Hate to ask, but minimizing the 'horsiness' of your home?

[anon55755751]

My SO is not a horse person, and has started making noise about how ‘dirty’ and ‘gross’ it is and that I effectively track too much ‘horse’ into the house. We have a mud room by the garage where boots etc go, and separate laundry baskets for riding clothes, and I bathe right after I get home. We have a house cleaner who comes once a week.

Other horse items stay in the garage, with the exception of some unused stuff in the laundry room I need to sell. I am at a bit of a loss as to what else to do.

I also can’t smell barn smell most of the time, so it is entirely possible it is actually worse than I think, but I suspect it isn’t. He is also currently complaining about the dogs and cats being gross, and the horses affect the house the least of the three species by a very large margin.

If anyone here is both a fastidious cleaner and a horse person, how do you set up the flow of your life to keep your home trace-free of barn smell/dirt?

[applelover]

I do (some of) what you do. My husband tracks more mud in the house than I do because he often forgets to take off his shoes/boots before he goes in the house. Methinks the problem is not something on your end…

ETA: I actually do way less, I don’t always shower post-barn, just change (eventually) and all the clothes go in the same hamper. If your SO is “starting” to mention this, either it’s a new-to-you horse habit, or a new-to-you SO, and you already know which one I would recommend you let go of…

[paw]

What’s really bothering your SO?

How long have you been together? Was he involved in acquiring the dogs and cats that live with you? Has anything else changed in your lives recently (job stress, relative weirdness, etc.)?

This doesn’t sound like a horse/barn-based issue to me.

[Kinda_Kooky]

These types of problems are usually not about the horses.

[trubandloki]

It sounds like you are doing everything possible (short of showering someplace else before coming home and using a laundry service for all horse things) and your SO is just being grumpy.

I agree with the above posters, time to figure out what is really bothering your SO.

[sascha]

This is absolutely 100% NOT a horse/cat/dog problem.

My suspicions are that he is either trying to push you away or he is jealous of the animals and the time you spend with them because he doesn’t know how to fulfill himself during his free time/wishes to control you/etc.

This is not a good sign no matter how new or old your relationship is. Seek qualified outside help. And if that help tells you to change something about the animals, seek better, more qualified help.

[Foxglove]

Agree with others that possibly there is more going on than the smell of the barn --but to address your question:

I would pretend that DH is allergic to all things horse (hair, dust, smell). Nothing gets past the mud room that has been in contact with anything remotely horse. Keep trash bags in the mudroom for bagging horse clothes and anything else that came in contact with the horse or horse area. You already immediately wash after coming in --perhaps a stronger scented soap? Remove all things horse from the house and give the house a thorough wipe with Pine-sol or similar. Because we have cats and dogs in the house, I also use the scented diffusers --although since DH had COVID two years ago, his sense of smell has diminished and I think I am the only one who appreciates them.

You might “honor his request” by asking daily when he comes home --does everything smell nice?" --if yes --then happy dance --if no, well, you have done your best. And as others said, maybe there is more going on than the scent of the horse.

[frugalannie]

Quick practical thought: there are plug in air fresheners on the market. Some let you adjust the amount of scent dispensed. Maybe try putting one in the mudroom/ laundry room? Febreeze worked for our dog/ horse scents FWIW

The other thing I’d wonder about is if this is indicative of a health issue. I think you said this is a new complaint. It may be something your SO is experiencing in other facets of their life and should mention to their physician. It may be something minor. A coworker stopped smoking after many years of heavy consumption. About 6 months later we were at a meeting where food was served and he asked what that delicious smell was. His sense of smell had suddenly, finally, returned. It took him a while to get used to it!

[Bogey2]

I make sure nothing horsey at all comes in the house except my riding clothes…which I wash immediately. I would take the stuff out of the laundry room now!
Also, are you neat in general? A house cleaner can only do so much if you tend to collect stuff and are not organized. I have a 12 stall barn and you would never know I have horses if you walked into my house.

[MissusS]

Do you have an air vent in your mudroom? Sometimes if my boots get pushed on top of the air vent it fills the house with barn smell. DH never complains about it but I notice and fix it immediately because it bothers me.

Aside from that, you do way more than I do to keep the house from smelling too “horsey.” In the winter when I can’t open windows I will sometimes run a diffuser with some peppermint essential oil. That takes care of any significant doggy or horsey smells in the house.

[luvmyhackney]

My horse, dog, animal stuff is everywhere in my house and tough cookies if it smells like barn. My husband has a 10’x10’x10’ golf practice net in my living room.

We compromise based on our hobbies.

That’s not saying my animal stuff is dirty, it’s clean and goes in appropriate places.

The problem is not the real problem. Dig deeper.

[pony_grandma]

Lysol Linen scented air freshener is my favorite. Or Christmas time the pine fresh.

Me thinks he has a different problem,

[McGurk]

I have a routine very similar to yours. The only addition I would suggest is adding a robot vacuum to run daily. Really cuts down on the amount of stray animal hair, and means there’s less dusting to do.

I also usually run a load of hot water and bleach through the washer after I wash saddle pads, dog towels, dog beds or particularly nasty barn clothes (like ones I’ve body clipped in.)

Agree with the other posters that this is probably not really about the cleanliness of the house, but something else.

[ParadoxFarm]

I’m actually quite impressed with your (other other posters’) routine! I have a farm, and I’ve given up on keeping it horsey free. It is what it is. I’m lucky, though, as my husband is a rider as well, and neither of us are total clean freaks. I wish I had a housekeeper! I wish you luck. Lots of good thoughts on this thread already.

[GraceLikeRain]

@anon55755751

He is also currently complaining about the dogs and cats being gross, and the horses affect the house the least of the three species by a very large margin.

Are you open to counseling? If you look at this from a cleanliness lens I understand that looks so silly. However, the animals didn’t acutely become gross. He either lacks or is unwilling to use a more complex communication to explain what he is feeling. For example - I’m resenting the animals because it feels like they are the priority. How can we honor your priorities while also being intentional about time as a couple. Or - I am angry that we can’t afford to do the things I value. It is easier for me to see the animals as something dirty to be fixed than be vulnerable about why I’m upset.

Adults don’t call living things gross so there’s a communication issue. You could get rid of the animals and it’s not going to fix the underlying issue. Next it’ll be that your pottery habit is messy or that your friends are too loud. He needs to learn how to communicate the actual feeling he is experiencing.

[trubandloki]

Another idea, can you change at the barn (is there a place that is clean enough that changing there will mean you are clean, not some place that you are transferring barn dirt to your clean clothes)?

Storing the barn boots in the garage might help too.

[Obsidian_Fire]

Came here to say what others are saying, this is an SO problem, not you. Add to the horse he’s piling on the cats/dogs too… looking back, in my experience situations like this never really resolve - you bend over backwards to change this, fix it to “his liking” and then it will be something else he’s complaining about. You never win.

[endlessclimb]

I think your SO is a ninny.

That said, my barn shoes NEVER come in the house, not even to the mud room. They truly do reek. That alone may mitigate the smell he/she’s complaining about.

[RedHorses]

I also think there’s something else going on with your SO. Maybe a mental health issue?

[sorrelfilly721]

I agree with the others here who have said this is a SO problem. It doesn’t matter what you change, it will never be enough. You have to ask yourself “is this how I want to live the rest of my life”? I went through something similar with my ex. I made concessions with my riding schedule to try and make him feel important, but it wasn’t really about that. He had issues that I couldn’t fix. He eventually left and quite frankly, I am much much happier.