Does Social Media ever "get" to you?

[aband12]

Hi guys-

Perhaps it just the result of a crap year…usually social media has always motivated and inspired me in regards to my dressage goals. Lately, however…it almost seems to be discouraging to me. Seeing some fellow competitors out and about showing and making so much progress…I guess I have just been feeling a little left behind. My horse has always been a bit tricky. And I have made great progress and done incredibly well at shows. However, not showing and being around everyone has been tough for me as well. I guess I just have felt to be in a riding slump but actively following others on SM has seem to magnify it a bit. Anyone else who has experienced this?

[teamfire]

Absolutely, but in a different way. I’m essentially terrified to ride around certain individuals (and vaguely stressed about most really) that are at my barn. I’m doing my best, but I have a lot of faults I’m working on and as an untalented rider, it takes a long time.

I just worry someone may post about me/my horse or put down my coach, not realizing my own mistakes are mine, and yes, we are working on them but I’m just not talented enough to fix things quickly. Or develop a new issue as I solve one!

I used to not care, but after having a baby social media really seems to get at me now.

[Rerider54]

@teamfire

…I used to not care, but after having a baby social media really seems to get at me now.

MANY years ago after having kids I noticed I was not as ‘brave’ as I had been. What I have noticed with the pandemic is an increase in my basic anxiety level. Every little thing seems bigger. So I moved my horse from a large relatively public stable to a smaller one. Went into a ‘full training’ barn for the first time in my life and I am using that and the pandemic to ‘explain’ to my inner self that this year may be a wash. Anything else will therefore be a huge bonus. I think many people are having a difficult time, just read/watch the news. Be kind to yourself and others. If your friend was in the same situation you would be the first to tell them something positive.

On the other hand, I have gotten so tired of the news I usually jump right to the comments and laugh at how silly/biased/ridiculous people have become. Social isolation is difficult on all of us. Hang in there.

[NJRider]

I like a lot of things about social media but can also give a platform for some of the worst human qualities (narcissism, lying, creating a fake world, etc). It cracks me up when people post their blue ribbons but never post the score or the fact there was only one person in the class, which can easily be looked up. So take these “success” stories with a grain of salt. You can be happy for other’s success that is truly earned and real friends would be encouraging your progress.

[LadyB]

Social media is a dangerous place. You mostly see the good and barely the bad. I am a realistic social media poster, I will post about my downs and ups, because it’s only fair for people to see the bad with the good. It takes both to get where you are. When you only see these young people being handed expensive horses and just soaring through the levels with no issues, its hard to not get in your head. Best to step back, or even unfollow/snooze those accounts until you’re in a better head space.

I definitely struggle, but I’m getting better. I am by no means a great rider, I struggle on the daily to be my best. I am not natural, and I definitely am not deep pocketed. I think I’d be a better rider if I could do a daily lesson like many of the people I know, but such is life and it’s not possible for me. I enjoy the partnership I have with my horse, and although it takes me longer to get there, the journey is that much more sweeter for me.

[NaturallyHappy]

@LadyB

Social media is a dangerous place. You mostly see the good and barely the bad. I am a realistic social media poster, I will post about my downs and ups, because it’s only fair for people to see the bad with the good. It takes both to get where you are. When you only see these young people being handed expensive horses and just soaring through the levels with no issues, its hard to not get in your head. Best to step back, or even unfollow/snooze those accounts until you’re in a better head space.

I definitely struggle, but I’m getting better. I am by no means a great rider, I struggle on the daily to be my best. I am not natural, and I definitely am not deep pocketed. I think I’d be a better rider if I could do a daily lesson like many of the people I know, but such is life and it’s not possible for me. I enjoy the partnership I have with my horse, and although it takes me longer to get there, the journey is that much more sweeter for me.

^^^^ Agreed

[ThreeFigs]

Lately social media has not been worth my time. Thinking about dumping Facebook – I never go there anyway unless someone I know and like posts something.

[Texel]

I’ve cultivated my social media to pretty much only consist of positive people, though of course being horseless right now I do sometimes feel down because I simply can’t participate in anything they’re doing, even the little things.

[rothmpp]

I’ve had a love/hate with SM for years. not necessarily when it comes to the horses - I’ve come to accept that I am not willing/able to spend the money necessary to “compete” on SM, let alone in the ring. But come March, when everyone I know is lounging on a beach in the Caribbean and I am slogging through 3 feet of snow, I have to take a total break.

One thing that usually helps me is to remind myself that people rarely share the bad on SM. It’s easy to edit your life to look perfect when you only tell the good and put your own spin on it. Some people want you to feel sorry for them so everyday is a new disaster, but most people don’t do that.

There is a local pro who is always congratulating herself for her wins and championships on her farm FB page. She forgets that we all know that she is the owner/trainer of the farm - she is congratulating herself in the third person. Most of the pros in our area are aiming for regionals. They enter the highest test of the level for the score, and don’t ride 2 or 3 tests a day on the same horse. She didn’t do that. Rode the lower two tests. For a long time, our show series gave show championships based on points which were based on placings in a class with no regard for number of entries in the class. She basically bought all the championship ribbons by riding more classes, where often she was the only pro in the class. Getting a 1st place by default. With marginal scores. That has finally been changed so the championship is more representative of the best of the level.

These days I have to scroll past 90% of SM - it is all political and I want to still be friends IRL with some people who lose their filter to be reasonable and polite online.

[Scribbler]

I am delighted with the “snooze for 30 days” function on Facebook. I use it strategically for people that I actually like IRL but who have particular bees in their bonnets that I find tiresome.

As far as horses and SM, I think how that goes will mirror how you feel about horses and other people and other people’s horses IRL.

At my age, I’m not particularly competitive and I live pretty much on my own planet. I like FB for showing me new trails and horse camps and maps. I’m thrilled when I hear about new trails and camps locally or in our region.

I suppose I don’t feel that anybody else’s success takes away from my own success or enjoyment. When I start to feel hemmed in by what I’m doing with my horse, I figure out how to switch things up a bit.

I tend to keep my FB posts positive because I don’t think the world needs more whining and complaining these days and I understand that most adults do the same.

I do have a nasty little habit of looking up people’s results and scores when they post show photos :). I have learned that “Dobbin was a superstar, such a good boy, I love this horse” quite often means “we finished out of the ribbons but at least he didn’t actually throw me off and trample me, which seemed a distinct possibility at one point.”

[BayBondGirl]

@Scribbler

I have learned that “Dobbin was a superstar, such a good boy, I love this horse” quite often means “we finished out of the ribbons but at least he didn’t actually throw me off and trample me, which seemed a distinct possibility at one point.”

In my personal case, that type of phrase always means “I remembered my whole test! I didn’t fall off! I didn’t miss a jump!” aka thank you to my unicorn mare who puts up with me :lol:

[SuzieQNutter]

I have scrolled through on a Monday before Covid19.

I figured that there must be a he!! of a lot of competitions each weekend as not everyone can be champion at the same event!

[RedHorses]

Specific to the OP - I felt that frustration and envy too when I had an injured horse boarded at an active show barn. Later when I had an injured horse boarded at a pleasure barn (where some people showed on their own) it was much easier.

[J-Lu]

@aband12

Hi guys-

Perhaps it just the result of a crap year…usually social media has always motivated and inspired me in regards to my dressage goals. Lately, however…it almost seems to be discouraging to me. Seeing some fellow competitors out and about showing and making so much progress…I guess I have just been feeling a little left behind. My horse has always been a bit tricky. And I have made great progress and done incredibly well at shows. However, not showing and being around everyone has been tough for me as well. I guess I just have felt to be in a riding slump but actively following others on SM has seem to magnify it a bit. Anyone else who has experienced this?

I’d say you really have to look at what you and your horse are doing and ignore what people post on social media. People often exaggerate on SM to make themselves look good. Even here on COTH. Showing should have little to do with your progress, you can always take your horse to another arena to work. If you continue your work, and have a good trainer, you can just leap over the stuff you’re working though now and move on too the next work for the next show season. If you have a spotty trainer who isn’t there often, practice the directives for the next tests within your level or the next level. Introduce things and work on things carefully.

Who cares if others are showing? It’s more about you and your horse and your ability to move through the levels independently. To get my bronze, I was already showing at third but had to go back to second and get scores because I didn’t show when my horse was at second.

The temptation to compare yourself to others is great, I know. And the temptation for others to say everything is so great with showing even when it is not is also great, I know. Some people have very well-bred horses and hire a trainer to ride their horse when they aren’t riding, I know. In the end, it doesn’t matter. You’d progress the same whether you are showing or not if you have any access to a decent trainer or clinician. You might be working through issues on your own instead of a trainer working through them for you. That’s fine. Just keep moving forward, practice segments of tests, and show when you’re ready at the level you and your horse are ready to at that time. Learn all along the way. Do other things with your horse in the meantime to refine your aids. I have several times worked cows with my dressage horse which put purpose to the lateral work on a sharp schedule. I can close a large gait with backing and lateral work. The point is that he understands purpose to my aids rather that me: rein back him: now? me: yes him: why? well, here’s me just backing up for nothing." Get creative as you work ahead.

[right_horse_at_the_right_time]

Hmmmm.

I am surprised by some of these responses.

I’ve taken first in classes with and without other riders. I’ve come in last with a red ribbon. I love this horse to me means I love this horse, not that I did horribly or that I lost.

I don’t know. I think some of you are reading too much into this.

I am overjoyed to show, to be out there on my horses, and to be having a good time. Yes, it’s fun to win. But with all the fear I’ve conquered and struggle with, my horse show weekend posts are exactly what they appear to be-pure joy.

I am also one who posts the good and the bad and the real life on SM, so I’m not hiding anything.

I get it about the trainers posting about themselves - their pages are probably their advertising.

I hear what many of you are saying, but it’s not always as sinister and calculated as it appears. Really.

ETA: and to me, success is going out there and showing. So being the only rider in a class is still a success no matter the score.

I have won all my classes in a weekend and I have scratched before. Each one is time doing what I love with my happy horses, so it’s a win. It’s all a win. I work hard so that I can do this, and it’s all a win.

[RedHorses]

@right horse at the right time

Hmmmm.

I am surprised by some of these responses.

”‹”‹”‹”‹”‹<snip>

I hear what many of you are saying, but it’s not always as sinister and calculated as it appears. Really.

Good point. Looking for a reason to pop a perceived to be puffed up social media post is tearing other people down to make yourself feel better about your own situation. Other people’s success in no way diminishes your own.

[Scribbler]

@RedHorses

Good point. Looking for a reason to pop a perceived to be puffed up social media post is tearing other people down to make yourself feel better about your own situation. Other people’s success in no way diminishes your own.

Exactly. Most ammies do post horse stuff because they are having fun and want to share the pictures. If you like the people IRL you are happy to see then having fun and if you don’t like them IRL, you should consider “snooze” if you’re finding their posts irritating.

Pros obviously are doing marketing and that can come across in their posts. But again if someone’s tone consistently irritates you then stop following their page.

Also realize that showing requires a large group of people to be involved. What would happen if everyone who irritates you, who bought a made horse, who thinks they ride better than they do, who has a squeaky voice and matchy matchy polos, who snubbed you three years ago at a clinic, etc etc, all stopped showing? There would be no shows for you to attend. The showing series would cancel. It does happen.

You need all those people to keep the wheels turning until you are able to participate again yourself. Be grateful it’s stil functioning. Nothing is certain these days

[Foxglove]

I think the only time SM got to me was when as an amateur, I out scored the professional division (all of them) in a Mounted Archery match --as with many sports, riders are divided into groups --beginners, youth, adult amateur, and adult professional. Over the three days of shooting targets, points are awarded for the arrows hitting the targets, and subtracted if the horse goes too slowly at a run down the shooting lane. Due to an alignment of the stars or something, at the end of the match --I had hit the targets more than anyone else. So high score. However, another rider posted on SM that she had won that award --overall high point. My coach told me about it --he’s Facebook friends with her and I am not. I didn’t do anything about it --anyone who was at the meet knows who won it; and the only thing that mattered to me was that my score was accurately recorded at the national organization who keeps tabs of such things. I thought it was shabby, but not worth worrying about --still --five weeks later and I’m writing about it now . . .

[skydy]

@Foxglove It was shabby, but now we know that you won the day! Well done! It’s so fun to win a competition overall and unexpectedly. It happened to me once as kid.

These forums are my only social media experience. I’ve not joined facebook or any other groups. Facebook was tempting, mostly for the photos from friends and family, but I read the fine print and couldn’t agree to surrender my privacy so completely.

Again, congratulations Foxglove, that’s a great achievement. Mounted archery sounds like a wonderful sport.

[JustTheTicket]

I think most people only post the happy stuff on social media because why would they want to share when things are going badly? That would be super weird. I only share good stuff because I think it looks like you’re fishing for sympathy (or something) when you post otherwise. And I like sharing the good moments.