[QUOTE=jlphilli;7165618]
To me this is VERY alarming given the entire picture. Maybe I’m just easily creeped out, but if it was me I would get BO, SO and EVERYONE-O involved (for your safety and protection) and try to end this quickly. Dragging it out seems like a terrible idea filled with anxiety for you, and trying to ease looney toons away “gently” just isn’t going to happen.[/QUOTE]
I’m also really creeped out by this whole thing…
Just curious, OP, do you know why she left the old barn?
[QUOTE=talkofthetown;7165633]
I’m also really creeped out by this whole thing…
Just curious, OP, do you know why she left the old barn?[/QUOTE]
Sorry, worried about too much identifying information.
If you decide to confront her with a third party there as a witness, I would say the third party should absolutely be the barn owner. The barn owner is this person’s employer, and is also the one responsible for your horse’s care and welfare. If you’re concerned that your horse’s safety could become an issue, the barn owner needs to be apprised and involved from the start.
Good luck. Sounds awful. 
Be careful about pissing her off!! It always seems that once you really piss someone off who is like this, they tend to turn against you in the extreme such as bad mouthing you, hiding your stuff, or even doing something drastic to your horse like “accidently” clipping his forelock off. Watch your back OP!
It couldn’t hurt to speak with her previous trainer…well, yes it could, because you might not get an honest, unbiased answer. But if it were me, I’d probably make the phone call.
Yikes. Be safe. Do you have a friend, or a nearby boarding barn, that could be put on alert to take your horse in the event that you need to move him, fast? Not to relocate permanently, but if LT goes completely crazy, and you’re worried about your horse being there unsupervised…idk, this is obviously crazy imagination, worst-case scenario. But still.
Whatever you do, don’t be alone with this person. Don’t leave your vehicle unlocked at the barn, and make sure you and SO lock your house securely even when you’re home. I like the idea of seeing if you know anyone from the previous barn you could ask about her. I’m betting that we all know the reason she left there, and I bet it wasn’t the first time either.
I had a friend like this in school…she was crazy…she still is. I eventually got rid of her, by getting her a bf who she is now married to! She would do that mad at me thing, then act like nothing happened…all the time.
I would NOT meet this person outside of the barn. What you need to do is just flip your schedule for a while if you can. Ride in the early mornings or later at night when she is not around. If she can’t see you for a bit, she will move on, find someone else in her life to annoy.
Thanks for all the support and advice thus far. I’m going to see her today at the barn - should I just say a polite “hello”, tell her that I really need some focused riding time and am in a hurry, so no time for talking?
Yeah, I would. Short and sweet. Be prepared that she might ask you why you’re in a rush, where you’re going afterwards, offer to tack up for you since you’re in a rush, etc.
[QUOTE=Jealoushe;7165683]
I had a friend like this in school…she was crazy…she still is. I eventually got rid of her, by getting her a bf who she is now married to! She would do that mad at me thing, then act like nothing happened…all the time.
I would NOT meet this person outside of the barn. What you need to do is just flip your schedule for a while if you can. Ride in the early mornings or later at night when she is not around. If she can’t see you for a bit, she will move on, find someone else in her life to annoy.[/QUOTE]
Unfortunately, that’s not really doable. She’s there from 6:30am until the time that I come to ride, every Monday to Saturday. The barn is closed at 10pm and I’ve tried coming as late as possible in order to get everything done before then and I’ve found that she’ll still wait for me. I’ve tried calling her out on this and asking her why she hangs around waiting for me, telling her that she shouldn’t, but she always plays it off like she had some reason to be there “Oh, I had 4 to ride today.” “I thought I’d get some cleaning done and lost track of time…” etc.
She doesn’t work Sundays but still comes to ride so I can miss her if I come super late or super early sometimes, but it’s hard to predict.
[QUOTE=talkofthetown;7165697]
Yeah, I would. Short and sweet. Be prepared that she might ask you why you’re in a rush, where you’re going afterwards, offer to tack up for you since you’re in a rush, etc.[/QUOTE]
Yup…this sounds pretty familiar. In fact, I think this has happened before. :lol:
OP, I don’t have any advice for you about how to treat her today. I will say that when I read your initial post, all my alarm bells went off. I think she has a serious personality disorder. I advise you to seek the help of a mental health professional immediately. Your friend needs therapy, but you can’t suggest that or make her go (nor should you, IMO). You need professional advice on how to handle a situation that is frankly scary and could escalate. Take care of yourself.
She sounds unhinged and potentially scary. I’d have a serious talk with the BO and explain that you’re worried about your horse’s well-being with this fruitcake around. (And frankly, I think you should be concerned about YOUR well-being.) If BO isn’t willing to take action, move. Don’t let anyone know where you go lest fruitloop follow you.
Also, is there a away of locking your locker/trunk so that she can’t mess with your stuff? That would prevent any “re-organizing” and such. If asked (before any confrontation) you could mention that you think people have been “borrowing” your stuff and you don’t like that. If you come in one day to a broken lock, you know that she is going to be serious trouble.
[QUOTE=Alter me this;7165698]
Unfortunately, that’s not really doable. She’s there from 6:30am until the time that I come to ride, every Monday to Saturday. The barn is closed at 10pm and I’ve tried coming as late as possible in order to get everything done before then and I’ve found that she’ll still wait for me. I’ve tried calling her out on this and asking her why she hangs around waiting for me, telling her that she shouldn’t, but she always plays it off like she had some reason to be there “Oh, I had 4 to ride today.” “I thought I’d get some cleaning done and lost track of time…” etc.
She doesn’t work Sundays but still comes to ride so I can miss her if I come super late or super early sometimes, but it’s hard to predict.[/QUOTE]
She really has you cornered. Another trick is to wear headphones, get your ipod or phone out then when she talks just smile and point to the earbuds.
[QUOTE=Dramapony_misty;7165745]
Also, is there a away of locking your locker/trunk so that she can’t mess with your stuff? That would prevent any “re-organizing” and such. If asked (before any confrontation) you could mention that you think people have been “borrowing” your stuff and you don’t like that. If you come in one day to a broken lock, you know that she is going to be serious trouble.[/QUOTE]
I do have a lock on it now.
Stop being nice…
that’s why you are where you are with her in the first place. Put on your bitch hat. I goes something like this…
“LT, let me start by telling you that I really do appreciate everything you’ve done for Pookie and I. But, part of being here, for 15 years, is that I enjoy my time, with my horse. I am not a bff type of girl, if I had any spare time or emotions, I’d spend them on my SO. Please let me have my space, and please don’t make me regret giving you a recommendation to BO. I’m not sure what I did to deserve your undivided attention, but frankly, I don’t let anyone do for me and my horse what you’ve done, at least not without paying them (now here, you’ve relegated her back to barn help) and I’m not comfortable letting you give Pookie and I special treatment. Other boarders are starting to notice I’m getting all the perks, and they know I can’t afford to pay help and I’m terribly afraid they’ll start resenting me and make it hard on you as well. " I’m sorry if I’ve offended you, I’m sure you did everything out of the goodness of your heart, but I can’t afford the position taking further advantage of your good nature puts us both in, and I know you need to work here to stay here, so you can’t afford it either.”
She will have a meltdown. But, unless she is bleeding from a major vessel, just let her. She will give you the silent treatment, which is exactly what you want. She may still continue to shadow your rides, but really, unless she is interfering with a lesson or your ride, big deal, just ignore her. I used to use the “I’m sorry, I was so focused I didn’t even hear you” on people I didn’t want to engage in conversation. Would I make a little tape of the conversation? Yes I would, but, I think probably is that this is what happens in her life, time after time. She needs to be someone’s friend, you are friendly and she goes overboard. I’m sure you aren’t the first “victim” of her skewed idea of friendship and you likely won’t be the last. She sounds like she just doesn’t know how to have boundaries. You also, need to learn to set boundaries. The very first time she did a bath, trim, spa day on your horse you should have said “Oh LT , thank you, you must have been busy ALL DAY with 15 horses in the barn, how much do I owe you?” At that point, you had placed her strictly in the “hired help” category. You had other warnings, before the party, that she was way overstepping, but… because her helpfulness “benefitted you” you were willing to overlook it. As sad as it sounds, she showed you who she was, you just ignored the warning signs because it was nice having a clean horse and clean stuff. I can tell you that when the local barn LT did the same with my horses, she understood Very Clearly that she had a: overstepped her bounds, and b: knew if it ever happened again there would be hell to pay. There was no doubt in her mind where she stood with me.
That said, I don’t always wear my bitch hat, but I can put it on in a hurry. I once had a spoiled rotten, teenaged, hunter princess as a student. She was riding her own horse, who, arguably, went better in my bridle. Except that she didn’t ask me if she could use it. So when it came time for my ride, on my horse, I simply walked out to the arena, called her to me and said, come here, there is a problem with Lady’s bridle. When she stopped, I simply removed the bridle from her horse, and left her sitting in the arena, alone, screaming her head off. Her mother said “how dare you”. I told her two things, 1: if her daughter had asked, it would not have been a problem. 2: If her local schooling show daughter hadn’t had to have TS breeches and Dehner boots, she could afford a Pelham.
If you let people go past reasonable boundaries, well, don’t be all surprised when they turn out to be as crazy as you were afraid they’d be.
Okay - the more suggestions you guys give, the more thinking I do - I’ve been trying to change up which day of the week I give my horse as a day off to try to trip her up, but that didn’t seem to work.
Now that I think about it more though, I’ve realized that I’m a pretty easy person to follow on social media. I keep everything friends-only, but won’t hesitate to share with my friends that I’m going to a movie, will post a picture from a nice dinner date, will take an Instagram picture, etc.
It could be very possible that she is determining which days I won’t be at the barn by following what I post on Facebook, etc. I’m going to try to cut down on the amount of times that I post about what I’m doing, but would you guys go so far as to delete/block her on social media? I’m worried that this will just cause backlash…she would definitely notice my absence on her news feed, as she is constantly commenting on my stuff (surprise, surprise).
I would talk to a professional about how to handle her.
Me…I’d not go out of my way at all to say hello. And if she talks to you…just say you need to focus on your horse and move on. No personal details. You are fine, happy and just not in the mood to talk to her.
[QUOTE=Alter me this;7165770]
Okay - the more suggestions you guys give, the more thinking I do - I’ve been trying to change up which day of the week I give my horse as a day off to try to trip her up, but that didn’t seem to work.
Now that I think about it more though, I’ve realized that I’m a pretty easy person to follow on social media. I keep everything friends-only, but won’t hesitate to share with my friends that I’m going to a movie, will post a picture from a nice dinner date, will take an Instagram picture, etc.
It could be very possible that she is determining which days I won’t be at the barn by following what I post on Facebook, etc. I’m going to try to cut down on the amount of times that I post about what I’m doing, but would you guys go so far as to delete/block her on social media? I’m worried that this will just cause backlash…she would definitely notice my absence on her news feed, as she is constantly commenting on my stuff (surprise, surprise).[/QUOTE]
I would stop posting on facebook. You are letting her in with your details…she is feeling apart of your life. I have one “friend” like that on Facebook. It is ashame…but you really have to be careful what you post if anything.
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