My first big fall, a riding break, what next…

[Farosh]

sorry you had such a rough time.

Idk as a trainer myself I can’t imagine having a client take a big hit and being like, “oh the horse loves it here”

I don’t know what happened to you, honestly sometimes you just get unlucky in how you land from falls. Seriously I had a kid break her collar bone pretty bad because she was cantering on a pony who, honestly yes got a little faster than normal and considered bucking, but while considering bucking saw grass and decided to stop and eat. Kid flipped over and landed badly like 9/10 times this is a silly fall that a kid will laugh about. And let me tell you this pony is really really excellent and sweet he just got a little quick and propped slightly and ate grass one time out of hundreds of times he canters perfectly in the same area with even less skilled riders. Seriously I’ve had kids fall waaay harder and be completely unscathed.

If you were my client and this was a fluke fall like this, I would be talking to you a lot and saying like yeah okay this was really terrible but you were unlucky and I really don’t think the horse did anything terrible it was just unfortunate and unlucky and I think you should really let it go. If I thought it was a bad match up, I would tell you, especially if it’s a lease tbh that’s way easier IMO I know there might be some drama but I’d 100% rather deal with that drama then if I had told you to buy the horse and it was a real f up on my part drama. I don’t know your trainer but maybe they don’t think it was a bad match up, and maybe you just landed badly. Maybe it was a bad match up and trainer just likes riding the horse but I kind of doubt that like as a trainer I love riding all my horses but I would much rather you have a horse that doesn’t need schooling than one that does. Most of us have more horses than we can school in one day and your trainer probably has other things they’d rather focus on than schooling your horse

But if you like your eventing trainer, just stick with them and have a good time. I think showing is a lot of fun, I want my clients to show because I think it’s fun and exciting. Obviously I want to make money too, I have a mortgage and stuff but really at the end of the day this is my job that I do all day every day and I want to have a good time doing it and it’s more fun for me personally to teach people who want to compete. It’s fun and I really REALLY enjoy a nice round even just over cross rails. Every trainer has a different goal for their students and if showing is not your thing, just enjoy your lower level eventing. It’s super super fun!

[Fun_Size]

Totally get it - and I’ve fallen off before, although never at a show, and I’m always the one that comes up laughing at myself, because usually - 99% - it’s my fault. This was a culmination of 5 days of me fighting it out after struggling for months. But that’s how my brain works - I have always thought “never the horse’s fault, be a better rider.” But lately it’s been more bad days than good, and I’m just too pressed for time to have it be that, if that makes any sense.

I didn’t put this in my OP, but my time off for medical runs past the end of my lease term, so you can imagine how that response felt with those facts. Kind of a bummer.

And I LOVE showing, when I feel ready. I like showing and winning even more, I’m wildly competitive. But this one scared the pants off me.

[dmveventer]

OP you don’t say how much time has passed since the show, but you may need to sit on this for a few weeks and let the initial shock wear off before you make any major decisions. Your post is a little all over the place and I can just feel the anxiety, which is totally fair after what sounds like a major fall and a lot of stress leading up to it. I think there are a few separate issues being conflated here, and we’re probably missing some background info that’s driving the jump from one bad fall to a complete discipline change.

The main issue I see here is that your lease horse was totally unsuitable for you. Someone moving up from lesson horses does not need a huge green horse that they’ve never sat on before, that’s crazy. Even experienced adult amateurs are generally not going to be comfortable buying or leasing without a trial unless there’s a trusted trainer involved. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with admitting a particular horse isn’t a good fit for you, or not a good fit at that particular time. It doesn’t make you less of a rider. For a one-horse adult amateur it’s just not worth being miserable in the relationship when there are so many other horses out there. Being the kind of person who can ride anything is built from getting saddle time on a bunch of different horses and slowly expanding your comfort zone, not sticking it out on something that scares you just because you don’t want to admit defeat.

I also agree with @OverandOnward that no, I cannot imagine why it would be necessary to freak out about telling your trainer about ending your lease and assume they’ll react poorly, especially with the added detail that you won’t be cleared to ride until after your lease term ends. That should have been a simple “I won’t be able to get back on before he goes home anyway, I’d like to exercise the early return clause and get him off my payroll.” If you feel like you’re walking on eggshells around this trainer and aren’t getting the support you need as a client, you might be right that it’s time to move on.

That said, you should also consider whether you’ve been clear in telling trainer what you want and what your goals are - I get the sense from your post that you may have been overselling your abilities or pushing yourself past your limits in the name of being “the kind of rider who can ride anything.” It’s really common for adult amateurs to have a hard time reconciling that their riding goals and abilities may have shifted from when they were younger, so that may be where you find yourself now. It would be totally reasonable for you to decide you want a steadier horse right now so you can really improve your own skills and make progress, and then maybe later when the timing is better you could revisit the idea of training something green.

On whether you should switch disciplines - as someone who switched from hunters to eventing, I’ll say that if you genuinely enjoy the hunter ring then eventing is probably not going to do it for you. It’s a different way of riding and thinking about things. You should also know that “under 3’ jumps” has a very different meaning when you’re rolling around a x-country course than it does in the ring. Once you factor in terrain, speed, and solid height/spread some of those BN fences can look pretty imposing. There are a lot of other options that are cheaper than A circuit hunters without doing a complete discipline overhaul, so if you’re generally happy in the hunter ring I’d probably look for a less competitive H/J barn first before throwing in the towel on the discipline.

All that said, eventing is super fun if you’re into that kind of thing. Eventers are much more laid back and cross-training is always good for people, so if you need somewhere to decompress for a while and want to give something new a try, I say go for it. You might find that you didn’t actually didn’t enjoy the hunters as much as you thought you did and thrive on the new challenges (as I did), or you might decide to go back but find a better program than what you’re in now. Just make sure if you decide to dabble in eventing that you lease something STEADY that can show you the ropes. Even the lower levels of eventing can be dangerous, you absolutely do not want to overreach here.

[Tha_Ridge]

OP, your additional posts gave a lot more context, so thank you for that.

Firstly, add me to group who thinks your trainer’s response was entirely inappropriate and that alone would have me wanting to pack my bags. I had a fall in the last class at a show about a month ago (entirely rider error, so not “scary” to me in the sense that I know exactly what I did and will not be making that mistake again, LOL), but I did hit my head pretty hard. Not only was my trainer about to keep me from driving home, he texted me multiple times over the next few days to see how I was feeling.

You are very clearly overmounted and it seems, have one of those trainers who has a horse in the barn that they like, rider confidence and ability for it be damned.

Like others have said, take some time to rest and heal your body and mind and then re-enter with a clear head, but it does not sound like your current trainer and horse will be what you should return to.

[vxf111]

Adding my vote to those who don’t think you need a discipline change when you heal up and are ready to ride again, just a barn/trainer change.

[alternate_universe_24]

OP… are you me???

Seriously, down to the Crohn’s disease, I related to so much of your post.

I am working through a lot of the same issues as you. All I can offer as advice is - don’t continue to push yourself until you are burned out from riding completely. That is the point that I am at. My young green horse that I took a fall from (one of many, unfortunately) is for sale. Once he sells I am taking a major step back. I will be looking into a half lease at a barn that is more laid back and fun. Trail rides, cow sorting, etc. I am burned by and burnt out from the hunter/jumper world and the model it is moving towards.

Also, I think from what you shared, your trainer’s responses have been very much lacking. The fact that she didn’t once check in on you is unacceptable to me, and speaks volumes.

Here is my thread if you want to read it. Some similar challenges, some different. Just know you are not alone!

Has anyone successfully come back from this?

Hi All, Long time lurker on the forums. I have a current circumstance that I am not sure how to move forward from. I am a middle-aged re-rider. Up until the past 3 years, I was decently brave and independent. I foxhunted first/second flight, hunter paced every weekend, shipped everywhere myself, showed at 2’6 and schooled 3’ courses with the occasional higher fence at home. Then, my heart horse broke permanently and had to be retired. In my grief over losing my heart horse and amidst Covid, I …

[2DogsFarm]

@Fun_Size

It’s working out but my feelings are hurt.

This again
If you got a spoiled piece of meat at the grocery would you expect an apology from the grocery?
(,Okay, maybe you’d get one )
Client/Trainer is a BUSINESS relationship.
Put your feelings away & reevaluate this Pro.
Her direction changed - the required shows you mentioned - yours has not.
IIWM (& it has been, long, long ago) I’d go with the Event Pro & a horse you’re comfortable on at least 90% of the time. < They’re still horses, so…
Keeping in mind XCountry means outside an arena & fences that, while frangible, don’t come down like Hunter ones.
But with the right horse & the right Pro, you can tootle along at lower levels & have all the fun you want.
While it’s been decades since I Evented, I sure found Eventers a lot more welcoming than Hunters or Dressage - both of which I’d done @ low levels for years.

[fivestrideline]

It’s not the discipline that’s the problem - it’s your trainer. I’ve had bad eventing trainers and fabulous hunter trainers, and vice versa. You were overmounted, over faced, and it sounds like your anxiety and physical ability isn’t matching up with your brain - this is SO COMMON with adult amateurs (and especially people with kids). Your trainer should have realized this, as it’s not a bad thing! It’s just reality, and makes matching you with an appropriate horse even more important.

To be honest, the anxiety I could feel coming through your post doesn’t make me think “this person would LOVE eventing”. Eventing does not tolerate mistakes, even at the “lower levels”. The risks are much much higher. I know someone who broke their back at Tadpole on an honest horse, safety vest and all . Riding is risky no matter what, but terrain and fixed jumps make it just a bit riskier. Eventing is FUN and usually a great crowd - but so are most of the hunter barns I’ve been with.

Take a break, OP. Maybe see if that eventing trainer has some half lease or schoolmaster leases in the works once you’re cleared. No harm in trying. But I think you’d be far happier in a HJ barn that does smaller stuff and focuses on horsemanship and safety. My 2 cents, worth what you paid!

[Heinz_57]

@Fun_Size

On here and in other groups, I’ve been told eventing world has a lot more DIY adults, that support each other, and there are levels around 3’ or under that aren’t scary.

@Fun_Size

No pressure to show, and ability to just jump around and do clinics, maybe go cross country and jump tiny things for fun. More affordable, and a trainer I have already clicked really well with in the past that is more about right horse for the right rider, on a realistic budget, where everyone is safe and not scared.

Eventing does have a multitude of DIY adults, yes. And even Starter (the level below Beginner Novice, which is 2’7" max height - I think Starter is 2’3"?) is now being offered at many recognized shows. Plus there are often quite a few schooling show level events, combined tests (dressage+stadium only), hunter paces, and other assorted lower-key showing options that start at the groundpole/crossrails level.

Frankly I think you would do just fine with this eventing trainer. Nothing says you are required to even go school XC, let alone show. You could just as easily do lessons and ride at home, schooling over regular stadium jumps, and opt out of the other stuff if you aren’t feeling confident. You sound like you can be a confident rider on the right horse, so find the right trainer and the right horse!

[findeight]

In addition to what has been said your mind might be thinking of the rider you were back when you had that mare, not the older version you are now. There are a number of threads dealing with this, its quite common and hard to admit to yourself. The truth is the older version of you is not physically or mentally what you were back when you would ride and do anything. The perfect horse for you at 20 is not right at 35 or 40+.

Pretty sure you are trying to convince yourself you Have to succeed with this giant Greenie or feel a failure plus disappoint your trainer. Change that mindset, its BS you tell yourself.

On the trainer front, as I read this, got the impression this was your trainer in the past when you had that mare? And trainer recently changed her business model to focus on showing? Sounds like the trainer you have had is not suitable for you anymore, her program no longer fits your needs and you don’t fit into her current operation. Not to mention totally lacking sympathy for your injuries…selfish much?

Wait a bit, maybe explore some other options. Maybe something without jumping? Do some soul searching, you do not have to prove anything to anybody, including yourself. Know quite a few who finally realized they did not really relish jumping anymore and went into other aspects of the sport. The bonus there is they are not as expensive but just as social, maybe more so.

Not a trainer but would never have matched your 5’ adult rerider self with a giant Greenie from far away with no test ride, if at all. Wherever you decide to go, find a trainer who does have your safety and best interests in mind and let them match you up with a suitable lease horse, like a 12yo QH cross,

And ask yourself “Do I love being around horses and riding or do I want to jump”? Do what makes you happiest, not what you dread. Think about it.

[Calvincrowe]

As a hunter and jumper rider who has had a few inappropriate mounts over the years, has a bit of ‘bad fall/show anxiety’, and has friends/family who event… eventing is not for you based on what you’ve typed out here! Making the switch to E from HJ takes a bold, forward rider ok with missing a distance, trusting your horse to make safe decisions, jumping out of stride, not micromanaging to the jumps, not having a trainer ride your puffed up, excited about the warm up horse to settle it. Even the clinics and schooling are for the independent, self-sufficient rider. For older adults, that can be a tough challenge to make the change. I, for one, could not. Maybe you can? Only you know for sure that that’s what you could handle.

If I read your post correctly, you are in WA now? Based on pricing you posted, I’m guessing you are in the Sound area. That can be tough to find a program that does the Outreach level, and there just aren’t a ton of schooling shows there, either.

My advice, having suffered a catastrophic shoulder/arm/rib/scapula fracture situation landing in an oxer 13 years ago? Take the time off! Send the too big, too young lease back. Find a different program and start on a lesson horse again, to gain your confidence back. Forgive yourself for making the errors you did-- we are all human. Take the time to find a lease that actually fits your size, skill and needs. You know what wins a round? Safe, steady, accurate and rhythmic.

[RAyers]

You need to see a sports psychologist. I get the feeling you aren’t actually sure WHY you ride other than it is some form of identity.

I’ve broken my tailbone riding a bucking youngster bareback. I have crashed where I was convinced I was about to be killed.

Why do I do this? Because it is about fun and love of doing something with a partner I’ve trained and worked with every day of my life. I know what I do is high risk but I spend every day training, getting better and stronger to manage those risks.

In our safety work for eventing years ago we found that riders who actually spend the time riding were the safest riders even if they fell more. They were fit, had the instinct to balance, they responded quickly to adverse situations.

[NoSuchPerson]

@fivestrideline

It’s not the discipline that’s the problem - it’s your trainer. I’ve had bad eventing trainers and fabulous hunter trainers, and vice versa. You were overmounted, over faced, and it sounds like your anxiety and physical ability isn’t matching up with your brain - this is SO COMMON with adult amateurs (and especially people with kids).

@findeight

In addition to what has been said your mind might be thinking of the rider you were back when you had that mare, not the older version you are now. There are a number of threads dealing with this, its quite common and hard to admit to yourself. The truth is the older version of you is not physically or mentally what you were back when you would ride and do anything. The perfect horse for you at 20 is not right at 35 or 40+.

These two statements are so important that they bear repeating.

As an older adult, it took me two bad falls within less than a year, both resulting in hospital stays, to get these concepts pounded through my thick skull.

I still ride, still jump, and still show in the hunters, albeit over what some here would call tiny baby fences. I do it with a good trainer, a suitable horse, and I’m having a great time.

[Fun_Size]

I broke my tailbone and got pretty injured. If I saw one of my clients get injured, regardless of cause, I’d check on them.

In fact I have done. One of my clients was injured on a job site - not life threatening - and I texted him to check in a few times. Because, while of course, that’s a business relationship, I still wanted to check in on him and see if there was anything I could do on my end.

That’s all. I found it odd. At my last barn, when my mom passed away, my trainer checked on me. When other riders had tough times, or bad falls, we texted.

I didn’t know this was so odd and unexpected behavior. Now I know.

[Jackie_Cochran]

You are 5’ tall. You just had a bad, bad fall off a horse who is almost 6’ high.

When you start riding again you NEED to ride a much, much smaller horse, say 13.2 to 15 (41/2’ to 5’ high). If and when you fall off the smaller horse you won’t hit as hard, believe me.

Your feet will be in the proper position to give clear and understandable aids to the horse. Your legs/heels on the 17.2 HH horse were nowhere near where the legs act the most effectively. This might be part of the reason why the horse got the idea (accurate idea) that he was stronger than you. IF a weak rider gives proper legs aids in the proper place on the horse’s barrel at the correct moment in the horse’s stride their aid is so much “stronger” than if the aid is given in the least sensitive part of the horse’s barrel.

There are quite decent riding ponies out there, ponies with the freedom of shoulder that a horse has for extension. There are several smallish breeds of riding horses, Arab, Morgan, small QHs, even small TBs, they are around and some of them are even decently trained. Since the rider can give effective leg aids on these smaller horses these horses tend to (yeah, I know-horses) obey more readily, and their obedience can be quicker.

You will be able to mount without help. You will be able to dismount safely. It is possible, if you are a good rider, that you discover that riding a “sports car” sized equine is A LOT OF FUN!!!

I have ridden horses from 12.2 to 18.2 HH. I have much more FUN on equines who are 13.3 to 15 hands high, and the smaller the horse the more fun I tend to have since my legs ARE in the right place to communicate effectively with the horse.

They are also quite capable of jumping 2’6" usually if you desire to jump.

[Fun_Size]

I’ve got one. I ride because I love it, and it makes me happy the way no other sport ever has, and I’ve done many. I also ski, kayak, hike/backpack, and bike. But none make me happy the way a fun, challenging, but well put together round of jumping does.

I am for sure taking a break, not just because my injury demands it, because I need it. And then we’ll see. My anxiety while riding was pretty much gone riding and showing the school horse. It never existed on previous horses. I think this was my gut warning me, and I ignored it trying to (stupidly) prove something.

[jvanrens]

@Jackie_Cochran

When you start riding again you NEED to ride a much, much smaller horse, say 13.2 to 15 (41/2’ to 5’ high). If and when you fall off the smaller horse you won’t hit as hard, believe me.

My worst falls were off of smaller horses. I broke my tailbone when I was nine falling off my Shetland pony when he spooked out from under me and I was only a few feet from the ground. The quietest horse and confidence builder I ever owned was 17 hands after my 15.3 hothead. Not that either ever tried to offload me, the 15.3 mare had me concerned a few times, the 17 gelding, never!

A more appropriate horse with more miles under it’s belt and a better instructor would be my suggestion. OP, please tell your coach the lease is going back, you can’t ride him and don’t want to pay for what you can’t use since you’re currently on stall rest. If he’s that great I’m sure she can find someone else to lease him.

[Fun_Size]

Agree, that was my last 2 horses. The best was just barely 16h, and she was amazing - absolutely like a sports car. And no problem getting down the lines. I rode her for almost 5 years and jumped bigger than I ever had and wasn’t scared for one second, ever. I agree - I’m the height limited one from now on!!

[fordtraktor]

What actually happened? Your post doesn’t say why you fell off. Did he stop? Jump you out of the tack?

Either way, I don’t think a horse that big should have a hard time getting down the lines. It sounds like your anxiety was making you ride backwards and then he didn’t have enough power to get out of bad spots and lost his own confidence.

Not the right horse for you. Playing around with eventing could be just the ticket/. Be careful who you clinic with, though….they often push people well out of their comfort zone. I signed up for starter once and we were jumping Prelim XC by the end. I was terrified!

[Fun_Size]

I hear what you are saying. The place / trainer I am thinking of does a lot of foundational dressage and jump lessons in the ring. Going cross country is strictly optional for when you, and the trainer, thinks you are ready.

My area seems to have lots of cool tracks with tiny things to jump to get your feet wet, that’s what I was thinking of. I’ve realized recently that, on the right horse, I’m not scared at all and enjoy a much more forward ride. I don’t love the kick ride horses all that much. In fact, my lesson horse was a TB that had a “cool weather” version of himself that I absolutely had a blast riding - and I’ve done some of my best riding ever on him, coursing around at more of a jumper pace. Before I had my son, I had just started doing some jumper rounds and loved that way more than I thought I would.

And maybe that’s the answer - I had come so far, and this big, green horse set me way back but my brain wouldn’t accept that.