Feeling kind of stuck as an adult re-rider

[BayTB]

I’ve been lurking the COTH forum for years but never posted, so hi all!

A little background on me. I’m 28 and first started riding when I was 5. As a kid, I used to ride somewhat regularly and did a little bit of competing at small local shows in the short stirrup. Since my teens, my riding has been very “off and on”. I took lessons for periods of time during my teens, but I have spent most of my 20s in an extensive “off” phase, only riding on occasion. First it was because I was working full time while attending college full time, then after college, it was because I couldn’t afford it (yes, I realize this is just an excuse and that I could have - and SHOULD have - tried to find some sort of working student situation to get saddle time, but hindsight is what it is). I currently consider myself essentially horseless, as in, I don’t have a horse of my own to ride. I do still have my horse that I’ve had since I was 10, but he’s in his late 20s now too and I haven’t ridden him in a few years since he injured himself playing in the pasture and is now only pasture sound.

I’ve always had a deep admiration for dressage, so back in June 2018, I finally started riding regularly again with a dressage trainer. She is fantastic and I really enjoy riding with her. I’ve had several trainers over the years - a couple good ones, a couple that were good riders themselves but not good teachers, and a couple I think had no business being around horses at all, let alone trying to teach others what to do with them. She is the best trainer I’ve had by a landslide. I like the atmosphere of the barn too; it’s relaxed and there’s no judgement or drama.

I have no delusions that I was ever a really great rider, but I think I was a good little rider as a kid. I was confident and I could stick out dicey situations. I recall one of my trainers many times that I had such soft, quiet hands and a good seat. I usually managed to pick up a couple ribbons at the shows I went to.

Now I’m all over the place. I have so much trouble separating everything and getting everything to work independently. If my hands are good, my legs aren’t doing what they’re supposed to, and vice versa. If I focus on my seat, I get tense through my upper body. I have a terrible tendency to lean to the left, which I don’t recall ever being an issue when I was younger. Things like that.

I even catch myself doing super basic beginner things like posting on the wrong diagonal. Or one day I really embarrassed myself by putting the saddle pad on backwards one day and not realizing it til someone very politely pointed it out to me…after I had already fastened the girth and everything facepalm

Don’t get me wrong, there are times I have those AH-HA moments where it all comes together and everything’s working as it should, but I feel like I spend a lot of time struggling.

Sometimes other people ride in the arena during my lesson and I end up comparing myself to them instead of focusing on my lesson. Some of them are a good bit younger than me and ride so much better.

I only ride once a week. I would really like to buy a horse so that I could have the ability to ride several times a week. But I don’t have the budget for something really nice and finished, so I’d probably have to buy something a little green. I’m terrified that I’m nowhere near good enough to ride something that is at all green and that I’d probably ruin the poor thing.

When I started taking these lessons, I had the goal of being able to do my first training level test this spring, and now I can’t even imagine riding in front of a judge at this point.

I’m pretty much convinced that I suck and the worst part is, I can’t bring myself to mention my feelings to my trainer, even though I know that she’d be understanding and helpful, and there would be no judgement.

I’m just feeling super discouraged Is this normal?

[Gardenhorse]

I think it’s very normal. I came back to riding after almost 15 years and started back with once a week lessons. I found it very frustrating. I would be just starting to feel comfortable and competent by the end of the lesson and then the next week I would feel like a disaster again. It was a lot easier when I started half leasing and was regularly riding 3 days a week. Are there any options at your current barn for half leasing, or paying for “practice rides” (e.g., unsupervised rides on the horse you are lessoning on) to get yourself more riding time?

[MegBackInSaddle]

From my gigantic sample size of one (me), totally normal!

Sounds like I rode a bit more as a kid/youth than you, and then took a bit more time off. Got back into lessons in 2017, and lucked into my own horse late last summer.

First, what makes a kid a good rider? Not falling off, having any seat at all, not yanking on their horses’ faces. Being a good adult rider involves a lot more.

Second, you probably didn’t think/overthink so much as a kid.

Third, dressage! I’ve yet to start that journey, though I hope to this season. There are a million and one things to juggle.

If you have a coach you’re happy with, talk to him/her honestly. I love my coach, though she’s mostly in the US now, so I only get a lesson once on a while. I straight up lost my ability to POST once in 2017 on one of her school horses. She was great about watching me, helping me figure out what I was doing, and helping me get back to a normal trot. I adore her in part because I can say, “Let’s pretend I haven’t ridden for decades, and I’m not at all sure about what ‘stopping uphill’ means. Can you break that down for me?” and she never makes me feel dumb.

Also I’ve never had a finished horse. Try not to think of where you should/could be, and instead try to figure out what is enjoyable for you. I love exploring with my mare, those moments when it seems to come together. And I love sharing stories like her bucking when I ran barrels with her (in my CC saddle, of course). I love that, despite her bitchiness, she now actually enjoys having her face AND part of her neck brushed (was previously just her head. Hell, I loved when she “incited a prison riot” (acted a fool and got the other 3 mares in her field literally running circles around me last night when I stood in the middle trying to catch her)! I was equal parts pissed and laughing.

The journey, not the destination, and all of that. I knew I was a great rider as a kid! (whether it was true or not) Now I’m sure I’m a doofus. But I’m getting over my embarrassment. For now. Until my first dressage lesson.

[Bif]

Lease a finished horse for a bit. Or grab mine, on the giveway forum :yes::winkgrin:

[Alex_and_Bodie_s_Mom]

It’s going to take a while to get back into it. The muscle memory you used to have isn’t there anymore.

I did the same as you - stopped riding at about age 20, picked it up again when I was about 28 (when I had a ‘real’ job and could afford it). I had a lot of old bad habits to get over, and some news ones that popped up. The good news was that I was more determined to get over them as an adult than I was as a teenager.

Have a heart to heart with your instructor. Tell her how you’re feeling. Make sure she knows the riding problems you’re having (is she seeing/commenting on them? If not, you need to let her know, especially about leaning to the left; you might need lunge lessons.). See if you can do two lessons a week. Work out in the gym or do yoga to get and stay fit, and develop your core strength (which could be causing a lot of your body/riding issues).

And stop comparing yourself to other riders! I know, easier said than done, but you’re not doing yourself any favors. You are where you are. They are where they are. You’ll get there, too.

[Tyrus_Mom]

Hi,
I learned years and years ago, you just can’t get better on one ride/lesson per week. You hit a plateau and that’s it. (In those days it was all I could afford, so I made do for a time.) When you ride nearly every day you’ll become a much better rider. You’ll get a better feel for everything, and the more practice you get, the more natural every move you make gets. For instance, you’ll get used to using your back and legs to stop instead of simply reins; you start using your inside leg at the girth and outside leg outside the girth as you turn and these moves become second nature. Posting on the correct diagonal becomes instantaneous when you focus on the horse beneath you ever so slightly and you learn to feel the horse’s legs underneath you. Eventually with continued riding and attention to what you’re doing everything can get more practiced and subtle, instead of clunky and unrehearsed.

There are so many things to remember when you are schooling a horse too, but don’t let that stop you from learning. A green horse teaches you so much, just as you teach it. If you have a trainer you love, that’s awesome. Perfect start. The guidance is so important. Also, when you are schooling a green horse you can only school so much stuff, you start with basics and as the horse masters them, you also master them and move on step by step.

The work never ends in dressage either… but that’s the good part too, if you love it. Patience and perseverance are key. .

This is body coordination that has to synch with intention and be flexible enough to adjust for immediate horse responses good and bad, so it’s trickier than a lot of other things. It takes time. You’ll get there.

[Scribbler]

Honestly dressage is really hard to do well if you are still trying to master or remaster the basics.

For now really try to work on your seat. Do longe lessons. Get more saddle time somehow. Realize you are having to unlearn and relearn everything you did as a kid.

Trying to get too much performance out of a dressage horse before you are comfortable in your seat and aids can lead to bad habits like water skiing on the reins and busy legs. Guaranteed you are trying to ride a horse with a huge trot that throws you around a lot!

[sophie]

Is there a horse at the barn that you could lease or half lease to get riding mileage on? Riding in your lesson + 2 or 3 more times a week would do wonders.

Also, don’t compare yourself to other riders! When I am riding in a lesson I don’t even look at other riders. I am not a re-rider, never really stopped riding, but I am a creaky middle age adult and my body doesn’t cooperate that well anymore lol. And I am surrounded with kids and teens who ride circles around me and that is just fine! Everyone progresses at their own rhythm.

[FatCatFarm]

This was sort of me what seems a lifetime ago. I grew up in the country with clueless parents and semi-feral horses. Heck, we were semiferal kids. Me and my two sisters were all horse crazy. My parents were city people who moved to the country. Great way to grow up but not exactly instructive. My two older sisters were happy riding western but I always wanted to ride english and jump big fences but my dad already thought the horses were money pits and he wasn’t going to buy a horse trailer or pay for lessons, so it wasn’t until I grew up and moved out on my own that I was able to start taking lessons and I flailed around for a bit.

I finally landed at a boarding barn with a couple of decent dressage professionals and what an education! I would constantly apologize during lessons because I was so self conscious about how much my riding sucked. It got better but it doesn’t happen overnight. Dressage is the hardest discipline I’ve ever ridden. It’s so nuanced. And it takes a long time to bring yourself and a horse along unless you are fortunate enough to either ride full time or pay someone to bring your horse along and educate you as well. I never had the funds for that.

Very few of us are going to ever manage to get to the upper levels so don’t beat yourself up about the pace of your improvement/progress. Dressage is full of plateaus for both rider and the horse. Keep pushing and you will progress, but it is why a lot of riders tap out in the lower levels. You’ve really got to flat out love it to persevere and progress.

Keep in mind that comparison is the thief of joy and ride your own ride. Constant assessment is not a bad thing but remember to celebrate the small accomplishments. It can be really tough to keep that perspective when you feel like you’re not gaining ground. Plateaus are generally a temporary state unless there really is a problem. Then you make a change. Good luck in your riding journey.

[Rackonteur]

This is my suggestion, BayTB (and welcome to the Out-of-Lurkdom world! ). Take a couple of lessons with a good h/j trainer, since is that is what you did at first. See how these lessons go and how you feel about your riding in them, the lesson horse, and the trainer. I’m not suggesting you give up on dressage, just go back to what you knew before.

It’s not just muscle memory you’re having to recall, it’s a whole different way of riding. I came to it for the first time in middle age after years away from h/j experience.

If you can afford a couple of lessons at a good h/j barn, try it and see how it compares and how you feel about it.

[longlanefarm]

I can commiserate with you BayTB. I am a tad older than you and feel similar at times. I grew up riding, had ponies and horses up until college. Through college and then up until about age 28-29, I didn’t have a horse and didn’t ride at all. I fell quickly back into it and bought my OTTB a month after starting back into riding. Would I recommend that? No, but she ended up being my heart horse and was wonderful. I sadly lost her this past October which was very unexpected and has really made me think about where I want to go with my riding.

I found a wonderful trainer who has sort of taken me under her wing. I have learned more in the past year with her than from all my other instructors combined. But I feel like a horrible rider often. I think, as children, most of us are free of doubt, self-criticism, comparison, etc. We don’t get in our own heads like we do as adults. I have realized that is a big part of my problem. I need to get over myself, relax, and find the joy again. I am not a competitive rider, I take lessons to be a better rider for my horse.

With the passing of my mare, I have also been forced to think about my next step. I think, instead of jumping into another green horse, I will lease a super well-bred, finished, out-of-my-budget (to buy) horse to better myself in order to be the rider a new green horse needs.

I would say if you can afford to continue lessons through school, do it. That would be the only thing holding me back at this point in my life. Depending on your area of study, time may be a secondary issue as well.

Learn to get out of your head. I am figuring that out as well. I have found I’m a better rider, more limber and also more present (in the moment), when I am active in yoga. Just a thought. But again, that is more “free” time that is sparse when in school. With that said, I think we can all make the time if we really want to. Sure, we can also spread ourselves too thin, but ultimately we can usually make it all work. Good luck to you!

[MegBackInSaddle]

@Rackonteur

This is my suggestion, BayTB (and welcome to the Out-of-Lurkdom world! ).

​​​​​​…

If you can afford a couple of lessons at a good h/j barn, try it and see how it compares and how you feel about it.

Just wanted to pipe in and say GREAT advice! I rode primarily western in my youth. I rode English some, but for some reason, thought I had a lot more English experience than I did. Felt totally incompetent when I started back as an adult.

Rode a couple of my barn mate’s horses. Since they are somewhat difficult saddle fits, I rode in her western saddle. Riding more difficult horses western again made me realize that I have good fundamentals, an excellent “sticky” seat, and am not the idiot H/J stuff sometimes makes me feel like, haha.

I know it’s hard to compare disciplines, and riding well in ANY discipline takes skill. I also know very little about dressage. But from my own limited view, dressage, with all of its nuance, seems one of the hardest disciplines. A sidestep into more well-traveled territory may be a welcome boost to confidence!

[painthunter]

You are feeling completely normal!!

I rode saddle seat growing up, quit riding for the most part during college and grad school as I had no money or time. I did not get back to it until I was 30 and I decided to pursue hunters…

I found a trainer and was very honest with her about my fears, concerns and about how neurotic I am in general. I quickly moved into a half- and then full-lease of saintly animals that tolerated me (I ended up purchasing one of them who I have had the past 2.5 years). But it was a journey. We didn’t rush anything. I showed at schooling shows held on our property only for probably the first year and a half… starting out in walk/trot and ground poles until I got confident (and this was riding 5 days a week).

All of this to say - you are normal and don’t suck! Or we all do

[EVneo]

The adjustment of being a sprite, athletic teenager to a 20-something year old sitting at a desk all day is rough. I’m 26, only took a light break-ish from riding in college (still rode summers, breaks, and at least one weekend a month - forever horse lived, and still lives, at home with my parents). Now I’m back to 5 rides/week and showing horse #2 but it’s like trying to ride in a different body! I try to run and do yoga and not eat like a slob, but it was so much easier way back when! OP - I give you so, so, so much credit to sticking to it. If it’s hard for someone who rides 5 days/week, I can only imagine about someone doing 1 day/week. I evented/ did dressage as a child and am back to that mix. There are concepts in dressage that I can wrap my grown-up mind around that I totally did not grasp as a kid or teenager. Like, I knew I had to be straight, but why? Now it’s like oh, straightness let’s me do allllllll of this fun stuff much easier.

I would also suggest looking at a lease - green projects always sound fun, but if you’re already comparing yourself to others and worried about a timeline for showing, a greenie can only slow you down. I’ve seen riders end up over horsed, frustrated, and not enjoying it anymore. Dressage is the type of discipline where it’s good to learn from an experienced (read: forgiving) horse first, refine your skills, and then take your skills to a green horse. Communicate your feelings and goals to your trainer. If you can, make a mental checklist in your head for tacking up and give yourself a few extra minutes getting ready. I still, to this day, do - boots, pad, girth, bridle, spurs, helmet gloves, go.

[Willesdon]

Kids ride in the moment, adults tend to over think. You have only been taking lessons for a few months so be kind to yourself. Talk to your trainer and explain your fears. Hopefully you have a good supportive working relationship.

In my patchy riding history, I found that one of the best ways to improve was going on riding vacations. Sitting on a horse for hours of a day and taking in the view is a good way to develop your seat and ‘feel’. Doesn’t matter which saddle. Being relaxed and having fun helps a lot.

[Callista17]

I agree with see if you could lease/exercise ride someone’s horse. Get more time in the saddle.

I think, as a kid, mistakes don’t seem as noticeable either. Sometimes you could kick and hang on, but now the ground is further away.

[anon68314200]

Refocus your mindset to exploration. Consider focusing on learning to train horses over learning to ride.

If 10 years ago you had decided to perhaps take up clicker training with your pasture sound horse, had decided to try to train the horse to do whatever you can train it to do, you might now have a skill set that could enable you to get saddle time on other horses.
Though only pasture sound, if you had pursued straightness training, rehab, massage, etc you possibly might’ve been able to improve the horses body. Even if it never became totally sound you would have learned a lot.

Any of these skills could have put you in a position to offer yourself to other people and get ride time. Perhaps a rescue could use you to gentle, halter break, +R train, etc.

Look into clicker training and rehab groups on Facebook.

[SugarCubes]

Just wanted to let you know there is an Adult Re-Rider Support thread in the H/J forum full of people who have been in your exact shoes who can give you great advice and understand exactly where you’re coming from…come on over

[OneGrayPony]

I’m with you. I’m over 40, but I’ve been riding for 30 years, and though my break was short, I feel like I’m all thumbs. I probably need to accept where I’m at, but I’m having a really hard time with it. I was a confident competent rider who could ride pretty much anything and now I’m a fearful dork who can barely deal with a little scoot without my heart rate racing and though I look fine at the canter (evidenced by my husband videoing me) I don’t feel fine, probably because I remember what it felt like to canter and jump bareback with zero fear. If I could just forget who I was and focus on who I am now that would be marvelous. So that is my advice to you Focus on now. Have a beginners mind again if you can It will be ok!

[Scribbler]

When I went back to lessons in my 40s after a 20 something year break, I had to check my ego at the door and just relearn everything. Some stuff remained. I could sit a spook, post, and feel what was happening under me even if i couldn’t influence it.

As a teen I rode a very handy 14.2 mustang type. English and Western. But she really shone at western.

Similar to OP, when I returned I decided I needed to learn English because it was more complex, less familiar, more common now in my area, and involved full size horses. So I had a big learning curve at a h/j barn on 16 hand horses with bigger gaits.

I bet if I’d gone to a western barn and rode quarter ponies I would have been much more comfortable right off the bat.

After a few years of good twice weekly h/j lessons i ended up leasing a low levrl dressage horse at another barn.

My h/j seat was OK by that point and I had just finished a summer lease on a h/j big quarter horse where I appeared competent and strong in the saddle to bystanders ( they said so).

Dressage horse and long stirrups tossed me around like a sack of potatoes and everyone thought I was a beginner all over again.

I ended up leasing another horse at same barn and connecting with an excellent trainer who worked extensively on my seat.

A decade later I can ride with comfort and balance in both h/j and dressage saddles. I can ride my coach’s Andalusian schoolmaster mare who is 3rd or 4th level with a few holes and do everything that’s confirmed in her repertoire.

But when I did a set of lessons last year on my coach’s tall big strided Lippizan/TB mare (4th level) the big gaits really threw me around and I needed a few lessons to even post comfortably.

So yes, if you went to h/j lessons on horses similar to what you used to ride, maybe OTTB not giant WB, you might get a better sense of your current rider fitness level.

Plus a dressage saddle that doesn’t fit you is horrible.

Anyhow if I upgrade my main ride, I’m going lberian or Iberian cross, not WB, because I see so many ammies who never do get the full performance out of their gorgeous giant monster horses.