Guilt/worry, how do deal with it?

[Lunabear1988]

When I envisioned Christmas break, I saw many opportunities to ride and do things. But between family plans, my daughter being out of school, working still and now illness, I barely made it to the barn at all.
My trainer was out of town as well so my horse was hanging out. I probably made it out once or twice a week for quick groundwork but that’s it. I did manage to haul him out one weekend which I had planned for a while. That went well but then I had to cancel a virtual lesson I had planned with a Grand Prix trainer.

The guilt and worry I feel is ridiculous. Part of it is my horse’s kissing spine so I worry about him losing muscle. Although he’s one that keeps muscle pretty well. And he’s pretty active in turn out.

Right now I’m just telling myself that next week, we will start bringing him back into work again.

Does anyone else deal with this type of guilt ?

[endlessclimb]

All week, every week! This time of year is really hard.

[Lunabear1988]

It really is! I had some really grand plans and wow did that fizzle out lol.

[Renn_aissance]

Your horse says WOOHOO! CHRISTMAS BREAK WAS EXTENDED!

He has no idea you had plans. He doesn’t know they were in his best interest. He just knows he’s getting extra vacation, and he probably feels the same as you would if you got 5 days extra PTO as a holiday bonus.

[endlessclimb]

Every day I get home from work with the plan to rush out to try and get something done with the horses. Roughly 50% of the time I do. Consistency is difficult.

[fivestrideline]

I haven’t even LOOKED at my horses in almost two weeks. They’ll be fine

I find that I have to maintain momentum in order to keep Doing Stuff with horses, especially in the winter. Too many days off has me thinking about selling everything and moving to the Bahamas . I try not to beat myself up about it and enjoy the Socially Acceptable Rot Days, and spend the time with family.

[trakehners]

I have been entirely lacking in motivation since the second week of December and my horse has only really been working twice a week since then. With the cold front that blew into western PA this week, I anticipate that I won’t be back to riding my usual 4-5 days until at least the middle of the month because it’s just too cold and the weather has been yo-yoing so much that no one is adapted to the temperature.

I felt bad about this until I told my trainer (a 5* event rider) a few weeks ago that my motivation was on hiatus until January and her response was “Mine too.”

My horse gets enough exercise between being ridden a couple times a week and being turned out on a seventeen-acre hill that I’m not too worried about his baseline fitness. He and I are both much happier staying bundled in our piles of blankets right now and we’ll get back to serious work when we don’t have an Arctic blast to content with.

[MunchingonHay]

Adulting sucks.

But you know what is most important. Taking time for yourself and not beating yourself up. No one knows of your grand plans and judging you for not getting them done; only you… and it is OK to not check everything off your list.

It will still be there when you get around to it (I am sure there are cases where this does not apply), but spending time with your family, your daughter, and taking care of yourself when you are sick is important.

Sending you light Lunabear. It’s Ok.

[Lunabear1988]

I feel that. As soon as the time changes and it gets dark and cold before 5 pm, my motivation just disappears.

[Lunabear1988]

Lol, I feel that. I have been out just enough to make sure everything is okay but I honestly cannot even get myself to brush him except one day these last few weeks.

I showed up one day and everybody exclaimed that it was good I was there because my horse have been pretty wild in turnout he’s on extra turnout right now and lives in a 31 foot outdoor pen when not turned out so it’s not like he’s boxed up too much.

[Lunabear1988]

Thank you so much for your really kind response. Not beating myself up is probably key. Because the more I beat myself up the more I won’t want to go out there, it turns into some type of guilt spiral which isn’t helpful.

And at the end of the day I can only do, what I can do.

Thank you for reminding me of this perspective. <3

[FjordBCRF]

@Lunabear1988

I showed up one day and everybody exclaimed that it was good I was there because my horse have been pretty wild in turnout he’s on extra turnout right now and lives in a 31 foot outdoor pen when not turned out so it’s not like he’s boxed up too much.

I wouldn’t beat yourself up at all, especially if he’s on extra turnout and having a ball from what it sounds like!

Having a little extra time off here and there I think does them good. My guy always comes back ready to work. It’s like his brain has more time to absorb what we had been working on prior to a break. Things that were more “work” for him are a little easier after the time off.

[Lunabear1988]

Yes someone commented that he seems like he’s feeling good and happy with how he’s playing around.

You are right that a break for the mind and body is not necessarily a bad thing.

[NoSuchPerson]

For me, having a horse is just a never-ending treadmill of guilt and worry. Kind of like having children.

But, weirdly, accepting that I’m always going to be worried or feel guilty about something with the horse kind of lets me assess it and then set it aside. “Oh, hey, hi daily guilt/worry, how’s it going? No, I’m not going to get to the barn today. Yeah, I feel guilty about it but that’s life. I’m doing the best I can.” Then I can kind of file it away. Like when my computer says it needs to restart and I click, “Remind me later.”

[Lunabear1988]

Isn’t that the truth. I’m definitely a worry wart in general. I was thinking the other day that I’m not the right person to have a horse of kissing spine, because of my excessive worrying. But then thinking about it more I don’t think it would matter. I could probably have the healthiest horse in the world and still worry about something LOL!

Good tips I do think you’re right about just accepting it and then letting it go.

[Lunabear1988]

I don’t think it’s helped by the fact that there’s a couple well meaning but nosey people ar the barn. Even during my best times I’m not a ride six day week type person these days. It just isn’t working into my life that way. So it’s more like ride 3 or 4 days a week ( two of those are lessons) and then maybe a ground session or two in between. Sometimes that’s seriously handwalking over poles and doing carrot stretches.

But there are a few at the barn that are so perplexed about this and always asking if everything is okay and why am I not riding? Is he hurt?

They really truly mean well. And if I think about it they are people that come out just to ride. Have never seen them just come out too hang out with their horse or do groundwork. So I think it’s just a foreign concept for them. And I think they truly are perplexed by it. I don’t think they mean anything. But after a while it makes me feel weird lol.

I should say, well I rode him 3 times this week but today I have 15 minutes to do something sorta meaningful with him. Or I’m stressed out and I just wanted to groom my horse and leave. Lol

[RedHorses]

Years ago I realized that I just had to write December off entirely when it came to doing the horses thing. All the additional obligations around Xmas just demanded too much time, and the weather was getting iffy (barn days were often determined by the snow forecast), and it was colder and darker…

I didn’t need to be stressing about keeping the horses’ training progressing. So I gave myself a pass for December. Whatever I got to do with the horses was enough. And when January arrived the days were getting longer, I had adjusted to the colder weather, social obligations were few, and we could get back to our routine.

Whatever you got to do with your horse was enough. Here’s your December pass for future use.

[Lunabear1988]

Yeah maybe I just need to think like that ahead of time to ease the guilt, great idea. That probably would help. And I’ll ease off on the grand plans this time of year.

[Demerara_Stables]

Same! My older mare got an abscess right as Christmas “break” (when I had family in town) started. I was fortunate enough that it rained pretty much the whole time family was here so I couldn’t ride anyway, but even when they left this past Monday I had zero motivation to do anything with her. Between getting client horses worked (all of my clients except one were out of town ) and working my other two, she just fell to the wayside.

But! She’s always better after a week or two off and I finally got her shoe back on yesterday and she felt amazing.

Give yourself some grace - he’s got turnout and having some real time off might actually be good for him!

[barnesthenoble]

Just chiming in to say I can relate. Between the darker days, the rain and mud, working full time, and trying to visit family (or just stressing about visiting family), and the invariable emergencies that come up (this year it was both of my parents’ largely healthy senior cats passing away unexpectedly within 48 hrs of each other), I’ve gotten nothing done with the horses. I feel awful about it. Any dry days we have are spent catching up on poo picking the field, or cleaning up storm mess, or restacking the new hay delivery. The horses live out 24/7 in their small herdlet, and are well fed and playful, but I can tell at least a couple of them want to get out and do stuff. The energy just. Isn’t. There.

Trying to remind myself that most Decembers/parts of January are like this, and it’s ok. They aren’t going to die from being slightly feral mudbeasts.