I’m not in the “find a new dog” camp. Grief takes time and we all handle it our own way.
[QUOTE=fish;6525273]
Thanks for the article. I hope others read it, too.
I think where I feel guilt, though, is not so much from wondering if I could have prevented his illness, or done more to try to save him, as from feelings that I “sent him away” when he wanted so much for me to stay with him all the time, especially the last few days. As the article suggests, I think it is highly likely that such feelings do come from finding it so hard to accept that there are so many horrible things over which we really have no control.[/QUOTE]
Oh, I know that feeling, too! it is so awful! But you were with him to the last, til he knew no more. That is all we can do.
Aw Fish, so sorry for your loss.
I know I posted this earlier in the thread, but I lost my best dog a little over 2 yrs ago to osteosarc. Its ok to take your time and heal before you get a new friend. I’m still not over my Rottie bean, and as of this June, completely dogless for the first time in about 15 yrs. And its ok. ((HUGS))
[QUOTE=Judysmom;6525760]
Aw Fish, so sorry for your loss.
I know I posted this earlier in the thread, but I lost my best dog a little over 2 yrs ago to osteosarc. Its ok to take your time and heal before you get a new friend. I’m still not over my Rottie bean, and as of this June, completely dogless for the first time in about 15 yrs. And its ok. ((HUGS))[/QUOTE]
Gosh-- I just put that into context: this is the first time I’ve been completely dogless in 40 years (I’m not counting the months I spent frantically looking for a GSP puppy after losing my last heart dog to liver cancer in 1979).
I’m glad you’ve found an ok place in which to heal.
[QUOTE=Houndhill;6525709]
Oh, I know that feeling, too! it is so awful! But you were with him to the last, til he knew no more. That is all we can do.[/QUOTE]
Exactly. It is awful, especially because we really cannot know what they knew or felt when. I held my dog down for the “sting” of the sedative prior to the euthanasia drug that stopped his heart. I had hoped that he would have felt the kind of relief from pain I have when undergoing anesthesia for surgeries-- or gone as peacefully to sleep, with the same sense of relief, as other animals I’ve held for what I truly consider a last blessing, but it was not so. He didn’t struggle horribly, and the vet said the movements he made were “involuntary” and he “didn’t feel a thing,” but it tears me apart. I wanted to give him more than that. I wanted him to be glad to go, as I believed I would in his condition. As it is/was, I don’t know what to think. I just feel my dog everywhere and cry because he’s a ghost.
Bless your heart, Fish, just don’t go there, as far as letting yourself think of those final images. Yes, the movements are involuntary, like those “agonal gasps” that are not sounds one wants to dwell on if they occur. I suggest you try to redirect your thoughts if you find them recurring.
You are right, we don’t know whether he was glad to go, but he was surely spared suffering and pain, he was too good a dog to make go on when that was inevitably in store for him.
Try to think about it as being comforted by feeling his spirit, rather than that he is a ghost.
Looking in on you ~ hope you are taking care of yourself ~
Just looking in on you ~ hope you are being kind to yourself druing this most impossible time ~
I and Jingles of comfort and with time `` eventually some peace ~[/I]
Fish I am so sorry.
I recently lost my young dog suddenly to an unknown illness, it was horrible. Although the actual euthanasia was peaceful (he was on so many pain meds already), he did twitch and groan after he was gone. Even though I know this happens and is involuntary, it still hurts to see. But, please know it IS NOT their conscious control doing this. It is the last of the neurons firing, muscles twitching and involuntary motions - they feel nothing.
Again, I am very sorry for your loss 
Fish, my deepest condolences. 
I just lost my girl yesterday so I know your grief. You were lucky to have 11 yrs. Bonnie and I had 7 wonderful ones and I wish with all my heart that you could have 11 more and I could have 7 more.
(((((((HUGS)))))))
I am so sorry to read of your losses, especially of dogs so young, their full lifespans already being far too short.
Yesterday I was looking at a famous GSP breeder’s website and found myself weeping over memorial pages to her heart dog, an amazing show dog + baby sitter + obvious clown who died at 4. This breeder has owned and handled hundreds of great dogs, yet of this one she says “there will never be another.”
The longer I live, the more strongly I feel that life is a matter of 2-edged swords, like grief being an index of how blessed we’ve been to have had these special individuals at all.
The irony is, though, how many marvelous dogs can actually have a hard time finding homes. Yancey came to me because the young family who adopted him out of an animal shelter found that they couldn’t cope with his energy – even with a raging whip worm infestation!
Now I’m toying with the idea of volunteering for a GSP rescue. I think it’s way too soon to commit to another, but this place is just too empty without a dog. Who knows? Fostering might do me even more good than the dogs.
