Getting rid of horses

[2DogsFarm]

To quote on old song:
Try a little tenderness

If you read the original.post it’s the DH who wants horses gone.
I read OP struggling with this re: her marriage & horses not easily rehomed.

I don’t know how long you’ve had horses, whether they’re at home, if you have help caring for them, but in any case, can you honestly say there’s never been a single day, even a minute when you wished you weren’t a horseowner?
I know I can’t & I’m 20yrs into my childhood dream of Horses at Home.
After boarding for 15yrs, riding schoolies & shareboarding for long before owning.

Unless your partner is as dedicated to horses as you and/or money is not & will never be an issue, we all need an Exit Strategy.
Mine is yet to be recorded on paper, but it’s plain in my head (see my post above).
Even if the above are true, Life happens & keeping horses can become impossible.
I hope you never have to make the decision.

[TBROCKS]

I have 5 horses at home, and I’ve had my place since 2011. My husband is deceased, that was my “life happens” moment, and now I do almost everything myself, daily. In addition to working 2 jobs so I can afford it. And I love it.
I have a plan for if/when I can’t take care of my horses anymore. I also hope it never has to be implemented.

[pluvinel]

@OverandOnward

But the equine can end up slaughtered anyway, where they are.

I knew a pack of fox hounds that fed horse meat. It came on the hoof to the farm. Then there are zoos who need large animals to feed the large cats

[endlessclimb]

Good for you.

Not everyone is you.

About twice a year I think about selling all my horse stuff and getting out of it, because even on the best days it’s a borderline irresponsible massive financial drain, and outright irresponsible financial drain if one of them gets hurt.

[fivestrideline]

Did you actually read the OP and their following posts? Or did you just take offense to the title?

[CBoylen]

Which is great. These are wonderful alternatives for people. Euthanasia and disposal are neither cheap nor easy and don’t benefit other animals.

[candyappy]

@OverandOnward

A caretaker for the horses while you and your husband travel?

@LilDunFilly

If they’re at home and you’re their primary caretaker, I’d suggest boarding them somewhere.

I am all in favor of the caretaker idea if all the husband wants is the ability to travel now and again.

Paying board on 3 unusable horses is quite the financial drain and I don’t know many non horsey spouses who would happily shell out that much money every month. Euthanasia would be preferable over that for me even though it is a difficult choice.

[twostinkydogs]

I recently used an equine bodyworker who had an autistic son that did therapeutic riding. I mentioned I hoped one of my horses would be a good candidate for a riding therapy center located next to where she was boarded. The woman said the therapy is actually quite difficult for the horses and she would never retire her personal horse to a center. I have no idea if she had a one-off experience or if it’s consistently difficult, but it stuck with me.

[Seagram]

Thanks for the thoughtful reply! I’m actually in my early 50’s, but some days I do feel much older!
I’m not sure that I want to invest any more time and effort in pony, I do agree it might be a bit premature to be considering euth, but it is always an option on the table. I would happily give her away if I found someone who was willing to try with her. That whole sunken fallacy thing and all.
Anyway, i really appreciate all of the replies, and letting me use COTH as a sounding board. It helps just to write things out, and lets me be a bit more objective, seeing things through another lense.
And to all of you who suggested a vacation, that sounds like a fabulous idea. Not sure financially if it is in the cards anytime soon, but never say never!

[Lusoluv]

Obviously, any program accepting donated horses needs to be thoroughly investigated. The therapeutic equine program a few miles from us is great. Horses have all day turnout and they care for senior horses very well, they’re the majority population. My friend’s horse had Cushings and moderate arthritis. Her horse stayed on the same meds and treatment schedule, along with his low NSC diet. She was invited to visit the farm any time, unannounced during normal operational hours. Horses are walk-only, and led by handlers. There’s a strict weight limit and most riders are children under 18 yrs. In their contract, donator is given the right of first refusal if horse ever needs to be rehomed. 3 people at my barn have donated senior horses to this center over the past 11 years. All have been extremely happy with this option.

[moonlitoaksranch]

Wow, that sounds like a really bad situation for you. Without the money to spend on a trainer (with unknown success rate) I think the opinion here is correct…euthanasia.

I got lucky with a little feral pony I got for free, but this was an untouched pony. He came around, like you would expect. This pony doesn’t sound untouched to me. The kicking and shaking sounds like severe abuse is in the past that even a professional may not overcome.

I think maybe you could put the pony down and then see how things go. Maybe your horse will do fine being a pasture ornament. Knowing how dangerous the pony is changes the situation a little. I could understand your husband’s fear for your safety. Is that true?

As far as travel goes, there are farm sitters and there are pasture boarding options if you want to keep the KS horse. Otherwise, I’m not familiar with KS so I can’t really advise you there. However, I do think getting rid of both at once is too much.

[Seagram]

Pony isn’t mean, or at least isn’t trying to be. But, yeah, I wonder what happened to her to make her react the way she does, as well. Some are just total over-reactions! I think she is trying to protect herself, too.
I would still have the two mares, the ks is unrideable, dangerous under saddle, unfortunately, but a sweetheart in the field. I did have x-rays done to confirm this (she was sent to a cowboy by her previous owner, and she managed to ditch him multiple times, so pain and learnt behavior!) The ankle pin mare is an ex tb racehorse, that the previous owners thought well enough about to get the surgery, they were probably thinking of breeding, but didn’t. She just can’t do much, maybe hack around.

[dmveventer]

Working in a therapeutic riding program is a very tough job for a horse, not a lot of them can do it. Many of the riders are unable to balance themselves or distribute their weight evenly, which can really wear on a horse’s back. “Just walking” for an hour or two with dead weight on their back is not as easy as it looks. Mentally, they have to be willing to put up with the lack of balance, sudden sounds and movements, having a leader and sidewalkers crowding them, getting conflicting signals from rider and leader, etc. They have to be desensitized to wheelchairs and other therapeutic aids, including mechanized lifts for mounting that many programs are putting in.

The program I worked for sent back a lot of trial horses that weren’t good fits. We also required new additions to be sound walk/trot/canter and low maintenance to start (allowances were made as solid horses aged), and preferred larger horses since we were always struggling to find mounts for adult riders. We preferred to keep them on free leases when possible, and generally tried to retire horses elsewhere when their careers were over (good homes, but still not staying with the program).

It’s a great option for horses that are suited, the staff know the value of a solid therapy horse and do everything in their power to alleviate the stress of the job, but it’s not for everyone.

[Impractical_Horsewoman]

Did you originally buy the two horses as saddle horses, with hopes to ride them? You said they are young.

Obviously, we would all love a happy turnaround for the pony, but I can understand not wanting to invest more in her training. Would the seller take her back (since she wasn’t a “free” gift)?

It’s a tough situation, and I think you need to do some thinking about what would make you happy and what you can afford 5, 10 years from now. For example, if you didn’t have the horses (or if you could retire the horses to a barn in perhaps a less costly area, downsize from the farm to a smaller house) would you feel relief? Loss? Do you miss riding? Do you want to travel? Also discuss with your husband what he wants to/ feels like he’s missing out on.

[BeeHoney]

Anyone who feels judgmental here should offer to take one of the OP’s horses off of her hands.

Just financially, retiring horses is a huge commitment. If you take a low ballpark estimate of $400 per month per horse, that could be $300,000 to offer three youngish horses a permanent retirement.

This isn’t even considering the time, responsibility and physical aspects. There’s property upkeep, repairs, holding a misbehaving pony for the farrier and ending up with a broken foot (or worse) and needing surgery but it never heals right, having to deal with heavy bags of feed and bales of hay, etc. It’s not easy.

When people are able to, it certainly is lovely and heartwarming when owners can provide unlimited retirement care for their horses. I think it’s a close second best when people evaluate the horse’s health, behavior and comfort, consider their own finances, resources and personal situation in a thoughtful manner, and provide what retirement time is reasonable followed with a peaceful end.

I understand what people say about winter being hard, but I think that is kind of dismissing the OP’s very real concerns. I also think that suggesting unrealistic solutions like therapy programs is not particularly helpful advice.

Let’s just be honest. Providing retirement care for equines is legitimately a large and expensive (and physically demanding if you keep them at home) commitment that many horse owners struggle with. It’s emotionally difficult to balance what you wish you could afford to do vs. what is personally realistic vs. the guilt and shame associated with euthanasia.

[Impractical_Horsewoman]

I agree with all you said @BeeHoney and I think most posters in this thread support whatever she will choose. It’s really hard when you reach true middle age (speaking as a middle-aged person myself) and you start to realize that energy and financial reserves aren’t infinite, even if you’re not really old. The OP has already given the horses a better life than most people would have, and even if some months are “less miserable” than winter, that’s not the same thing as being happy. Of course, if she is happy keeping at least some of the horses, that’s a different story–and again, something to discuss and reflect upon.

[red_mares]

I’m not sure where you are, but I’d give the pony to some Amish kids, let them break it & keep whatever they get selling it. As was mentioned, in pony years it’s a baby. A lot of kids get project ponies, that may or may not be nice, break them and sell then sell them. They don’t do this in a vacuum; there’s help if they need it.

I doubt anything bad actually happened to the pony. She is unhandled and maybe a screw loose; there doesn’t need to be anything else. I’ve seen unhandled 3 or 4 year olds in from a field, if you didn’t know better, you’d swear they’d been abused. I had a trainer tell me my idiot mare was abused. She hadn’t been; I’d known her from the time she hit the ground (actually she was spoiled, not abused).

The KS horse would be the first I’d put down. We’ve got a horse in the barn with pins in his ankle (ringbone repair). He stays sound for light lessons but doesn’t get pushed at all.

[Virginia_Horse_Mom]

@Seagram

Thanks for the thoughtful reply! I’m actually in my early 50’s, but some days I do feel much older!
I’m not sure that I want to invest any more time and effort in pony, I do agree it might be a bit premature to be considering euth, but it is always an option on the table. I would happily give her away if I found someone who was willing to try with her. That whole sunken fallacy thing and all.

I think I mixed up someone else’s reply on this thread with you, and had it in my head that you were 70.

Oh well. I do hope you can come up with a solution for the pony. I suspect having that particular one gone might alleviate significant stress.

I do have horses at home, as well as boarded out occasionally. I had a mare a few years ago who was just a stressful nightmare to keep at home. She had a really challenging “warm blood brain” and was 16.3 and big boned. She had been in professional programs for a few years, and was beautifully schooled to ride… but really challenging on the ground. She would just spook and be reactive and obstinate about any number of things, about 10% of the time. And… she had a tendency to rear. I tried for awhile, but eventually decided the stress of dealing with her on the ground when she got loopy and reactive was just a bad fit for me on a small family farm. The mare needed to live in a professional program.

After she was sold and gone, I realized how much that one challenging horse impacted dynamics and stress on my small farm. It’s just monumentally easier with my others. Even though they have quirks too.

Hopefully there is some way to get some relief from your situation with this pony.

[2DogsFarm]

“Vacation” doesn’t have to be expensive.
A long weekend at a local B&B can be enough to feel like you got away from routine.
What is DH looking for when he thinks Travel?
If a sport - golf, fishing, biking or? - draws him, you s/b able to find a place you can both enjoy with Room Service* & someone else doing the cooking

*Caveat:
Since COVID a lot of hotels don’t routinely do daily cleaning unless requested.

[Callista17]

Seagram, I hear you. Horses are a lot. Let’s face it. Especially at home. How many times a day do you have to take care of them without breaks?! Especially if it’s only you. It’s a lot. Sometimes I’ll even be watching a movie, and I’ll think really, again?! I need to bring them in and feed them again?!? I don’t even want to get up.
I have 3 horses- all rideable. I RARELY ride them. I just don’t have the time or frankly the energy. I rode, I showed, I’ve done clinics, etc
A few ideas, that may or may not even be reasonable for your situation…Do you have other stalls? Maybe rent out a stall for someone to care for yours?
Or can you simplify things? More pasture time? Sometimes I think people make things more difficult with small pastures , lots of in and out, far turnout walks, etc Just maybe other ideas.
I recently had to travel for work for about a month, it does refresh things and reset your prospective.