My daughter, 9, is an avid animal lover. She doesn’t participate in any organized sport (not for lack of trying). I’ve tried riding lessons for her twice. The first time she was too young, the second time she showed she has natural talent but it was my coach and it was not a good fit. My coach is a yeller with a short fuse. I really like her lessons, my daughter needs kid gloves.
She has expressed interest in riding again. She can just toddle around at home on my gelding for sure, but I don’t necessarily have the most patience either.
How does one go about finding a good kids lesson program? Do they exist? One where yes they teach basics but it’s also fun.
I don’t want to come off as desperate but I really hoped one of my kids would take an interest in the horses, lol. So I need to nurture this and see if it sticks.
What area are you in? Someone may have a recommendation. Is there pony club or even 4h in your area?
Maybe go to some horse shows and watch the different trainers and how they interact with kids?
Ask at a tack store or feed store where you are?
Unfortunately Pony Club is far away, I tried that route once. No local 4H horse clubs.
Years ago my oldest had a short stint of lessons at a place where it was so fun. Handler for each horse for the wee ones and they did little obstacle courses and kept it so fun. That farm sold and that was the end of that.
I know another local teacher who is sweet as can be and would be a good fit that way, but the lessons get so boring. No variety.
I don’t know, maybe I’m overthinking this and expecting too much. When I was nine I just swore that it was enough to be on top of a horse, my world was complete. Unfortunately when they grow UP with horses there isn’t that innocent desperation just to be near them.
Something just tells me riding could be her thing so I want to encourage it without ruining it for her.
Do you have fun options outside of organized lessons? Trail rides, obstacle courses, spa days? Maybe something focused on the interaction since she’s an animal lover.
I would start here, and reframe your expectations a bit. Good beginner lessons are going to look pretty boring from the outside, but for a kid trying to master the new and difficult skills it won’t feel boring in the moment. Leading kids around an obstacle course might look more interesting but there’s not much learning happening. You don’t have to stay wherever you choose long term if your daughter does end up wanting to commit to riding but a known environment with a positive teacher is a great place to gauge how legit her interest is.
I would also cut your daughter some slack. Not liking a coach that’s a yeller with a short fuse doesn’t mean she needs 'kid gloves," that’s not something most people would enjoy, especially as a beginner when everything is already so overwhelming. At this point it really only matters if she’s enjoying herself in lessons, not whether she has “natural talent” or how exciting the lessons are. IME kids either have the horse bug or they don’t - if she really wants to ride you’ll see the same desperation to just be on a horse that you remember and can nurture it from there.
Do you have a certified therapeutic riding program near you? Many of them also offer able-bodied lessons, and can be great places for beginners to learn. The focus is on safety, engagement, and horsemanship.
For years I taught beginner lessons as a PATH-certified therapeutic riding instructor, and we were upfront with families that we were not the place to come if you were trying to jump right into showing, but we were the place to come to learn the basics, including how to catch, groom, and tack, And our lessons would be fun and flexible, not just drilling. Many of our young riders eventually moved on to a local show barn (they could learn to canter with our lesson horses, but jumping options were very limited), but they left with a good foundation and an understanding of the horses.
Send her to the nice but boring lady and when she’s in lessons volunteer to groom one of the seniors or sit in your car. Don’t watch or criticize her lessons or instructor.
Don’t ever let her think any lesson is boring even if it’s just super basic, what’s boring to you is probably fascinating to her in her beginner mindset.
My kids grew up with their choice of horse, more or less. While i introduced them to horses and eventually bought a pony for them to share when they were very young (toddlers), safe for grooming and size appropriate, lead line, etc, I found myself in a situation being forced to move and downsize the herd so their pony was sold. I still had horses and a breeding program so their exposure to ‘the life’ was ever present. I did not, however, encourage them to ride. They did have age appropriate barn/ranch chores the entire time they were growing up and eventually each one took an interest to riding and being able to do things on their own. With that they each wanted their own horse/pony and the hard, fast, non-negotiable rules were: (1) lessons and (2) you had to prove to me that you would care for it even during bad weather, etc.
I lucked out with my daughter’s first instructor. She was an older lady with safe lesson horses, boarders that were mostly kids and had a very kind patient style. I learned about her through one of my instructors. I also was told by the parents taking their kids to her about a summer camp that a pair of twins ran every summer at their place. My kids participated in that camp for 5 or 6 summers. They loved it. The gals taught them everything from horsemanship, daily barn management, a wide variety of disciplines and had additional fun activities including a swimming pool. My daughter gravitated towards dressage and my son loved gaming and eventually took to competitive trail riding.
My making it clear to them that riding was my hobby first and foremost and that I would do it whether they did it or not probably helped NOT drive them away. I truthfully didn’t care if they got into it; but, it did help me keep all the balls up in the air when they finally decided they wanted to ride. Each of my kids also competed in school sports so it wasn’t as if riding was their only interest and I think that helped too. The summer camp was a daily thing for 8 weeks in the summer. Perhaps their is a private facility with a kid oriented focus whether it’s weekends or summer. Having other children who were horse crazy certainly made it more fun for them. When it came to competition, I also found shows that were more kid friendly when they were young (no 4H, but both kids had Arabians and Arab shows were/are some of the most family friendly venues) and as they reached a variety of accomplishments it was easier for them to participate in the not so kid friendly crowds like recognized dressage shows.
Yeah, that was my mistake the last time :D. In my defense I didn’t KNOW she was a yeller but it became apparent quickly. She has a whole passel of kids so it must not deter everyone.
Maybe I will take her back to the sweet lady if she has room. That’s where she was previously, but she was really too young.
I also re-looked up pony club and it looks like maybe there is a closer chapter now.
Do you have a local FB group? For your city, area, for example? That’s how quite a few people in my area find instructors for their kids. Much of these are simply word of mouth.
When my oldest said in no uncertain terms horses were not her thing, there was a bit of relief because I went back to it being me time. But my youngest is a different cat and does keep expressing interest but I think the last lesson experience jaded her a bit.
I teach riding in a program with students from 5 yo to adult. This is IMO.
You need to completely re-frame your expectations. Your small daughter, with a come & go interest in riding, is there only to gain more familiarity with horses, and with sitting on a moving horse. And a bit of confidence. Some entertainment. That is all.
It’s her ride. Not yours. You need to disconnect your inner brain-self from your child’s experience. It isn’t you on the horse when she is riding that horse.
Nothing destroys a kid’s interest in horses and riding more than a parent with too much ego in that game, and over-inflated expectations. There is nothing an instructor can do to overcome that. IMO.
The thing is this: Children frequently have their own natural interests that are completely different from a parent’s interest. Parent is a competitive swimmer, kid wants to go bird-watching. Parent loves visiting art museums, kid loves softball. Knew a horse-loving couple who said they were enduring a dance recital that was their daughter’s passion, wishing she would accept dad’s offer of a fancy show horse and ride with mom and mom’s show horse instead – but they knew this was how they would be spending many evenings.
It can be hard for the parent who thought they would share their love of the same experience, only to find that they are arranging sports, outings and vacations around the disparate interests in their family. But that’s life. It is amazing to see a child with a healthy self-identity into whatever their passion is.
Both of these, x1000.
If she’s not insisting on riding, if she’s not dragging you to the car to go to riding lessons, it’s better for the parent to be very relaxed about it. If the parents go at all.
It is very sad to see a kid who does not really want to be on a horse struggling through it, trying to live up to a parent’s dreams. A child so young they don’t know where the boundaries are, or how to create their own self-identity. Only that they are an extension of their parent.
A child who agrees with whatever the parent is saying, because that’s the only reality the child knows. And because disappointing a parent is devastating to them. Whatever the cost to the child’s own identity.
Once I read a little snippet about a man telling a neighbor how he and his baseball-nut son planned a summer traveling the country to attend a baseball game in every major stadium, just for the experience.
The neighbor said “I didn’t know you loved baseball that much.” The man answered “I don’t. I love my son that much.”
Something to consider. Let it be about what the child wants, not about oneself. Give the child a chance to choose and lead from time to time. If the child can’t/won’t make that choice, doesn’t know their preferences, consider if that child has truly had the chance and the build-up of self-awareness to know themselves that well.
Op, you are on the right track with the idea of “nurturing” your daughter’s interest. Follow your daughter’s preference and find the teacher that right now matches her learning style. If she is enjoying her lessons, they are safe and you can see some gains, then she is progressing. At this moment, she is building a good foundation, remind yourself to take a breath and give it time.
Group lessons, summer camps and Pony Club all provide fun learning and social interaction. I loved Pony Club, DD enjoyed it for a bit and then said she was done. All that good instruction stayed with her in the way she keeps her own barn.
I will also echo @ OverandOnward excellent advice. It’s hard when we know what it should look like, or what could happen to step back, but for the most part we have to do just that. A cautionary tale. I teach able bodied beginner lessons at a PATH riding center. One of my students started at our summer camp, then went into beginner lessons. She loved it, and grandparents paid for weekend lessons a local hunter barn as well. Not a bad barn, but there was a mismatch in personality with teacher and student, and she became fearful. She was let go by the other barn and came to us full time. We built up her confidence, and to celebrate Mom booked a nose to tail trail ride and it went south fast. The guide screamed at her and yanked her off the horse. At her lessons she is crying and asking to get off. Thank goodness we have the resources of a Therapeutic riding center, but it took months and a team effort to overcome. She is now riding independently and thinking about attempting a trot. Enjoy the fact that she has expressed an interest in horses and treasure your time with her.
Lessons for children in many sports tend to assume that kids are slacking off and need to be bullied into making an effort. I recall this from being a child, but I still see it in action.
And in my 20s I had a lightbulb moment. I was in an adult swim class, to finally learn a proper crawl. The instructor was great and I was making progress. Then one day he was out sick and we had a sub from the children’s program. That sub teacher was yelling at us to hurry up get in.the water get our faces wet etc. I had a strong visceral reaction that brought back every bad PE lesson, and almost walked out of the lesson. Then I decided I had paid, I was already wet and I was an adult who could just ignore the sub instructor.
As an older adult I have managed to age fit and healthy but I have always done best with programs that are self directed or where you are encouraged to pace yourself (group aerobics and salsa fit was great for this).
Also as a tween I basically was self taught as a rider and didn’t have real lessons until I returned in my 40s.
I can say as a returning rider who had a lot of lost ground to make up that arena lessons walk trot starting canter, riding circles, changing directions, transitions and just getting comfortable in the saddle on strange horses was both fun and compelling, I progressed onto poles and low jumps, but I hadn’t been a jumper as a kid so there was no great sense for me that that was the goal. I did realize that just like when I was 11, being on a horse in any capacity was fantastic!
The best thing a beginning rider (or returning!) can have is saddle time on a safe horse to start feeling how the connection and communication works.
I also think that once you are solid on a horse, riding on your own, trails or even in the arena, is really important. Some sports (like gymnastics) may happen mainly in a class format or team sports has practices, but in riding you are aiming to ride independently. Most people with their own horses end up with maximum one lesson a week unless your barn limits jumping to only in lessons, and lots of more advanced adult riders especially in dressage do fine with one lesson a month because they can keep on in between. Obviously if you have a green horse or problems to solve or competition you might need more times a week.
That’s likely why the lessons were boring. My daughter’s first years of riding experience were likely boring to the rest of us, but she enjoyed walking around on my mare for 15 minutes, thought it was wonderful and the little lessons I gave her were pretty good too.
I wonder if your kid really needs ‘kid gloves?’ I hear quite often from my trainer that this kid or that kid would be fine if their mother would just shut up and leave the kid alone. The problem he has with most kids riding is that the expectations of them are so low that they are shocked they have to do anything to make a horse go.
The other instructor at my barn is nice or sweet or something, but she’s a lousy teacher. She can do up-downers, but she’s so interested in ‘making this fun’ that she doesn’t actually teach much.
BTW, my niece told me she wants to come to the barn sometime soon. She hasn’t been there in a while. When she comes, she’ll spend most of the day playing with the cats and roaming around a dilapidated barn. She likes spending time with cats that have hair. (they’ve got a sphinx).
Another note re young children, and that is to keep the lessons SHORT.
20 minutes (even 15) of focused concentration on a new sport is a long time to most 5 yos. They absorb as much as they are going to by then. They can spend more time brushing the horse, etc. doing care things that they aren’t being asked to remember as diligently.
With people and animals, it is SO important to finish when they are on a high note. Not a low one. That’s the last memory they take away. That’s the impression of their time that they feel until the next lesson. If they are getting tired, cranky and tuned out, that’s the takeaway.
Younger children – really, even up through early elementary school – can be quick to answer the question “what did you do in your lesson?” with “nothing”. Even though they did a lot! Because they don’t remember that much, anyway. Shorter, focused, repetitive will be remembered more easily.
I have had a 5 yo girl whose mom is more enthusiastic than she is. But the kid is interested and giving it a try. Mom has her in full lessons (about 40 minutes), even though most of our riders at that age are in a more age-appropriate short basic lesson format. This kid is over it at 20 minutes, which is half of the standard full lesson. As are most children her age. Her dad is the one who brings her because he (sports guy) gets it that she should finish at the 20 minute mark, while she remembers at least one cool thing she was able to do, such as steering the pony around the cones. That’s a big deal for her. She’s barely strong enough to steer the pony at all. After that, it is rapidly downhill for her, she quickly becomes inattentive and asking how much longer. Dad is fine with 20 minutes, he sees that she’s doing much better that way.
It takes more energy to learn things that one hasn’t done before. Or hasn’t done often. Things that aren’t yet automatic and familiar. Kids of all ages need time to learn enough that they even remember what they are supposed to do. Then they need a lot of practice doing it, feeling it is familiar, before they are ready for the next thing. Interest can be kept up during repitition by doing the same thing over different routes, even in different settings.
The slow progress can be necessary to true progress of acquiring the skills, not just going through the motions in response to an intructor.
and I was an adult who could just ignore the sub instructor.