Ugh, please tell me I’m not the only one out there that has the he!! husband who gripes about time and money spent on and with horses. Makes life right unpleasant and sure makes it not worth spending time with that person!
I’m single and there’s a reason for that!
Brace yourself – you’re going to get a lot of company here soon!
With only a few exceptions, my married friends frequently lock horns with the DH about time and money spent on horses. I decided a long time ago I didn’t need the hassle.
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Have you explained to him how important horses are to you, and more importantly, your happiness? Maybe if he realized what a big part of your life they are, he would understand a bit better and not complain. 
Well, thanks! I’m glad I’m not alone in the relationship wilderness. I think the man is jealous of all the time spent (not much considering I board 40 minutes away and work a full time job) and grudging of the money.(very)
So for him to realize that this animal is important to me would take a major leap which, considering his genetics, just isn’t possible!
Another middle-aged woman here who dotes on her horse instead of her whiney husband…
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NO, NO, whatever you do, don’t let on how important they are, :eek: that’s the problem. Men are jealous of the horses. If he hasn’t already figured it out, (I’m sure that’s why he’s acting up) then he doesn’t need reminding.
Explain how imortant things like horses are in your life for you.
He is complaining about something else, and your horses are an easy escape for whatever bee is up his butt.
Take financial and emotional stock of your life with him, and without him…you might surprise yourself with the answer.
Finally, decide what you want, and if things worked out the same for you as they did for me…Kick His Whinny Butt to The CURB
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This may sound mean and if it does “Sorry” but taken for what it is;
All you really have to say (No matter how long you have been married is)
“When you married me you married my love for horses too.!”
About twenty two years ago I was engaged to be married, in the middle of planning
the wedding fiance said to me “No more horses after we are married.” I did not reply
I waited for him to go to work, packed up my stuff and never looked back.
I have been happily married going on seventeen years and the first thing I said
to hubby when he asked me to marry him was “I hope you realize if you marry me
you are marrying my love for horses.” He is not a horse person but puts up with my
horses, helps pay the horsey bills, and even after my horse dumping me resulting
in seriouse injury, he still supports me riding.
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Stock taking in progress…
have a low paying job, but a job nonetheless, getting older by the day and prefer my critters to people most days.
Ah well…that curbside day may come…
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My DH thinks that if I spend money on my horses that he needs to buy a new toy. His hobby is 4 wheelers and dirtbikes which I can’t stand unless I can use it for work which all of his toys are racers. Only thing is that his toys are at home and my horses are 10 mins away.
Maybe your DH needs to find a hobby that he likes so while you are doing the horse thing he has something to do. If we didn’t have our own hobbies I think one of us would have called it quits by now.
We do take time each week to do something that does not involve the horses or his toys to keep the peace.
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My ex was like that. Jealous and resentful of anything that shifted focus, time, effort, or money away from him. Of course that’s why I call him my ex. :lol:
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I have an unsupportive parent issue! I swear they hate everything to do with horses. Thank God I can drive and work!
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CCR raises hand! My hubby absolutely HATES anything to do with riding/horses and the time and finances involved! Many an arguement has included the phrase “if you didn’t spend all your money/time with your horse, you could work more hours/pay more household bills” I just smile my evil little smile and tell him if it wasn’t for my horse and riding keeping me sane I’d be paying these things with my alimony or his death benefit package. A perfect example of his attitude shone this weekend. I have been working very hard with a semi-rescue mare, getting her fattened up, shiny and going under saddle. We were in our first show this weekend and came away with Reserve Champion in the Hack Division. His response…“how much did those stupid ribbons end up costing?” Chuck you Farley!
On a much happier note, our daughter(22 yrs old) was my groom for the day. When my name was announced as Reserve Champ. all I could hear was her yelling “that’s my Mom!” and she teared up when I got my ribbon.:sadsmile:
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Jeeze, another “jerk guy” thread…I’m waiting for the “men are scared of tough/smart/capable/strong women/are afraid of horses” lines to be used…
Here’s a simple test of reality.
Can you afford your horses and life by yourself?
This means, rent, vacation, insurance, retirement, food, board, vet bills, car loan payments, tack and horse shows on your own salary without any help from any other person.
Can you live as an adult without your husband paying for your hobby. When people say, “I pay for my horses with my salary”, it’s actually a joke. If the husband is paying for the home/cars/everything else and she’s paying for her hobby, it’s a cute fantasy but not reality…you are not an adult, you’re acting as a child with the parent taking care of their necessities.
If you can’t pay for yourself, guess what, you’re being supported by your husband.
If you can support yourself and your horses…then divorce and be happy.
If you can’t support yourself and your horses…be grateful he’s supporting your life beyond what you can afford…time to face reality.
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Another middle-aged woman here who dotes on her horse instead of her whiney husband…
This is probably why he isn’t supportive. I wouldn’t be either if I came in second place behind a pet. :no:
But that’s okay, you’ll get tons of “kick him to the curb” replies in support.
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My DH figured I would “outgrow” my love for horses after he “rescued” me from my poor life on the farm. HA I now have my very tiny farm with 3 horses at home and the monthly snide comments on how much my horses cost. I simply tell him that’s the price to pay in order to keep me. Even though I pay 95% of the horse bills.
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they may gripe but men are pretty basic creatures…how much quality time do you spend with him? Are you supportive of his hobbies? Do you feel that the trade off is fair between the time/money spent on your passions compared to his? Marriage is about give and take, as well as communication. I would never take the attitude that its me and the horses or nothing.
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Unfortunately, what Trak says has a lot of truth to it. And I DO hate to admit it!
Is what Trak says true for YOUR situation, wylde sage? Could you afford your horses and your own living expenses without your husband? If not, you may have to suck it up and admit he has a point. OTOH, if you are able to contribute to the household, either with money, or by doing the majority of the cooking and cleaning, that’s something else.
I agree that many men are jealous of the time women spend with their horses. I was engaged to a guy who made it clear (as time went by) that he fully expected me to quit college, stay at home and give up horses. I gave him up instead.
Yeah, he needs a hobby of his own. Be sure you never complain about the time and money he spends on it!
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I remember reading on here a while back, something that has stuck with me and changed how I interact with my DH. It definitely improved things…
Someone said " The way women talk about their horses makes men feel like they are talking about “the other man”. You know, wife comes home all happy after spending time w/horse talking about what cute thing he did, how smart he is, how wonderful he is, and goes on and on with it." How would you feel if you felt that you were in second place to your husband’s hobby? When was the last time you talked about your husband with that same kind of excited joy, about how smart they are, what cute thing they did etc?
Do you treat your DH in a manner that makes them feel important…more important than the horse? If not…that’s your problem.
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I’ve never been married, so I’ve no suggestions. But once, I did put the horses second. Biggest mistake of my life. I spent two years on a total jerk, and my horses suffered for all the attention and finances he got/needed. A guy that wants you to give up what you love just isn’t a good guy to have.
A balance is absolutely neccesary, but what guy asks their wife to quit the gym for example? Never heard of that, despite the fact that many people invest just as much time into their finances. If you’re spending all your time with your horse, and none with your husband… He’s justified to an extent. But just don’t lose the balance going in the other direction, big mistake.
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One huge horsefly in the ointment: This train of thought implies that the only contribution each person makes to the relationship is money. And by extension, stay-at-home moms/wives should merely be grateful that they are “given” a roof over their heads (to clean under), food (to cook for the husband as well), and clothes (to wash and iron for him too). Never mind the brats to raise (or the cost of BC). So before anyone starts fussing about the expensive “toys” that these wives need financed, perhaps the breadwinner should total up the cost it would run to hire people (because just one houseworker won’t cut it) to fulfill all the obligations that the typical stay-at-home wife does, including the court costs involved in soliciting prostitutes 
:lol:.
And yes, merely reverse the genders if the situation warrents.
And yes again, I am self-supporting.
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