Has anyone successfully come back from this? *Update May 2024*

[eclipse]

I’m not on anxiety meds or hormonal meds (not allowed due to other health issues) but I slowly have come back from something similar to the OP! I had my heart horse for 10 years until I lost him l just over a year ago BUT he did do a number on my confidence. He suffered with DGE and when his ulcers flared he had a mean buck on landing, or even flatting (think drop the shoulder, spin and buck) . While he was the perfect amateur horse otherwise, it was that 5% that made him not….but due to his health issues, he was never for sale! While I won lots I also ate dirt lots!

Then after he passed my trainer thought I’d get along with her lovely hunter….sadly I did not! She just couldn’t deal with my nerves (which came out), she had a super round jump which I discovered I could not sit and I also discovered a very bad habit…,I lean to the left (even sitting in chairs my shoulders aren’t even and my left mastectomy doesn’t help!). While I loved her on the flat, over fences my confidence took a beating , especially after one fall (minor but I hit just right and knocked myself out) …after that nope, not jumping again!

So,trainer put me on a trusted, safe, school horse. After a pole lesson I felt great….this was fun! A month later I was jumping 2ft6 (schooling 2ft9) ….yes small but I didn’t care! I felt safe I could keep my balance, she wasn’t a round jumper, she also wasn’t a hunter but a jumper and I redound my love of the jumper ring! I’ve decided I will now just ride school horses for fun (plus I don’t want the expanse of horse owning anymore)…,I did end up taking this lovely school mare to TBird last year…for my last show, won champion and retired from showing happy!

Yes, you CAN get your confidence back…it just takes the right horse and a patient trainer!

[alternate_universe_24]

@eclipse

I had my heart horse for 10 years until I lost him l just over a year ago BUT he did do a number on my confidence. He suffered with DGE and when his ulcers flared he had a mean buck on landing, or even flatting (think drop the shoulder, spin and buck) . While he was the perfect amateur horse otherwise, it was that 5% that made him not….but due to his health issues, he was never for sale! While I won lots I also ate dirt lots!

Wow, that sounds really similar to my horse. I think one of the things that has really eroded my confidence and trust is that you absolutely do not know that it’s coming.

He is a perfect amateur horse 98% of the time. But that 2% – there is absolutely no warning. He doesn’t flick an ear, tense a muscle, not so much as swish his tail and KAPOW! He throws something really athletic and unexpected. There are many people in my barn that think I’m crazy for selling him. But my trainer and the pro back me up 100%

That’s why it took me so long to decide to sell him and why i fought through so far. He’s so good most of the time. He would probably be a perfectly appropriate mount for me – in another 4 to 6 years.

[jvanrens]

@DrChristina

It’s different but good and fills my soul.

Welcome to the board! I’m sure you’ll love it,even though we sometimes scrap like a bunch of teens! LOL

It sounds like you’ve landed in the perfect barn. I wish you many happy rides there.

[poltroon]

So I would not suggest stopping riding, even temporarily, unless you really want to stop, or unless you need to in order to physically heal. Getting your fitness back, clawing that time back, both will be issues.

Leasing a very quiet safe horse for whatever activity is a way to have fun again. Even maybe consider taking this time to try a different discipline for a while. There are a lot of ways to show horses and a lot of areas to develop skills. You don’t have to go back to a non-competition world. You could try working equitation, you could try NATRC, you could try dressage, you could try reining, you could learn to drive, depending on what kind of coaching you have access to locally. You can find someone who will push your skill and ways to test it besides the hunter-jumper path while you rebuild that confidence.

It’s possible you’ll want to go back to hunter-jumper - and also possible you’ll find a new passion. I would encourage you to think less about what you might be losing and instead where you want to go next. Like maybe you want to try horse archery. There are so many cool things you can do with horses and so little time.

It sucks that you only had a year with your heart horse. But on the plus side, I do think you could find that horse again if that’s what it turns out you’re still passionate for.

The idea of working on outside physical training alongside your riding is probably good too. Strength and flexibility will never do us wrong whatever road we travel.

And yes, the part about we get physical decline as soon as we have the money and the time, that totally sucks.

[Moonboots]

I’ve ridden the wrong horse until it hurt my confidence. Then had a bad fall while trying a new horse. My injuries kept me out of the saddle for a few months as I rehabbed and healed.

Once I got the all-clear to ride, I asked to be put on a nice steady Eddie type at first. Considering how badly my confidence had been bruised, I was surprised at how quickly I was able to relax and feel confident. I no longer had to worry about the no-warning teleport that occasionally came with the original horse and was able to trust in and build on the skills I had previously. After a while, I moved up to a horse who would occasionally have a bit of a spook, but he would broadcast his uncertainty ahead of time and didn’t have the same lightning-fast change of direction that I had dealt with earlier.

Confidence can be re-built. Plans and goals can change. If you yearn to do the 2’6" to 3’ hunters, keep that as a long-term goal for now! As you start to rebuild your confidence, you can better assess what timing to reach that goal may look like, or if you want to focus or change it.

[atr]

Quite a bit older than you Dressage rider here… about 3 weeks after I bought my dream dressage schoolmaster, 3 years ago, I fell off my own two feet on the ice and really hurt myself, including smacking my head on the concrete and breaking my hand and dislocating a couple of fingers.

This really rattled my confidence, both for general life and for riding. I was out of the saddle for 2 months. Dream dressage horse had a vacation.

I dragged my super steady oldster out of retirement to start back up on. It was suprisingly hard. It was very hard getting back on Dream Horse and it took me a change of barns and going into full training to get myself reasonably comfortable again.

Then he spooked at a roofalanche a year ago and I came off. Hadn’t fallen off in years! I didn’t injure much except my pride, but even so, it did set me back a bit. However, I got it together eventually with the help of my trainer and a super talented working student who put a lot of training rides on him over the winter and went out and showed 3rd level badly last year without dying.

Being in full training has really helped. If I’m not feeling it that day, he gets a training ride. If the snow is coming off the roof, I dont have to do it. It felt like a cop out to start with. I’ve always done everything in the past. But im grateful to still be riding, and to have this super horse who is a bit challenging, in a safe environment. All things being equal i will go out and show 3rd level well this year

[eclipse]

@alternate_universe_24

Wow, that sounds really similar to my horse. I think one of the things that has really eroded my confidence and trust is that you absolutely do not know that it’s coming.

He is a perfect amateur horse 98% of the time. But that 2% – there is absolutely no warning. He doesn’t flick an ear, tense a muscle, not so much as swish his tail and KAPOW! He throws something really athletic and unexpected. There are many people in my barn that think I’m crazy for selling him. But my trainer and the pro back me up 100%

That’s why it took me so long to decide to sell him and why i fought through so far. He’s so good most of the time. He would probably be a perfectly appropriate mount for me – in another 4 to 6 years.

Definitely sounds very similar and I’m glad your trainer is in agreement! Mine always said we would sell mine “If he was sellable but he isntl’ (…we’d call him my $80,000 hunter if he was sellable because he was THAT nice …sigh…then again would he of acted up if he didn’t have his DGE…I’ll never know! So “I” Was in a catch 22…you are not! Don’t listen to the people that aren’t going through what you are, listen to your stomach and sell this horse! He WILL be the perfect hose for someone! in the meantime see if you can lesson on a safe steady eddy….start getting that confidence back (BUT DO NOT WAIVED IN SELLING YOUR CURRENT HORSE…bolder because I’ve seen people do this and bam it always goes back to what it was) ! You CAN do this and you WILL find your steady eddy FUN horse!

[alternate_universe_24]

@eclipse

Definitely sounds very similar and I’m glad your trainer is in agreement! Mine always said we would sell mine “If he was sellable but he isntl’ (…we’d call him my $80,000 hunter if he was sellable because he was THAT nice …sigh…then again would he of acted up if he didn’t have his DGE…I’ll never know! So “I” Was in a catch 22…you are not! Don’t listen to the people that aren’t going through what you are, listen to your stomach and sell this horse! He WILL be the perfect hose for someone! in the meantime see if you can lesson on a safe steady eddy….start getting that confidence back (BUT DO NOT WAIVED IN SELLING YOUR CURRENT HORSE…bolder because I’ve seen people do this and bam it always goes back to what it was) ! You CAN do this and you WILL find your steady eddy FUN horse!

I needed to hear that. I need to keep hearing that. It is hard to let him go. I get very attached to my horses. I intended for him to be my “forever”. I had intended for us to ride into the sunset together. It’s hard to accept that isn’t going to be the way it goes.

[Bluey]

@alternate_universe_24

I needed to hear that. I need to keep hearing that. It is hard to let him go. I get very attached to my horses. I intended for him to be my “forever”. I had intended for us to ride into the sunset together. It’s hard to accept that isn’t going to be the way it goes.

Think about this as you have to kiss several frogs before you find your prince.

[coffeehag]

If you look through my post history, you’ll see I’ve been in a similar boat for the last year or so with my own young horse. My young horse who I’ve now decided I need to sell.

And I’ll tell you why.

My friend offered me to ride her horse every once in a while. Her horse is the same age as mine, but further along in training, and an altogether different type of ride. I rode hers the other day and… I had fun again. I forgot how much my body physically hurts when riding my youngster – I am tense from my head to my toes! But on a horse where I didn’t have that baggage, it was fun again!

[Annie10]

I have been agonizing for a while. Today i called my trainer and made arrangements for my coming 5 yo homebred to go to her for two months starting wednesday. He had about 60 days professional training last year, since I was coming off of broken foot and ankle, and once i got him back we were doing great and starting to have fun. Then there was a riding accident that was 100% not his fault but i came out of it with a back broken in two places. He went back to the trainer again for a bit so he wouldn’t sit, and did great, then he came home and there has been nothing but rain, cold, wind, mud, my personal illness and a broken hand, etc plus I am usually alone at my house and not wanting to risk it. Added in the fact that I have become so unfit and out of shape while I’ve been laid up, I’m not strong at all and if he cats around like the 4.5 year old he is, I’m toast.
Plus the whole back breaking thing has gotten into my head. So even though I usually do the breaking and training myself I realize that if I continue on, he will most likely still be standing around, and I won’t be riding. Ugh. I hate for him to be gone but he will only be about 20 minutes away and after the first couple of weeks I plan to take a couple of lessons a week to get myself over this.

the reason I’m relating this is because many of us have been there and sometimes you just have to accept the situation as it is, not as you wish it were. You really are not alone.

The whole point of this is to enjoy it and have fun. Sometimes discretion is the better part of valor. Just don’t give up yet and thrown in the towel. I fear you will regret it.

[coffeehag]

@Annie10

the reason I’m relating this is because many of us have been there and sometimes you just have to accept the situation as it is, not as you wish it were.

I feel this to my core.

[Blueeyedroan]

I think we all do this at some point. It seems to be an inevitable part of the sport , for most of us.
Partially getting older and developing self preservation.
Partially having a fall that honestly leaves psychological mark along with the physical one. Makes you re-assess some things.

I broke horses for many years, and got tons of OTTBS. Put miles on them, showed them in low jumpers and sold them.
Long story short: I lost all of my confidence and found “the fear”.
I quit jumping completely. Done.
The last horse I got as a project and started is a little 15hh welsh pony x saddlebred. ROCK SOLID little mare that will look after her rider to no end. Ended up keeping her for myself and began jumping on her. Slowly, she’s returned some amount of comfort. She’s the kind of horse you can drop the reins, quit riding, and start crying… and she’s still going to take you to the middle of that jump and go for it. And being a Welsh cross she’s crafty enough that she’s not going to fall on her face - she will get there and figure it out. I feel safe on her. I absolutely trust her. It’s FUN again - but only on her.

I still re-train OTTBS. I go for 5 hour rides on scary terrain, face off with bears and moose on green horses and gallop downhill on questionable terrain. But to this day I will not jump them. That’s over for me. The fear is there.

Go forth. Find your packer.
It will be worth it and you WILL have fun again.

[mika0116]

Not to thread hijack, but are you selling before / after Pin Oak? I happy you found fun again, even though it isn’t how you imagined it!

[coffeehag]

Candidly I have no clue. Our miscommunication as a team happens over fences. I’m hoping to send him to a local trainer who is doesn’t have the “baggage” and is a bit braver than I and see if she can help. I still have a pipe dream of doing Pin Oak but that’s all it feels like right now.

[Laverne77]

@DrChristina

We all grieve what we used to be, we grieve the horses we no longer have, but we keep going.

This is me, 100%. I, fortunately and knock on wood, have not had a bad fall or traumatic experience like a lot of posters here, but I don’t find the joy in riding that I used to. I’m 47, and have put on some weight that makes me feel out of sorts, and consequently I feel like a total uncoordinated beginner in the saddle. My self confidence is shot. And I find it easy to talk myself out of getting on a horse, when what I really need is saddle time. I often find myself thinking back to when I had the body and fitness that I took for granted at the time and the really fun horses I had back then. Sometimes I think the universe allows us only so many really good horses in our lives and that I’ve already used mine up. Lately I just find it difficult to find the enthusiasm to work my current horses. I have one pretty nice one that really just needs consistent work, but I don’t feel that excitement about him that I felt about past horses. I feel like I should, but the reality is that I just don’t. I know I’m not being fair to him, but I find myself comparing him to the past horses. Same with my four year old. I keep plugging along, hoping that the spark will return, and along those lines just bought a promising yearling to hopefully have something to look forward to. I have a tentative plan for a small show or two this coming summer, so perhaps with small goals in view and once the dregs of winter have passed I will have more ambition to really do something with them.

[Atlas_Shrugged]

I wear a hormone patch and it has kept me feeling younger and more supple and strong

[phoenixrises]

Oh boy have I been there. All I can say is the right horse, it makes all the difference. Heck now that I have the “right” horse, I rented a darn horse and went on a hunt. NEVER would have done that, even a year ago.

And allow yourself to be a bit angry about what you don’t have anymore, then be thrilled with what you do have.

I broke my back in 2017. It’s been a real struggle, mentally since then. And I finally am in the right head space. But I had to learn to be happy with where I was, not where I used to be. I am finally! And I’m excited for the future. I did give up jumping for 3 years. I’m back to it now but I doubt I’ll ever do over 3’ again. And I’m ok, it’s ok, my new life has different things in it than jumping 1.2m+

[KyrieNZ]

Very similar story here, but in dressage land.

When younger I used to event, hunt, you name it I did it. I then became para due to spinal damage. After going as far as I could with my schoolmaster, I bought a fabulous young horse. While we didn’t have the issues you did, I did lose faith in myself and my abilities. I have sent him to be sold on behalf and he is showing the talent I knew he had, just not with me. I have a new horse, and while he is green, he is much more suited to me, and what I need right now.

Losing your heart horse is devastating so I understand what you’ve been through. You don’t marry every guy you date, so you don’t have to keep/persevere with every horse you buy.

Good luck, xx

[equest]

@KyrieNZ

Losing your heart horse is devastating so I understand what you’ve been through. You don’t marry every guy you date, so you don’t have to keep/persevere with every horse you buy.

Well said. I know it can feel like a failure, but selling your horse will free you from the financial stress you’re feeling while allowing you to go at a pace you’re comfortable with. I tend to think that you may regret going with the first option so soon (getting out of horses), but the half lease option on a steady eddie would accomplish both reducing expenses and also keep you in the saddle. A few months of this, and you will be able to make a clearer headed decision about your desires moving forward.