Enable Me

[IdahoRider]

I have really missed having a horse. My BFF is no longer enabling me because she was traumatized when I had my wreck back in February.

I have a chance to buy a really nice, quiet and well broke AQHA gelding for a decent price, but my family and BFF are against it. My other horse friends are encouraging.

I don’t know if I have the guts to go against my BFF and my family.

I need someone to tell me they know how it feels to not have a horse and then have a golden opportunity fall in m y lap.
Sheilah

[NaturallyHappy]

Go for it! So many people are looking for nice horses and can’t find one. Lucky you!

[skipollo]

Life is too short. Buy the horse and be happy.

[Scribbler]

@IdahoRider

I have really missed having a horse. My BFF is no longer enabling me because she was traumatized when I had my wreck back in February.

I have a chance to buy a really nice, quiet and well broke AQHA gelding for a decent price, but my family and BFF are against it. My other horse friends are encouraging.

I don’t know if I have the guts to go against my BFF and my family.

I need someone to tell me they know how it feels to not have a horse and then have a golden opportunity fall in m y lap.
Sheilah

Do not take advice from traumatized friends who are now afraid of whatever it is you want to do. Add up all your traumatized friends plus your fearful grandma and you will be living inside with the curtains drawn and getting your groceries delivered.

Family only matters if this decision impacts them financially. Are you a 16 year old living with your parents? Are you making your husband buy and pay and will this drive your family into hardship?

If not, then you do you. If you are paying and you can afford, buy the horse you want.

That’s what’s nice about being a grownup. You get to make your own choices and not seek approval from om every last person in your circle.

[atr]

As a long time married person, I do not think it unreasonable to take my husband’s fears and concerns for my safety seriously. I’ve been hurt in the past, and not only has he had to pick up the slack for me, he’s also been scared by it.

So, we’ve had the conversation.

He understands the importance of this to me, and he also understands that I will proceed with caution–making sure there is someone around when I ride, not taking unnecessary risks, wearing a helmet, not getting on strange horses, listening to my inner voice.

And I take these things seriously. It would be selfish of me not to.

[phantomhorse]

Are your BFF and family horsey people? If not, ignore.

If so, what, specifically, do they object to about this particular horse? If they can’t give you a highly specific reason for you to consider, then I would also ignore them.

[frugalannie]

I’ve had a fall (haven’t we all) with TBI and fractures here and there such that my neurosurgeon said that if I fall again I may lose lower limb function. But he also said “I know there’s no point in telling a horsewoman not to ride, so give up jumping and use reasonable caution.” That got me my DH’s support, and for the first year I was back on, someone from my barn acted as my babysitter and “adult voice” (as in “no it’s too windy today for you to hack out on a horse that hasn’t been ridden for a month.”). They all trust me now, so I’m allowed to use my own judgement.

The first time I got back on my trusted old mare, my body couldn’t remember how. It took a few tries from a very high mounting block. But I admit that tears of happiness flowed as I settled into her walk and (gasp) trot.

You know your family and friend dynamics best, so I can’t advise you on that. But this horse does sound pretty perfect.

Best of luck.

[MunchingonHay]

I can’t wait to see photos and what is this lovely gelding’s name?

When are you bringing him home???

[Maythehorsebewithme]

I lost my boy last November, cried for 6 months (still do at times). Decided to get another. My trainer is looking.

Did you seriously expect to come to COTH and not be enabled?

[IdahoRider]

My wreck landed me in the hospital for a couple of days with broken ribs and a punctured lung. It scared my non-horsey husband.

My BFF is horsey. In fact, we bought the horse I came off of together. But she is 70 now and the whole thing was very hard on her. Even though it wasn’t her fault. But she has decided that her horse life is over and she won’t talk about it with me.

I’ll be 60 next year, but I don’t feel it. I would be responsible for all horse related bills(I still work full time). But it does piss my husband off when he wants to have me pay more into the family kitty and I won’t because I have horse bills. For the record, I pay my fair share to begin with. But he is always short.
Sheilah

[luvmyhackney]

Could you lease for a bit?

Otherwise buy the horse… you are an adult and don’t need permission.

[IdahoRider]

Horse prices are so out of whack, nobody wants to lease out when they can sell at inflated prices. I see that changing when bay prices hit these new owners right between the eyes, but for now the local market is buy predominantly. I don’t want to wait. This is a nice horse at a very reasonable price.
Sheilah

[IdahoRider]

@Maythehorsebewithme

Did you seriously expect to come to COTH and not be enabled?

Well I was hoping I would get the “life is too short” lecture! Which I did. So, yes, I did expect a little enabling!
Sheilah

[BatCoach]

Try to play devil’s advocate with yourself. Accidents happen even on the most bomb-proof of horses. Play out what would happen in a worst case scenario.

Is husband ok with you riding in general but doesn’t want you to own? His real hang-ups are worth exploring.

Mr. Batcoach is not horsey, but he is supportive and understands my horse passion (well, as much as any non-horse person can). But even the most supportive spouse can start to feel slighted when all your time, attention, and extra $$$ are going to your horse.

[IdahoRider]

@BatCoach

Is husband ok with you riding in general but doesn’t want you to own? His real hang-ups are worth exploring.

I think that his reasoning hasn’t changed because of my accident, although I know it was hard on him. He just doesn’t like having so much of my disposable income used up with horse related bills.

He used to say that we could travel now that our kids are grown. But we haven’t done any of that. He works a lot. More now than when I had a horse. I find myself home alone a lot. I am a teacher and have been so bored this summer. I thought I would sell some tack, since I won’t be riding. And when push came to shove, I just couldn’t do it. So I have a garage filled with blankets and pads. My saddle is in my clothes closet.

I just miss being in the barn so much.
Sheilah

[atr]

Tell him this. Then go buy the damn horse.

[moonlitoaksranch]

So, compromise. Get a mini or a donkey. Or a mini donkey.

[IdahoRider]

Things are falling into place. My old instructor will come out and assess this horse, since I have taken lessons with her and she knows my strengths and weaknesses, There is a stall open at the barn she teaches out of. I kind of had a heart attack when she told me how much. But I boarded there in 2012 and 2013 and know the care is top notch.

I wish I could find my helmet. My brother keeps getting divorced and every time he stores more crap in our garage. My helmet might be under the layer of his most recent divorce.
Sheilah

[IdahoRider]

LOL, around here is costs just as much to board a mini as a full sized horse. If I am paying board I am sure as shit gonna ride.
Sheilah

[Renn_aissance]

You came off hard enough to land yourself in the hospital. Even if you don’t think you hit your head, probably best to go buy a new helmet anyway.

Then go buy the horse. If you don’t want him for you, I bet I want him for my mother.

(The financial conversation is worth having with your husband. That’s a big expense to do unilaterally, even if it is coming out of your money. At the very least, hear him out in case his concerns have merit and/or you can assuage them. Then go buy the horse.)