I’ll try to keep this as short as possible. I need advice.
About a year and a half ago, an acquaintance of mine from the local show circuit approached me about switching from her barn to my current barn. I passed along some info for her, she came for a tour and liked it and long story short, ended up at my barn.
ETA for clarity: When I reference “my barn”, I mean the place where I board (a large A circuit boarding facility), not my own personal facility.
She also began doing barnwork to work off some of her board, so she was there quite often and at first, I was the only person there that she knew, so she took to hanging around me quite often (eg. chatting with me when I came to ride, riding at the same time as me, whatever. All fine and good).
I also had her ride my horse for me on a few occasions, which she was very appreciative of and always was sure to give him a good hack, cleaned all my tack, etc. What’s not to like? Read on…
Things started getting a bit weird. I came out to ride one day and my horse was cleaned, bathed and clipped (not body, just whiskers, bridlepath, etc), my locker was re-organized and cleaned and my tack was all sparkling. I couldn’t figure out what happened, until my friend came along beaming that she had been bored and took it upon herself to give my horse and my stuff a makeover. Now, I’m a busy person and don’t always have the time to do more than just riding and basic grooming, so I was appreciative, but a little weirded out by the lengths she had gone to…I didn’t say anything but thank you, though.
More recently, I was at a horse show along with barnmate/friend and after coming back from walking my course one day, found my horse in the grooming stall being brushed and tacked up by friend, who had a full ring backpack ready to go. I asked her what she was doing (nicely) and she told me that she was going to be my groom. I told her that it wasn’t necessary and I was more than happy to just get myself to the ring, but she insisted. I tried to saddle my horse, and she got very pushy, telling me not to touch anything, to just get myself ready, and that SHE was taking care of the horse.
I got a bit annoyed at this point, as my guy is a bit sensitive in his back and I like to saddle him very specifically to ensure that the wrong pressure points aren’t being hit. I tried to explain this to her but got a bit short with her, as I was now feeling a bit rushed for my class. I felt bad and later apologized, as she feverishly polished my boots before I went in the ring (again, she insisted…).
Later on, a friend of mine from the show asked me if I’d like to go for lunch with her. I agreed, seeing as I only see said friend when we travel to shows in her area. After lunch, I returned to the show and got the extreme silent treatment from aforementioned barn acquaintance. She was furious that I had missed her class (again, I felt a bit bad seeing as she had been super-groom for my class, but I didn’t ask for that, didn’t want that, and wanted to see my old friend!).
By the next day, she was speaking to me again, but I began to notice that she would almost be spying on me if I was with other barnmates, other friends, talking to other people. She would make a point of keeping tabs on where I was at almost every moment of the day, who I was talking to, where I was eating dinner that night, etc. If we were watching a class, she would awkwardly squeeze in between myself and whoever I was sitting beside, even if it meant that the person had to physically get up and move. Other people from the barn started noticing the oddities and her “connection” to me, a few even expressing concern.
At a recent barn function (that we arrived at separately, I had brought along my SO) she continued the weird behavior. As I was being greeted by the hosts, she was yelling my name across the room and even when I gave her the “yeah, I hear you, I’ll be right there, please stop yelling at me” wave/look, she continued, and came up and grabbed me by the arm, letting me know that she saved a seat for me (just me). Poor SO trailed along, standing awkwardly beside her and I while I came up with an excuse to leave said seat. I eventually did and began talking with a group of girls from the barn, all of which know and like (as far as I know) the other friend/their fellow barnmate. She refused to get up and join the conversation and pouted for about two hours.
Finally, she came and found me later on at the party, nearly in tears. She began angrily telling me how she had waited around all night for me and the courteous thing for me to do would be to have told her that I didn’t need a ride home (what? We hadn’t even arrived together!) and that this was the worst party she had ever been to. Before I could even get a word in, she had stormed out the door.
As always, she acted like nothing was wrong the next day and when she discovered that I was tacking up my horse for a ride, she literally ran to change and tacked up in less than 3 minutes, I kid you not, so that she could be on to ride with me. This has been happening with more and more frequency. I’ve even been experimenting to see what she’ll do - I’ll ride for a bit outside and then switch to inside (even when it’s a nice day). She comes with me. I ride for an hour? She rides for an hour. I ride for 15 minutes? She rides for 15 minutes. I have a lesson? She hangs around the entire time. It’s not even like I can come at a different time of the day either - she works there during the day and then, I swear, waits for me to get there before riding/leaving, even if it’s 9 o clock at night. She always just magically seems to be in sync with my schedule.
I’m at my wit’s end with this girl. I’ve tried being a bit distant, I’ve gotten short with her, I’ve even been pretty rude to her, but I honestly feel like this is becoming like that movie, Fatal Attraction. I can’t even talk to another person while I’m riding without feeling like she’s staring into my soul. She was offended when I asked my SO to hold my horse for me the other day for a course walk. I got more silent treatment when I didn’t invite her on an impromptu trail ride.
I don’t know what to do, and I’m worried that if I have a completely frank discussion with her and basically say, “you’re freaking me out, man.” she’s going to take it out on my horse or something (she cares for my horse while at work). I’ve already had stuff mysteriously go missing from my trunk after doing something to set her off (trunk now is locked at all times). Please help.
P.S. For reference, this girl (and everyone else in the story, myself included) is an adult, not a child. Not sure if that makes it better or worse. Probably worse.