I know I’m about to get a ton of backlash from this post, especially considering this is my first post on the forum, but I have to get it off my chest after crying for half an hour.
I am completely envious and pissed at one of my friends who rides with the same trainer as me.
My horse, Unya, is a very talented Mexican TB gelding. He isn’t the easiest to ride but he isn’t an ‘out of hell’ horse. He just requires someone to actually ride him, in other words a normal horse. He will refuse and he will stop if not ridden with determination and oomph, but he is an amazing jumper and I love him. We win every time we get into the ring but God is it a struggle. Please no comments on my horse, budget is tight and, honestly, I can’t get a more expensive horse so I’m working my best with what I’ve got and I’m somehow making it work.
My friends horse, on the other hand, is an imported, 2.5 million peso, KWPN mare who was doing the triple bar challenge in Holland (Or somewhere in Europe) before coming here. She literally was jumping 2m with ease with another rider and that mare was winning no matter what. This mare doesn’t refuse, forgives ANY DISTANCE, does literally all the job herself while my friend sits there doing NOTHING, her legs not even tight (moving all around), her hand never giving her horse release and her seat all bouncy. If I did that with my horse, I’d have a face full of sand or an unfinished course or worse a very pissed horse trying to buck me off.
And yet, even though I work my ass off every day, stay extra hours with my trainer to watch others and learn more from others riding, ride whatever horse my trainer gives me (some that have literally tried to flip over on me) to get more experience and get better at riding, my friend still does better than me when we have our lesson together. The exercises? She does them right the first time or by the second time while I usually struggle with Unya being a brat if he got confused by the exercise or simply doesn’t feel like doing it that day(of course I stay patient with him until he understands it because I know he isn’t as experienced and needs a bit of teaching from my part) while watching my friend not even have to tell her mare what to do while the mare figures it out all by herself. Prizes and competitions? I win every time I get into the ring, give me a horse and I’ll win at least third place, and yet I look like a monkey riding while my friend looks all pretty while the mare does all the work. She literally doesn’t win higher than 6th place in a 10 horse competition while I won first in a 50 national competition this year, and yet she gets praised more by my trainer and gets to jump higher than me. In our team, I am the one with the most prizes, championships, and ribbons, yet I get stuck jumping 1m this year while my coach wants to enter my friend in the Longines Global youth championship at 1.25. I mean, really? I know it sounds like an envious and jealous person, and I’m here admitting that I am but can you blame me? I’ve fallen, cried, and struggled to get the horse I have (convincing my parents who HATE horses) and struggled to get him to the level he has achieved while my friend sits on her expensive mare looking pretty and just cries when she wants a new horse.
I ride two horses that my trainer is selling, they are both amazing animals, one is super easy the other is a bit lazy but my trainer and I have worked our butts off to make them the way they are, automatic rides. The super-easy horse, Churro, jumps whatever you put in front of him no matter what. While I was working him I gave him a 1.30 course with ease! I would die to buy either churro or Pistol (the lazy one, my favorite) but I know I’ll never be able to, and yet my friend got on Churro one time and now her parents are buying him, claiming she rides him better than me and that he’s a hard horse that will force her to try harder. PLEASE! That horse I could ride with one hand behind my back.
My friend is also taking a trip to Europe with her parents and my coach this year to get yet ANOTHER HORSE. I feel like the universe is testing me with my friend, and honestly it broke me today. I just can’t stand it and I would die just to have half of what she has, and it pisses me off that she takes it for granted. She doesn’t try, she doesn’t take training seriously, and it frustrates the HELL out of me when she gives up or just lets the mare do it on her own because she’s ‘tired’. If I had that mare I would already be jumping the classical (1.40-1.50).
And I know many will say ‘oh, but maybe she rides better than you’, please. She got on Unya once, ONCE, and started to complain because he was ‘too difficult to control’ and ‘too hard to handle’. I was on her mare, she was on Unya, and we were jumping at the same time, the same obstacle. The jumps got up to 1.10 and I was jumping the mare with ease while my friend couldn’t get unya to even look at the jump. They had to take it back down to 1m to get him to jump with her terrible seat and legs. I mean, I’ve jumped unya up to 1.20 (not a whole course but 2 or 3 obstacles) and yet she couldn’t get him over a 1.10 pole while I jumped her mare, that being the first time I rode her, up to 1.30. My friend is terrified of riding Unya, so yeah, she doesn’t ride better than me.
I just can’t help the envy I feel watching her or hearing about her rides. I hate having her parents come over and showing her off and me having to hold my tongue to not say that their daughter rides terrible. I want her parents to not compare her to me or try to get her to give ME tips. I mean, her parents and her want to CORRECT ME?! Really? I hate that people compliment her while I have people attacking me and criticizing my every move while I’m the one who wins more than her, just because my riding isn’t pretty but instead efficient. I just don’t know what to do with the envy that is choking me constantly and I just struggle with understanding that Unya is what I have to work with and I have to make it work. Once I sell him my plan is to get a better horse but first I have to make him automatic which is a long way away. I’m young, so maybe I have more maturing to do, but I just can’t bear the envy anymore. I need to know what to do to get ride of it or to at least keep it under control because I feel like I sound cocky but really I have lost all confidence in my riding recently.
One question, Am I A Bad Person For Feeling Like This?
