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HELP!!! dad wants horse but not dad

Off Course
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#1

I have been riding for 8 years and have always wanted a horse … money is not a problem and I pay for all my tack and such and if I ever get a horse I will pay for as much as possible. my mom is not a fan of horses anymore even though she rode as a kid she always complains about dropping me off at the barn after school and acts like it is very hard for her and my dad picks me up. this makes no sense to me as the fact that she takes my sister to school and drops her off and in the school year takes her to her tennis activities and in the summer swim 6 TIMES A WEEK:confused: and I have never heard her complain once. if I ever get a horse she just has to drop me off after school and me and my dad would do the rest. the thing is there is absolutely no reason I don’t own a horse other than the fact that my mom just doesn’t “see the point in owning a horse if there are lesson ponies” I try to explain to her that owning a horse is so much more than riding but she just doesn’t get it. please give me advice on how I can explain to my mom that owning a horse is so much more than just riding … no hate, please.

:cry:
Edit- I know what the costs are because I am fortunate to have talked to people who own their own horse, I guess I didn’t phrase my question right, I am trying to find out how to prove to my mom that owning a horse isn’t pointless, I would like to know how owning a horse has benefited you personly , not just the keep you out of trouble stuff. also, my trainer has recommended multiple time that it is time for me to get a horse because the “lesson horses just aren’t cutting it”.- her words not mine.

#2

I would say wait. It doesn’t seem like it but time travels so fast. Before you know it, you will be able to drive and do what you want.

Or take up cycling. You can get a long way on the bike. Like to the barn. Dad can pick you and the bike up. The fitness will help your riding.

Use it to deliver pamphlets or Papers and you will have the money when the time is right to buy your own horse.

10 Likes
#3

How old are you?

Consider my story, I was a barn rat, only had money for a few lessons, but learned very fast and was asked to exercise school horses, then private horses.
Eventually was helping start colts and became a professional in the horse world.

My cousin a few years older could buy and keep a horse of her own, so that is all she cared for and rode and her riding stalled, only advancing a bit as she only had that one horse to ride.

If you are not in a situation to have your own horse, think that maybe that is good, as so you can keep learning from many other horses.
That in the end will make you a better rider for when you are an adult on your own and can make your own decisions, including if to have a horse to enjoy owning.

Try not to focus on wanting what you can’t have, but on making the best of what you do have.

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#4

Explain it to your dad instead, and see if you can get him on your side. Then, let him work on changing mom’s mind.

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#5

Is money not a problem for you? Are you assuming it is not a problem for your parents? Do you know the costs, the total costs of owning a horse?

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#6

Have your mom call me, I can give her a factual history of what happens when you deny a horse to a horse-crazy kid and it’s not pretty. I went totally berserk. In fact she can talk to my mother, who can recount those dark years to her, mom to mom :slight_smile:

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#7

Yes, a child who takes care of her own horses does not get into drugs or alcohol or sex or run away from home like all her friends do. Of course if you board, it’s a different story. Cleaning stalls before school and riding after school is good for any child. My parents paid for lessons for me before and after I got my first horse and I had to take care of my horses as a child. Makes you a responsible person. But boarding? I saw a lot of spoiled brats at boarding stables. Those brats kept wanting more and better horses and were into every vice they could do.

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#8

This!

1 Like
#9

Big cost difference between school sports , lessons and paying monthly board, shoes and upkeep on a horse.

Thankfully my parents gave me their blessing to get my first horse at 13 because we had about an acre and a barn at home. I did babysitting every night I could to buy hay and for farrier costs. When we moved 2 years later and boarding was my only option , I got a job cleaning stalls to pay for my horse.

Until you are old enough to get a job and drive you might have to be satisfied with lessons. Both parents must be onboard with it and pitting one against the other to get your way is the wrong way to go about it.

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#10

This, this, this! Some of the very best riders I know were kids who didn’t have a horse of their own. Instead they worked their butts off for trainers in exchange for lessons and rode every horse that was offered to them. As long as you can figure out a way to get to the barn, you’re actually at an advantage without your own horse. Work hard for your coach, don’t complain about hard work/difficult horses and you WILL get riding opportunities. You have no idea how hard it is to find good, dedicated riders of your age - even if you’re not the best rider in the barn you WILL get noticed and get opportunities by working hard. Be ready and willing to jump on every one of those and you will be better for it in the long run.

1 Like
#11

A little something I wrote for my parents a couple of years ago…perhaps you and your parents should read and consider.
http://war-horse.blogspot.com/2014/1…d-dad.html?m=1

If owning a horse is not in the cards for now, respect your parents’ decision and listen to what others have posted. Keep learning and working hard.

#12

Goodness Gracious, child, if you talk like this, I bet your parents are breathless listening, or trying to keep up.

First of all, owning a horse is pretty darn expensive.
the price of the horse is your least worry!
this is not like a tennis racket that you can put in the closet for a few month, and pull it out again, because the weather is good for tennis now.
Rain, snow, or Hurricane, the horse has to eat, has to have the hooves trimmed, shots, teeth done.
Horses have self destructive tendencies: You have to have a good financial cushion to afford emergency vet care.
And those farm calls always happen after hours, on the weekend, in the pouring rain r driving snow.

Tack - there are cheap options.
But when you are tight in cash, it has to be that top of the line saddle to fit the beast, because nothing else works right.

But there is hope:
There are a lot of people out there who have more horse than they can deal with.
They are either too busy, or have too many.
You can - if you are good enough - catch a ride on somebody else’s horse.
you can make agreements to lease a horse. You can often get the use of a horse you could not otherwise afford.

But the best way to get your parents on your side is to prove you can handle this:
find ways to make extra money (you will need it)
do extra chores - preferably without being asked.

We had horses growing up, but to have your own saddle horse was a big deal!
We had to earn the privilege!
Sis and I put in a lot of time mending fences, mucking stalls, digging the kitchen garden and feeding the chickens.

There is nothing like throwing your leg over your own horse.
But that isn’t an easy road to get there!

Good luck there, young one!
(and use some commas here and there, and a paragraph or two.)

10 Likes
#13

I agree with everyone in saying horses are expensive. You need to sit down and do a list of expenses that are associated with owning a horse.

Purchase cost of horse
Boarding Cost
Farrier (every 6 weeks)
Vet cost (annual vaccinations, teeth care, etc.)
A vet emergency fund
Horse accessories - winter blanket, polo wraps, halters, brushes, etc., etc., the list can get quite long
Tack - saddle, bridle, saddle pads, boots for horse and for rider
Other fees - lessons, training, showing

When you’ve made a list, starting searching for what those items will cost in your area. From that what will you be able to afford and what will your parents end up paying.

Maybe a better option is for you to lease a horse or part lease one. Some barns allow part leases on school horses.

Either way, your parents need to be on board since they will likely be paying for some of the expenses and driving you too and from the barn, which has the potential to be a further drive then just driving siblings to swim lessons and involve weekends.

#14

OP I totally understand what it’s like to have a hobby no one else supports, or encourages even if not with money to do it.
My mother would drive me to my lessons, but would never stay… and griped about it. Eventually I paid her to take me to them.

But the bottom line is that you can not change them. So, do what you can, learn all you can [and honestly riding other, various horses vs your very own is a better way to learn to ride well] and when you are able you can buy your own car to get you to the barn and get your horse yourself… that’s what I did.

#15

Is leasing an option for you? My daughter would love a horse of her own but we half lease a horse instead. She gets to ride when she wants and it is more affordable (plus i know nothing about caring for horses so I dont feel comfortable owning an animal I cant really personally care for). Her riding has changed so much in the past year the horse I would have bought for her a year ago would not be the horse I would choose for her now.

She does spend days at the barn working/helping (not in exchange for lessons but for the experience and fun of it). A few other girls do this as well and the moms get together and carpool to make it happen. Maybe see if you can find a carpooling situation so your mom doesnt mind your time at the barn so much.

7 Likes
#16

If both parents aren’t on board you need to wait until you can afford a horse. Right now it sounds like you are counting on your parents to afford the horse. Once you are old enough to drive, get a job, buy a car and then see if you have the money and time to own. As said earlier, the cost of the horse is just a fraction of what you will pay. Vet bills can/will come unexpectedly. We just went through an issue with our 10 year old horse that cost 4k in vet bills over a 2 week period. Do you have the money to be able to afford those types of crop up expenses? If not, what are you going to do when that happens? When you own the horse, you own it. You are responsible for all the care, feeding, bills, etc. Once you own there isn’t an option to say, “I don’t have the time or the money this week to do what the horse needs”. What is your plan in a few years when you decide you want to go to college? Who is going to take care of the horse while you are gone?

Sit down and really think about why you want to own right now? What will you get out of it vs leasing or just extra lessons / barn time?

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#17

She totally understands that owning a horse is so much more than riding. It is so much more expensive, and so much more responsibilities.

You are very lucky that you are able to take lessons. If you want a horse that bad, get yourself a job and pay for it.

1 Like
#18

Lot of generalities there presented as absolutes. Busy is better for young people but…it’s no brick wall preventing substance abuse and inappropriate relationship trouble. Keeping only at home is no deterrent unless they never step off the property and join a group of their peers in some activity. Including school.

Horses are great but it’s a not a well thought out reason to argue a kid should have one as a deterrent to bad behavior. Horse isn’t a parent.

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#19

OP - change your title. It says Dad wants a horse but not Dad?

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#20

speak for yourself. I speak from personal experience myself and my friends. And we participated in english riding lessons and shows and rode in a western drill team and barrel racing and rode in rodeos and did other things like ballet and piano lessons and track. No time for drugs or alcohol or sex and yes we did date boys. Imagine telling, as I did, a date that I couldn’t go out to the movies because one of my horses looked like he might colic. Years later, I told, truthfully, a member of a well known top 20s rock band that I could not go out because my cat ran through the french door and cut himself. True incidents. Horse and siamese cat survived the incidents. The boys, not so much.

4 Likes

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