Help me find the motivation

[TatteredDaydreamer]

I’m an adult ammy (37) that has a full time job, I thankfully am working from home, but don’t have much flexibility during the day to ride anytime other then after work. I have a 2.5 year old WB gelding who I’ve owned since he was a few weeks old, and have had at my barn since he was about 6 months old. The process of watching him grow/developing a relationship with him has been awesome and I would do everything the same again!

I consider myself very lucky that my trainer has very kindly offered me horses to ride when I want and I try to lesson every weekend. I am just having a really hard time finding the motivation to ride after work/more frequently then my lessons, which sometimes don’t happen weekly due to schedules. I love my barn, I love my trainer, but at the end of the day, it’s dark, and cold, and I’m exhausted. I KNOW that I need to be riding consistently before my baby gets started so I feel confident, comfortable and secure in the tack. I’m still having a hard time getting myself out the door during the week. We are getting to the point where it will be soon, he’ll be started in May or June of next year as he’s a late baby (end of June). I know I don’t have a lot of time to play around with. I’m also heavier then I’d like to be by about 30/45lbs and am actively working on dropping the weight.

I guess my question is, how do I dig in and find the motivation? Are there some fun flatwork exercises that anyone has and likes? When I’m at the barn, 9 times out of 10 I’m excited that I’m there and happy to ride, it’s just getting to the barn. Sorry if this seems like a long winded rant/whine, but I’m honestly looking for suggestions or tips! Thank you!

[JB]

what’s the exhaustion - mental? Losing motivation can be a GOOD thing, because it gives you the chance to see how badly you really want something. That said, motivation comes from seeing results, not in getting started. A decision - removing all other options - is what gets you started. You have to look past the inconvenience of the moment - cold, dark, mentally tired - and look to the opportunity it’s going to offer, which is confidence, and in your case, supporting your weight loss and physical fitness goals. AND as you said, you KNOW you’ll feel good once you’re there.

Tell your trainer you’re coming Tuesday and Thursday at 6pm (or whatever), and since you’re not the type of person to bail on someone because “it’s hard”, you’ll do what it takes to get out the door.

[one1horse]

I’ve struggled with this at different points and the thing I have found most helpful is to have my trainer “assign” me a horse to ride after work. This means she is counting on me to ride the horse so it gets worked, and holds me accountable to show up. I’ve also found that once I started incorporating the barn into my routine (I go two work nights a week, tues & thurs), I find that I miss it when I need to skip for whatever reason.

I am a therapist in my professional life, so I also think it can be important to look at the “what” that is getting in the way of meeting a goal, or completing a task rather than the “why”. This helps us take a strengths based, and solution focused approach to identifying what is going on, and how to make adjustments to move in the direction we want.

Lastly - I have enjoyed using the RideIQ app for guided lessons when I’m riding by myself. It helps combat the indoor arena circle fatigue that plagues the northeast during the winter.

You got this!

[TatteredDaydreamer]

These are both good suggestions and you’re both right. I am a “people pleaser” by nature so if I ask for a horse to ride, I’m much more inclined to go because I told her I’d do it. The exhaustion is mostly mental, but I also don’t sleep well at all, so sometimes at the end of the day I’m just plain tired. There’s been a lot going on personally, death of my husbands family member and husband had emergency surgery, that has been very draining all around. But now that it’s over, I’m finding it harder to get out of the routine cooking dinner and relaxing after work as opposed to going to ride or see my baby horse.

@one1horse I did get a free trial of RideIQ but that was right before the personal events hit and I didn’t have a chance to use it. I’m hesitant to buy it without giving it a shot first. Do you listen before you ride, or while you ride?

[one1horse]

Definitely, absolutely, be kind to yourself. Start by committing to one work night a week and see how that feels. Structure your after work barn time as self-care, a place for you to turn off your work brain, your family brain, and be present with your horse.

As for RideIQ, there are different options but for the lessons you pick a lesson and play it from your phone while you ride. You can wear earbuds or play it over speaker.

[Annie10]

Btdt.
Take a break… start doing some interval training for the next 6 months or maybe get a stationary bike or something and really get after it with your own fitness. Ride in the meantime when you feel like it but don’t make it or let it be an obligation.
That way you’ll be fresh for your baby and also in better shape too.

[Willesdon]

Who says you must ride every day? I’ve found over the years that once a week or twice a week is fine. More frequently is very nice but not essential. I’m not a pro. I’m not paid to ride multiple horses each day. It does help to have a good trainer, though. Horses are quite content to stand around, eat, sleep, do a little bit of socializing… They aren’t worried when or whether you ride.

When I have a good work/life balance, one that includes none-horsey activities, I enjoy the horses far more.

[JB]

@TatteredDaydreamer

The exhaustion is mostly mental, but I also don’t sleep well at all, so sometimes at the end of the day I’m just plain tired.

I 100% feel this to my core! I’ve had terrible insomnia (can fall asleep, can’t stay there) for a very long time.

Research (because yep I’m that nerd lol) has proven that when you do something you love, that makes you happy (even better if it makes you laugh), closer to bed time, you’re setting your hormones up for better sleep

@TatteredDaydreamer

I’m finding it harder to get out of the routine cooking dinner and relaxing after work as opposed to going to ride

Habits can be VERY difficult to break, especially when you’ve been driven there by emotionally taxing situations (I’m so very sorry I hope DH is doing well!). This is where setting things up to make what you want to do easier, and what you want to stop doing, harder. So, that people-pleasing side of us to needing to show up on X days at X time, makes it easier to get out the door

[fivestrideline]

Hi! It’s me! The same!

I could pretty much write this post myself - I work full time, don’t sleep, and sometimes I’m just BONE TIRED. What I do is I make the barn a routine. My barn is 10 minutes from my job, so I go out there 5 days a week right from work, do not stop do not pass GO. Like you, once I’m there I’m fine!

That said, I’m in a slump right now for various reasons, but once I get back in the habit of just driving straight out there it usually works itself out. This time of year is really tough though (work and family holiday stuff, the weather, traveling and routines getting messed up and throwing me off my groove) so it’s totally okay if you just go to your weekend lesson and “start back up” after the holidays. Use that little New Years boost to get into a routine!

RideIQ is great, and I find I need to go to the barn everyday to stay in the habit. Mainly though I just can’t stop moving - if I sit down on the couch it’s game over!

[lonewolf]

I’m in a similar situation, and this is what works for me.

Is there an office at the barn with wifi you can work from for part of the day so you’re ready to go right after work? (I do this when possible, driving there on my lunch break. Game changer)

If I can’t do that for whatever reason, I know I have to leave straight after work. So I have my barn clothes set out and ready to go (or I change into them in the afternoon), and a snack packed that I can eat in the car. If I was to stop and relax on the couch or have dinner first, I would struggle to get going.

There is also a certain amount of controlling your brain that you have to do. I try not to let myself say “I’m tired,” even to myself in my own head. Because all that does is psych me out and make me not want to do something I really do love. So I shut that talk down. Riding is just the next step in my day, no emotion about it.

It’s easier for me because the horses I’m riding are not my own, and I feel responsible to them and the owners. So I never back out. I’ve always like the saying “You can’t always have motivation, so you have to have discipline.” If I am genuinely physically exhausted, I give myself permission to do an easy, forward hack on a loose rein. But I get on. And 99.9 per cent of the time I’m happy I rode and feel better after.

[MadTrotter]

Ok this may sound stupid but it’s what motivated me to do more cold dark winter riding, and I don’t have your excuses because mine are a few hundred feet from my house. But I do have a new baby, another young one, a consulting job, and a husband who enjoys riding but doesn’t pitch in much with property upkeep.

Anyways, I bought a pair of knee high shearling boots that are like warm hugs for my feet. Easy to get on and off and I’d be lying if I told you I never rode in them. Although expensive I gave myself permission to wear them in the barn and they have proven pretty resilient through spot washing.

And when I get back to the house, I have a pair of shearling slippers. Not having to worry about cold feet or wrestling with laces and zippers has removed the lowest hanging fruit from the tree of excuses.

I’m not saying this is the answer but find a small comforting luxury to make the experience feel special and cozy. Maybe an expensive coffee on the way to the barn, or save your favorite podcast for the drive.

Sending you warm cozy seasonal hugs

[Moonboots]

I am a similar age with a demanding job that involves travel. I also have periods of feeling burnt out from the barn.

To get to the barn:
Look at your schedule and pick a day of the week to go to the barn every week. Do you have recurring meetings or tasks that make some days heavy and some days light? Do you have more energy at the beginning/middle/end of the week? Look at your schedule and your energy levels, and chose a day where you’re likely to be most energized. Put it as a meeting in your work calendar, with a reminder.
Get changed into barn clothes before the end of the work day. Choose to work the second half of your day from a coffee shop/place with wifi on the way to the barn.
Is the drive to the barn long and boring? If possible, take a different route to switch things up. Find a podcast you love to listen to on the drive in, and only listen to it during barn drives.
Are you social with other people at the barn? Find a barn buddy who you can plan to ride with. Even better if they already come out on a regular day/time and you can join in. Accountability helps.
And if you get into a good routine where you’re going to the barn as often as you would like, but one day you just don’t feel up to going, make a conscious choice not to go. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Choose to do things to take care of yourself and your energy stores at home so that you will be in a better place to go to the barn next time.

Exercises to stay engaged and motivated:
Look up “101 dressage exercises” or something similar. Or find a super low level dressage test, ride it, and see what goes well and what needs work. Work on ring figures, but stack lots of them on top of each other so that your bend and direction are constantly changing. Make it a goal to not ride around large after warming up. Focus on the difference between a 90° corner and a nice round circle. Ride the tightest multi-loop serpentine you can manage. Focus on lengthening and shortening your strides. Set up trot poles. Try to feel where the horse you are riding could use some work that day, and try to improve on it. Put on the free version of the Equilab app when you ride so you can see where you’re spending lots of time and where you have room to build.

Edited to add:
Find the cadence that works for you. I ride 2-3 days/week. 2 of the days are constant (unless work travel interferes) and I go maybe half the time on the 3rd day. I know that I will be living beyond my means (in terms of my energy levels) if I do more than that, and it will catch up to me.

[Victorious]

I have to agree with some of the posters who said to take a break. As a self-admitted people pleaser, you may find that there are times you are doing the horse thing more for other people-such as your trainer, barn friend group, even an idealized vision of yourself- than really truly for you. It’s ok to take a step back from time to time. Your baby doesn’t HAVE to be started at 3. He can be started at 4, nbd. I have a lovely facility at my house, with several lovely horses to work with and quite frankly, I have days where I’m a hard “no thank you”. Weeks and months even if I’m in bad head space. I used to beat myself up about and feel so guilty and then one day, I was stuck in the car for a long drive home and I thought…why??? why am I feeling so crummy about sometimes stepping back? was it a feeling of not being horsey enough? not intense or committed enough? And I literally decided to turn the page on that old tired narrative and shrug off other peoples perceived ideas(as well as my own) for me and my horses and what a super massive game-changer!!!
This may not be your situation but I think it would have probably sped up the whole process for me to have heard it about 10 years ago!!lol! Good Luck and don’t be too hard on yourself!

[candyappy]

@TatteredDaydreamer

but at the end of the day, it’s dark, and cold, and I’m exhausted. I KNOW that I need to be riding consistently…

It can be so difficult to find motivation at this time of year even when you have them at home and can ride during the day. I would try to get something scheduled once a week and then there is no procrastinating.

You can add a few more rides once you get going.

[JB]

@MadTrotter

removed the lowest hanging fruit

sometimes it’s the SMALL obstacles that keep us stuck!

[BadTB]

I was in your situation very recently… actually have recently just come out of it. Two years ago I bought a 2 yr WB cross. I took it easy on myself, didn’t ride at all (so it’d been about two years since I’d ridden when I went to start him), and just did the baby stuff with him when it worked into my schedule easily. Now, I hugely regret having done that. I REALLY wish I’d kept riding the whole time. I went to start him and realized right away that I’d lost all my fitness and most of my coordination and feel in the saddle.

As a result, I’ve had very little motivation to work with him. I justified it by him being a baby still and shouldn’t be working anyhow. But now I have a 4.5 year old that has been start-stop for the last year and half and it’s presenting challenges.

For me, I have to schedule the days that I’m riding, and that ride has to happen before anything else. If I sit down after work I’m screwed haha. My routine is get home, walk the dogs, feed the dogs, go to barn and ride, go home and make my dinner, veg for an hour, bed. It makes for a long day, but if you push through the first couple of weeks (they’re the hardest) and don’t think about it too much, the routine settles in, your energy level increases (you’re getting fitter from riding more), and you start to look forward to it. You also start to sleep better.

Good luck!

[Impractical_Horsewoman]

This is going to sound crazy, but have you thought about getting up early in the morning to exercise at home? If I don’t exercise in the morning, I’m a slug for the entire day. I even feel cold, lethargic, like my energy level is in a state of torpor. If you start the day moving, you might feel more inclined to keep moving.

Winter and cold and dark is hard at the barn, though. I think sometimes just going to take lessons is also hard, though. When I could just go and have an easy ride on my lease horse, I was more inclined to go when it was 20F, versus when I was only taking lessons and I felt I had to perform to a certain level for my instructor.

[ClassyJumper]

It is probably super individual what might work for you but some ideas that have worked for me:

1. Buying quality winter riding clothes that you like and get into them as soon as you get home. Days that I WFH I put them on a bit before quitting time. It’s just so much easier to go outside when you are already cozy and warm.
2. If you have a SO that sucks you into being lazy, try to get them doing their own thing too. It’s alot easier to inspire myself to ride when DH is working out rather than snuggled up on the couch.
3. If you are competitive some sort of fitness goal might help. My work is having a steps competition and riding is a lot more fun/easy to get my 10k in than walking on a treadmill. I wonder if we could set up something on equilab for COTH?
4. On days that I am completely not motivated I just go for a walk/hack and listen to a favorite podcast. At the end of the day it’s good for the horses to know that every ride isn’t “work”.
5. Lastly and kind of counter intuitive is to give yourself a break. When I put pressure on myself to ride EVERY day I feel like it wears me out even when I don’t actually ride. Monday is “nap day” in our house haha sounds terrible but we chill and get to bed early and I swear we accomplish alot more the rest of the week because of it.

[danhelm441]

There is this somewhat cringey book-that-could-have-been-a-blog-post called Atomic Habits, which despite all its filler and anecdata, actually told one good anecdote that stuck with me: This guy had experienced pretty severe brain damage and memory loss, couldn’t even give you directions from the living room to the refrigerator. But every day, he went for a walk around the neighborhood and managed to follow the same route and get back home. It turned out the part of the brain responsible for recalling the route was totally separate from the part that he would need to recall directions on-demand. It was like a lower-order brain function that didn’t rely on conscious thought. And—spoiler alert—the thesis of the book is that that’s the power of a habit. It doesn’t take willpower or rationalization, or daily planning and forethought. Once it’s part of your routine, you do it by default, and you find you actually have to consciously think and decide not to do it, because if you’re just on autopilot, you’ll end up doing it without thinking.

All that to say, my advice is to pick a schedule and stick to it religiously for at least 2 months. Same time, same days. First thing in the morning is easiest for me, but may not be practical for you. I also used to go in the evening as well to feed and blanket, and I can tell you after a while, it’s like you have this mental clock that just senses when you need work to start winding down, so you find a good place to stop, and you don’t let yourself get pulled into anything or immersed in any tasks. It’s not because you’re kicking yourself and constantly reminding yourself “I need to be ready to leave for the barn in 30 minutes.” It’s more like a subconscious awareness, the same way you might find you wake up before your alarm goes off in the mornings. That is my $0.02. The start up cost may feel high, but over time, I truly don’t think it’s possible or sustainable to willpower your way into going to the barn 3+ times a week—you really need habit to offset that mental load.

[vxf111]

This is super interesting and useful to me for a wholly independent reason (rules of evidence) but thank you for mentioning this book.