Has anyone successfully come back from this? *Update May 2024*

[alternate_universe_24]

Hi All,

Long time lurker on the forums. I have a current circumstance that I am not sure how to move forward from.

I am a middle-aged re-rider. Up until the past 3 years, I was decently brave and independent. I foxhunted first/second flight, hunter paced every weekend, shipped everywhere myself, showed at 2’6 and schooled 3’ courses with the occasional higher fence at home. Then, my heart horse broke permanently and had to be retired. In my grief over losing my heart horse and amidst Covid, I decided to buy a young horse and bring him along.

As a 3 and 4 year old, my young horse was the best baby and so easy. Then, as things often do, the wheels came off the bus. First, I got bucked off bareback, without warning. I stopped riding bare back. We had issues with ulcers, lyme disease, saddle fit. I got bucked off hunter pacing twice and stopped hunter pacing. In lessons, I came off from a stop over fences. I started riding defensively, which I have never done in my entire life.

I sold the truck and trailer and went into a full-time program with pro rides and lessons multiple times a week. I was determined to make things work. Things improved. I started to ride less defensively and built my confidence back up. We went to a year end show and were reserve out of 22 in our division. I thought 2024 was going to be a great year.

Then, in December, I was cantering a tiny vertical, it was the 3rd or 4th jump we’d done. It was a very plain rail with flower box. Nothing we hadn’t jumped a million times. My horse jumped it HUGE, super powerful with a round, back-cracking jump. I lost my position and he bolted on the backside. I couldn’t save it. It was a really hard fall. I couldn’t sit up for a while. I couldn’t use my arm. I had to call my husband to come take me home. It is the first fall in my life that I’ve never been able to get back on immediately.

After discussion with my trainer and the pro rider, the young horse is for sale. They both think he’s just too much for me at this stage of his life. And of course, my confidence is now back in the gutter.

I am struggling to figure out if I will ever get back to where I was, as the brave, happy-go-lucky amateur that would ride bareback in a halter, never worried about the jumps, was bold and confident (within my abilities). I do need to mention that in the past few years I have herniated two discs in my back, (did not happen while or from riding). I still have residual weakness and numbness in one leg. I just over all, as I am pushing 50, don’t physically feel as strong and confidence in my body the way I used to, earlier in the decade.

Add on to that, the rising costs of everything, which is a whole nother ball of wax. I am kind of overwhelmed and wondering where to go from here.

Please, share your experience and wisdom.

[jonquil]

I had some similar experiences with my first “own” horse, a beautiful but mean Connemara pony. After I was lucky enough to get rid of him I bought a wondeful, completely sane QH and I ride her, but my confidence has not come back, 13 years later. I did hunting, jumping, schooling and all that during my growing up but the 35 years that I couldn’t ride (jobs, car accident, etc. )really took a toll. I think attending too many deaths as a chaplain didn’t help either. Everyone is different. All I can say is that there are many ways to enjoy horses, and now I enjoy mine by hanging out with her, grooming, and taking slow walks on her. I wish you the best with this perplexing problem.

[NancyM]

Be more careful. Be more selective about what horse you ride. I am 64 now, don’t know how that happened. I’ve broken my neck (decades ago now), and my back (just the spines off the vertebrae- which never got xrayed at the time, found out several years later), concussions (one bad one), broken arm as a kid (extracting a flying change out of a horse who had been resistant).Many bumps and bruises through the decades. I am getting more selective in what I will ride. I find that as long as I can figure out WHY I get dumped, I can fix that, and hopefully avoid further damage. Doesn’t always go like that of course.

I have a couple of green ones here, that I just got green broke the year before. Didn’t ride them last year, I got tossed off one that I felt safe on LOL, and spent some time last summer recovering from that. THAT dumpage was entirely my own fault, I know that much. But I’ve got these two greenies begging for attention this coming year. Wish me luck with that. And having seen the local riding and training talent, with offers to do work for me, THAT isn’t a possibility. It’s my way or the highway. I am alone.

Get a good protective vest. They do help avoid major injury if something goes wrong. Obviously you look after yourself in the helmet department. If you don’t want to ride the horse you have now, sell it and get another horse that you feel safer riding. Lunge before riding, to move the horse a bit before you get on. It sounds like you have a trainer to help you, and give input. But it’s up to you what you want or don’t want to do. If you don’t want to ride any more, you don’t have to. If you want to, you can.

[2tempe]

I gave up jumping (mostly show hunter and a foxhunting trip to Ireland) when I was 50ish. Never badly injured only a couple falls, but somehow my self preservation instincts sent me messages. Took up dressage, still did a fair amount of trail riding. I have been lucky enough to find sane, sensible and trained horses. One was 15 when I bought him, and a TB. The next one was 9, WB mare, but she had a steady stream of health issues after a year or so which ultimately ended in early retirement. Then a 13 yr old Lusitano stallion who I part leased for about 9 months prior to purchase. He is 22, probably the soundest and most unflappable horse I will ever own.
To echo others - look long and hard before purchase. Maybe find a lease or part lease for a while. Set expectations that aren’t intimidating. Accept that you wont be that earlier rider again. There are still lots of fun, relaxing times that can be had with horses

[BlueDrifter]

You forgot to mention menopause…

Seriously, the lack of estrogen (which starts to deplete 6 years before average menopause age of 52) makes one feel frail and suddenly bad at everything until our bodies get it sorted out.

You have accomplished way more than most, and it is hard to accept we can’t do that forever. It will take just one safe horse for you to get your mojo back – a horse you can have fun with and not need to be in a driven pro program.

[alternate_universe_24]

@BlueDrifter

You forgot to mention menopause…

Seriously, the lack of estrogen (which starts to deplete 6 years before average menopause age of 52) makes one feel frail and suddenly bad at everything until our bodies get it sorted out.

You have accomplished way more than most, and it is hard to accept we can’t do that forever. It will take just one safe horse for you to get your mojo back – a horse you can have fun with and not need to be in a driven pro program.

This is a really interesting response and one I hadn’t considered. I really appreciate it. It puts words to something I have been experiencing but have not considered in the greater context of riding. Within the last few years, it feels as though my body is suddenly a foreign, unfamiliar landscape. The innate basic strength I used to have seems to have suddenly disappeared. I do feel overall weaker, less muscle tone, and more vulnerable. I had attributed that to my herniated discs and resulting loss of strength in my legs, but it does explain a lot more.

[Bristol_Bay]

Welcome to COTH! You’ve come to the right place.

I have a much different background, having learned to ride as an adult. My first horse was a feed leased Arabian with a mean dip and pivot, leaving me hanging in the air like Wile E. Coyote. I learned to be wary of a spook. A few years later, I naively bought a green TB who was the lazy spook personality type. What defensive riding I’d unlearned between the two returned with a vengeance. I ended up giving that horse away after three years of frustration.

Although I never again bought a spook, it took me YEARS to quit riding that horse in my head. I suspect it will take you some time also.

Maybe it’s a good time to take a break and get your body strong. Get a personal trainer with a PT background to help you regain full functionality.

So many of us have just ridden the wrong horses. Take a break and don’t go back until you feel strong. Read some sports psychology books on overcoming fear.

When you’re ready, start small. Ride school horses. Lease a dead broke horse to lope around on.

Your joy will return, trust me.

[Against_All_Odds2]

Yes you can come back for this.

I think a half lease on a packer might help you build back up while not being burdened by the full financial cost.

[NoSuchPerson]

Been there, done that, had the broken bones, and still struggle with panic attacks in response to certain specific triggering events when in the saddle. Add in the senior citizen handicaps of slower reaction times, loss of that wonderful sense of balance I once had, and the cumulative physical effects of a lifetime with horses.

No, I’m never going to regain the level of confidence or the skill I had when I was younger. But that doesn’t mean I can’t ride and show and have fun. I’m never going to jump over 2’/2’3" again, but that’s all the higher I need to jump to show in rusty stirrup, so I’m happy with that.

For me, the key, and absolutely essential, thing was finding the right horse. I had to find a horse I could have confidence in. A horse that is not prone to the particular behaviors that act as triggers for me. I had to spend about twice what I wanted to spend to get that horse, and I still struggle from time to time. But, I’ve made good progress and we have ended up with local show series year end championships for the past 2 years.

[Jackie_Cochran]

I am afraid that the Fountain of Youth that miraculously cures all the ills of old age does not exist. We ALL grow old eventually (unless we die, of course) and our bodies just go on changing on us.

I remember reading in Victorian age British horse book authors that knowledgeable horsemen did NOT recommend a riding horse younger than 9 years old for the inexperienced rider and the elderly &/or more frail riders. Horses younger than that were suitable only for really experienced horsemen who could still bounce, or younger daring, brash and stupid riders.

I told my riding teachers that I did not want to ride anything younger than 9-12 years old nowadays since I am 72, crippled with MS and frail. Yeah, I get put up on ancient horses now, and my rides are now just two elderly beings slogging around the riding ring.

The only thing that has kept me from dying from boredom is the ever more sophisticated conversation I have with the horse using the double bridle with light, sensitive hands.

I miss the galloping. I miss jumping. I miss those thrilling extended trots. I miss going down the trails especially the ones with steep hills.

That was what my youth was for, all the excitement, all of the adventure, and all that galloping and jumping. At least I did all that before I got too old.

[cheesecake]

Hello! I had a very similar experience with my young horse. She is extremely well bred by a famous hunter stallion. She was extremely reactive and scary to ride as a baby. After a total restart things were going well and I was slowly buildup my confidence in her when almost the exact same thing you described happened to me, she wayyyy over jumped a tiny tiny fence and I got launched and then bucket off HARD. It was my first bad fall and i was off for a few months injured. I sent her to a trainer and she is going well and jumping bigger fences but im still selling her. I have to admit the fall scared me and my just don’t have the guts to continue with her. I love her to pieces but feeling scared to death is not a good feeling and i bet there is a more suitable horse out there for me. I’m hoping a more experienced horse will help repair my confidence. You aren’t alone

[crackerjack]

I got badly bucked off my horse in April. It took 7 months to be back on due to injury. Initially we had thought it was a disk but it now looks like it was hips. Regardless, when I got back on I was mentally fine but physically a wet noodle. Physio has helped with the strength and I’m actually straighter than I was pre-accident. So get yourself some good bodywork- it helps! If you feel strong physically, you’ll likely feel stronger mentally.

However, Horse had a bad spook a few weeks ago and that hit me hard mentally. My brain decided to shut down. I think it was just a very delayed reaction from the accident… like everything was great until something happened that was similar to the accident. So, coach and I have backed off a little and assess at each lesson what I can do. It’s actually really dumb like I couldn’t do a pole three strides to a titchy X… yet can jump around a three foot course no problem. My brain works in mysterious ways. We fixed it and moved on. The issue wasn’t the exercise - it was everything else going on around in the arena and Brain decided horse was going to spook and trip over the little pole and we wouldn’t make the 3 and obviously I’d take a flyer and we’d end up on the ground again… obviously.
So be sympathetic to your mental state. She’s been through a lot.

My goal this year is to get physically more fit and stronger as I believe in the long run that’ll help me feel more mentally capable in the tack.

[Arlomine]

Sell That Horse.

He could be a great horse, he’s just not the right horse for you right now.
Don’t wait, just sell him. Lease a Horses that is safe for a little kids. Look at this as a steppingstone situation. Lease that super quiet Horse, and in the meantime, get some good counseling with someone who does rapid eye movement. It works very well with people who have had a traumatic event that creates intrusive thoughts.

Once you have found that wonderful horse to lease, will keep checking in on your internal dialogue and that feeling in your tummy. When you’re feeling that you are ready for the next step, that’s when you can start to shop. And only get a horse that’s already doing the job you wanted to do. And only get a horse that you feel no hesitation in mounting for the first time when you are shopping. Like I mean, you are dying to get on that thing!

Absolutely do not get a horse that your trainer says needs more pro rides before it’s ready for you. Never ever. Do not get a horse that the trainer says needs pro rides ongoing to keep it quiet for you.

This shit does happen, even to very experienced and skilled professional riders. There is a road back from this, but make sure that you take a different path this time. No baby horses.

[findeight]

@alternate_universe_24

I am struggling to figure out if I will ever get back to where I was, as the brave, happy-go-lucky amateur that would ride bareback in a halter, never worried about the jumps, was bold and confident (within my abilities

No, you are not ever going to go back to a bold, happy go lucky riding bareback in a halter never worried about anything rider in your mid 50s because you are no longer that person. Don’t have the same body and don’t bounce so good any more. You have been physically hurt and recovered more slowly then you used to. That is expected and perfectly normal as ammy and even Pro athletes age.

BUT you are a smarter rider with a lifetime of experience and can use those experiences to be a better rider if you can think about it that way and trade boldness for wisdom.

Think about it.

[alternate_universe_24]

Thank you all for your insightful and wise responses. It gives me a lot to think about.
The current young horse has a full price offer pending vetting, so I am hopeful that he will sell shortly.

I feel like my options moving forward are:

1. Take some time off, explore other hobbies. Spend time at the gym getting more fitness and strength back.
2. Look for a half lease within the barn and work on getting my confidence back
3. Consider giving up the H/J lifestyle, due to rising costs and plummeting confidence. Explore the idea of getting a kind, easy horse and go back to trail riding/moseying around in the arena.
4. Go all in, find a 2’6" packer and claw my way back to a reduced version of the rider I used to be.

[widge]

Only you can decide, but combining options 1 & 2 sounds like a solid plan

[Bristol_Bay]

@Arlomine

And only get a horse that’s already doing the job you wanted to do. And only get a horse that you feel no hesitation in mounting for the first time when you are shopping. Like I mean, you are dying to get on that thing!

That’s the horse I have now. I’d been riding school horses, and when I got on my horse for the first time, he felt like a school horse except more sound. I rode him ten minutes before announcing I would vet him. He’s exactly that horse today. He’s spooked a handful of times in 2 1/2 years and they are nothing that would unseat me.

For many other reasons, he’s for sale now, and the people trying him ran bloodwork to make sure he wasn’t tranqed, that’s how calm he is.

I’ve never been able to afford full training and grooming, so I’ve always looked for horses I can be safe and have fun on without needing pro rides. My horse has had maybe ten pro rides in all this time.

That’s the kind of horse you want.

[findeight]

I vote for 1 and 2. Since its a half lease, it will allow you to reassess where you are and explore other options besides full ownership and responsibility of a high powered competition horse. Try it for 6 months on a month to month arrangement. See how you feel

You don’t need to PROVE anything to anybody. Including yourself. Relax and enjoy the here and now. Your option #4 does not sound relaxing or like any fun at all. Fact if you push it too hard trying to get back, you are setting yourself up for failure and getting hurt. Again.

You really might want to think about option #3. I personally know quite a few older riders plus a few aged out Juniors who explored the Western side and got hooked. You want to putz around the arena on a pretty little horse, there’s a place for you. No expectation to jump higher, no pressure (on a horse born broke and bred to be your willing partner), There are competition options available too, Trail for example, or even Showmanship, kick a** fun. watch some videos. Not cheap but nowhere near budget busting rated H/J costs.

Maybe Paint Party will chime in here, she made that switch.

[OverandOnward]

Just some thoughts …

• Back to basics in your riding. It sounds to me like the fundamentals have slipped. Things are happening that can come from that. Your goal right now is not the next hunt or show activity, but some great lessons instead. Schooling cross country when you are ready – you don’t have to event, just get out there over some country with a coach. After making sure your position is sound and consistent at home.

• “Back to where I used to be” … my friend, life moves on for all of us. Turn around from looking backward and face forward instead. Accept changes in your body, energy, mindset, and especially in your risk level. Look to a new, much more comfortable normal.

• Along with that, take some time to reevaluate the kind of riding that fits best for you as you are, right now. Stop pushing to recapture a past that is now a collection of great memories. Do what is best for the New You, the Now You, not for the Old You.

Look on this as a chance to reinvent your horse life to something new and very good for where you are now.

Chasing the past will only find more frustration and discouragement, and you deserve better. Acceptance and happiness are something we have to work on with ourselves.

[NoSuchPerson]

@alternate_universe_24

I feel like my options moving forward are:

1. Take some time off, explore other hobbies. Spend time at the gym getting more fitness and strength back.
2. Look for a half lease within the barn and work on getting my confidence back
3. Consider giving up the H/J lifestyle, due to rising costs and plummeting confidence. Explore the idea of getting a kind, easy horse and go back to trail riding/moseying around in the arena.
4. Go all in, find a 2’6" packer and claw my way back to a reduced version of the rider I used to be.

My only suggestion is to NOT do only option 1 unless you’re really OK with giving up riding. For me, the longer I go without riding, the longer I go without riding, and once I’ve gotten to that point, the less I want to go riding. Options 1 plus 2 would be the best for me.