[QUOTE=TWH Girl;n10171510]
This sounds like a lot of pressure on your SO. Sounds like he’s made a lot of concessions a long the way. I’d lay off and worry about his needs and your relationship, not horses. Take lessons or lease a horse.
I’ve done nothing else for 23 years.
Maybe he did want a “child” to support. Children can be controlled. Equal partners not so much.
Agree with this 100%.
[quote="“goinghome,post:201,topic:142782”]
That’s what many adults do. Or they board a horse.
To be a bit brutally honest, OP, you’ve been on disability for a physical problem and unable to work for a wage for decades. Now in your 60s you want to buy a farm and return to caring for multiple horses which is tough work. Many farm owners in their 60s are getting ready to downsize or move into town and let the nephews crop the land.
I honestly don’t see how this is a realistic plan. I suggest a reality check. Hire out as barn help to a local ranch for a year. Save your salary. See if you can handle the work. If you have been unable to work for years, you probably haven’t been able to exercise much either and you will not be very fit.
I am a fit healthy adult a few years younger than you. I keep one horse in self board, do all my own cleaning feeding paddock and stall maintenance hauling grain trailering, ride every day, sometimes help out my friends with feeding, cleaning, ground work.
And I am pretty much maxed out at one horse and a 20 x 11 runout to maintain. I am healthy but feeling early warning signs in my knees and hands. I have recognized that it will never be realistic for me to live on acreage.
As I read your posts, you want your husband to buy you a farm and horses and also be your number one handyman to facilitate your hobby into your declining years, despite the fact he doesn’t like horses or farms?
How is this remotely fair to him?
As I said above, imagine a woman who worked full time to support a disabled husband for 20 years. Now he wants her to move to the back of beyond, buy him a bunch of classic cars, and spend all her time helping him wash polish and learn to change the oil herself. When she hates cars and is afraid to drive. Would any of us say she should do it?
OP, you are not 30 years old anymore and never will be. We don’t get our youth back, we don’t get do overs. We can only do the best with where we are now. And that involves being very realistic about our physical, emotional, and financial resources. If we are realistic we can find ways of getting what we need in the here and now. If we aren’t we can be perenially unsatisfied.
But…he didn’t get a partner…sounds like he was the one being controlled.
Rights without responsibilities = child
Responsibilities without rights = slave
Haven’t read all replies, not married myself (but in a very happy, committed, long term relationship) - just one thing to say, really:
Boy, therapy is wonderful. Therapy for yourself, for your spouse/partner, together as a couple. Just a real gift. Get some therapy! Work on yourself, work on your relationship, maybe end your relationship - but just - get some therapy!
The issue in a relationship might be HORSES, but it’s soooo very much more likely that it’s actually rooted somewhere else and that the horse issue is a convenient outlet for it.
I mean, if you’re truly in a crappy relationship that you don’t want anymore and you do want to be on your own and you’ve done the reflection and the work to get there, then yeah, end that relationship and do your thing! (regardless of gender!) But if it’s just sort of misery and confusion and not really “getting” it with each other and maybe not knowing yourself super well get thee to a therapist.
www.psychologytoday.com is a tip top reference!
I dealt with the unsupportive husband who was jealous of the horses and that is why I am now happily divorced. I don’t have to deal with any of that anymore and I have never been happier!
Fired him.
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