Thank you! I have set up an appointment with my PC to run a hormone panel and check my levels. This thread has been so helpful in so many ways.
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I really have to say a heartfelt thank you to everyone who has taken the time to post here. The responses have been really insightful and supportive. I appreciate all the experiences and feedback shared.
You guys are the best.
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quote=āalternate_universe_24, post:83, topic:792548, full:trueā]
I really have to say a heartfelt thank you to everyone who has taken the time to post here. The responses have been really insightful and supportive. I appreciate all the experiences and feedback shared.
You guys are the best.
[/quote]
Hopefully you will keep us updated! Good luck.
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Two quick quips to add to an already wonderful thread:
- Make your goals smaller. From a mental perspective, this changes SO much about our own internal voice. Not saying donāt dream - definitely keep dreaming! But, keep your goals and your āwinsā small and attainable.
If you say āIām going to work out six days a week starting tomorrowā, youāre going to feel like a failure if the weekend gets busy and you donāt make it to the gym. If you continually do that to yourself - itās a form of self sabotage - and it WILL affect your subconscious.
Instead, try something that is much easier. āI will put in ten minutes of walking three times a week.ā If you donāt get to the gym, you can walk up and down your driveway. But the mental benefit that comes from achieving these goals cannot be understated. You can always do more (if you decide to walk for 30 minutes instead of 10 because youāre feeling good and have time that day), but set the goal posts at the baseline so that mentally - the day is always a win. It will do wonders for your confidence.
- Itās the horse.
I have two horses in my barn right now - one has been in professional training a few times in her life and in theory could get legged up and go show in a few weeks. The other has been my DIY project that lives on the back burner and still doesnāt know her leads.
When I get a wild hair to ride something and just want to go putz around, guess which one I pull out? Itās always the DIY project because even though I have not put the time into getting her more than semi-green broke, she is the sanest, safest horse who was āborn brokeā. The other one? Iāve watched her do 180s midair as she runs around the field and sheās bucked trainers off at the walk during cool downs.
Iām only in my mid-30s, but within the last couple of years Iāve finally gotten to the point where I advocate for myself so much more than I ever have. Iāve stopped lessons midway through because I donāt like the school horse. Iāve been riding long enough that I know what I like, and I know what erodes my confidence. Good horse? Letās go jump some big fences. Bad horse? Iām not trotting a cross rail. Itās not worth the hit I will take mentally, and frankly, Iām not a pro - so itās not my job to deal with the bad behavior and the loonies anymore.
Get yourself a solid horse (whether you lease or buy). Thereās too many nice ones to put up with a stinker.
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There is a lot to be said for a solid horse. One that you can get on pretty much whenever or wherever and feel confident on. One that goes to the jumps (if that is your thing) but wonāt take you to stupid. One that isnāt going to scoot and buck hard if it gets annoyed about how a gymnastic is working out. One that wonāt spin out from under you if you get off balance.
Also a lot to be said for a program that is a match for you and your levels of courage, ability and finance.
My horse can get opportunistic (not afraid) about vendor row in Jumper 2 and 3 at Thermal, but Iām never in danger of anything other than acute embarrassment. I can hop on the first day at a show, without lunging, and ride him all over. Or ride after trailering a couple of hours to a strange barn. Or trail ride.
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I struggle with this, and my depressing answer is āprobably not, probably you will always feel that confidence suck when a horse gets squirrely or ducky, but you can find a happy place again with the right partner.ā
Itās really hard to be surrounded by successful riders and feel like youāre failing. I didnāt have a fall but I have major back pain that has exponentially gotten worse the past year. I was already not doing much just t/c and little cross rails but now literally 5 minutes of trot and Iām non functional in pain for days.
I really considered selling my horse it seemed crazy to have a nice sane horse just going on walk rides 4x a week. Then I really considered moving him because whatās the point of paying top dollar for board with an indoor if Iām only walking. But itās really hard especially when I get to watch high level dressage and hunter riders being so successful around me. Posting about their incredible shows. I literally canāt walk as long as I watch them practicing canter work for.
Anyways after riding a friendās horse I just realized I feel safe and happy on my horse. Boarding at the barn surrounded by friends is keeping me sane mentally. So I just told everyone my back is done and Iām just walking. I swapped him to a hackamore and spend my rides practicing anything I can with the lightest possible cues of my seat and voice with almost no reins. Funny enough everyone has been so kind and not judgmental Iām not self conscious anymore. Accepting my new āgoalsā let me be content and just enjoy my horse.
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@stargzng386 thank you so much for sharing this. Iām embarrassed to admit how envious I am of the other riders around me, as my own nerve/skill/level, whatever you want to call it, has eroded.
Iām very very sorry to hear about your back. Back injuries are no joke and are really debilitating. There is a local pro that had to get out of horses completely because her back is so bad. She posts regularly about the spinal cord stimulator that is implanted in her back. 
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Thatās really sad. Iāve had chronic back pain for almost 20 years from a really bad horse fall and itās always been manageable though not comfortable. I donāt know what changed but I was able to get my health insurance changed and I hope to get some answers this year. Of course I have Covid and have to move my ortho appointment which is really frustrating.
Middle of last year I was really depressed but once I realized it was pain related and made worse from not sleeping because of pain I just made a plan and was able to dig myself out of it mostly. My chiro has been keeping me somewhat functional but I had to change up my riding and chores at home. Itās so hard to explain to someone who doesnāt have chronic pain how hard it is to keep positive when every moment of every day you hurt and you canāt do the things you want because of it.
Looping back to this thread itās ok to do different things with horses. Really no one is judging you have to do what makes you happy in this moment and that might change which is ok
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This is so very true!
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Over 50 years ago I would have been bored witless just walking my horse when I rode in the riding ring. Bored, bored, bored, and even more bored. Walking out side the ring was fine, on the trails or across the pastures and open fields. but in the ringāI was so bored just walking the horse.
Now I mostly walk the horse in the ring. I am not bored. I work at moving with my horse so that my body and my movements do not block the flow of energy from the horseās hind legs. I work on encouraging contact with the bit that both feels alive and also feels steady. Taking a movement down to its itty-bitty component parts so that I can give my aids at the precise moment that the horse clearly understands my purpose AND is capable of obeying me immediately because the horsie has its feet in just the right place so it CAN obey me immediately.
The walk is the most neglected gait in educated riding. It is looked down upon as almost worthless except for warm-up and cool-down, or maybe as a calming interlude. Instead of concentration on impulse as the horse moving through the air in suspension, I concentrate on impulse as the push that comes up from the hind leg to my seat, legs and hands. I work on altering this impulse in subtle ways that do not irritate the horse, making good and sure that I never block the impulse, just moderate it some.
I ride lesson horses. My riding teacher LIKES what I teach the horse, how I physically condition the horse, and how I ride the horse with purpose and harmony boldly striding around the riding ring and weaving around the jumps. She also likes how my riding these horses at the walk make them better riding horses for the rest of her students.
Do not be ashamed of just walking your horse. You are following in the footsteps of countless experienced horseback riders as they got older. We slow down when we get older. We feel less impulsive when we get older. That is when we finally settle down enough physically and mentally to do one of the hardest things to get right on a horse, a good, relaxed, free striding flat footed walk in all conditions on all types of surfaces, through distractions and chaos, with our horses alert yet still relaxed as they calmly and confidently stride through the world.
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I am pushing 60 and I only ride steady eddies just for the reasons you posted. I personally would lease a steady eddy and have fun again. I realize this happens with not only riders, but with other sports as well. My husband was a competitive bike racer for over 40 years. He decided a few years ago that the danger from crashing was just not worth it anymore. His only major injury was breaking his clavicle, however he has seen several crashes where were people were seriously injured. He took up competitive rowing instead and really likes it. For myself, I do dressage and really enjoy it. There are a ton of things to do with horses that are not as dangerous. You are not a failure for making a change. Donāt beat yourself up.
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My husband was very much an athlete in his youth and into his 30ās. When we began dating, he was running marathons and marathon challenges (half marathon on Saturday, followed by a full marathon on Sunday). He now has plantar fasciitis in both feet and Achilles tendonitis in both heels and cannot run at all. He has taken up walking and golf, which he enjoys. He tries to use this as an example to me of how what works for him has changed over the years. He doesnāt feel the same feelings of envy, disappointment and frustration that I do.
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UPDATE
Unfortunately the potential buyer decided to pass on my horse, so no quick and easy sale. Iām discouraged. I was hoping to be able to take a step back and take a breather. Unfortunately, I will need to stay committed to a rigorous program for however long he takes to sell, as he does best working 5-6 days a week in winter. 
Hello, sorry Iām late to the party!
I am a professional, who is having her 62nd birthday this spring. I rode, and showed, foxhunted, broke babies, pretty much did it all at a high level, right up until COVID, March of 2020.
The last horse I ever showed was a talented, but rank 3ā3 green hunter. I finally got him to come around and think about behaving himself, and whammo; he catches a toe and fell on me over the top of a jump, and I ended up with a torn rotator cuff. A week later, we were all in lock down. Initially, we didnāt ride, bc it felt like a bad idea to risk injury and having to go to an already over taxed hospital. Then, the further away the fall got in time, the harder it became for me to think about riding again.
As a pro, I have been pretty beaten up by the job. And, I have crappy knees that are getting crappier by the month, LOL. I hired a young, brave, and talented 40 something guy to do the riding. When I start getting a little mooshy about riding, heāll be on some hot jumper, or a green horse that is acting out, and I think yup, good decision Kirbydog.
After I eventually get my knee replaced, I may ride, flat only, on the sweetest horse I can find. But, weāll see. I donāt really miss it like I thought I would. I take great pleasure in helping to develope horses and riders, so perhaps I donāt need that buzz that riding a winning round gives you anymore
@alternate_universe_24, only you can decide what is best for you. If you do choose to get back on, find the nicest sweetest horse you can afford to own, lease or share. If you stop, cold turkey, you may find you donāt like being away from the horses! Find a way to do what you love, on your terms, in a way that makes you happy
Best of luck
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As someone a few years from the dreaded 5-0, buy the solid citizen or lease it.
We just donāt bounce anymore. Even then, freak things will happen and we will get unseated, but itās a numbers game and the likelihood is just less when itās not an unpredictable baby.
The budget constraints are always an issue, but how big are you looking to jump and what budget are we talking about? Thatās going to really determine your course of action. Are you looking for showing and A circuit experiences? Or more local/regional shows and circuits?
Low-mid 5ās could get you a kind quarter horse that has enough step to do the 2ā6. It may not win every hack or clean up against the fancier ones, but itās safe, solid and the experience will be more positive and reliable. If itās a jumper that you wish to have, then maybe look at one in their later teens that canāt do the bigger tracks anymore. Plenty of life left in some of them but people will cut their losses once a horse canāt do the big job anymore. Donāt be afraid of a little maintenance and consider the fact that at our age, we wouldnāt pass a vetting either, but if you have a few more years that you want to do this and then are ok slowing down with the horseā¦ a mid-teenage horse might be a better buddy.
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I definitely have the budget for a teenage WB after my young guy sells. My trainer is very good at sourcing nice horses and has the connections to find them before theyāre advertised.
My heart horse was exactly that. He was 14 when I bought him and 16 when he had to be retired. That is why I panicked and bought a young one. That and COVID. Prices were insane and I didnāt feel comfortable traveling to look at horses.
My 6 year old is a good egg, he really is. Heās very amateur friendly, heās just young. Heās going to be a really awesome horse by 9 or 10. I have no problems flatting him. Itās just the jumping that I struggle with.
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Can you do the flatting and have your trainer do the jumping? This may allow you to enjoy your riding time more, and it gives baby horse flatwork time. Or, is there a talented junior in your barn that might be interested in leasing out your guy for a discounted rate while heās on the market?
I also want to say that itās perfectly awesome to give yourself permission to step away from horses for a while. I appreciate all of the advice to lease a BTDT packer, and agree thatās a great idea if that is where your heart is. But if your heart and mind and spirit need a break, take one. Horses will always be here, and so will your muscle memory.
Thereās no shame in walking away when you need to, and I believe there is a great deal of power in the ability to know when to say when. It might be for the winter, for six months, for a year or for some unknown amount of time. Honor your needs and quiet what you may think are the expectations of others. 
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Just popped back in to report that my hormone labs came back within expected range for my age. I am a little low in iron, which is typical for me.
A GP rider came and did a pro ride on my horse and said he is one of the easiest babies he has ever sat on. Has both his changes and has the step to easily make up into a solid 3ā horse. We got lovely video, so at least that is helpful for sales. I had a lovely flat ride on him the night before. The GP rider said it felt like we had my horse all prepped up for him. We didnāt. We took him out cold, no lunge, no turnout for days (our farm is currently a mud and ice pit, this winter has not been easy, we would be better off with snow).
I remain really just āMehā about riding right now. I donāt feel motivated and the nights that I donāt go I donāt miss it.
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I understand where youāre coming from.
I had a long horse break (had my son). Bought a new horseā¦ fast forward, broke ankle in a fall.
Iāll admit I am much more cautious now. But you will get back to it! I think once you have a bad fall you end up being more civilized and cautious. Not so much care free anymore. I was always the one in their early 20ās riding around their wild pony.
Now? I like cross poles and trotting circles lol.
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