I don’t have anything profound to add, just my condolences during such a difficult time. I lost two of my heart horses about a year apart. When the second was gone, I was left with one (distraught) younger gelding and the reality that I didn’t want any horses besides him, so that meant I didn’t need my farm of 20 years anymore. I felt like a huge chunk of my identity, my home, as well as my best equine friends had all been taken from me. I was so lost. But I did still have my one gelding. When I moved to my little house in town, leaving my beloved farm behind, I remember sitting down once everything was moved in and I was all alone (with the dogs) and I looked at a painting I had of my two departed geldings. I had sat it up on the mantle in sort of an “I’m here now!” move. I sat down on the couch and looked at that painting in this new (to me) house and got so overwhelmed. I cried and cried. Mind you, I had cried plenty while still at the farm too. But it’s a process, and it did take some time to adjust. To make matters worse, I was only here 3 months before I lost one of my dogs too. And my poor gelding was having a terrible time adjusting to life at the barn where I was boarding him. He and I were both dealing with a lot of anxiety.
But, I truly believe things happen for a reason. I love my home, and my gelding is at a fantastic barn now where he’s happy as a clam. I got a new teaching position the year after I moved away from the farm at a far better school and I’m truly enjoying life. Losing those two horses, especially the second one, was devastating. But I do like knowing that neither of them ever suffered and that no pain or harm can come to them now.
It is going to be so painful to say goodbye to your boys. But their pain will be taken away and your heart will heal. If you’re staying at your farm, would new horses be a possibility?
