Funniest ever back-handed compliment/insult from your trainer

[KayBee]

So, I was reading the “how do you see a distance” thread and remembered… this:

So, I initially rode with someone who was a little more hunter-style in her approach and am now riding with someone who is an eventer. Anyway, as I was adjusting to the mare I lease, I discovered (painfully) that she had a launching problem (if you’re curious, see this thread).

ANYWAY, we work on things and things get better, and one day last summer/early fall (?) we do a nice course out in the jump field la, la, la, good distances to every fence and at the end of it I’m kind of feeling proud (balanced throughout! good distances! no launches!) and instructor goes… “Well. That was a nice HUNTER round.”

Whereupon I cracked up and she made me do it again, with more forward, dammit.

Other favorite, though this was fairly early on in my lessoning with her: We review a dressage test and she reads and I ride it (first test I’ve done in a lesson with her). Back at the barn, after the lesson’s over she says “I was surprised at how well you rode that. I mean, not surprised. Surprised? That you rode it well… I mean, most people ride the test and not the horse. So it was good!” (But surprising?) Another LOL moment…

Got any similar stories?

[gr8fulrider]

When our steering was a bit, umm, rustic:

“Better!! You almost didn’t almost hit the standard that time!”

[yellowbritches]

“Crude, but effective.”

[Carried_Away]

A good friend of mine happily told me that our trainer “didn’t fear for her safety today” in a lesson on her spicy mare!

[billiebob]

The only clinic I’ve taken my horse to…the clinician compared me to Dolly Parton and said my “big, squishy butt” was an advantage when trying to settle my decided-to-go-around-like-a-psychotic-giraffe TB. I thought it was quite funny, and she sincerely meant it as a compliment!

During my first-ever clinic I kept screwing up my left lead canter transitions. The clinician asked my then trainer for a crop, and my trainer asked if it was for the horse or if he wanted to beat me with it. Trainer knew the only thing that really works with me when I get nervous is the threat of physical violence. :lol:

[Sedona]

Once my dressage trainer told me that my mare was cute. I believe this is the only compliment he has given “me” in the past 1-2 years…

[Lady_Eboshi]

“Oh, fer chrissakes, EQUITATE!” :lol:

[ambar]

Me, out of breath, pie-eyed, and riding a posting(!) trot(!!) for the first time in decades. Trainer (my first lesson with her): “Don’t forget your diagonals!”

That was much more humiliating, in its way, than muffing my first mount and coming off (of a stallion, in an unfamiliar arena, lined with unfamiliar horses on two sides). :eek: :dead:

[Duckz]

I was in a gymnastic lesson with a certain eventing trainer who really really really likes his OTTBs. This trainer enjoyed giving me a hard time about my draft cross Lincoln, all in good fun of course. So in this gymnastic lesson he’s set up a one stride to a one stride, and the two other girls in the group (on OTTBs) worried that it’s set up short and their horses might make it a bounce. Trainer announced any horse who bounces the exercise he’ll buy on the spot.

I go to pick up the canter and call back, “You can’t have this one, he’s not for sale!”

Trainer: “Well I wasn’t talking about YOURS!”

Ouch :lol::lol:

[netg]

[QUOTE=billiebob;7474007]
The only clinic I’ve taken my horse to…the clinician compared me to Dolly Parton and said my “big, squishy butt” was an advantage when trying to settle my decided-to-go-around-like-a-psychotic-giraffe TB. I thought it was quite funny, and she sincerely meant it as a compliment[/QUOTE]

My trainer has made comments to that effect. “Use your big butt to your advantage!” And “Good job using you big butt to your advantage!” I deserve it because he talks about how my saddle is more comfortable than any of his students, to which I always point out it’s the only one with a big enough seat for him.

Recently after some misbehavior he told my mom that he doesn’t worry I’ll fall off when my horse starts bucking anymore. We went to him for the bucking problem, so I suppose that’s appropriate!

[LaraNSpeedy]

I worked with one rolex rider at a clinic - my horse was at his worse that weekend I will say though - he was too out of shape to be there and he gave me attitude to tell me. But she said she did not trust him to save her life. My dressage trainer who is a judge and an accomplished GP rider and competitor was like REALLY? because he is a steady eddy. I just say - a lot of the things said - are based on what they see THAT DAY. My 14.1 pony - I was in a clinic with another Rolex rider and she said he was a super pony who wants to go to Rolex. So my heart got all full of love on that. lol I WILL SAY though as an instructor and trainer myself - when I say " that was a nice hunter round" - I mean that POSITIVELY. I rode hunters growing up and trained OTTBS based on dressage and hunters - it was on technique - it was on taking time - it was on equitation - it was on form - etc etc - and (thinking of Michael Matz my childhood hero) - a lovely huntery round - can win at stadium. I would love to look like a hunter pair but make the time - LOL

[bornfreenowexpensive]

From a farrier I had known for years…who had never seen me ride.

Damn, you ride like a shit shoveller not a lawyer.

pretty sure he meant it as a compliment…maybe

[Fred]

I had a coach who simply criticized every thing I did. I never knew which thing to correct first.
Finally, in frustration during a lesson, I asked him, “do I do anything right?”.
He thought long and hard (:rolleyes:) and finally responded:
“you have good balance”.

Translation: you stink. but at least you can stay on.

I just started to laugh.

[Hilary]

I made some comment about the ride going better if my quirky TB gelding would ‘leave half his brain at home’. Without missing a beat my trainer says “I think things would go a lot better if you BOTH left 3/4 of your brains at home”.

In other words, you are a smart woman, but just shut up and ride. Ah, got it.

[Vesper_Sparrow]

My trainer saying to me and two ladies I ride with (all over 60 or close to it and late in life reriders) in a lesson, “if I were you, I would have given up a long time ago.” She had prefaced it with a compliment but of course I have forgotten what it was.

She meant to praise our persistence in the face of adversity but… Ouch.

[kcmel]

[QUOTE=Sedona;7474112]
Once my dressage trainer told me that my mare was cute. I believe this is the only compliment he has given “me” in the past 1-2 years…[/QUOTE]

My trainer told me my horse was semi-fancy. Or maybe she said “almost fancy”.

[chestnutmarebeware]

Years ago my boss offered her really nice horse to me at no charge, because she was a dressage rider and the horse really disliked the whole discipline (and she had the $$$ to import something more suitable!). Her caveat was that I take my first-ever dressage lessons on the horse from her trainer, so that I’d understand his training, etc.

I came from Hunter Land. Not only did I have to stop and scan the arena for the pertinent letter every time the trainer said to do something at C (or whatever…see, I still don’t know them), but about once every 60 seconds, she’d yell “Hunter Leg!”—meaning I wasn’t letting my legs hang down where they should be for dressage.

Since I found that I hated dressage every bit as much as the horse did and hoped never to have to do it again, I took Hunter Leg to be a great compliment on my position! :lol:

[fordtraktor]

One time I was at a County Fair and a QH trainer came up to my mom and said, “Your daughter could sit on a donkey and make it look good!” Pretty sure that was not a compliment on my poor long-suffering Morgan cross pony. Ouch.

And I am sure he probably thought he was being nice, but insulting a kid’s pony is like a slap in the face to a horse-crazy kid who loves that pony more than anything…

[pony_grandma]

Was not actually said but my friends and I came up with the ultimate clinic comment “Your horse carries the saddle well.” When at a loss to have to say something positive.

[Foxtrot_s]

A dear friend and old school trainer once told me that my horse was the biggest waste of talent she’d ever seen…obviously, I didn’t measure up to the horse