Depressed rider UPDATE post 36 now trying to make an effort to start therapy

[Leather_hAlter123]

Last winter thanks in large part to support from COTH I finally went to my doc to get help for my depression. He put me on Cipralex and it has done wonders for me ever since.

Realistically I know there will still be some bad day but unfortunately a couple of bad days hit me hard this week. Even including some thoughts of a unhealthy coping mechanism I haven’t done in years and haven’t thought about since the meds first started working. I know a big part of the problem is that I’m so used to thinking negatively it’s a bit of a habit. Clearly it is ridiculous to think your friends don’t like you just because you always seem to have to message them first to chat online.

The other night a friend asked if I had ever thought of trying CBT. I don’t know much about it. I’m a bit skeptical, and also I hate talking to people (especially about my depression) insert whiney “I don’t wanna!” here

I know in order to get to where I want in life I need to be able to handle things better. I want to be able to afford to move out and still keep a horse. In order to do that I need to go back to school PT so I can get a better job and I’m just not there yet. I think I realize I’m gonna have to do something more then just meds in order to get there (but I really REALLY don’t want to).

So… long explanation for a short question. Does CBT actually work?

So glad to have my sweet goofy awesome horse. He is just what I needed this week to keep a couple of Bad days from turning into a lot of bad days.

[walktrot]

Yes it does. I have used it to some extent both with a therapist a number of years ago, and on my own with a workbook. I also work in an acute care psychiatric hospital and it is used extensively here. Patients are able to borrow the David Burns Feeling Good handbook while they are here. There also are group sessions that specifically focus on CBT. It is useful in helping you break down your negative thoughts and focus on positive things.

My experience parallels yours. Sweet goofy awesome horses do make us feel better on bad days.

[cllane1]

@walktrot;5908948

Patients are able to borrow the David Burns Feeling Good handbook while they are here.

I’ve used this before with a counselor and it was very helpful in getting me to identify what I was feeling and why, and whether it was as big a deal as I was making it.

Also, don’t be afraid to talk to your doctor about trying different meds or combos. There are literally thousands of options out there that can help address the physical causes of depression.

[Zu_Zu]

JUST JINGLES & AO

JUST JINGLES & AO FOR YOU ```

[Old_Mac_Donald]

Yes, it does. I am a practicing psychologist, and our team utilities CBT with clients. Very effective.

[CaptFireGirl]

First, you’re NOT whining. You have a medical condition, and you’re tyring valiantly to help yourself with it. Having had MDD for 3 years caused by a traumatic brain injury (not from riding!), I’m familiar with the black hole you’ve had to crawl out of just to get this far. Yes, cognitive therapy does work. I kwow when I really don’t want to go to my appointments that those are the days I most need to go! Don’t hesitate to try various types of therapy to help yourself; time with horses is the best therapy of all!!!

Also, looking at the medication you’re taking (I had to look it up), I was initially put on that too. Worked great for a little while, then just STOPPED working at all. Weird, but I’ve hear this isn’t uncommon with this drug. Now on an SNRI that is much, much better. Good Luck.

[grayarabpony]

Can’t answer about the CBT but are you using a full spectrum light? That can really help some people as the fall and winter months set in.

[Leather_hAlter123]

Thanks for the comments, they are greatly appreciated. The more I’ve read up on it, the more it sounds like it is something I would benefit from.

CaptFireGirl - Thanks, I know it’s a medical condition, it’s just still so hard to except thats what it is in some cases. One of the big things i’ve struggled with lately is feeling guilty about the depression when so many awesome things have happened. I just sold my show hunter this summer and thanks to parental contribution even though I’m in my 20’s and they did not have to, I was able to purchase the best ammie jumper I could ask for to get started in the jumper ring.

I’m an adult but I still feel like such a kid. I don’t know how to start-up or initiate anything. If I wanted to pursue therapy of some sort, I don’t know how to go about doing that. If I should talk to my GP first next time I’m in there for a referral, or find someone myself (not to mention if I had to find someone myself making phone calls to a place I don’t know makes me feel sick). Then I don’t know where to the the forms from work to put in an insurance claim (and I already have that problem currently with some chiro bills I’m entitled to compensation for). sigh I really need to grow up.

[DressageGeek_Ribbon]

Well, let’s say awesome things happened, would you expect it to fix your diabetes if you had that? No, right? Same thing. Just because mental illness is such a complicated group of diseases and our diagnostics/therapeutics are not where we want them to be, doesn’t mean it is any less an illness.

And small steps. Try not to beat yourself up about not doing it all. Like physical therapy after an injury - after the cast or brace comes off, they don’t have you doing leapfrog. They have you trying to isolate muscles, and that’s plenty hard enough.

Wishing you the best.

[Wits_End_Eventing]

Yes, studies show that medication and CBT in combination work best, next best medication alone, then CBT alone.

If you continue to struggle, and your meds are not being managed by a psychiatrist, find a good one. I had my meds mismanaged by my primary care MD for 3 years with ALL kinds of side effects. Went to see my current psychiatrist who fixed them on the first day, and I have been on the same thing for 7 years with no issues. If you happen to be in NC, Dr. Sarah Bryce in Durham is AMAZING!!!

Being that it is winter and the light is getting shorter, look up “Seasonal Affective Disorder.” Getting a light to sit under in the morning and a day timer to wake up to might help. Make sure to keep exercising.

Major Depression is a treatable illness. Best of luck to you!!

Adrienne Classen, MD

[Wits_End_Eventing]

p.s. never think of depression as whining. I dislocated my hip 18 months ago, and I would rather have that happen again as painful and long as the recovery has been than have major depression again.
p.p.s. about therapy, my favorite thing I ever heard on NPR was that “the definition of a dysfunctional family is a family with more than one member.” We ALL have issues…

[rivenoak]

@Leather hAlter123;5912828

I’m an adult but I still feel like such a kid. I don’t know how to start-up or initiate anything… I really need to grow up.

Sometimes, I feel like depression stunted my growth in regard to things like this. Or, maybe I was just immature for a very long time & depression had nothing to do with it.

(hugs)

[Rosalind]

[QUOTE=Leather hAlter123;5912828]
I’m an adult but I still feel like such a kid. I don’t know how to start-up or initiate anything. If I wanted to pursue therapy of some sort, I don’t know how to go about doing that. If I should talk to my GP first next time I’m in there for a referral, or find someone myself (not to mention if I had to find someone myself making phone calls to a place I don’t know makes me feel sick). Then I don’t know where to the the forms from work to put in an insurance claim (and I already have that problem currently with some chiro bills I’m entitled to compensation for). sigh I really need to grow up.[/QUOTE]

Please do not think you’re immature. You’re depressed. People with depression have a horrible time initiating things.

[Come_Shine]

Another big vote for CBT. That is part of the gold standard of care meaning that CBT has been PROVEN to work.

CBT will teach you how to handle things better.

All the best.

[Leather_hAlter123]

When it rains it pours. Just found out today there is a high probability my dept may be relocating to a spot that logistically is impossible for me to get to.

So now I may have to find a new job to

[DressageGeek_Ribbon]

So sorry to hear this!

[CaptFireGirl]

Rosalind is right on target. Lack of ability to initiate tasks is one of the hallmarks of depression. Once again, Lexapro worked great for me, until it didn’t work at all. If you’re finding your symptoms returning while you’re on the same dose, this may be happening to you. Although your GP may have all the good intentions in the world, I strongly recommend finding a prescribing psychiatrist. You can work with whomever you like for CPT, but prescribing psychiatrist will be able to properly diagnose and start you on a prescription program that will truly help you. It takes multiple medications for me to feel what I recall as normal (pre-Traumatic Brain Injury causing MDD), but its just so much better than how I was before.

Try to be aware of your negative self talk, too. I found that every time I chastized myself and felt guilty because I hadn’t done something, it just perpetuated and worsened my mental outlook. I tried to think about what I would say to a good friend who was having the same medical issues. I realized I would be kind and supportive to another person, yet I couldn’t extend the same to myself. I’ve been a lot more gentle with myself since that realization!

Be kind to yourself…

[Leather_hAlter123]

Thanks again for the support. The possible work move is now definite. So I will be on the Job hunt around Jan - mar.

Now that the initial panic has subsided I guess I should look at it as a good oppurtunity. I’ve been working there for 5 yrs and probably have stayed another 5 just to avoid change.

Although dad is horrible when it comes to my depression (just can’t understand that when i’m struggling saying ‘cheer up’ and ‘smile’ are the worst possible things to say) he is willing to help with the bills if i end up between jobs or decide to go back to school for a bit. And he wants to hire an outplacement career counsellor he has used in the past to assist in writing my resume and locating companies looking for people for my qualifications.

Now the big problem is deciding what I want to do. Go back to school and finish the accounting program I did. Look for a new Job. Go back to school for something completely different.

I will definitely bring up recent issues next time I see the doc (should probably write them down so I don’t automatically say everything’s fine).
In order to see a psychiatrist in my area you need a referral from your GP. A girl I know with similar issues was telling me about the outpatient program see gets treated through at the hospital in our town. It’s a bit of a wait but covered by the gov’t (which would be good since I may have no benefits for awhile) and they have a psychiatrist and Psychologists on staff.

I think I got so used to suffering in silence I don’t realize how bad the symptoms are or that I deserve treatment.

[sadlmakr]

If you fell down and broke your leg and the bone was sticking out, would your Dad tell you there was nothing wrong with you and to get up and walk?
Too many people will not accept that Depression is a legitimate disease. It is complex and each person is different. Each person reacts to the medications differently. I have Seasonal Effective Disorder. I take Vitamin D3 now and it works for me. But it might not work for someone else… Get a real Dr. that knows what to do to treat your Depression. Hang in there. The medication may be losing it’s effectiveness. They can change you to another medication that will help. Get in to a therapist also. You can beat the negative thoughts.
I understand as I have a daughter suffering from Bi-Polar disease.
I wish you the best.
sadlamkr

[DressageGeek_Ribbon]

@sadlmakr;5917086

If you fell down and broke your leg and the bone was sticking out, would your Dad tell you there was nothing wrong with you and to get up and walk?
Too many people will not accept that Depression is a legitimate disease. It is complex and each person is different. Each person reacts to the medications differently.
sadlamkr

absolutely THIS.

This is the basis of the grant I am writing to the National Institutes of Mental Health. The brain is very complex. Many, many genes are involved, and they interact with each other - and the environment! - and that affects how they are expressed. So how do you find genes that increase susceptibility to depression, or identify changes that signal depression, when we don’t yet fully understand the causes? The multiple interacting pathways?
Clearly, there is a genetic basis. Clearly environmental factors play a role. But just because we don’t yet understand its causes doesn’t lessen its impact.

Before we understood about oncogenes, and tumor suppressor genes, people still had cancers. Again, just because we didn’t understand the etiology, or have effective therapeutics, didn’t mean you didn’t have the disease.

What I hope to do is use the power of a simple genetic model (and believe it or not, the pathways in brain development and function are highly conserved) to identify at least some of the genes critical for depression and other mental illnesses. With information like this, we can translate to better therapeutics, better diagnostics.

I am so, so sorry we are not there. My niece - my beautiful, intelligent, wonderful niece - suffers from bipolar disorder. And also faces the stigma of people thinking she should just “stop it.” Like you can just “stop” a tumor, or multiple sclerosis, or any other disease.

Please know that while some may not understand, many of us understand all too well. I hope that helps, at least a little.