Dudes who "also ride" in on line dating

[2bayboys]

Since you asked…

You’re very attractive and accomplished. But if I were in your age range and looking, I would not reach out to you based on your profile. You seem very focused on fitness and your appearance. And probably wound pretty tight. I get the impression I would need to be perfectly presented at all times and ready to discuss weighty topics in order to meet your standards.

Maybe, loosen up a little? Are you fun? A good listener? Can I be irreverant and messy around you?

Good luck in your quest!

[jvanrens]

Good catch on the fitness part. My idea of going to the gym is to buy a membership for my DH for Christmas. I don’t mind someone being into working out, but I’d rather not go myself. At that age I’d rather keep fit doing things around the barn for a work out.

Centaursam you might seem like too much of a challenge to keep up with for some people. Though I’m still surprised that you’re not getting some interest, at least a meet and greet.

[FjordBCRF]

I think I like your main photo the least. It’s very good photo and showcases you well, but I like all the other ones of you more in action. This is a me thing, but suits remind me too much of work . With that said, I think you show a great range of cleaning up very nicely and being outdoorsy/adventurous.

Only other thing I can think is something that totally shouldn’t be a thing but seems to be. I hear a lot about women wanting men over 6 foot. My DH said he ran into that over the years too being 5’9. Nothing you can do about that, and personally I think you prob weed some people out that way too.

Take everything I say with a grain of salt…two of my profile photos were of me chopping wood with a hefty axe and another on a Ditch Witch trail machine…I figured that would scare off the people I wanted it to

[PaddockWood]

@candyappy

After seeing your profile I don’t know why you haven’t found someone?

Me too. First glance and what you say mostly seem you would have people reaching out.

However, I will say, having spent a lot of time in the gym many years ago and dating those types can be a turnoff. I’ve told this story so so many times. The guys I dated in my 20’s wore the tight t shirts and spent a lot of time in the gym and it showed. They were ripped and gorgeous and into themselves.

Then I met my husband. Blind date. Knew he was a serious rower - national level competitor. But you wouldn’t know it. On our first date he wore a plaid buttoned up short sleeved shirt and it was SUCH a change from what I’d known. I wasn’t attracted! And I could see what a nice guy he was. Very thoughtful. But he just wasn’t into impressing me with his body or his success.

So if you are really in the gym a lot…I hesitate…and it’s judgement. And I"m probably wrong. I would take that out of your profile. Go start walking dogs at the local shelter. Now there’s a magnet.

AND, are you judgemental? How important is a perfect body on your woman? Are you the type to check out other women when you are with yours? It happens and it sucks.

[OnAMission]

Well you’re handsome! You have that part nailed down. I think I’d want to see more of your fun/funny side and less intellectual, more approachable. You’re already good looking, fit, the financial success is apparent, the smarts are there. You might be giving off more of an intimidating vibe than a come talk to me vibe? Feels like a lot of levels to meet to be of interest to you. Which, to be honest, if there ARE you’re just waiting for the right lady with the same energy, fitness and intellectual level and those might not be in high supply. You seem super approachable here on coth, maybe you feel like on the app you have to stuff the resume. Maybe if you widen the range by taming the profile (more horses/animals/down time, fewer airplanes and gym) you’d catch the eye of someone that can be more of a balance to your (perceived by me?) intensity. If that’s what you want…you might have to think about where the women that see the profile see themselves fitting in with you.

OK and this isn’t super fair but I had my daughter look at it; she’s in the profiles throes too. I’ll quote in the spirit of constructive feedback: “He needs to lighten up and stop being so professional on his dating profile”

[Jenerationx]

@centaursam I agree with the others. There’s nothing “wrong” with the profile, but it’s written like a resume. I have no idea what it would be like to spend time with you.

The first pic is also my least favorite. I want more of that guy falling in love with the foal.

Your bio tells me things you do, it doesn’t tell me who you are. I get no sense of your personality at all. I want to know if a guy is someone I can have fun with, laugh with, will he be supportive and caring through hard times and keep me laughing even when I want to cry? What’s a perfect date look like to you? Write a bio that only you could write that shows your personality.

[FjordBCRF]

@Jenerationx

I get no sense of your personality at all. I want to know if a guy is someone I can have fun with, laugh with, will he be supportive and caring through hard times and keep me laughing even when I want to cry? What’s a perfect date look like to you? Write a bio that only you could write that shows your personality.

I got into Meyers Briggs a while back and am typed as an INTJ. Allegedly that’s the rarest combo and even moreso for females and it explained a TON and really helped me understand myself and a lot of past experiences . I’ve also tended to be drawn towards my opposites in the past. My DH also happens to be an INTJ and had that in his profile which I thought was awesome. I figured it would either be great or we wouldn’t be able to stand each other

[SillyHorse]

@centaursam You strike me as a person who will not do well using an online dating app. You are way beyond a match for the average woman. I suggest you look into finding a matchmaker. If you’re in or near a good-size city there should be at least a few matchmakers. They get to know you and understand the kind of woman who will be interested in you and vise versa.

Good luck. A match is out there for you. She will be as unusual and special as you are.

[S1969]

@centaursam

Feel free to critique my app profile, everyone:

https://imgur.com/a/wrNV89b

I met my SO online dating, and we’ve been together 2 years now. I’m older than you, so I think it can be different depending on what age range you’re in.

My $.02 – I agree that I like the profile photo the least - it looks like a corporate website photo, and seems very impersonal and almost fake. (I only say that because I know a lot of people use AI for their corporate headshots – my daughter did some for me for fun once…it looks like me but it’s not me…and it’s weird and fake looking. If it was on a website, it would be close enough to really be me…but it’s not really me.)

I’d use the photo of you in the cockpit as your main photo. That’s a cool shot and you look good. Although it might be a little too much machismo LOL …but I might try it.

I’ll also say that you look too clean and neat in the photo on the trail ride to look like you really ride. If you have a photo of you actually riding, I’d consider using that.

I will add that the photo of you in the water shows you having a lot more hair than in the other pictures - and that is one thing that I noted in online dating. When photos look like they were taken years ago it made me wonder if any of them were current or real. I think that’s a neat photo but I’d probably not use it for that reason.

As a 50+ woman using a dating app - I had the opposite issue. I got completely spammed with pointless messages like “hey”. It was pretty pathetic. I did meet someone anyway and we dated for a while but it wasn’t the right thing. When I went back to online dating I hid my profile - it was only visible to people who I reached out to - it took me out of my comfort zone, but it worked better for me. I read hundreds of profiles and then reached out to a few men and started conversations. Not sure how well it works for men; but might be worth trying.

As for “fitness addict” – if that’s who you really are, then don’t take it out of your profile. You don’t want to end up with someone who says “yeah I also go to the gym” and you find out that they really go twice a month. I included race photos in my profile because I didn’t want guys who were like “but you ran yesterday, let’s do something else.”

Also - not sure what app you’re using, but if you can’t write more about yourself, you might do better with another one. If that’s the entirety of your profile, it definitely just comes down to photos and that’s not a great way to meet anyone.

[Ajierene]

As a technically single woman - as in I am not attached but have kind of given up on dating for various reasons, including a lot of failures in men not wanting me to continue to pursue things that a deep part of me - who has tried online dating, the following are my thoughts.

I am going to start with the intial photo doesn’t bother me. I like it as a “cover photo” because I can clearly see how you look. Some cover photos have multiple people or cut off part the body where I am like “mmhmm…what are you hiding?”

None of the photos following tell me you know how to ride, just how to stand next to a horse so I am going to take any kind of “I know how to ride” with a grain of salt and possibly a bit of an eyeroll.

The profile seems to have a lot of “buzz words”. Like you are trying to hit keywords to get the most out of algorithm instead of showing who you are. As others have said, a few things jump out as BIG no’s - “fitness addict, adrenaline junkie” and spending your off time at the gym. From both of those, I infer that you are more self absorbed and are looking for a woman more feminine and more fit than I am. That may not be the case but that’s the impression I get from my personal experience.

If your off time was spent “enjoying my many hobbies”, I would be more interested. If you dropped the “fitness addict, adrenaline junkie” part of your bio. Maybe replace it with "avid outdoorsman, equestrian, curious about the world…

I find this especially prudent since your next sentence says you enjoy scenic trail rides, which is opposite of “adrenaline junkie” to me - like if you were into cutting, barrel racing, eventing, etc and said you are an ocassional adrenaline junkie, I could see it better.

In the post here, you talk about dancing and learning about bees and that’s interesting. I see nothing in your profile about aviation but pictures related to it - do you own a plane, was that a one time flight? What’s going on there?

Honestly, for me, I have always preferred a guy with a bit of fluff - it says to me he isn’t so concerned about his appearance and he won’t be so concerned about mine (or my fluff). I also think that while I do not have a problem with the first picture, that may be part of the reason you are getting a lot of “gold diggers” - that and the “bougie cuisine” comment. The first picture screams “money”. Add to that “bougie cuisine” and yep…gold digger.

Oof…I gotta go to work but dude…bees! I took a class in apiology and apiculture in college and always wanted my own apiary but I live in suburbia right now. So tell me more about THAT. Put THAT in your profile and I would ask about it.

Also, if you want a more grounded woman - put in that you are “beginner dancer” “learning about bees”. A lot of your profile right now says to me “I am perfect and want the perfect woman” and … nope…and while I’m likely to old for you, even when I was your age that was all turnoffs.

[seriously1]

I just spent quite a bit of time on online dating sites (ugh) and I am 60. I probably would not have reached out to you although the way you converse here sounds more down to earth than your profile. I intentionally reached out to someone who did sound more ‘normal’ for lack of a better word. Chill and laid back. Approachable. To be honest, I didn’t look at all your pics but something where you seem relaxed and happy is always a good idea.
I have been dating the above guy for the last few months. Knows nothing about horses - but seems genuinely interested in learning. He even came to a show with me last week to watch a friend and take some pics. He is talking about lessons. To be honest, part of the attraction for me is that he has hobbies he enjoys that take time so he would be less likely to get grumpy about my barn time.
I did meet one guy before him who asked “how long do horses live?” and “how long do you see yourself riding?” I told him I didn’t understand the second question - and I have friends in their 80’s who still ride so…

[FjordBCRF]

I dug back and found a ss of DH’s bio…

Short sweet and to the point which I remember appreciating. No frills, no trying hard to impress. Looking back, I appreciate that he included his profession so I knew he had a big kid job, said what he was looking FOR and included the details about kids/marriage. I believe he had 3 photos? A couple recent face shots in cool locations and a full body out on a lush green trail. Pretty simple.

A friend of mine who is in her 50’s has tried matchmaker services on and off and has had very little luck. I think that has to depend on the area you live in regarding the success of it.

[McGurk]

Re: Myers-Briggs

When I first took the Myers-Briggs at 20 something, I was typed as an ENTJ, the short description of which included the word “commander.” I really didn’t thing that fit. I am much closer to what’s described as an INTJ, analytical, innovative, and strategic. I would say that I don’t enjoy taking charge, but will out of frustration if no one else is. Both types are rare, and rarer still among women, but I strongly believe socialization plays a part in that.

As I have aged, the introverted part of my personality has become stronger and stronger. I enjoy teaching and presenting, but I need down time afterwards. I cherish my along time, and sometimes secretly wish that my very extroverted spouse would just stop talking! (Poor him, he needs verbal interpersonal conversation all the time, and I just …don’t.)

[FjordBCRF]

@McGurk

I would say that I don’t enjoy taking charge, but will out of frustration if no one well is. Both types are rare, and rarer still among women, but I strongly believe socialization plays a part in that.

I’m much the same when it comes to leading…I prefer to influence leadership vs actually leading.

I wonder about the socialization as well. I’m an only child, had a vivid imagination growing up and was pretty content entertaining myself; a total bookworm too.

I find myself much more inclined socially in my horsey community because of the shared lifestyle. That doesn’t drain me nearly as much and I suspect because I’m not masking in any capacity. Ive never related to non horsey women very well so I have some appreciation for the community. My childhood bffs were horse girls I rode and showed with and the majority of my good friends in grade school were guys. Much easier to relate to

I’m also positive I’m on the AuDHD spectrum and suspect there is some overlap with that and the personality pieces as well. I’ve taken MB several times over the last 15 years and results have stayed consistent.

[Syrynx]

I’ve taken Myers-Briggs a number of times throughout my 30+ year corporate career. I started as ENFP and now am INFP. I also very much cherish my alone time.

[fordtraktor]

I’m happily married and not on apps, so take with a grain of salt… I think it is so produced it looks fake.

Are you looking for another gym rat or an equestrian or someone interested in art and philosophy? I’d pick no more than two and tailor to that a bit.

I’m a bit biased because I met my now-husband at a Law and Philosophy Society happy hour. I’m a dork and came to the marriage with 4 horses in tow…poor man! That was 20 years ago though, still going strong. I still have 4 horses!

[centaursam]

Thank you all so much for the feedback! Wasn’t expecting such a turn-out of responses but I really appreciate the honesty and all the details.

To clarify a few things. The first picture is a recent addition after someone suggested I have professional photos taken. I like the picture but I agree with what many of you have said, it can be seen as too “professional”. I’ve experimented with many pictures, all showing me doing different things like jousting, showjumping, snowboarding, swimming in waterfalls, making chocolate in Costa Rica, slicing bamboo with a samurai sword in Japan, doing live improv on stage, etc. None of these show my face straight on (and many have me in a helmet/hat/sunglasses) and hence why I thought I’d throw in the professional photo but for whatever it’s worth, changing the pictures didn’t get me any more likes to my profile.

Regarding the prompts, I’ve also experimented with those as well but they are limited to 200 characters I think so there is only so much that can be said. Here was my previous and much less serious bio:

“Are you looking for a cowboy to lasso your heart? Or perhaps a gentleman to whisk you away for an elegant evening of ballroom dancing? Maybe just a down-to-earth guy who loves dogs that will make fun of you for calling them your kids? Look no further! Bonus, I can also fix things around the house.”

I’m most certainly not a gym-bro but my prior career was in biomedicine and I’ve been in sports since I was a child so health and fitness are really important to me. I don’t shove this down people’s throat and I’ve never had a conversation about the gym on a date and while my clothing is all tailored, I don’t wear tight stuff to show off my muscles (I’m actually in dress clothes most of the time).

I am looking for a woman who has her own passion for health and takes care of herself but no, I don’t check out other women when I’m with mine, that’s just outright stupid and disrespectful

I’m definitely not perfect, nor am I looking for the perfect woman but I can see how certain things in my profile can hint at that. I’m actually a very silly person that jokes around all the time, I just have many hobbies in my life that I pursue with an obsession so I can see how I probably come across as too serious.

Regarding my height, I unfortunately can’t change that and from what I understand (data from the app developers themselves), a substantial percentage of women will swipe left on any man less than 6’ tall no matter what his profile is like. I lost track of how many women’s profiles (including TWO midgets on Bumble) state in their bio “Don’t swipe right unless you’re at least 6’ tall” so I know I’m fighting a losing battle but I suppose I’m weeding out people in that regard.

I don’t fly yet but I’m working on getting a license soon (I have to figure out how to fit it in my schedule ) Those are vintage WWII planes that I’ve had the privilege of flying in with former Navy pilots at the helm.

I live in Los Angeles for whatever it’s worth. I haven’t looked into matchmaking services as I’ve heard mixed things. Some say they’re worth checking out, others say it’s no different than the dating apps but at a cost of thousands of dollars. I suppose I won’t know until I try.

Thank you all again for your time, feedback, and generous compliments.

[2bayboys]

You and I are very much alike, including the part about our talkative partners!

[Railbird]

I’ve been married a few years but hit the dating apps pretty viciously for a bit and while you may not be douchey, your profile shares a lot of common factors with men who seem to be on dating apps exclusively for the sport of being mean to any woman who is not an independently wealthy victorias secret model. If I were in the market, I’d think you were the kind of person whose life and identity doesn’t really have room for another person to be involved in it.

I would make the cockpit pic your first one, take out the water pic (Are you being rescued? Do you commonly go swimming in rivers fully clothed? I’d be thinking no way am I doing that, is he gonna be bummed I don’t like grabbing onto ropes for my life in chilly looking rivers…) and add in some stuff that’s a little more likely to be relatable to the ideal woman you are looking for. Walking a dog, hanging out with friends, etc. Right now your profile seems like it’s written for other men to find impressive, but if I’m looking for someone to settle down with, it doesn’t look like I’d be welcome between all the stuff you have going on. Can you change your bio to add something personal about what kind of person you are looking for, not what you want them to do?

[fordtraktor]

One key problem is that you are in LA, the land of shallow people. It’s a special place where everyone is starring in their own reality show. Narcissistville. It’s a hard place to find real connections with horse people who don’t mind getting their hands dirty.

You sound like a cool person and adventurous, which I would like. One of the things that attracted me to my husband was his love of travel, and we’ve been all over the world on adventures.

One other thing to note, your bio says you are spiritual but doesn’t say how. And your profile says you speak Arabic. Some people may be making the assumption that you are hold some conservative religious beliefs about women and their role that may not be appealing. You might want to clarify that. Sorry to be vague, trying not to be a racist a-hole while conveying the concern! Best of luck.