Oh Allyson,
I read this thread when it first began and had to see what had been restarted. My deepest sympathies to you and your family over the loss of your of your mother. It will be a pain that will never go away.
I have a lot of respect for your ability to cope and kudos to Debra for being there for you.
Thank you for speaking out. It is never easy to do that, on a subject like this, especially when it is so personal. Thank you for sharing.
Allyson, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. But, congratulations to you for the a very mature and responsible attitude you have developed. You are also very lucky to have Debra to guide you and stand by you. Thank God for her and those like her.
The thing I find the hardest to understand in all this is the attitude of some parents. How can a parent allow their child to spend time in the company of known drug users/dealers? What does this teach a kid? It’s more important to win or be cool than to live a morally responsible life. That’s not a horse show problem - that’s a problem that’s 100 times bigger than any sport!
Just know Allyson that what your mom was going through, was none of your fault. Although extremely difficult and I am terribly sorry for your loss, you can’t help someone that doesn’t want the help. No matter what you try.
As a recovering alchoholic myself, know one could help me untill I got my head out of the bag, so to speak. It is an awful cycle to break.
We always wonder what could have or should have been done in situations like this, but hind sight is always 20/20. Try and look foward and savor the friendships you have.
It’s nice to want to reach out to those who are addicted, but we must remember that the ONLY way help can be utilized is when the addicted person honestly WANTS help. Only then can the recovery process begin.
Therein lies the problem…it’s a vicious circle…when addicted and in denial, do you want help? Sometimes having another person point it out can make a little bell-in-the-head go off…sometimes it drives one further into the abyss…
My horse bucked off your honor student!
Founder: LOFL (lawn ornaments for life) clique
[This message was edited by gambit on Dec. 04, 2002 at 11:55 AM.]
I’m SO glad that I’m getting good responses for this, and NOT just accusations for starting rumors. I think that the comment about having the “rocky mountain oysters” (hehehe) to get away from a winning but addicted trainer was very good. Sadly, at least in my area, when a trainer is successful, addictions are conveiently “overlooked,” even though everyone knows that it’s there.
<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by lillian:
Coreene: I had the “oysters.” After putting up with on- and off-again rehab, abuse, irresponsbility and just plain being a jerk, I removed my winning hunter from a cocaine-addicted trainer over a year ago. I believe this is one of the central issues surrounding drug abuse in the professional horse world. We, as owners, seem willing to tolerate the addiction and resulting behavior if the trainer is winning on our horses. The trainer I left continues, much like Eric does, to have a barn full of customers who choose not to acknowledge the drug use. That is their right, but I, for one, refused to be a party to supporting such illegal and destructive behavior.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Isn’t this the point? Here we all are talking “around” the subject of drugs - isn’t the biggest problem both in the US and Canada that we TOLERATE it and LOOK THE OTHER WAY?
Not naming names but at least four of your top riders (we already know about ours) are known blowheads - I’ve been hearing about them for years. (and I’m thousands of miles away!)
Yet nobody does anything about it. Why? If I saw someone breaking into a car I would call the police. If I saw someone acting suspiciously on a bridge, I would call the police. Believe me, if I ever see someone doing illegal drugs in a public place - ie barn or horse show, I will call the police. I don’t care who they are. And I would NEVER board with someone whom I suspect has an alchol or drug problem. I love my horses way too much and winning a stupid class at a horse show with someone of such questionable moral fibre frankly isn’t worth it.
lillian said:
There are thousands of athletes who are under the same sort of stress who do not resort to drugs – professional NFL, NBA, Baseball, Hockey, etc.
What about Daryl Strawberry? I believe he has or had a cocaine habit and even now he is battling colon cancer. I saw on the news where he was arrested in a traffic accident in Florida…so sad for one so talented.
The thing that gets me is all the talk about it like its a new thing.
It is not a new thing it has been around ever since I can remember (over 20yrs ago). Not just with riding but everywhere. The media talking like it just entered the schools. Well wake up!! It is out there, it always has been and probably always will. As long as people have an independant (or not so) thought process it will prevail
The difference is teaching people that they do indeed have the right and the strength to say no thank you.
Allyson, thank you for posting your story again. It is terribly sad, but ultimately triumphant because you have overcome a situation that could have destroyed you. Thank God Debra was there for you.
It is tragic that your mother could not recognize the help that was being offered, but that is part of the nature of addiction. Please, I know it is difficult, but try not to feel guilty – You did what you could, and you never should have been placed in such a situation to begin with. You were a child, and it was terribly unfair of your mother to put such a burden on you. Believe me, even as an adult we cannot make our loved ones clean up if they don’t want to – a fact I know all too well.
I hope others will read your story and know that there is a terrible downside to drug use, even if it may appear on the surface as if those who are using are functioning “OK.”
How many others are there like Allyson’s mother who have just “disappeared” from the circuit without people speaking of the reasons why? There must be a counterpoint to the perception that “it’s OK, because he/she seems to be doing all right.” How will the kids and juniors know the terrible reality and the terrible consequences if people don’t discuss it?
“If their trainer is doing drugs… at the very least TRY to remove them from the situation” I know I’m way out of the loop of what’s happening on the A circuit, but I have 3 kids, the youngest is 13, and I can’t imagine knowingly putting her under the supervision of an adult who was a substance abuser, or leaving her in that situation if I became aware of it after the fact, we’d be gone immediately!!!
<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Debra C:
[B]
~random drug testing at shows for humans, similiar to that we do now on horses.
DRAWBACKS: many legal substances test as illegal and there are sometimes legitimate reasons for someone being on certain drugs (IE morphine) which could be considered illegal. Thus you might suspend someone from a show only to find out they had a legit reason for that they did and that now they are angry b/c they missed a chance to point etc etc.
~strict (AHSA related) penalities for drug involvement/conviction. IE if a trainer was caught by law enforcement doing drugs they would be barred from the AHSA shows for X period of time.
DRAWBACKS - may keep trainers off the circuit but they are still training - and realistically how many people get caught anyway?
[/B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Debra - kudos to you for your support, generousity and willingness to help.
Your suggestions above are indeed good, with many other drawbacks that would cause quite a debate in the industry. To be successful, it would require a zero tolerence policy from an agency - in this case the AHSA. And to enforce the policy, it would take big $$$$$$.
Perhaps a way to enforce the policy would be to require a yearly license fee for trainers.
This could cover random drug testing costs - at least for illegal drugs.
That is just one part of it. It would also require the MAJORITY of all trainers SUPPORTING the concept - not arguing or complaining about additional fees.
I remember several years ago, the Racing Commission posted a notice that all trainers at a local track would be subject to random drug testing if they entered a horse. Very interesting. But I think right on the money. Trainers, owners and staff undergo an application process, criminal background check and fingerprinting in order to work/ride/train. Maybe we should take a lesson from the racing industry.
But again, this zero tolence concept must be supported by the majority. Cries of “invasion of privacy”, “its nobody’s business”, etc. would end it before it started.
And you are absolutely right about the supervision of juniors. I can’t say any more. Any trainer (or adult, for that matter) that supplies his/her underage students with illegal drugs or alcohol better ealize that they are looking a 1) the possibility of criminal charges and 2) the possibility of child abuse allegations filed against them.
OK, I posted a similar message on the towerheads website and it was removed because it was “too personal.” In the hunter-jumper world, there are professionals who use narcotics. It’s a much “overlooked” problem, due mainly to people like the ones that removed my original post. This is not gossip. One of these trainers was found unconcious under the bleachers of the arena. She had overdosed on heroin. That’s not an isolated problem, either. I’ve been to the parties in Gulfport, and I’ve seen what goes on. I’m just constantly amazed at the fact that people KNOW that this is a issue and don’t do anything about it- mainly because it would cast a very grim shadow over the beautiful world of the showgrounds.
This is just so removed from where I am at. It really bothers me that folks are reporting some of these behaviors. As an owner I would be so worried about what is going on at the barn when I am not there. Who keeps watch at night? Are the extras I am paying for being carried out ( vitamines, treatments, training) or is the money going to something else?
CAH - Yeah, riding is definitely a business to make money!
I think one of the big problems is that in America, wealth=happiness, and people are so damn competetive, but to get wealth, you have to put up with a lot of crap, and spend a lot of time doing what you don’t want to do. The trainer on the road is no different than the marketing guy working 80 hours a week to afford the SUV and house in the suburbs that he can’t enjoy!
Something breaking down in our society right now. People are too stressed out and becoming lunatics - road rage, rudeness to store clerks, neglect of children, drug use - it permeates all classes.
The same thing that has happened in business is apparently happening in horse industry. You have to work 80 hours a week to be a success.
Who knows, maybe trainers and grooms should unionize - I certainly wish designers would.
For myself, I take it easy, leave by 5, enjoy riding for what it is… Will I ever make $100,000 - no, will I ever be in a Grand Prix - no. Do I feel the need to use drugs? Never
Probably if we let the trainers have more normal lives, and let the horses be horses, we could reduce the drugs used for both, and have a better environment for everyone involved. And I bet you’d still be making money (although maybe not as much) - but how do you put a price on your sanity and happiness?
There was a medical study done on the addictive nature of cocaine with lab rats.
The rats would rather indulge themselves on cocaine then food or water. They ate the cocaine until they died. They preferred Cocaine to life!
This is a real study! UGH!
[This message has been edited by Justbay (edited 09-14-2000).]
Bravo to Ron Southern, the Southern family, and Spruce Meadows. Those are the kind of postive stands that will make a difference, and will give others the courage to also take such stands.
I personally do not wish to ban Eric Lamaze or any other athlete permanently for personal drug use, but I do believe the athlete should be required to prove they’ve attended a stint in rehab and be subject to random drug testing thereafter. I imagine that if Mr. Lamaze proves he is drug free and remains drug free, and thereby establishes a positive image for the sport, then he will be allowed once again to compete at Spruce Meadows. But for now at least, he is going to have to earn that privilege that he threw away. I do wish him success in his recovery.
Allyson, you tell a powerful story. Thank you for sharing. Maybe your story will help others struggling to overcome similar issues.
Do you or Debra have any ideas about what can be done to help people in the horse community with addictions, and those trying to help them? Some professions have organizations that provide and encourage counseling and professional help. Should the AHSA or some other horse related group make help available? Would that have helped you in your struggle?
I think of my job, where professional confidential counseling is available at no cost to people who need help with emotional problems, addictions, or even less serious life issues. Unfortunately, most people working in the horse world don’t have services like that at their fingertips. Most are either self employed or working for small businesses and really have to seek out help for themselves, on their own, with little encouragement or monetary help.
<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jch:
[B]Allyson, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. But, congratulations to you for the a very mature and responsible attitude you have developed. You are also very lucky to have Debra to guide you and stand by you. Thank God for her and those like her.
The thing I find the hardest to understand in all this is the attitude of some parents. How can a parent allow their child to spend time in the company of known drug users/dealers? What does this teach a kid? It’s more important to win or be cool than to live a morally responsible life. That’s not a horse show problem - that’s a problem that’s 100 times bigger than any sport![/B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
I dont know any treainers who are drug dealers.
Oh, Firerider, you are absolutely right!
It goes right along with the other abuses - including aneorexia, alcoholism, physical, and sexual abuse. All of which have been discussed at length here and will certainly CONTINUE to be discussed!
Here are some of those threads (but ONLY some - aneorexia alone has at least five threads with many horror tales of the other abuses thrown in!)
http://www.chronofhorse.com/ubb/Forum2/HTML/000581.html http://www.chronofhorse.com/ubb/Forum2/HTML/001146.html http://www.chronofhorse.com/ubb/Forum2/HTML/001486.html http://www.chronofhorse.com/ubb/Forum2/HTML/001569.html
Addiction is not a simple problem, whatever the substance. True addicts are really, really good at hiding or denying their addiction(s), saying things like, “I only do it one weekends, do how can I be an addict” or going to recovery groups such as AA while still drinking/ doing drugs. (My father used to say, champagne or wine wasn’t alcohol!)
Addiction includes behaviours, as well as substance.
Denial is a serious part of the problem, and that denial occurs on the part of us on the outside as well as those in the throes of the addiction.
Someone elsewhere, in a now deleted thread, used the expression “rose coloured glasses” to chide the moderator who doesn’t believe there is an equine drug problem.
Lovely expression. True of most of us when we look at the horse world and our heros and heroines in it.
I find it very, very sad.
And, contrary to what has been reported, the drug testers CAN tell the difference between the amount of cocaine that might have come from the hands of someone unsuspectingly passing cocaine tainted dollar bills, and the amount that would have to be given to a horse to be detectable!
<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hoopoe:
This is just so removed from where I am at. It really bothers me that folks are reporting some of these behaviors. As an owner I would be so worried about what is going on at the barn when I am not there. Who keeps watch at night? Are the extras I am paying for being carried out ( vitamines, treatments, training) or is the money going to something else?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
I have NEVER been able to “board” my horse and be relaxed. I have either kept them in my back yard where I am solely responsible for them, or on “self care” at a reputable barn. I don’t do well on vacations because I worry about my horses – except for my Virginia trip next week where I have a trusted friend staying at the house.
I have heard way too many horror stories – drugs, alcohol, irresponsibility … whatever. I just won’t tolerate it with my “children”…NOT a chance! Expecially in the “horse business” it can be pretty bad. Quite a shame, I agree.
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