I’m not sure how to do this. I have two mares, one with kissing spine, one with pins in an ankle, and a feral pony. My husband wants me to get rid of the horses’, as none are really rideable anymore. He wants to travel, not be tied down. The horses’ are useless, according to him, and he is kind of right. I don’t think they are sellable, but the thought of just putting them down breaks my heart!
He thinks getting rid of the horses is easy, but he has no idea what it entails. I’m not sure were to go from here.
I’d tell my husband to shove off.
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You have two choices. Put down the horses or divorce the husband and continue to care for these horses until the natural end of their lifespan. There are no other choices that won’t result in these horses being a drain on someone else until they end up in the same situation again.
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A caretaker for the horses while you and your husband travel?
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Are they at home or boarded?
If they’re at home and you’re their primary caretaker, I’d suggest boarding them somewhere. My horse is currently at a full care facility so I don’t worry a bit about her when I travel; I trust my barn to take care of my horse, otherwise I’d move. Even when I wasn’t at a full care facility, I had friends at the barn I trusted to watch my horse when I was away. Otherwise, I agree with @OverandOnward’s suggestion of getting a caretaker.
If they’re currently boarded and your husband thinks all the money/time spent on them is a waste, then… that is a problem. You’re right in that they’d be hard to sell or rehome. I’m leery of trying to sell or give away unridable animals as it is all too common for the horses to wind up in a bad situation. Much kinder to be put down when they’re happy/healthy, with people who care about them, than wind up half-starved at a low-end auction.
Personally, I would be taking issue with my partner refering to my “big pet” as useless. If they’re bringing you joy, then they are doing their job. Many people keep horses they can’t ride because they enjoy being around horses. YMMV!
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My wife and I have been married for many decades, due to our work we rarely took trips together since some one needed to be here taking care of the livestock.
If he wants to travel then he should/could by himself but I suspect after a short period the glamor of going somewhere will diminish greatly after dealing with the hoards of people.
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I know a couple folks who donated their older, not showable any longer, gentle horses to a therapeutic riding center. They had to pass some tests and remain calm while being led to simulate their new “job”. They only had to walk once or twice a day. It’s a nice, easy life with purpose, while being well-cared for. Is this an option for the horse with pins? Maybe reducing the number of horses you have, if you can find a responsible option, would be helpful?
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An important question is, what do you want? Do you get enjoyment, comfort and satisfaction from having your horses, caring for them and being around them? Or, are they more a chore and burden? Do you feel guilty for the time and expense they take, or do you not mind that because they bring you joy? Do you also want to travel and do other things, and spend more time with your husband? Do you resent his demand, or do you kind of agree with it?
Wanting to be done with unrideable, expensive horses is understandable and reasonable if you aren’t getting enough out of having them. People will judge no matter what you choose to do, but as long as you deal with them compassionately and humanely, there isn’t a wrong decision.
I had a mare with kissing spine - she ended up being unrideable and dangerous under saddle. We were lucky to find her a forever home with a place that we knew would love her and never ride her, but I was prepared to put down a beautiful, sweet athletic 8 yo mare. It would have broken me, but any other future would have been grim.
Grey
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I’ve had my horses at home for 20yrs with just me caring for them.
I’m now in my 70s (how did that happen?).
In all those years I’ve done a lot of traveling.
Annual long weekends to visit family or friends.
10-day trip to China.
Trips to Japan & Holland to visit friends.
Weeklong riding vacay to Spain & to meet with friends traveling there after.
Annual 4-day trip to The National Drive - 3h from home - I take my Driving mini, leaving 2 horses home.
And until COVID changed the program, weekly trip to the city, 40mi each way, to volunteer for a half day at a pantry program I’d volunteered at since 1996.
Occasional trips to go out with friends from that volunteer job.
I’m in no way tied to my farm.
@Seagram Do you not have access to a farmsitter?
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If putting them down becomes an option that you seriously consider …
Talk to COTH about it. But otherwise don’t engage the world in your decisions and decision process. Not many people understand. Too many people think it is their job to put forth a lot of judgments.
Horses have no concept of how long their life is, or could be. They don’t know how old they are, or could be. All they know is how they feel today. A quick painless end is not a cruelty. it ensures they will never know worse conditions than they are in right now.
A short good life, is a good life.
And other people don’t even have to know until long after it is over. You can use any kind of language or justification that avoids the entanglements of your decision. It’s not their business, unless you want to share your business with a very few people that you are closest to.
I am not suggesting that you euthanize your horses. There’s not enough information here for me to even have an opinion.
Just putting some thoughts out there that may help relieve your feelings if you do come to a hard decision.
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Thanks all! I’m not seriously thinking of putting them down, was just kind of mulling things over and it helps to write it out and discuss with like minded (horsey) people who understand.
Part of it is I’m just tired of it. They are at home, so it really isn’t too much work at all. I could find a sitter, wouldn’t be hard. Our little farm was once my dream, but know it doesn’t feel like it anymore. When we first bought the place, I was so happy! Now it just doesn’t spark any joy anymore.
I guess it just happened a little too late in my life, if that makes sense. I wish I still had that spark!
I don’t blame my husband for feeling the way he does. They do suck up a lot of my time and resources. I feel resentful sometimes, of the horses too.
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When’s the last time you took a vacation? If your life has been all farm all the time for a while now you may just need a break to reset and get some of the spark back. Burnout is a real thing. Find a farm sitter, plan a nice trip, and just go relax somewhere with your husband and then see how you feel when you get back. It may help you find some clarity before you make any permanent decisions.
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If it’s financially feasible, if I was in your position I’d board the horses somewhere for a few months. When you’re feeling a bit burnt out (as it sounds that you are, not trying to put words in your mouth), and you’re facing external pressure to “fix” it, sometimes getting some space can make the decisions and options clearer.
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I don’t know where you.live, but for me, Winters suck a lot of joy out of Life in general.
Including my will to ride or drive horses.
Even with the relatively easy Winter we had, on the lovely days gifted us this past couple of months, I just can’t find the energy.
I know (hope?) that will pass & Spring will reenergize me.
Maybe do as suggested, give yourself a break from horsekeeping & go somewhere with your husband.
It might reenergize you.
It may not.
Worth a try 
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I vote for hiring a farm sitter and taking a long vacation. FYI…vacations aren’t all they are cracked up to be. There are hoards of people at popular destinations and travel conditions by plane are like being packed in a sardine can.
After vacation, then decide what to do. Pins in an ankle may be ok for therapeutic riding program if the horse is not in pain. I see no problem with euthanasia for an older, infirm animal that is in pain. It is a gentle way to go. A friend of mine had to put down her older stallion she used in equine exhibitions. He had “his song” and knew the music, so when the day came, she got her boom-box, played the song and the vet did her job. You could see horse was happy til he went to sleep at the end. As far as the feral pony, if you want a “goal” then working to train him to be a good civilized horse might be a nice after-vacation project…he could then find a new home.
You don’t have to justify your decisions to anyone.
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Let me put in a gentle reminder that therapeutic riding programs are quite picky about the horses they use. The ones I know strongly prefer sound unflappable horses that can at least walk and trot with no more that Equiox as management. Ideally, it should also have a rocking horse canter (They love to have some for students that canter but need a lot more horses for walk or walk/trot clients) They get a lot of offers so they can be picky. Around here, many also work on a free lease basis, so at some point the horse becomes your responsibility again.
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I agree with this 100%. And sometimes (note I say sometimes), when the therapeutic riding center is done with the horse, they move them on, it’s not a forever home, I have first hand knowledge of this. A pony I know was donated to a program with the clause it was to be returned to owner if it didn’t work out, when the pony became unable to do it’s job after a year or so (heaves) it was put up for sale on craigslist. I happened to be looking through craigslist, saw the pony, and flipped out when I saw she was being sold for kill pen $.
I contacted prior owners, sweating like bullets that I could reach them in time ( i would’ve purchased this pony if i was unable to track down the prior owners) Luckily, it all worked out. Prior owners were aghast at how it all played out as pony was supposed to return to them. They had no idea she was for sale. Sh!t hit the fan and the pony was returned “home” and had a Happily Ever After retirement.
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Then you are exceptionally unusual
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What’s the story behind the feral pony?
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They also want horses capable of carrying a lot of weight.
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