This is pretty much the story of my history with horses so I had to comment. I got a free OTTB in college, rode him for a year before lameness issues started popping up. Made myself completely broke to pay for him and try to fix him and it didn’t work. After 3 years of trying to rehab him I gave up. Leased a horse for a few months, went horse shopping with soundness at the top of my list. Bought a 7 year old QH and then spent 7 years with on and off lameness issues (make Lyme disease testing part of your pre-purchase) Then out of nowhere he injured his suspensory, I did full stall rest and rehab for a year and he was 100% sound and re-injured it in the field so I retired him. Moved him to a retirement farm and gave up. Sold everything I had that was horse related except for a small box of stuff and was DONE. Then about 6 months later I went with my friend to meet her foal and bought a yearling pretty much unplanned. Left him at the breeders for a bit then brought him to me at a low key farm and just had fun playing with him for a year and a half. Unfortunately he had some lameness issues but they were fixable and he just got back from being broke and is a dream to ride. He is the sanest 3yr old and exactly what I wanted. I had to take the time off from riding to grieve. It really is like riding a bike you can go back to it at anytime you just need to build up your muscles again. Just give yourself time and do whatever makes you happy in the moment. I needed a year and a half with zero expectations at the barn but still a horse to love and groom to get over my last 2 horses.
This is some real BS, candyappy. I’ve quit twice in my very long riding career, and I’m as passionate as anyone here. When you’ve been through the ringer financially, physically, and emotionally, you sometimes need to step away and recover for a minute. OP, don’t even think the above statement is true. You wouldn’t be struggling so hard with this decision if horses were just an “interest” for you. Please.
I think most of us have. Horses aren’t easy and they aren’t a hobby you can lay down and then pick up whenever (I don’t mean you can’t quit and come back, I mean if you are involved you’re involved, there’s no not feeding, not providing care etc). Not to mention they are a major financial drain. But… every time I have thought about throwing in the towel, the next thought I have is well so and so has a horse I can ride and I could get training rides in etc and I know that I can’t give it up. My goals have definitely changed over time- I used to be a H/J rider that slid over into dressage and eventing, but I’ve found my home and my tribe in endurance riding. It’s okay for our goals to change and it’s also okay to just get on and piddle about once a week or once a month. Sometimes I have to give myself a half-halt because I go into things full speed ahead- what is it I want to accomplish, what’s the ideal? and am I on the right track to that? If you can’t picture yourself without horses, figure out what you need to fix to make that happen. If you can, maybe a break is a good thing for you. Either way don’t let anyone make you feel bad (including yourself) for wanting something different that what you have currently
I just want to say I feel you, OP. It’s hard.
I have a talented, young, sound, beyond safe horse that I don’t want to ride. He’s everyone’s dream - including what I thought my dream was. That makes the decision almost impossible because I know I will never have another like him.
Sometimes it’s just not your time. Horses will always be there. There’s no harm in walking away. Millions of people live great lives without horses - all my friends do. There’s a life out there for you.
I’m sorry, but that’s just not true. When I was heavily involved in dressage, I was in it for love of the sport AND the horses. I don’t slack off on care just because I’m not riding. Yes, there may be those for who this is ‘just a sport’ and you’ll know them because they don’t care for their own horses, they ride maybe once a week, a trainer soups up their $50,000 show horse for them, and then they go get the ribbons. That’s not the majority of us. I have spent WAY more in time and money on my horses than many do, because I love them. I keep them into retirement because I love them. They’re not throwaways.
It is entirely possible to burn out on something you once loved, and never go back to it - but to say it’s ‘just a sport’ is ridiculous and wrong. I hate trail riding. It’s pointless and boring. Some of us A-type personalities NEED the challenge of progressing, training, working on issues, and pushing ourselves. You enjoy trail riding. So you do you. But don’t lump us all of us who need the challenge of riding towards a goal in the same category.
Oh, I have been in your shoes. I have taken a break and sold almost everything. I also lost almost everything in the 2009 housing turn when I was laid off. There is nothing wrong with letting it go. Make plans to join a gym maybe? Or something else to keep some time occupied. I ended up taking lessons twice a week completely not planned and loving the new direction I was going in. So if you feel the need find something popular locally and give it a try. Lessons are a no commitment deal.
I have to disagree. I’m a goals-oriented person and horses are absolutely my passion. Those two things are not at all mutually exclusive.
I wasn’t judging anyone.
It is just what I have observed in people who ride mainly to compete or for the social aspect of riding over the last 43 years .
They may love horses but they have them and ride for different reasons. There is no right or wrong reason for having horses or for taking a break if you need to.
@gertie06
@Xanthoria
@Alex and Bodie’s Mom Your reasons for stepping away for a while from horses are unique to your circumstances. I was just commenting on the info the OP gave. I never said anything about the care you give your animals. Or your passion / commitment for horses.
I know candyappy was just going off what’s in my OP which did mention my “goals” which yes, include competing. I also enjoy trail riding. I wouldn’t say I ride “mainly” to compete and certainly not for the social aspect, lol. Most horse people are nuts.
If riding were simply an interest of mine, and not a passion, I wouldn’t be struggling with my current situation. I would have given up a long time ago.
Riding has been my passion since I was 1 1/2 years old on my wonderhorrse. I was a pro for a period of time. And I still wonder quite frequently why the heck I’m still doing this and toyed with the idea of just quitting. I’ve walked away 3 times, sold/gave away the horses/sold the tack etc etc and not 6 months later have bought another horse and am back at it.
My husband now doesn’t even take me seriously when I say I should sell.
I’ve had health setbacks, horse issues, and most definitely trainer issues. I’ve thought about just going back to taking lessons (less stressful AND cheaper), trying another discipline (pretty sure I’ve almost tried them all at this point) or finding a trail suitable horse and just kicking back and wandering the property (mine is not trail suitable for me at present).
Part of the thread that ties it all together is a bit of discouragement that despite 30 years of riding, I’ll never achieve my goals. This body isn’t up to it any more, my brain isn’t up to it any more, and my wallet…it definitely doesn’t have it. But I know that if I don’t have a goal, I’ll flounder - it’s who I am as a person.
So, to make a long story short - I feel you OP. Take a break if you need to, don’t if you feel it won’t be useful, whatever, but whatever you do, give yourself permission to feel what you feel right now…You will sort this out and there should be no guilt nor shame about having any of these feelings. Many good thoughts coming your way.
Hugs to you.
And, this thread is making me cry, your second paragraph there, is kind of where I’m at right now, and it stinks. I feel like what is wrong with me that I seem to “attract” lame or not quite but maybe lame horses that require more maintenance than I ever knew existed. First few times, okay I chalked it up to “continuing education”. But now? BTDT, and sick of it. And so is my bank account. Never mind that I had thorough vet checks and what all… some things you can just not see coming.
And I grit my teeth and hang in there because I have worked so damn hard to be the rider/horsewoman I am, that walking away feels like such a waste.
My mind keeps going back to “when I did X,Y,Z I really enjoyed it” but reality is I am not a carefree late teens/early 20’s anymore and those days are long gone. And so are those freedoms. So I try to find other ways to enjoy my horse life. Honestly I think the people factor in there doesn’t help. I am a boarder too, so there will always be people that I think “gosh do we have to be at the barn at the same time”.
Anyways that’s not helpful to you I am sure…LOL… but perhaps all of us sharing our stories and thoughts will make you feel less alone.
As many have written, I know exactly what you’re going through. After 30 years of horses - owning, leasing, lessons, boarding, showing, injuries to both myself and the horses, drama, etc. - I stepped way, way back about three years ago. I sold my last horse in 2010 as we had to pay for my mother’s Assisted Living care at $7500 per month until 2012. I then leased a lovely mare and rediscovered how freeing just leasing can be. You can still love the horse and care for them, but the huge commitment is off your shoulders. If and when big issues come up, it’s a shared responsibility that you can even let go of if you have to. After several years of leasing we had to move across the country, so it was back to just lessons. That’s where I’m at now and what a relief just lessons can be! But this is something I had to learn, become aware of and live through. No more “shoulds”; no more “but I’m wasting all that knowledge about riding so I have to show and I have to strive to be the Olympian I KNOW I was meant to be…”. Yes, it can be difficult finding the right trainer, lesson horse and barn, but when I put my patience hat on, it can be interesting, fun and rewarding. I’ve gotten back so much time, money and have opened myself up to other passions and people. I did go up and down for a while about the whole thing emotionally, and yes, when I see a fine horse I STILL want to own it or at least lease it, but that too passes, and I’m glad when it does. You just CAN’T do everything and it’s a joy to still be with and love horses but not have them rule your life. Best of luck to you.
I have definitely felt this way more than once in the past 15 years. I have only ever owned 4 horses and currently still own 3/4 (one passed away about 6 years ago). Currently, all three are in three different locations- 7 yr old in training, 17 yr old that is boarded and 9 yr old who is retired at DIL’s farm due to bad stifle. So that is stressful. I don’t see retired one very often, I ride/see the one in training once on the weekends and I ride the boarded one 2-3 times a week.
I feel like I bleed money and I know at times my husband is resentful of how much it costs, even though he does try to be supportive. That is stressful. I work as an insurance manager full time and commute so having all the horses scattered is hard- there is not enough money or time. I also had some issues with my 7 yr old after I moved barns in March and he got really spooky and I fell off a few times. I had to get him out of where he was and moved him to my trainer’s 2 hours away. He can be sold there if I chose, but they are riding him and he is doing well and we are showing him so we will see where it goes. So now I go see him on the weekends and try to see my mom at the same time since she lives there.
Most of my issues due to 1) anxiety- fear of falling; 2) money- we are fine and I do not run short, but could i be involved and not spend as much?? I can never seem to find ways to save more only spend more; 3) time- I feel disorganized and overwhelmed sometimes by the various demands of horses scattered about. I can’t do this long-term but am not ready to decide about the younger one’s future yet. He is a super nice horse, but he is sensitive. He progressed very well and then he regressed when I moved him in March.
I have had the older horse that you can’t ride too, and the heartache of putting him down- it’s a lot of stress, time and money. My 9 yr old had to be retired so I also know about being disappointed and spending a lot of vet bills.
Perspective is everything though. We become bogged down when we think things will never change. They always change. There is impermanence to all of our situations, good or bad. Who’s to say in 5 yrs you won’t be the one talking about what bit to use and how to get ready for a show. Tables turn and things change. Deal with what you have now as you must. Decide your next step when it’s time. And don’t begrudge others who are in a different place in their journeys either. That is a sure way to make yourself, and only yourself. miserable
Horses are hard.
They break your heart, and your pocketbook, and sometimes your body.
But we get in so deep, so fast… sometimes it’s almost impossible to step back from what we know we love, to evaluate if we’re getting what we need from the pursuit.
Sunk costs- the cost of the horse, the equipment, the farm, the truck and trailer, the lifestyle adjustments- sometimes guilt us into keep doing something that we really need to change up… or even stop doing.
Much of this now has to do, I think, with how fast so many of us are aging out of horses. The tail end of the baby boomers have the time and money to ride many times, but our bodies hurt, our families move away and become more precious to us, our partners may be ill or die or choose someone new… what we think would be a simple time of life is often filled with big changes.
And horse stuff that was often a refuge, a carefree ‘me’ time out of our lives starts to have tinges of fear creep in. We begin to doubt our choices and confidence. We’re asked to choose between people and horses, or we realize the money really isn’t OK to spend on a horse that we promised to take care of forever. It gets emotionally complicated.
And if we’re not aging out, then other life changes appear: school, work, kids, bills… sometimes I wonder how I ever found all the time it took in the past to pursue my horse dreams… and it was all so easy back in the day. Of course, my memory is not 100% now, so maybe those details are not quite as I remember them either.
My young life with horses was wonderful, and all my adult life I’ve tried different horse things to reclaim that feeling of fun, and adventure, and competence. I’ve found bits and pieces of it again, but often only after a significant break from, say, showing, or being in a training situation. I’ve downsized and recalibrated my dreams many times, and then approached horses after some kind of break from a new oblique angle, a different saddle, or a different horse sport.
And now I own a large boarding stable, and have realized, from watching the customers here, that you don’t have to ride horses to have a satisfying relationship with them. I’ve been judgmental about horse breeds, sports, and pursuits for so long that it came as a shock when I realized that, for some, just having a horse to groom, to pet, to exercise and play with, was enough. No riding needed, no ribbons required to enjoy the process of going to the barn and doing your horse thing every day. There’s a peace to be found at the barn that is not always based on the view from the back of a horse.
I can’t imagine that any of us would willingly leave horses forever, but changing it up, taking a break, and coming back at the entire concept of ‘horse’ from a different viewpoint at another time has served me well, and has done the same for a lot of the women I watch outside my window at the barn. Most of us are lifers… but we play different games at different times in our horse life. That’s OK.
It’s hard to set aside feelings of guilt and judgmental thoughts about failure, being a lightweight, giving up, and other critical phrases if you also want to step away from this intensive horse game we play… but try to get some altitude on your life and the role horses should play in it, and you may find respite in changing up the intensity of your relationship with horses.
This should be a published article!
I’m at the pont now. Horses are or were my whole life. I’ve had health issues. Neck pain mostly and I have to take pain killers to ride. But I’m empty and feel no passion anymore. Just today we had to put down our 21 year old due to Cushing’s. She couldn’t walk anymore. I lost my heart horse a couple years ago. They are now buried next to each other in the back pasture. I have one horse left. A 26 year old with Cushing’s!! She’s doing ok so far.
On the meds
She really doesn’t want to get out anymore and with the growth in our area, there is no place to ride. Another drawback.
What do I do with myself. I have no other interests.
We got a couple of baby goats and plan to redo the inside of the barn into a goat barn.
With everything against me with owning and riding my own horses, I think I have to close the chapter.
I do have a friend who has horses to ride and maybe I can ride with her on one of hers.
I be always had my own. The bonds were so tight.
If there were places to ride I might think about getting another but it’s a huge disappoint to try and go out.
I’m sick of the one trail we have left.
My old girl can’t do the hills anymore that it has and I have a terrible time now out there.
I feel so lost. I think we are in the same boat.
It has gotten so expensive to own.
There are way more cons than pros.
I knew I couldn’t look at an empty barn and that’s why the goats.
I had goats before many years ago. Dairy goats. Can they fill the empty hole?? I don’t know.
I never go outside anymore and that was the pleasure of riding. I just saw a video of an old friend and her friend out riding and it ripped my heart out. I had to stop watching.
It’s an addiction this horse thing. Seriously. And as long as you don’t have physical pain - and I’ve started having it too. Such a buzzkill. I have foot pain especially and walking on uneven ground really sets it off - even with stiff soles.
Anyways, I tell my husband, “Hey, it could be hard drugs I got into so call yourself lucky.” I looked up my spending last year and OMG how, how did that happen? That’s horses. Vet bills and just other spending.
I no longer show or clinic and do enjoy just riding like when I was a very young girl. Very helpful to tap into that and have it be enough.
For any of you who can continue to ride but find it too expensive do consider how many horses just sit around and don’t get exercised. There has to be a way to find a horse to ride. And help it. And make a difference.
So sorry to read some of the heartbreaking stories here and some day I’ll be there too - too old or too much pain. But until then I’m too hooked to stop. It’s been, whew, OMG 54 years of horses. No wonder my feet hurt.
This made me LOL 
Probably hard core drugs cost less too. But they can’t bring nearly as much satisfaction as our lovely equines.
I know this is old, but this just made me feel so much better for the guilt trip I’ve been getting from barn about quitting riding and selling my (amazing) horse.
