So I think it’s been something coming for awhile now. I have found myself riding less and less, the farm is nothing but a chore, dealing with people is nothing but a chore, and as horrible as it sounds I just don’t care or have any interest any more. I think it started with the decision to retire my 18 yr old gelding after this year to a more relaxed life. He has been a friend for life and will stay with me till he dies. But that spurred “looking for the next one” and it was one let done after another. I think after spending the money and the energy I had enough. I know this sounds selfish of me, but I want to take the money normally spent on hay for the winter and go on vacation. I want to spend more money on me and my family. I want more free time in my schedule to spend with my son. I’m 31 years old and have competed in a variety of disciplines, but I’m done. I’ve taught and trained for many years, but I’m ready to be done. How many of you have walked away and not regretted it? What caused you to make the “decision”? I know there are a lot out there who say I could never live with out my herd, but I just don’t care about my herd anymore. I don’t want the responsibility anymore. God this sounds horrible of me, horses have been my whole life, but they can over run your life in a blink of an eye and I want my life back. They make jokes of people who never eat, are up at 4am each morning, no holidays, no weekends, and I have said enough. I have an ailing father who I need to spend as much time with as possible, not worry if some snotty nose and her parent won’t listen to my advice for the 1,000th time. My real life that I want more is knocking and I want to listen and this mountain is blocking my way. Does this make me any less of an equestrian, someone who’s not a “real” equestrian cause I cant make the cut or handle the heat? Ugh but I want what’s right for me and my family.
You’re 31?
That’s a fine age to retire. I wish I could have.
Go for it!
Sounds like you need a break. However, if your 18 year old horse is with you for life, how will that free you from the responsibilities of horse care? Do you plan on boarding him somewhere to free up your time?
If you’re only 31, you’ve got plenty of time to rethink this decision sometime down the road. Go ahead and quit now if you want (and it sounds like you really do), and if in 10 years your kids are older, your finances are better, and you’re missing it, you’d still be able to jump right back in.
Take a break and clear your head. Don’t burn bridges or get rid of all your tack.
I’m taking a break next year from showing with my trainer. I want to spend the time and money on other things. If I find I can’t live without it then I’ll start back.
Sounds like you’re burned out. Take a break. Even if you don’t come back to full involvement with horses, you still can get your fix with your retired horse.
I took a break several years ago when the pressures of “real life” took precedence over horses. When things evened out in my life, after several years, I realized I missed it like crazy, so got back in. I didn’t show, though, because my husband was sick and I couldn’t commit to a schedule. My horses were happy to hang out with me, no pressure, and I rode when I could.
When your horse life becomes an overwhelming chore, back away. There’s no shame in that! What’s that saying, you CAN have it all, maybe just not at the same time. At 31 you’ve got tons of time to figure it all out. I didn’t even get my first horse til I was in my mid-30’s! (Of course, that was 30 years ago.)
Enjoy your family, take care of your dad, guilt free. Things will work out. You may find you miss a life immersed in horses, but maybe you won’t. That’s okay.
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((hugs)) laced with comfort and support ~ follow your gut ````
((hugs)) laced with comfort and support ~
follow your gut~
don’t ever close any door completely ~
always time to return if you wish ~
your life ~ your plan ~ just find “happiness” that’s the most important part ~
Jingles & AO that you ‘smile’ again soon in whichever place you choose ~
I kind of understand. I have had health issues that have made winter farm work exceptionally challenging for me. I don’t mind the spring, summer, fall so much but, man winter, geesh its tuff!!! I don’t want to get out completely, but I have cut back, and wish to cut back even more. Problem is no one else wants me to cut back. Friends and family think I should just keep on keeping on.
A couple of my dear friends who are vets are always suggesting I fire up my breeding program again. And if they say it in front of the family, well then they get all fired up and start pushing. I am just not the person I was before, and I have not the strength I once had. But then I wonder are they right? Am I making a mistake by cutting back?
I am glad I did cut back some and gave myself time to ponder these questions. I still don’t have my answers but I think I am getting closer to them. If I was you at your age (I’m older) I would definitely cut back, take care of the things you want to right now, and later if opportunity or the horse bug bites again, then go for it again.
Taking a break or a semi break dose not mean its forever. But it could be right for right now.
My daughter did, at about the age you are. She was single and had one horse. He broke her heart, I think. She had come into a bit of money and used it to buy what she thought was “the perfect horse” and then proceeded to live the “perfect horse life.” But the money ran out. The horse wasn’t perfect. She began to make irrational decisions to try to keep the dream alive. In the end, she gave it all up. She found a good home for the horse, sold all the horse -stuff and took up a different -non-horse-life style. To me, it was sad --I thought she could have found a different path that would have allowed her and the horse to continue -after all–does one NEED to show? to train? to do clinics? can’t one (in my mom opinion, mind) enjoy the horse on a free trail ride at a county park? But she was an all-or-nothing kind of person. If she couldn’t live the show life, then she didn’t want to do it at all. I think she’s happy with her choice. She’s hugely involved in other sports now and doing well.
Foxglove
One of my friends quit horses 11 years ago after her horse died. She sold everything and did absolutely nothing horse related for 7 years and then one day, the itch came back. It started with just hacking a friend’s horse, but now 4 years later, she has her own horse again with all of the trappings. Her only regret from her time off is having sold her higher dollar items, like saddles and trailers. My advice would be to hang on to a few of the more expensive thinges for a couple of years to see if your retirement is really going to “stick”.
Take care of your old guy and keep your tack. Otherwise, do what you want. If the horse bug hits again, you won’t have to start from scratch. If not, you can sell your tack and buy something you find more enjoyable.
I grew up riding, worked in horses professionally until my late 20’s when I found myself completely burned out. I went to college, lived in a city for 20 years and was rarely around horses. Now, I have a trail horse and a mini companion in a backyard barn and I could give a rat’s ass about teaching or training . . . but, I love riding again. My tack is biothane, my routines are simple and my dogs, honestly, are more work. You’ll figure it out, but whatever way you go, don’t feel bad about it. Good luck.
If I could sell or give away my two mares (or even one), I’d do so in a NY minute. I had horses for most of my life, then I got hurt, sold that mare to the first guy with money and didn’t miss it a bit. I got into dogs which were easier and cheaper. Then a friend sucked me into getting this mare for DD. I got back into it bc I handled that mare with her, found myself spending hours at the barn and thought…we need a horse for me. Enter horse #1 for me. Then another friend sent a gelding to DD, and we had 3. Last a fabulous deal came along on a mare with bloodlines I loved and had kept a very casual eye out for. She became mine. After 2 years, I finally admitted I just didn’t like her and so she has sat. I’m almost 60 and I want out. I want the $$ I put into board, extra feed, farrier service and everything else to be put into my house. I also want out of the house, but still have 4 dogs so that won’t happen soon.
all this to say, yes, I’d get out in a hurry if I could get rid of the mareIthoughIwantedanddon’tlike.
The only thing that you said that I think is silly is that this is selfish. I agree with everybody else - you’re done. It’s time. It might come back around on the guitar, and it might not. I never thought I could be happy without horses in my life on a daily basis, but I am. Of course, I still hang out on horse bulletin boards, but it’s a whole lot cheaper, and takes less time, than having an actual horse!
Could you find someone to manage the place for you in exchange for board?. I know it becomes a different kind of headache but sometimes they do work out.
Put up a notice in tack shop feed store etc.
Consider leasing to someone
You sound really burned out.
Can you find someone to take over for a short time so you have a real vacation?
I am in a similar situation, although much older. I’m 56, two grandkids in the last 2 years. My daughters need help with the babies, my husband needs help with our business, I have a part time job as well… and I have these two horses outside. Now, neither of these horses is currently rideable; one has had ongoing lameness for the past year, the other is 27, and the sweetheart of my horsey life. The 27 year old is nearing her end, which will probably be before next winter, so I started looking for another horse, because, you can’t have just one standing out there by herself! It’s not fair to that one… and I look and realize, I just don’t want one. I don’t want the inevitable sparring to get settled in with the other one, I don’t want the crappy hay that I have to send back, I don’t want the flies and the manure control, I don’t want the lugging of large bags of grain… I am so done with this. Tired. Thanks for reading.
It’s perfectly fine to want to get out! I quit riding in college, returned in my 40s, and hope to keep going until old age throws something wicked at me. But I suspect that if I’d had horses straight through to now (I’m in your age bracket) I might be wanting to scale back. As long as you make good decisions about where to rehome the horses there’s no guilt. I put my horse on pasture board in college and she lived out there until we put her down at 29. I always felt guilty about leaving her there but in fact she loved that life and didn’t want to be caught or see me!
I always loved horses from my toddler days to my adulthood. I got into riding as a young adult in my early-mid twenties. I found my trainer thru a class offering at the local junior college. I stayed with her for years. Riding lessons were never even thought of in my family, and no one had horses or knew anyone who did have them. So when I did get in, I went whole hog. Well, for me it was whole hog. My trainer found me a horse, and I kept her, boarded, for 29 years! (what could I have done with that money for 29 years?) I took lessons and did some showing, but we weren’t terribly talented. She has been gone over 10 years now, buried on the farm where she lived, and while I miss the THOUGHT of her, I didn’t ride much in the later years. But I will Never sell my saddle. It is an old Passier, that I bought used in 1978. It fit her and me as if it were custom made.
Memories cannot be taken away, except by Alzheimer’s.
@Cedar this was a near-5yo thread when you bumped it 
Since OP never commented beyond the initial post, I’d guess it was more of a vent than seeking advice.
Anyhow…
The best advice, IMO, came from @Frog Pond
At 31yo, burnout could be a temporary condition & burning every bridge might end up regrettable.
My intention wasn’t to ‘bump’ anything. I merely searched ‘getting out of horses’ online, and found very little. My hope was to hash out the why and how of actually doing it. For example, do I just keep the cats in the barn and hope all forms of wildlife won’t move in? Do I move the remaining horse to a boarding barn to rehome after I euthanize the one that I know will have hardship surviving another winter? There are logistical considerations. Also, the advice for the 31 yr old hardly applies to me at 56. I am at a different stage of life. I have made my decision, I am getting out of horses, although I am still working out how.
