I think you should put this post in your profile
I’m not talking about matchmaking services that are not much more than online dating except you (and anyone else) go there and can look through books. Oh, and pay lotsa money for pretty much nothing. No, I’m talking about a matchmaker, a concierge matchmaking service, a person who specializes in making personal matches. If you’re in L.A. I know you can find someone.
@centaursam This is just one example of the kind of service I am suggesting. There are quite a few in the L.A. area.
@Railbird Honestly, in person as well, everyone always assumes I’m looking for some model. I genuinely don’t know what people see in me that makes them feel that way but I am absolutely NOT looking for anything remotely close to an “independently wealthy Victoria’s secret model” or any model for that matter nor have I ever been mean to any woman for not being “modelesque”.
Yes it’s true I’m very busy but I don’t mean to come across as someone who has so much going on that I’m looking for a trophy side piece only when I want her. I didn’t think I was giving off those vibes
I’m really just a simple guy who takes really good care of himself and likes travel and do really cool albeit random things. Maybe I have higher than normal standards but I’m certainly not looking for a CEO jet-setting model.
The picture of me in the river is real and is the day I almost died. Things got really bad shortly after the photo was taken but my life was saved thankfully. I don’t expect anyone to replicate that when I date them. I can definitely change the bio and have done so several times. I guess it just comes down to testing different ones but I’ll change it again based on what people here have suggested.
@fordtraktor Unfortunately, MANY people here live life through a social media highlight reel and online dating hasn’t helped.
Point taken on the spiritual part, I wasn’t someone would read into it that much (no, I don’t subscribe to such a religion).
@SillyHorse Thank you for the clarification! I’m certainly open to giving these a try, there are probably quite a few here in LA so it’s probably worth a shot.
Your posts on here come across as warm and human and inviting while your profile does not. Can you incorporate this side of you into your dating profile?
And I agree that a picture of you ON a horse would help, otherwise it looks like a manufactured photo shoot. “Oh let’s add a horse, that’s sexy!”
Completely agree with this. You sound so much cooler and more down to earth on in your posts than your profile reads.
Don’t hide your adventurous side though, I think all of that is really cool.
@2bayboys @fordtraktor I’ll think on how I can show this side of me on the apps. I’ve got lots of pictures of me on horses, I’ll see if I can get some pictures of me with dogs. I always hang out with my trainer’s dogs when I’m at the barn.
Yeah, but that would be manufactured.
I’m a bit older than you and I did meet my partner online (on a blog of a professional team we are both fans of, and we knew each online for several years before he made a move (I’d like to say it was a subtle move, but I was just so oblivious that it took three straight days of flirting for me to put the pieces together). Also partner is younger than me and while he is tall, I am several inches shorter than you, so your height would not be an issue for me.
I did a very very short stint on dating apps, and for me, the one posted above comes across as pretty intense and intimidating. You look great in the photo, but I think I’d put it into the mix, rather than as the main profile pic. Something softer and more inviting, might do better.
Otherwise I don’t have much advice - I recently had a 25-year-old friend vent to me about all of her dating woes and dating today just seems awful. I mean, successful dating has always been about luck, but somehow it seems harder to find any luck now with aps?
But also, don’t ignore other random places where you might meet women - literally, I was one of maybe four women on a baseball blog and randomly found a partner there (was very much not looking). You have other hobbies and maybe you’ll serendipitously find someone through one of those hobbies.
Haha well I did meet my guy of 5.5 years on Tinder. I’m pretty sure I only swiped right on him bc of his horse (he does team roping and his dad and him have a beef cattle ranch). He didn’t brag about riding though or call women that ride “crazy”. To be fair though somehow we just kinda stayed lunch friends and casual acquaintances for over a year, until he asked me to train one of their Quarter Horses that kept bucking off the cowboys. Not sure if he dates me for me or my horse training ability lol (jk, he’s a keeper).
So ladies…. It IS possible. But you have to go through a lot of frogs. Online dating is a an interesting place, and it’s important to keep perspective and really listen to red flags and not be afraid to block people. I met very few people of the ones I talked to in person, and even less for a second or third date.
Good luck out there ladies (and gents… it’s hard for both genders).
Aww hang in there! Dating apps are really a crapshoot and can be a huge time suck. I hope you find the right lady soon.
I never used on line dating apps, but wanted to say that anyone who rejects someone due to height is nuts. I married two guys who were 5’9" (not concurrently, I promise). And my father was even shorter than my very short 5’3", yet his second wife was a very tall woman of Norwegian ancestry. They never seemed to worry about the marked height discrepancy.
I hope you find the right woman!
Rebecca
Dating is miserable now, especially here in LA. I miss dating in my 20s; it was really fun and connections with people came about so genuinely.
Everything now seems very contrived and as if you’re walking on egg shells. You could be dating someone for a few months and poof, they disappear with no warning or any sort of communication as to why, mostly because so many people are confused and have so many options. Online dating only makes this worse.
I’ll make more tweaks and give it some more time but I don’t see myself being on the apps for much longer. Like you said, can’t rule out meeting women in person in the most random of places/circumstances and I already put myself out there a lot so maybe I should just forget about it and just focus on making more friends instead.
I don’t have much to add but to say, tried internet dating sites in my very early 50’s, when they started sprouting and becoming established right before 2000.
Only lasted three months, it was already then a not very good experience, seemed like looking at a store shelf of merchandise and picking some you may like and knowing you were one more item someone else was considering for size.
I was living on a ranch, isolated, didn’t see people for days on end and was naively thinking most people on those sites would also be where they didn’t have people around to socialize and find suitable prospects.
I was surprised city people, working and socializing daily around many people, could not find someone?
I think those of us that didn’t grow up with internet are looking for other than the convenience of many choices, want more to make a real human connection, one at the time, and plenty of younger folks today still are looking for that.
That is hard to find on a web site for most.
Good luck, I bet you will find someone, no matter how you go about it, maybe wiser now after reflecting on what others have said and some more self reflection.
Oh man, you should have started with “I can’t find a good girl to meet in Los Angeles.”
It’s a tough city, as is Manhattan (where my sister struggled in the dating scene for close to a decade and finally left and is still struggling).
I have several friends in LA who are also struggling in the dating scene. Gold diggers who want to be trophy wives are a huge problem for my male friends who are successful, and the opposite male version (I don’t even know what to call them) for my successful female friends. It’s almost like the more successful financially or in your career you get, you scare off a lot of people who are intimidated or are just not attracting genuine people. I’m in Orange County (happily taken sorry!) and the issues when I was on dating apps (and for my male and female friends still dating) were very similar to yours.
All I can say is you got some good advice here, but usually you find your person when you’re not looking or have given up. Making dating a second career was a big mistake for me and attracted all the wrong kinds of people (although I do have good stories lol).
(Late to this, I know. Sorry)
I agree. I thought the “my own private fighter plane” was more than I would want if I were in the market. (and younger!)
Sam, as great as that photo is (!) of you flying, you might just say you are a pilot and enjoy flying. With the right lady, the antique fighter plane part might be a happy surprise.
And maybe a photo of you working at the barn. A prospect might need to know that you can be covered with horsehair during shedding season.
Just my 2¢. I fell for DH1 when he told me that he didn’t think horsesh!t stank, that when fresh from the horse, it smelled sort of sweet, and that he had been an outrider at the Cheyanne Frontier Days! So I’m a bit odd. I fell for a guy when he talked about poop.
I love this. All these stories about how people met are so fun. There is hope!
I agree about the shallow. If that’s what they want, he doesn’t want them anyway. And my DH1 was 5’9". I was a tiny bit shorter, but it wasn’t what hooked me.
Yes, I’m 5’10 and that little bit of height difference wouldn’t bother me. I dated some shorter guys.
I wouldn’t even consider 5’9 short. Besides, half the guys claiming to be 6’ on dating apps…aren’t.
some men have the opposite bias and won’t date tall women. I honestly don’t get that either, but their loss.
@Caligirl83 Yup, I’ve already experienced the gold diggers and the sugar babies. Some of the most manipulative people I’ve ever interacted with although I’ve got some good stories too You’d think the big cities would make it easier to find someone but it’s really only good for the casual scene.
@Sparrowette I definitely don’t mind the smell of horse poop, considering I smell like it several times a week!
@fordtraktor I think the apps just make it hard not to view someone as a product. You’ve got a half dozen pictures and 200 characters to create a profile out of. Stuff like height, which in person might not be a deal breaker, becomes important because you only have so little information to go off of. It’s like you’re shopping for the “shiniest” object which is sad but that’s the online world for you and it seems to have spread to dating.