OH YEA! I forgot my friend Shelly always says “Landing gear UP!”
and then there is always the local trainers that know my horse “here comes the FireWorks” (his name is WireWorks) and one trainer used to call him “waterworks, waterthunder, er um… thunderbolt?” lol
“I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.” -Thomas Jefferson
Once, at an intercollegiate show:
“Oh good, the horse you’re going to ride is bucking. I was getting bored.”
Once, after wind had blown all the jumps down:
“I thought I told you not to jump unsupervised.”
And then I overheard a trainer talking to an amateur, I didn’t hear the whole thing but she was comparing something to being with an “inadequate lover.” I REALLY wanted to hear all of that.
Last but not least:
“Well, that was…interesting. PLEASE don’t ever do that again!” (and yet this keeps getting repeated).
please, keep the boyfriend ones coming! they’re hilarious!
~Lindsay~
A proud co-owner of CorLin PROductions, specializing in dressage, eventing, and hunter/jumper digital photography.
~Co-founder of the COTH Photographer’s clique~
“If you mess up this round, I’m going to take off your boot and shove it up your ass”
“Stick out your boobs like you’re trying to impress…uh…oh who gives a flying f*ck…just arch damnit!”
After I broke my leg at a show…
“What the hell were you thinking? You had the class won until the last line!” 
Ashlyn
Chanel
~Sephora~
After a course: “Some parts of it I didn’t mind.” or “There were some things out there that I liked.”
Which is always followed with a close recounting of the terrible choices that I made. Finishing with him walking up to my horse, giving him a pat, and saying “Good Boy, taking care of Mommy”. What can I say, I’m an amateur! 
*when looking down–
“Look where you want to go. If you look at the ground you’re gonna go there”
*when not staying still before a jump–
“Stop doing the hula!”
*for shoulders back–
“turn your headlights on!” (i am really flat too!)
and the famous–“stick your boobs out”
i gotta think of more!
~Claire~
“The more I study, the more I know. The more I know, the more I forget. The more I forget, the less I know. So why study?”
“He’s got three legs in the grave and one on a banana peel!” (i.e. need more pace)
“Ride like the hounds of he!! are after you!” (pretty much speaks for itself)
“You get down that line in [insert number here] or die trying!” (i.e. if you don’t make it, you’re gonna wish you’d died by the time I get to you)
“I’m riding harder than you are!” (i.e. make an effort!)
“Don’t look down! I already picked up all the money/He won’t change color.” (These two are interchangable)
And finally…
“Horses don’t climb trees!” (It’a a long story )
Andrea! Does your crotch itch or something!(my reins were too long)
When your not teaching your unteaching.(everytime I took a break)
I am the trainer, you are the student…SO LISTEN TO ME.(I was trying haha)
there are more…I will post them when I think of them. 
Andrea and Dreamer
“Where will judging and showing go from here?–not likely to anything radically new. Horses will be horses, and riders will be riders, and good sound basics will prevail. We’ll always have to be on guard against the trendy, the mannered, and the exaggerated. After all, only the horse will really know. And he’ll always tell us…if we were born to listen.” - George Morris (Judging Hunters And Hunter Seat Eq)
BUMP, This is pretty funny!
My trainer used to say when I was riding a huge, slow, luggy horse:
“See if you can make him feel like less than 1500lbs of $hit in a wet sack…”
I never could do it. That horse was impossible.
Founder of the mighty Thoroughbred Clique!
Resident racing historian
My favorite Jumphigh83 quote, always uttered very helpfully when you are on the verge of fearing for your life on your horse, who is high as a kite for whatever stupid reason is: He is ON FIRE!
Thanks for the help, Jumphigh83. Thanks for the help.
How do you stay on the horse??? I’d be falling off!
Those are some of the funniest comments I’ve ever heard!
www.ayliprod.com
Equine Video and Still Photography in the Northeast
Forgot one:
After chipping a fence many times and getting upset at myself:
“OK, after you’re straight to the jump, just close your eyes and hang on and let the horse do it. You’ll be fine… Well, you would have been fine if he hadn’t jumped left… but that was the right idea.”
“Are your arms still attached?” (my shoulders kind of dislocate easily… he he)
“Look Mommy! It’s a whale!” “No dear, that’s your father.”
They usually don’t register until I stop…then I focus all my energy into saving them (in all their glory 
) for this BB!
[I]- “Don’t look at your horse…I’ll tell you if you fall off.”
ok i suck at this… i forgot another one of my favorites ( i must have real comedians for trainers)
when I round my back
“use that stomach for something other than a beer holder @ frat parties”
“I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.” -Thomas Jefferson
my trainer will call him/her a prickerhead! :eek
msj
You know you’re a horse person when…you can find your boots by smell.
PWBTB@WC (People who browse the BB at Work Clique)
My first trainer:
“Turn your toes in! You look like Mary Poppins on a horse!!!”
To my mother: “When she turns 16, call me. I’ll stay off the roads.”
Also to my mother: “Well, your daughter nearly killed herself today…” (We switched trainers )
My second trainer had lots of cute words. If something was good it was “Super!” If the horse was misbehaving, he/she was being a “twerp.” If I was equitating well, I was “Pretty as punch.” At that age, I weighed in at about 60 lbs soaking wet…so when I needed to affect the horse with my seat she’d say, “Now, put ALL your weight in the saddle.” One of her school horses was an appaloosa, and she used to joke that the mare had “Spots for brains.”
Trainer #3:
“Step DOWN into your heel.”
“Well, you’re perching already.” (said as I began a flat class)
“Everybody has an opinion just like everybody has a belly button.” (in response to a bad judging call at a show) I still say this.
With her, bad horses were “turkeys.”
Trainer #4: (Uber-German School Dressage Dude)
“LEG! LEG! LEG! LEG! LEG!” (timed to every stride)
“LEFT! RIGHT! LEFT! RIGHT! LEFT! RIGHT!” (also timed to every stride when he wanted you to alternate leg pressure, or when he wanted you to feel the horse’s hind legs)
“Don’t be afraid to upset the apple cart.” (said to a student who was asking too little of a fussy horse)
“Wow. She is one Nervous Nellie.” (describing my mare )
GM: We were riding a bending line after having just jumped fences at an angle, and my brain was stuck on angles for some reason (exhaustion, perhaps ), so I kept riding the bending 5 in a straight 4. I tried it again, and as I turned to the first fence, George said, “Oooooooopen your left hand.” I did, jumped the first fence, and then he said, “Now ooooooooooopen your right hand.” I did, and got the 5. To this day when I need to use an opening rein, I still think “Oooooooopen…”
~Sara 
[This message was edited by sbt78lw on Jul. 11, 2002 at 11:31 PM.]
OK guys and gals, who have heard this one!
" Where are your crop and spurs? NEVER go to war without your weapons?" That is what my trainer says when we have a problem with impulsion or refusals!!! Kind of makes sense!
These are funny-TE HE TE HE
My trainer always tell me:
-stick you boobs out(i am flatter than a board)
-Tuck you butt in
-Put you thumbs up i want to see those god awful finger nails
Every time when i get back from a show my trainers grandson always asks"Did she cry??"(the answer is usually yes) sometimes he even makes bet with my trainer on my crying
When my brother used to ride his trainer would always say in her dutch accent:
-SLOW DOWN, I dont think you are trying very hard
AMY
Some of my fabulous working student quotes:
On a retired *** horse that was refusing to jump a tiny coop and running me into a tree. The trainer said nothing and was in fact chatting to a friend. I finally (after three refusals) took the horse aside and spanked it but good, all along wondering what happens to working students who beat beloved retired *** horses. “Oh good”, she said, “I was wondering when you were going to do that”. He jumped the coop.
Same trainer on a WB she had as I was trying to motivate his lazy butt around the ring “God, it’s impossible to believe he’s actually won all those ribbons”
on a young horse I was riding as he’d already bucked off every other pro for miles around “Don’t be such a weeny, you’re not going to fall off” (I didn’t)
Other good ones:
Jump the liverpool- but don’t let her see it until you’re in the air.
Why didn’t you take your reins back? I didn’t mean for you to jump that with no reins… my bad. (after a series of 4’ oxers on a horse I’d never ridden before)
I told you to pretend to be an eq rider not to pretend someone shoved a stick up your a$$.
On a 6yo stud OTTB- OK, that’s a nice trot, now DON’T MOVE becasue he looks a bit like he might go off.
Are you even trying to stay on that horse??
OK, the deal is, this horse jumps like a Jack Russell, so go faster for the big ones and remember there is NO spot too close.
Are you wearing a long sleeve shirt? becasue this is some pretty gnarly looking sand (the vote of confidence comment)
On another OTTB- Nice, now just stay on that circle for, oh, 6 months or so…
OK, ask for passage at C- you’ve never done that before?? Oh, it’s easy…
Can you actually count to three? Becasue only people who count to three can ride fourth level. (DQs will get this, and No, I can’t count to three, I prefer my tempis in even numbers thankyouverymuch)
You may evantually have to be able to do all this WITH your stirrups. Where are they anyway? (Another dressage comment)
And the ever classic trainer to working student quote -Oh, yeh, he does that… (used after horse turns out to have rearing problem, deathly fear of arena sand, no brakes, etc.)
[This message was edited by maggymay on Aug. 19, 2002 at 04:12 PM.]
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