Free horse with strings attached

[Threeprettyhorses]

Hi everyone!

I am new to the forum and need some advice- I was not sure where to post this at!

I recently was given a horse for free with all her tack etc. She belonged to a little girl who would only come see her maybe once every 2 or 3 months. Her parents are not horse people at all, so when she did come out, they just dropped her off and left for hours. There was always a set day for her to be at this boarding barn because of this, she would somewhat be supervised by one of the trainers. In the past several years, I have rode this horse multiple times at the barn because the girl was really scared about riding and they had me ride first before she got on or if she got scared, and I kind of took her under my wing as she was always so terrified. A few months ago they decided to ask if I wanted the horse because they didn’t want to pay for her anymore with her not being used. I said if I took her I would be moving her and my horse home to my house and everything was good with that. Their only stipulation was that the girl could come out to my house once in a great while just to brush her. I agreed to this, and thought nothing of it because at this point I had not seen the girl in almost 4 months and figured it would be the same, especially with the weather now changing and I do not have anywhere inside to ride.

Here’s where I don’t know what to do. They signed the horse over to me and she is now in my name on her papers and I moved her and my gelding back to my house. Since then, the parents have been calling me SEVERAL times a week wanting to drop the girl off, usually calling me around 6:30pm or 7pm at night and wanting to drop her off that late. I get up at 4:30am M-F to be able to get all my morning chores done before I have to leave for my hour commute to work. They are very well aware of this, and it’s also confusing because she is in elementary school and it’s always on school nights. I am exhausted by the time the day is over and usually try to head inside my house after I do stalls etc by 8pm so I can eat dinner and go to bed. Since the horses have been home, I have barely myself had any time to ride. So far she’s been coming out once a week (what I have limited it to with the numerus calls and texts so late), and at first everything went okay, but the past few times, I told the parents please have her at my house at 6pm and pick her up at 7:30 pm. I made that very clear. They have been over an hour late dropping her off and sometimes I try and call them to pick her up when it starts getting excessively late and I can’t get ahold of them. They show up when they show up, whether that is 9 or 9:30 pm. When they do pick her up, it’s always an excuse of why they were late- went out to dinner etc. When they drop her off they do just that- she jumps out of the car and they immediately leave and are gone, they don’t come to speak to me or anything, so it’s not like I can tell them sorry you are late, you can’t be here. If I am not out front and I am working out in the pasture, she just appears. I feel like I am completely being used as a babysitter. There is no respect for my time and I know that I need to draw a line, but I am a non-confrontational person and somewhat shy. The girl (who is such a nice girl by the way) keeps begging to ride and I don’t feel comfortable with it, as I haven’t even been able to ride and my husband and I are very concerned with the liability incase something would happen on our property, which is why I stay with her the whole time she is at my house. If she were to fall off or something would happen, who says I would ever get ahold of her parents?

I am afraid to tell them to come on a weekend instead because I know it would be even worse and I probably wouldn’t hear from them all day and just have her dumped on me for 8+ hours. I guess I just need advice. Like I said, I am a somewhat shy, non confrontational person, but I know I need to somehow tell them this is way too much for me. They are already very well aware of my schedule. I am feeling used and would have never took this horse knowing it would be like this. Someone I know suggested I need to charge them for my time (lack of respect for my time) or I need to lease the horse back to them if they want her to come out several times a week, but I don’t think I want/have time to take all of that on. I am very grateful for the horse as she is an extremely nice show horse that I am sure was expensive and I feel like maybe that is part of why I feel somewhat weird about all this

[fivestrideline]

Just to confirm: you have a bill of sale, right? You have a paper trail that says you own this horse now, not a lease or a loan? You own her 100%?

[ChocoMare]

Next time the parents call, inform them that they MUST meet with you in person. During said meeting you need to present them with a Bill of Sale and your check for $___ whatever you believe is fair so the horse is yours free and clear.

If you have no issue of the child still coming occasionally, then once the horse is legally yours by them signing the BOS & accepting your payment, you present to them a list of rules… one of which MUST BE: Child must be supervised by one or both parents during grooming times.

–You are not a babysitter

–Yes, this is a huge liability for yourself and your property. That child gets hurt and -wham- you’re sued for everything and then some.

–Provide a reasonable, set schedule of 1 day a week or month, for said child to visit. That’s it. Not this open-ended, whenever they want to drop her off nonsense.

You’re being very nice & kind but they’re taking advantage of you because nothing is in writing.

[clanter]

@Threeprettyhorses

I are very concerned with the liability incase something would happen on our property,

have a conversation with your homeowners insurance company, our coverage covers what is considered an invited guest, we have four people who come by every so often to visit the horses we do not charge them a cent as we want to ensure there is no business relationship between us.

[Threeprettyhorses]

yes, the bill of sale and her papers are now in my name. I made sure I sent in everything immediately.

[Threeprettyhorses]

Thank you. Yes they gave her to me for free, but they still signed a bill of sale/transfer paper form through the breed association with her papers so her papers could reflect me as the owner (all of this has been done with the breed association the first week she was on my property) She is 100% mine now.

Thank you for your advice- I have never took a horse like this before or had horses on our own property until now. We had a ton of work needed to be done in our barn , and a few things still need to be done, and all this happened really quickly. It was such a whirlwind that I didn’t really think of liability because she never showed up to see the horse at the barn for the 6 or 7 years they owned her.

yes the texting and calling at night and wanting to drop her off at a moments notice is really what is honestly making me mad.

I also would like to say the parents are out of the country right now for a month and they were STILL wanting her to come out with whoever she is staying with dropping her off, and I DID shut that down very very quickly.

[Threeprettyhorses]

Thank you, we will do that!

[cayuse]

Tell them that your home owners insurance will not allow anyone other than the owner to deal with the horse. The parents do not have to know whether or not this is true. I use this explanation (excuse ) a lot as I live in an area where there is some foot traffic and I get asked several times a year if “so and so’s kids” can come brush/ride/whatever the ponies. These people seem like they are pushing the boundaries. I see red flags waving.

[Bogie]

Unfortunately, they are using you as a babysitter and they feel justified because they gave you something you wanted (a horse and tack). They have overlooked that you have taken on the expenses of owning a horse. Since they are masters at avoiding confrontation, I think you need to meet them at their house or at a neutral location like a restaurant and create a schedule. If they don’t pick their daughter up on time, that would mean she couldn’t come back for the remainder of the month (or something like that).

I would tell them that until they agree to a realistic schedule that you agree to, the daughter cannot visit. Kind of harsh, but at this point I don’t see many options for you.

[Threeprettyhorses]

I also wanted to add this bit also- they never told her they were giving away her horse. They brought me her papers and the bill of sale/transfer paperwork and we were discussing where to sign, the horse’s history of other owners etc , to which she replies “Wait, is (horse name) not mine anymore?” and started bawling and bawling and they left her with me to console. I was absolutely floored. When she asked them if she was not hers anymore, they stayed silent and never responded to her. My husband and I stood there and just looked at each other flabbergasted. That should have been the first red flag. From the time they offered the mare to me and me accepting to getting her home was a month, and they never bothered to tell her.

[Threeprettyhorses]

thank you! That’s a great idea and I will also be making a list of rules as the other poster suggested. Things just spiraled so quickly I didn’t even know where to start with how to talk to these people.

[Bogie]

They’ve put you in an uncomfortable situation and are counting on the fact that 1) you like the daughter and 2) that you feel grateful. They are taking advantage of your desire to be accommodating. It’s hard to stand up for yourself in these situations.

[fivestrideline]

Honestly, this situation is going to spiral even further south very quickly. You need to stand up for yourself, and I know you feel for the daughter (my heart breaks for her, that’s just cruel), but you need to protect yourself.

Realize that if they really wanted horse time for her or cared, they’d sign her up for lessons somewhere. Getting out from under an expense like owning a horse is completely understandable, but this is something else. What they want is free childcare.

If you feel like signing up for that, say that your policy requires any minors to be accompanied by their legal guardian or parent, on the property and present in sight of the minor. No exceptions. Make them sign a release that states all this, as well as schedule their visit options: first Monday of the month or whatever, with 24 hour notice from you if you need to cancel. No rescheduling for ANY reason, no matter who cancels.

You’re going to have to draw some deep, firm lines in the sand here.

[moonlitoaksranch]

Liability is a legitimate issue. I wonder if you can work out something with the boarding barn you left to trailer the horse there and have the child take lessons from you so you get paid. I’m not sure how it works for them to add another trainer under their coverage. Maybe they get a portion of your training fee? There needs to be some formality. Actual lessons would do the girl some good. You could limit the lessons to every other Saturday or something. The girl will move on or the parents will get tired of paying horse lesson fees for babysitting.

Babysitting isn’t free. Your home should be your sanctuary.

[anon40672407]

@Threeprettyhorses

, I am a somewhat shy, non confrontational person, but I know I need to somehow tell them this is way too much for me

OK, first, don’t think of this as a confrontation. Second, since they don’t value your time/investment/risk, YOU need to value your time/investment/risk.

Think of it as a clarification. You moved the horse from a public barn to a private location (with their knowledge, but apparently, they haven’t switched their thinking.) People don’t just drop their child off at someone’s private house without so much as a knock on the door and no ETA of return.

So, your approach in this conversation is to clarify a few important points.

1. Your barn is a private barn. You do not have staff. (Specifically, you do not have a trainer to watch over the child while you do all the other work at the barn that staff usually does). Therefore, she needs a parent present at all times, and established times when she can be there, no waffling, no changing, no “please just this once”.

2. You do not have a business license or commercial insurance, so liability is an issue. Thus, you are not taking responsibility for the child while she is there. Her actions on your private property is the parent’s responsibility and thus one of them needs to be there. AND that parent needs to listen to you if you give them an instruction (You don’t want this to go the other way and have clueless mom encourage little girl to sit underneath the horse, because ‘isn’t that a funny picture’, and then when you say it’s unsafe, have her say, “Well, I’m watching, it’s on me.”)

3. She may come on Sunday (you pick the day), between 10 and 12, and that’s it. Be prepared to teach mom or dad horsemanship during that period of time. These two hours a week (whenever they choose to make use of them) is the ‘price’ of the horse.

None of this is a confrontation: it’s a laying of the groundrules for a dangerous environment.

These parents have ‘learned’ that a Barn == Babysitting. It is now your task to unteach them this part. The other barn didn’t do that.

Otherwise, transfer ownership of the horse back to them and wash your hands of this problem.

I’m assuming, since they bought their child a horse, that they are kind-ish people. But it’s possible they are just hoping it will distract her and give them time off. Can’t say. And some people completely refuse to learn ANYTHING, so consider that as a possibility.

[Threeprettyhorses]

That’s what I am afraid of. I know as soon as the parents get back home from their vacation the phone calls and texts are going to start. It’s been so nice to have silence. Yes. This girl (she’s 11) is such a nice kid. I feel awful for her and I know from things I have picked up from conversation with her, we aren’t the only ones babysitting her. She has multiple other siblings and her parents own a few large businesses, so it just seem like she really is/feels neglected, and I know she loves to be at my house. I am in my 20s with no kids, but everything just really IS heartbreaking for her and I think this is why I am really struggling with everything. Even though I am not a mother, I guess I feel somewhat motherly towards her if that makes sense? My sadness for her really is complicating things.

Right, that is exactly right. They want free babysitting and also use of the horse now for free. They did used to take lessons from someone I found out that was at the barn, but it ended a long time ago (two years before I was there) because I found out they would regularly not show up and not send a text or call that they couldn’t make it, and the instructor would just be left to hang out and see if they showed up, so it seems to be a pattern (that I didn’t know about).

Thank you, this is a lot to think over but I agree, I 1000% need to get something in writing to put a final stop to this. I feel a little more confident now on what I need to do. I have never had anyone (what I feel like) steamroll me and take advantage of me before like this.

[atlatl]

I’ll be the meanie; block them. This isn’t going to get better and while I feel bad for the child the parents are being more than unreasonable.

A friend once bought a horse from someone who wanted to visit periodically. Every so often, this woman would just show up at my friend’s house and start screaming the horse’s name as she left her car. It didn’t take long until she was told to stop dropping by.

[Willesdon]

Neglected and/or emotionally abused kids are found in wealthy families too.

[sascha]

I am mean and old and done with being taken advantage of so here’s my 2 cents.

It is long past time to ghost them. Do not respond. If you feel you need to speak to them one more time to make an excuse when they get int touch, use the insurance line and then do not respond no matter what they text back. Do not answer their calls. Block their numbers if they continue to call.

They need to deal with their crappy, dishonest behaviour to their daughter. Their garbage behaviour is not your problem and should never have been made your problem. It is a shame, but their lack of the ability to do the right thing in being open and honest with their daughter should not cause you any guilt.

Think of it this way. They want the benefits of owning a horse without ANY of the responsibility from paying for it to supervising their own kid. Wash your hands of them and hope the kid grows up ok.

These people are not your friends. They are taking advantage of you and you are the only one who can make that stop.

[anon40672407]

I just had a random thought: IF you take their daughter under your wing, and help her with the horse (which is a kind impulse but a lot of work), what are the chances they are going to want you to “give” the horse back to them when the daughter is 14 and thus more independent?

I ask because if that happened, you would not have got a free horse for your trouble, you would only have got lease of the horse for a few years, complete with an obligation you perhaps don’t want (and are not being compensated for).