Existential Crisis

[Bebe_Falcon1]

Please bear with me as I try to put into words the existential crisis I’m having at the moment.

Pony and I had an accident at an event this weekend, that caused Pony to bolt. We have the moment the bolt happens on video and I’ve replayed it looking for the source of the bolt but can’t find it. Being that we drive, a pony that bolts is dangerous and a pony that bolts in a blind panic and doesn’t stop until it impacts something is even more dangerous.

I don’t feel safe driving this pony anymore. It’s the second time she’s taken off with me after a sound or sensation behind us spooked her. I’m so very lucky neither of us were seriously hurt in either incident (particularly the one this weekend as there were several moments the cart nearly flipped as she reached maximum speed).

I’ve tried to do everything right. All the safety equipment properly fitted, a helmet always, and lots of desensitization (with a bonus round after the first bolt where we totally went back to basics until she seemed ready to continue with the cart again several months later). There just seems to be something within her that will perhaps always be reactive, and I don’t want to take that gamble wondering if the next time I hitch is going to be the day she’s going to have another episode.

Without a discipline and goals to work towards, it doesn’t make sense to keep Pony financially or otherwise - as fond of her as I am. I can ensure a soft landing for her as she’s still young and a lovely mare otherwise, but am slightly distraught at what this ultimately means … which is no horse or pony in the family anymore. The thought of having to give-up horse (pony) ownership is slightly devastating! There’s something about managing All The Things - blankets, feed, enrichment, exercise - that I find deeply satisfying, maybe because it gives me a sense of purpose and belonging. I feel like I know what I’m doing when I’m at the barn.

The fact that this has all transpired so unexpectedly and in such a short period of time hasn’t helped, of course. DH and I have been spitballing ideas and we just can’t see another equine in our future for a number of years. Anything bigger than Pony is going to be more expensive to board, which isn’t in the budget. (And we’d said the next equine would be bigger so we could ALL participate in the sport of driving as a family). DD is starting riding lessons this fall and he and I both think that perhaps it’s time we use this as an opportunity to funnel some of Pony’s board cost into her development as a rider.

This all comes on the heels of having just put the finishing touches on the trailer used to haul Pony to events. And the vehicle we just upgraded in order to tow said trailer The word “disappointment” doesn’t even begin to cover it. I’d cry but am all out of tears at this point.

Sigh. Thanks for letting me vent.

[LilRanger]

I don’t have much to suggest, but I understand your b position, I agree that an unreliable pony isn’t one to keep driving.
Is there no way you can replace pony? If she’s a lovely broodmare prospect, maybe someone wants to trade a reliable pony for her?

Putting the money into your daughters riding lessons isn’t the worst thing. The trailer won’t spoil not being used, and the truck will also keep, I bet it will only be a few years before you’re back into having a horse if you sell this pony.

[Bluey]

Try not to make yourself miserable because of coming to sensible decisions in your life.
You will miss all that driving brought you, but now enjoy all that not driving will give you.

As for the pony, horses will act up when something triggers them.
Is HOW they act up, what they do that makes a horse more or less suitable for each situation, or dangerous.
Even if pony only bolts once every several years, you know what pony will do then and is not safe for you, don’t regret having learned that and acted responsibly about it.

We reinvent ourselves several times thru our lives and it is ok to do so.

[Foxglove]

I am sorry this happened to you. I can only tell you my own experience and what worked for me. I had a full-blooded Percheron Gelding that I bought as a weanling, having no basis in draft horse ownership. The kids and I put him out with the riding horses and started pretend driving him, long lines, pulling a hay bale, that kind of stuff. We just used a snaffle bridle, no blinders, etc. Life went on.

When he was 4 or 5, we bought a two wheel cart and hitched him. He wasn’t full grown yet and fit in it well enough. Still no blinders, just the snaffle bridle. He outgrew the cart and the driving horse harness. We bought him a four-wheeled spring board and a New England Log Harness modified with shaft holders and holdback straps. Home alone, I hitched him to the new cart (remember, still snaffle bridle, no blinders).

Off we went proud as we could be --when the metal wheels hit the pavement of our lane, all Hell broke loose --he bolted --and this was a horse that was close to 2000 pounds --he went down the lane toward a turn where there was a gate --I thought he’d stop at the gate --nope --he plowed right through it --at that point I baled (even going full out a carriage wreck is relatively slow and I landed on my feet as the carriage turned over on its side, still attached to horse). He continued around the field, kicking the carriage off (broke the tree), breaking every part of his harness but the collar. Then he came back to the gate --where he’d pulled out 400’ of fence along with the gate.

I called the local draft horse expert and did what he suggested: placed horse with the neighbor to be rotated on his corn picker and manure spreader for six weeks (daily, hard work). Had my carriage and harness fixed. Bought myself a spring tooth harrow; and after six weeks, picked up the horse and a brand-new bridle complete with blinders and a massive bit (like used on the Budwiser team).

With great hesitation I took carriage and horse into a field with relatively soft ground. I harrowed with the horse for 30-40 min, then immediately hitched him to the carriage. With some effort he pulled the carriage around the field again, and again, and again until he was quite exhausted. That was a lot harder than pulling on pavement! He COULD have bolted, but that would have been a lot of work!

Gradually, (I had the horse for 22 years), our confidence grew and I drove him and my kids drove him all over the county in shows and parades. Every spring, however, we would harrow before hitching --as the draft people said, “Nothing like solid work to make a good draft horse.”

The man who had him on his team of while my carriage was fixed said, he bolted once. He was hitched to the corn picker with three other horses --the corn picker is very noisy. When it started, Charlie bolted --and the other horses let him pull it all by himself for a little while --he learned quickly that bolting was not the answer.

And that bit had three rings on the shank. At home, harrowing, I put it up high on the “snaffle” ring (it was a straight bar with a chain, FYI) --when driving on the road with my kids, I put it on the “curb” ring at the very bottom. If necessary, I could (and would have) seriously injured his jaw to make him stop --but better that than bolting into traffic with a carriage of kids!

My suggestion is put that pony to work —heavy work --look up “stone boat” --we built one for that draft horse and the kids drove him around the pastures with it all the time with hay bales and friends piled high. Get the pony a work harness and let him move that stone boat. And do it a lot. I think you will find your confidence and a new pony. I did.

[luvmyhackney]

I am so sorry you went through this traumatic experience. My driving pony was a bolter, did it three times and once under saddle before I became smart enough to recognize when he was trigger stacking. Once I got thrown from the cart and the others were even more dramatic even though I didn’t get thrown out.

I had to teach him to relax and control himself plus like suggested above we always “worked” prior to hitching. He hasn’t bolted in years.

If you don’t feel safe, find a new pony or small horse that can be ridden and driven. Don’t give up what makes you happy. Could you send pony to trainers for a couple months or work on teaching her to teach? Does she ride under saddle?

Sit on this and think it through before making any decision when your emotional response is so strong on whether to give up on driving. It sounds like it keeps you sane.

[Bonnie2]

So sorry! Not all ponies are driving ponies. As someone in her sixties, I’m going to say be a little selfish. If your daughter has not even started lessons, it seems early to be saving money for her development as a rider. Your pony may be suitable as a riding pony or broodmare. Take whatever you get for her and look for another pony that will fit the equipment you already have. Even swap. Maybe something old and wise that your daughter could also work with. Finding a new pony may take a while but meanwhile you are saving board and taking positive steps towards your goals. Discouraged, yes. Sad, very. But don’t let go of what is important to you!

[Bebe_Falcon1]

Thanks everyone for the supportive words, I appreciate the responses you’ve all crafted. The bolt happened at the end of our fourth and final cones course, we’d cleared all the cones and were just passing the finish line when she took off unexpectedly. Nothing had startled her all day. I think that’s the kicker for me, is that I don’t know what the trigger was this time so I don’t know how to approach any further training.

Also playing into this decision is the fact that inflation is causing me to start looking for a part-time job (I’ve been lucky enough to stay home with the kids and make it out to the barn during the day). And then there’s the lack of decent boarding facilities in the vicinity – the facility I’m at is on the decline and out of the top three contendors I reached out to over the past few weeks, none have panned out (full, not set up for littles, and no response).

And then selling the trailer and other equipment would pay off the balance of our line of credit (used to purchase tow vehicle, ironically). So much to consider

@luvmyhackney

My driving pony was a bolter, did it three times and once under saddle before I became smart enough to recognize when he was trigger stacking.

I’ve not heard that term “trigger stacking” before, that’s interesting. I assume that means lots of little “eeks” building over a determined amount of time until it’s all too much?

[cattywampus]

Exactly! Here’s an article explaining it in dogs (but ponies, kids, grown-ass adults it all works the same). When I’m explaining it to people, I use a bucket analogy–every little stressor is a bit of water in the bucket. If you keep adding drops, the bucket overflows and the dog/pony/kid stops thinking and just starts reacting.

I also want to say I’ve been there. 5 or 6 years ago, I was out conditioning my pony before an event and she bolted. Badly. Brain off, not thinking, just flat out panicked running. Ended up being an ugly wreck, with confidence shot on both sides.

I retired the pony, because I couldn’t feel safe driving her again, and she didn’t come back mentally from the experience.

Obviously, do what’s best for you, but I love driving, found current pony, and realized how much less worried he is by life in general. All the tiny anxious things first pony did were highlighted by his more relaxed take on life.

So do what you need, but take a weekend to recover and make your decision. May be able to find a large pony with ride and drive capabilities that fits your equipment

[Christa_P]

My dad and I bought 2 ponies to use as a pair that were supposedly started. The first time we hooked them one of the ponies bolted back to the barn where they stopped with minimal damage to the wagon and harness. Later we found out one had previously bolted with a stone boat.

At that point we decided she was better off as a riding pony (12H and solid - she was bred as a pulling pony) so we sold her to a person that did H/J and later she was sold to a field hunt home. AFAIK she spent the rest of her life packing kids in the hunt field.

If your pony can work as a riding pony maybe you could lease her out to get her trained under saddle and use her for your DD.

[RMJacobs]

I had a Hackney pony who was a bolter. I didn’t always know what set him off. One time, it was seeing a mare (whom he’d seen many, many times) standing in her usual spot in her pasture. I think the problem was that he wasn’t driven outside of an arena until I got him (at age 22). I don’t know that for sure, but the things that I did know set him off were so commonplace (mailboxes, newspapers at the base of driveways, black trash bags but not white ones). I kept going with him as I didn’t have an alternative, and just crossed my fingers that neither of us would get hurt. We survived without injury until he got too old to want to bolt, and it wasn’t long after that it became clear he needed to be retired.

By then, I’d trained my daughter’s pony to drive, with help from my husband and daughter, and I started driving him instead. It was quite relaxing to go out with a reliable pony. For the first time, I wasn’t dealing with major adrenaline spikes while driving.

I certainly wouldn’t continue with your pony without professional help, and even then, maybe not. There are just too many really bad things that can happen when a driving pony or horse bolts. I say this while fully aware that I did not do that when faced with the same problem. Now, if I had the decision to make, I’d probably sell the pony on (with full disclosure, of course) and buy an already made, reliable replacement.

I’m sorry you are in such a difficult situation. Best of luck, whatever you decide.

Rebecca

[PaddockWood]

I’m so sorry. We horse obsessed understand what you are saying. It’s your identity. It’s how you spend your time and it’s good for you. So, a hug (HUG) from me. Surely there is as a way to continue something, somewhere.

[Bebe_Falcon1]

This is all stuff I needed to hear. I won’t go and quote each individual post but a lot of it is resonating with me, thank you so much for that.

I originally got the pony (she’s more a large mini) because she qualified for a lesser board rate and was the more affordable option. If I replace her with anything much bigger, then that jumps $200/mo. Then I can’t reuse the same driving equipment and the cart might not fit in the trailer. The tow vehicle would also not be suitable for all this extra weight.

It was tough sourcing all her equipment (the harness was custom) and would be nice to use all of it again on the next one. The trailer is only set-up to carry a small-ish cart and my vehicle isn’t equipped to tow anything much heavier.

So is a more seasoned driving mini the solution? Or should I be considering something bigger that myself and my daughter can both ride instead, and forgo driving for the forseeable? In the latter scenario, the driving equipment can be sold-off to fund the new horse.

Ugh, this is like a scene from A Beautiful Mind when Russell Crowe is decoding Soviet spy messages and he’s just analyzing this board of cryptic numbers and trying to make sense of them.

[cmdrcltr]

My two cents. You and your daughter can enjoy horsey time together in the cart. Save looking for a riding animal for later if and when your daughter has progressed through lessons and decides to stick with riding. There are a lot of large mini sized ponies out there, so I would think you could find a solid driving pony that would fit your harness and cart.

[Bebe_Falcon1]

Rewatching the video DH took, I think I have an inkling as to what happened. I can see as we are decelerating at the end of our cones round, the shafts move forwards significantly in the tugs which means the cart is creeping up on her back end.

I recently adjusted the breeching (straps around her bum that act as a brake) so she wasn’t as restricted in her movement but now think I went too far, because it would appear that it’s not engaging when it should if the shafts are able to move in the tugs that much.

Foolish or brave, I’m going to try desensitizing her to things hitting her bum and legs (I have a pool noodle with a chain through it - for weight - that I can run behind her so it’s gently bumping her bum and legs as she moves). Always inside the enclosed indoor arena so any potential accident is contained (and I have large round bales to run her into if necessary). And I may even send her off-property next spring for an intense month of training with a more experienced driver before attempting any more actual events. I’ll be using the bars on her liverpool bit in future as well, instead of the smooth cheek (ring) for additional poll leverage if required.

Welp, those are my thoughts.

[cmdrcltr]

I wish you the best. It amazes me to think of all the horses in history who just drove. I feel it’s one of the most challenging disciplines.

Years ago—more than 20 now—I bought a hackney pony from a treasured old mentor who was getting out of ponies entirely. He had been driven in pleasure shows, but had a relatively rugged build, and I thought I would transition him to be my carriage pony. He would. not. accept. breeching. Nope. Nada. Drive in a pleasure harness with just tugs—no problem. Drive the same cart with breeching and tugs—runaway. I spent weeks on the longe, in-hand, and ground driving trying to desensitize him to the breaching.

In the end, I gave him to my friend’s kids, who did pony club games on him. He went to nationals twice.

I applaud your determination to figure this out and to make it work for you and your pony. But also please be careful.

[OverandOnward]

Some great remarks have been made … I’ll go another direction with a suggestion.

Take a hiatus from owning and volunteer instead. As often or as little as you wish, as long or as short a day as you wish. At driving events, driving shows, or anything you wish. Big tasks or simple tasks. Things they will train you to do, or things your dog could do if he could open & close gates, or write with a pencil.

If you really try to volunteer or just spectate at as many shows as you can, it will help replace that sense of purpose that owning gave you. Of course it doesn’t have the daily tasks (except keeping on top of calendars and future plans), but that can be part of the break in responsibility.

Maybe even get involved in the club. Be careful if you tend to get sucked in too far, try to limit your efforts to something with a one-season commitment.

Volunteering, even spectating, gives dates and tasks to look forward to. Alarms to set, beverages and lunches to make. (Or throw yourself on the mercy of the volunteer organizer to feed & water you.) But it is “involvement-light” without a horse-lifetime of daily stuff to do.

Another no-commitment horse activity is to go spectate and even meet people at shows/events with types of riding you’ve never been exposed to before. Working equitation. Reining. Arabian or Friesian shows, for the costume class spectacle. Etc. and so on. It can be like learning another language and culture, it can give a lot of new thoughts about your own specialty.

Audit a clinic. Sign up for a how-to-fall class. Etc.

Even more cool, travel out of town for a weekend to do the thing. Set a goal to go as a spectator to the national championships for driving or for something else that interests you.

Make it fun.

Also, taking a break doesn’t mean ‘forever’. Maybe that’s your outcome, but you don’t have to decide that now.

[red_mares]

Besides fixing your breeching, I’d be inclined to invest in a set of running Ws. They have a way of changing a horse’s mind about running off. A month with a trainer is probably a good idea if you can swing it.

Also, the bottom ring on a Liverpool is there for a reason. A twist in the curb chain also improves braking. For whatever reason, the gelding I drove loved a Liverpool wrapped in copper wire. He is a little weird.

[Bebe_Falcon1]

Well, I had a conversation with two instructors about this mare; they both watched a video clip of her bolt and one was able to assess her in person at a lesson yesterday.

We’ve all come to the conclusion that the trust has been broken, and she can’t be relied up to not do it again. She’s still too reactive to sounds around her, especially behind. One instructor put it really well, she likened it to driving a car that suddenly had no brakes. And even if you stopped the car somehow, how safe would you feel getting back into that same car not knowing when the brakes were going to fail again?

I’m glad I drove her one more time after the actual event (in an enclosed indoor arena and with my partner there to lead/assist) and took the time to consider all angles as well as the professional opinions of others who have been doing this a lot longer than I, because I won’t have the same regret if I’d just barrelled ahead and made a decision based solely on fear.

But with a new job, the idea of finding the time to head to the barn only to be anxious about her possible reaction to a noise/feeling/strange sight while we’re driving seems silly. I’ve decided to rehome her with someone who can appreciate her for her strengths (which I’ve made very clear in her ad, is NOT driving) so we will see how that pans out. While I’m sad it didn’t work out, I won’t be sad to save on board and all the other expenses that go along with horse ownership.

One instructor has offered me a steady eddie to use at her facility over the winter (an amazing opportunity), so for now, my current equipment and trailer will go into storage and I’ll see how I feel in the spring. My daughter is finally in a regular lesson program and there may also be the option for her and I to part-board a retiree there just to plod about on which may help scratch that horsey itch for the time being. And volunteering or spectating at driving events in the warmer months, of course.

@OverandOnward

Also, taking a break doesn’t mean ‘forever’. Maybe that’s your outcome, but you don’t have to decide that now.

And maybe in another few years I’ll have the time and greater financial ability to launch right back into horse ownership, but for now, it feels more appropriate to take a step back and simplify my life a little. Thank you for the reminder that this doesn’t have to be a “forever” decision

[Bebe_Falcon1]

Now I sure don’t want to jinx anything, but after listing her for sale on Saturday evening and a first viewing today, she’s already sold with a deposit (pending a vet reference) to a LOVELY and very horsey family who wants her for their darling 3 year old!

She’s on to serve a greater good; my heart is so happy

[OverandOnward]

Such good news!