tolerate any of that. I’d fire them all instantly.
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Move. You will wish you did it sooner. It’s not worth sticking out a bad match when you have a good alternative.
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If the situation is as you present it, yes, you should move.
But I have to ask: does your young, slightly green horse get training rides? I’ve seen situations of people with horses that are slightly beyond their abilities, but yet they won’t pay for the appropriate trainer support, and they/trainer get frustrated when they don’t see progress, they move to barn #2 and rinse, repeat. I’m not saying that’s the case here, but figured it was working asking.
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Have you had a discussion with the trainer who is yelling at you? I’d start there. Explain that you don’t appreciate being yelled at and that it doesn’t help you learn. Explain that when you pay for instruction you expect professionalism, IE no yelling.
If you suspect that your trainer is incapable of having an adult conversation with you and will behave inappropriately, then have a plan in place to move to the other barn before you have the conversation. If you allow people to yell at you, they will continue yelling.
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Agreed! You know that your issues are causing a problem in your young, green horse. Trainer probably means well in warning you that this is a problem for your horse. He or she seems to lack the skills to help you solve it. If you feel like you’re hitting a wall, it’s time to have a serious conversation with the trainer or move on.
In the mean time, take a step back to a place where you aren’t having the issue for now. And make sure the horse is getting the training rides he needs to keep this from becoming a bigger problem.
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Suggest pro training for your horse and lessons for you on another horse to work on you.
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Yes he is in full training board.
He’s in full training board. 2x a week training rides plus 1 lesson for me. I’ve been on other horses and have the same issues and same treatment. Especially if I get frustrated/upset and need a moment to work through it
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IMO, it is never a good idea to ONLY ride with one coach exclusively. Different competent coaches will have different ideas about how to impart their opinions to you, different ways of explaining things, different views on what is important today. Spread yourself around a bit, sample different coaches in your area, don’t limit yourself to only one opinion, and one way of coaching and thinking. Different coaches will suit different people, who have different needs and responses to coaching methods. Don’t burn your bridges as you move about a bit, remain businesslike and friendly and polite, but don’t hook your wagon to one coach entirely. You may find a better fit for you and your horse if you shop around.
Riders will proceed through a variety of coaches in their lives, as their needs change as their skills and experiences develop. Everything is transitory and changing. Nothing stays the same. Branch out, explore what options are open to you and your horse that you may find helpful.
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Do you have the option to bring an outside trainer in to lesson on at the facility? Or is it a training board-only facility where every boarder needs to lesson with the onsite instructor a certain number of times per month?
No outside trainers unfortunately.
Can you take a lesson w the other trainer to see how it goes?
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I want to echo the good advice that @NancyM gave above - it’s good to ride with more than one person if you can. That’s difficult in the horse world for multiple good reasons, but seeking out feed back from different sources helps you learn and might show you how you respond to different coaching styles.
I don’t own a horse and have only just returned to taking lessons. As I’ve discussed on the board, I’ve been on a journey to find a trainer. I took several lessons at one lesson barn on a school horse with terrible, sometimes dangerous (trainer’s words, not mine) ground manners. The trainer helped with my position, but she was, at times, unnecessarily rude/weirdly personal when I made a mistake. I continued my search and found multiple trainers who taught just as well who were not jerks. So I won’t ride with the rude trainer again.
I understand the struggle. You do want to reflect on whether/ how you may contribute to a better relationship with a new trainer. Make sure you’re really open to her feedback- if your position needs to be fixed, then fix it. But she doesn’t get to be a jerk about it. We’re all adults and should be treated as such. Very, very, very few people in the world are talented enough to justify being rude/nasty to their customers - sounds like your trainer is not one of them.
just an observation, but two training rides a week to me would not be considered Full Training. I am not of the hunter world so my belief could just be incorrect.
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Nope, definitely not full training, especially for a young green off the track horse with a novice rider. Horse needs more pro rides and probably no owner rides at this point. Full training is a great option, possibly with another trainer if this trainer is telling clients that two rides a week is full training.
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It is your trainer’s job to train you and your horse so that you don’t “ruin” your horse. It sounds to me like your trainer values your horse over you, which is weird because it’s your horse.
I can’t tell you what to do but if I were in your place I would leave. You’re paying your trainer to train you and your horse, not to yell at you. If you’re not enjoying the lessons your trainer is just taking your money.
Be safe and BE HAPPY.
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That is full training at my barn and unfortunately a $2500 a month bill to have him ridden daily is not an option. My $1500 a month is the top of what is feasible to pay. When I say re-rider it’s not like I never rode. Used to do the 3fts, done jumpers, done hunters. I do know how to ride and have been back in the saddle for 2 years. The horse and I are taking steps backwards with each lesson but have fantastic hacks during the week when he and I just focus on basics likes straight lines, serpentine, bending, different circle sizes, direction changes. It’s like we hit the ring with the trainer and we both freak out
With this description of what’s going on, I’d say you should just move on and not look back. If you feel that both you and the horse are under-performing in lessons consistently, then it may be that the trainer is not the right one for either of you.
Just a question: do you ever go to watch the training rides? I have often found that watching from the ground is a learning experience in itself, especially if the trainer will let you ask them questions about the ride afterwards. It’s worth doing, especially if you’re interested in how differently a pro might ride your horse.
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