Here are a couple of my favorites:
“That girl couldn’t ride in a boxcar with the doors shut!!”
After a particularly difficult lesson:
“You don’t want me to treat you like a mushroom!? You know kept in the dark and fed shit!!!”
My favorite trainer quote came while I was in college… I was riding my mare in a private lesson (jumper) with the then director. Well, April (God love her) was not the bravest of girls with the longest of steps, and he had me doing a cavaletti to bounce to two stride gymnastic combination… The out on the bounce was 3’6" and the out oxer on the two stride was 4’6" I come off the corner, hit the cavaletti at a nice trot and he yells - this is the direct quote:
“RUN LIKE THE INDIANS ARE CHASING YOU”
I ran, laughing my a** off, too amused to think of being scared… (I am a big chicken) It was the single best jump (that big old oxer out) I ever had!! Talk about hang time! I felt like I was up there forever!!
My reality check bounced.
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
old trainers comments:
if my horse ran out of a jump - “oh, i see, your taking the scenic route”
if im being very stupid [happens often] - “i must congratulate your parents, they seemed to have birthed a moron!” [many laughs followed this one, hehe]
if my horse was going very fast - “YEEEHAWWWW. RIDE THAT WILD THANG” or “thats one live booger right there” [no clue where she got that one hehe]
many more. just cant think of them!
My personal fav:
“Was last night margarita night again? Because you’re riding like it was!” (guilty 
)
Oh - and:
“are you trying to hitch a ride with those thumbs?”
Just remembered this one from last week…
Coach : “For a minute I thought you were schooling counter-canter”
Me : “(inaudible argh d**m)…me too”
duh, I dont believe he believed me one sec lol!
Get your facts first and then you can distort them as much as you wish -Mark Twain
PWBTB@WC (People who browse the BB at Work Clique)
http://www.dhtmlnirvana.com
Our trainer is FAMOUS for saying:
“Go on–you’re alright”–no matter how severe the miss/injury/fall, etc.
And as I am trying to pick and pick and pick my spot she simply yells “Shut up and quit riding”
Proud Member of Wood Hill Farm who’s motto is “I’m not going sober!”
I haven’t read every post on this thread yet - so this may have been posted, but it is my favorite:
Remain seated until the aircraft has left the ground!
BarbB
charter member BEQS Clique & Invisible Poster Clique
…virtue shall be bound into the hair of thy forelock… I have given thee the power of flight without wings. - The Koran
I over heard one of the trainers in our area say this to a kid before she went in for her round. This trainer is the funniest person EVER, everything that comes out of her mouth is hilarious (and she was walking around at the last show with waterguns, as were most of her students, and if someone came out of the ring and made a mistake or weren’t smiling they’d get one shot, if they fell of they’d get 3, etc. LOL!) But anyways, she goes:
“Now, close your eyes and visialize your course. Are you visualizing yet?” “Yep” “How does it loo…woah, what are you doing? MORE PACE DARLING!!!” I started laughing so hard!
WIGGLE DO NOT!!! to a girl who wiggled her butt when droping down from a canter.
“Stick out your boobs” and “If you die, then you’re done” were very often used too.
The most common saying “Just go do it, NOW!!”
I got to ride with Nick Larkin for a while (an event guy!). He was so funny-
In a New Zealand accent
“You’re going to eviscerate yourself” (as I attempted to switch a dressage whip)
and
“Do you need oxygen?” After jumping a looooooooong course on a lazy horse.
The witchy witch witch of south central NC.
Overheard at a show: “Ride that horse like you ride your boyfriend!” 
Another favourite when a gelding is complaining about his rider “Life’s a bitch and then one rides you.” or “Life a bitch and then you die.” (usually said in reference to my horse when she doesn’t thing listening to me is a good idea).
~ Charter Member of the Welsh Cob clique ~
One of my mottos! 
You have to be smarter than the horse, and since that will never happen, pretend you are.
“Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: “Take two aspirin” and “Keep away from children””
“That damn well wasn’t gravity’s fault.” (when i make a dumb move and take a spill.)
“Move with the horse, not like you have a pole up your ass.”
“The jump isn’t going to move, so look up!”
“Did you like the feel of that?”
“No.”
“THEN DO IT RIGHT DAMMIT!!!”
My vaulting coach says, “I have a whip you know.” (When I’m not vaulting up or doing a move properly. She’s used it too on us too!!! LOL)
Trinity
[This message was edited by Trinity on Aug. 01, 2002 at 04:11 PM.]
Such as…
“That line would ride so much easier if the fences were raised a bit…”
or… the red flag raising statements such as
“We’re going to try something new today…”
and
“Trust me…”
When I was way young and ran out of leg, a trainer used to yell “Time to put another quarter in!”
Some of my favorite trainer sayings:
“Stop running like a wild banshi out of Hell.”
- Wendy Carter
(usually when I run to the chip)
“Get my hat and chaps.”
-Wendy Carter
(right after the banshi out of hell thing)
“Were you counting?”
-Misti Cassar
(When I add in a line)
“I’m not sure it looks like 3’6”."
-Debbie Olsen
(Her awnser to how high the jump is when it is really like 4’6")
“You look like you are starting a lawn mower.”
-Mike Henaghann
(When my hands get busy.)
More to come…
This one I got second hand from a HSM at our barn, who was standing next to my trainer while I was in the ring.
At our first away show my green horse was still trying to figure out how he could escape out the gate when we rode by, and using the crop or spurs generated some spectacular bucks. Oddly enough, we discovered that growling scared the bejeebees out of him and worked quite well.
To me, trainer says, “Growl, growl, growl at him”.
HSM: “What’s with the growling?”
Trainer, very matter-of-fact, “If she doesn’t, she’ll die.”
–R
Rack me, I’m out.
Years ago with one of my old trainers:
“Stop chasing after the fences, they are not going to grow feet and run away.”
“By the time you’ve figured out how to make ends meet, they move the ends”
one of my favorites that my trainer says to me is “POPSICLES!!!” it’s kinda funny because everyone stares at my trainer like she’s nuts. here’s where it came from:
me and a couple other people didn’t keep our thumbs up, so one really hot day, my trainer gave everyone two popsicles and had them ride with popsicles in their hands, the only to hold onto the popsicles is to keep your thumbs up. it was really fun and afterward we gave our horses the popsicles. that was one of the most interesting lessons my trainer has taught me… 
“Life is a long race. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind, but in the end, it’s all a race with yourself” -From the Sunscreen Song
My trainer one said to a few of her advanced students after lots of poor riding one lesson, Don’t make me watch this!!!
visit www.victorianfarms.com
“Your sister does that better(worse).” (we have two fantastic girls who are a year apart, and ride the same pony)
And heard tonight as I was hacking Dunn: “That’s it. You’re not allowed to go back to school again.”
