Coth has gone way off the deep end with the stalking idea.
True.
There is much to be said for a spine, Big Boy Pants, and telling her to shove off.
Also true.
But I think it’s well worth noting that the OP has been expressing gut feelings of things being off/weird.
That is nothing to blow off.
Nor is is something to call the police about immediately.
I think the OP is doing just right by addressing things in the way that she has.
If you don’t know that there are many crazy people out there, prone to violence, then you live a very sheltered life. We’re not telling the OP that this woman is crazy, but we are telling her to be careful. In reality, you cannot let someone “help” you and take over control of your horse and life, just in case the person is crazy. I’ve been stalked (by men) and have known others who were nearly kidnapped by male stalkers. It is a fact of life, and not an unusual thing. Women can be just as irrational as men are too. So it’s not just a male thing.
The fact that this woman chose to accost the OP at an event, and tell her she’d saved OP a seat and ignored OP’s SO, means that the woman is off her rocker. Dangerous? who knows? But who wants to find out? Obsession can turn violent. We’re just telling OP to be careful for herself and her horse. And for her tack. There probably have been other people that the woman has acted like this with. Her behavior is not indicative of someone who is just lonely and needing a friend. It is indicative of someone who doesn’t know boundaries and could be a serious problem for people.
Another movie coming to mind “Stalking Laura” :-/
I had an ex BF that stalked me after the break up, to the point where I was one incident further from getting a restraining order. What worked finally was just being completely unemotionally cool when he’d force interactions with me (he was an LEO, pulled me over lights flashing middle of an intersection to say “hi”, showed up outside my office windows once when I was working late…scary)
With each incident I became cooler & spoke less. I think the important thing is I didn’t show any anger, fear, or anything, just unemotional coolness. He tried one more interaction 10 years after the last contact, writing a 3 page comment on a blog I’d just started. Was he googling every day for my name or what? I ignored it & shut down the blog, which was sad. But haven’t had any contact in another 10 years.
Anyway just sharing as that is what worked for me. I would take this serious as it seems you are doing. Good luck & keep Coth posted!
[QUOTE=bornfreenowexpensive;7170898]
Or really more likely the cat…or a raccoon.
I do however get your point. My point isn’t to dismiss the OP’s concerns. But less be worried about someone is nuts or out to get you…but be better about following your own gut. If someone’s actions bother you or set off a red flag…listen to that early and do something about it early. You do not have to be a cold person who puts up walls…or doesn’t extend out a helping hand to strangers…but you DO have to be smart about it and very clear in what you put out. The OPs LT behavior DID set off some red flags to the OP early on. The biggest learning point from all this was that she didn’t fix it right then…and now it will be more complicated.[/QUOTE]
Very true!! Great points.
Update Please…
Hi Alter, How have things been going at the barn this week? I read the thread with some concern, while it is not “totally over the top” as in out and out stalking, if behaviors were creeping you out, that’s not good, either…
One of my coworkers has a stalking problem with an ex-neighbor, she now has a restraining order against him, as he called repeatedly and came into our workplace when he found out where she worked. Things have since calmed down, but it’s not a fun way to live. Talking to her today about this issue made me think of you.
Hope things have gotten better…
anything new?
We never get closure on Coth! We hope the OP is still alive and not being held prisoner by some crazy woman.
^ I hate to say it, but that thought has crossed my mind.
Just kidding. Mostly.
Wondering how things have been going?
Bump?
Hi all,
Thanks for thinking of me! I’m still alive over here, lol. New developments:
LooneyTunes’ friend who apparently worked at her old barn has now been hired at our barn…at first I was worried (possibly LooneyTunes number two!?) but it’s actually quelled the situation quite a bit. She has turned her focus almost completely onto her friend, who doesn’t seem to mind. Cool with me.
She does still linger to watch my lessons sometimes and is still eager to share her latest updates/gossip with me, but I’ll take that, as long as she stays at arm’s length. Since the (I assume) discussion between her and the BO and the hiring of her friend, her overly helpful behaviour followed by jealous outbursts have ceased.
My caveat to myself: It is nearing the end of the summer show season, so it may be a result of not spending so much time with her in close quarters, but we shall see.
Thanks again for everyone’s help!
Phew! Glad to hear you’re still alive and the situation has improved. 
Excellent news!!!
Glad she didn’t pop out of your tack truck and hold you hostage, bound in vet wrap ;).
Sounds like good resolution. Some people do have boundary issues and don’t realize it. Some of us need to learn to SET boundaries.
Happy you’re alive and able to post a happy update!
[QUOTE=Pennywell Bay;7190521]
Glad she didn’t pop out of your tack truck and hold you hostage, bound in vet wrap ;).
Sounds like good resolution. Some people do have boundary issues and don’t realize it. Some of us need to learn to SET boundaries. :)[/QUOTE]
FYI Casting tape works better in that situation.
Great for OP. Now just don’t be too friendly to her or she’ll fixate on you again. Obsession moves from one person to another, but can return if you aren’t careful, and as others have said, set boundaries.
[QUOTE=WildandWickedWarmbloods;7193683]
FYI Casting tape works better in that situation.
QUOTE]
hmmmm. I shall try casting tape next time…
This person is displaying quite typical personality disorder characteristics of a borderline personality. As benign as that sounds, it often isn’t. You can look up the symptoms and definition. BP folks are not about you, even though to you it feels like their attention is on you, they are almost narcissistic in their self feeding behaviours. She is attached to you because of issues of rejection and need for attention. this person might be benevolent, but you never know - they make you into their best friend, then even when you don’t reject them, they will often claim you are rejecting them. It can be dangerous behaviour, and they can do some nasty things sometimes. If I were you, I would find a therapist and get some advice. Depending on whether or not you can divert her focus on to someone else, and skinny out of having her relate to you, you might either get off easy or have a very hard time extracting yourself from her.
For your sake, you do need to extricate yourself from having anything at all to do with her. kindness isn’t the important thing - doesn’t matter how you treat her, she is on her own train ride trying to control how perople relate to her and control their relationships around her. Good luck.
I hope things get better. If they do, it will probably only be because she refocused on somebody else.
If it were me, I would learn some simple new phrases I can easily speak over the headphones I was wearing:
“I want to be alone.”
“Leave me alone, now.”
“Do not touch my belongings”
“Never touch my horse.”
“I don’t want your help”
“Please listen to me. No means No.”
“You must respect my boundaries. I said no.”
“No, I cannot be your friend because you don’t respect my boundaries. I said I want to be alone, that you must leave my property alone, and yet here you are.”
These kinds of things, however, can be dangerous to say to these kinds ofo people, so it would depend on the adivce your counselor gives you. In general, though, I would make a few such statements to establish my personal boundaries and space, and there after ignore her and put my energies into protecting my property and pursuing my personal interests, no matter how she jumped up and down and stood on her head around me. I would stay at the barn if it were safe, but if it wasn’t, I would move to another barn if it would be safer for me and my horse.
I would also let the BO know what was going on. I wouldn’t ask the BO for help, because the BO might not be able to be recruited to my side, but I would simply inform the BO that I was being stalked, that her behaviour was dangerous, that I had taken a stand and made a few simple statements to her asking her to leave me alone. I wouldn’t at this time say I MIGHT have to leave. Only if the situation did not get resolved and the stalker continued, and I decided to leave, then I would tell the BO why, because of more incidents I had to leave. I would tell the BO that under no circumstances is she or anyone to inform this person of where I am moving mty horse to (she might find out anyway), and I would be careful to tidy up all responsibilities to the current BO so there were no loose ends at this barn when I left which would necessitate anyone having to stay connected to me at the new barn from the old.
it may well be that you can’t do that, but that would be the ideal to head for, if things do go south.
Good luck.
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