Green With Envy. I just can't help it. Tips?

[redandwhite]

I think most of us have felt something similar to this.

It’s important that you realize ribbons and championships mean nothing. The ability to get a feel of how to help a horse, having patience, being able to ride anything that comes your way, being able to bring up green horses, and being safe and capable are much more important.

The height of your competitions mean nothing, the prizes mean nothing. There are some truly better riders in the .9m ring going around with baby stallions than some of the higher classes.

Sometimes it feels very unfair when you are trying very hard and you aren’t getting the rewards- the higher fences, the praise. This means you need to change what those rewards are- growing a horse, fixing something you dislike about your position, really getting that collection up into your hand, understanding and making your horse the best she can be. These are the rewards you should be looking forward to.

Not everyone will have that 1.25m+ horse. It does not matter how hard you work, not everyone can earn those opportunities which are just sometimes luck. Say it again- some of this is luck. Tattoo it on your forehead.

As hard as it is, try not to compare yourself with anyone other than yourself. Everyone knows that’s very difficult to do, especially when you feel you’d be so much better at a certain opportunity, but if you spend your entire riding life not enjoying what you have, and pining over something that is unlikely to be attainable, you will always be miserable.

Concentrate on your love of your horse, on becoming better and better every ride, and make goals for yourself that are medium and short term. Concentrate on yourself becoming the best version of you you can.

What I’m telling you is not easy. I was always the underdog my whole life. But I finally like me, my abilities, and my skills, because I compare them to me. A little better every day.

If lessons suck for you because you have to watch your friend do everything without a challenge and you’re finding it hard to stop comparing the two of you, maybe take lessons at a different time, and enjoy watching and supporting your friend during her lessons.

[PaddockWood]

@AnnieCampy What you are missing is real self-esteem (REALLY believing in yourself) and you CAN began to feel that way and your therapist can help get you there. You are SO advanced for your young age to be willing to say you are jealous and envious. That’s how change begins. Being able to name it. It’s HUGE.

Most of us have had family/work colleagues and/or supposed friends who are not able to be supportive and kind. They are actually injured people. But they also sense your sensitivity to it all and your lack of believing in yourself.

You’ll always have inequality in life. People are prettier, richer, have it better etc. But once you realize you really have it all inside you and you are ENOUGH…all that other stuff doesn’t matter any more. Then, amazing things begin to happen. Like true happiness and fulfillment.

[Fellbutbackup]

You are limiting yourself by looking at others and thinking, “What if?”

From what you are saying, this is my understanding:

1. You are a nationally ranked rider.
2. You are currently limited by your horse.
3. You are at an age where you are easily trainable and have the want to.

I would stop looking at your friend’s horse and parents (it is weird that you care about their opinion at all lol). Unless they are extremely wealthy, in the larger picture of a horse world, there are probably plenty of better horses. If you are limiting your perspective to that, it is a waste of effort.

If all that you say about yourself is true, I recommend getting a sponsor with access to truly good horses. You can forget about what others in your barn are doing and focus on your own limits. Stop wasting time.