Help: Rude, spiteful barn help

[alterfe]

Let me start off by saying I love my barn. The barn manager and trainers are lovely and I’m happy with the way my horses are cared for. However, there is a new worker who helps feed and take care of the horses and also lunges and rides a bit who is proving to be a problem. She is not a boarder. I have been at this barn for years and was one of their first real boarders and I have two horses.

Today (my first real encounter with her) she told me I could not handwalk my horse in the indoor because he was “taking up too much room.” She was riding a horse and there was another horse being flatted in the ring. There was plenty of room and my horse must be walked because it is rehabbing an injury. He gets walked on the inside track of all the horses flatting. BO and trainers are all aware of this and understanding/wonderful about it. So I ignored her, and she proceeded to yell at me and tell me to move him.

Then when I was riding my other horse she pretty much ran the horse she was on straight into me. She had been doing circles and random patterns so I did not realize she was going to abruptly choose to come on the rail at the exact spot where I was. She then yelled at me and rudely asked “Do you not know how to pass left to left?” I have shown at many of the top horse shows in the country and been in hundreds of busy schooling rings. I’m fully aware of how to ride around people. At this point I was furious and took a few minutes before telling her there was no reason to be so rude and condescending to me. She simply responded by saying she wasn’t being rude. Whatever. I continued to ignore her and kept flatting my horse.

So what would you do at this point? I am talking about it with my trainer tomorrow but I am really stuck. I’m afraid she’ll just tell me to deal with it, but I 'm not sure. I love this barn and how they take care of my horses but I do not think it is at all appropriate to have an employee who antagonizes clients for no reason. Not to mention I board 2 horses there. I don’t think she has any authority to be telling me what to do with my horses and not to mention be so condescending. I love going to the barn but I’m worried this person will spoil the experience for me if nothing changes. I’m really upset because I don’t know what my options will be if I have to go elsewhere.

[TheJenners]

Do what I did: retort “I don’t pay to be yelled at.” Then report to the boss. Unless you were being unsafe, which of course it doesn’t sound like you were (also assuming the indoor is bigger than a round pen? Easily two ridden horses and a handwalker can fit?), then the employee is waaaay out of line.

[GucciJumper]

Complain. Get your friends to complain. It will get her kicked out faster. Workers like this eventually get fired, you might as well speed up the process. I doubt you are the only one to have had an issue with her.

[mvp]

IMO, you began by being rude when she asked you to leave the indoor with your first horse and rather than explaining that you had permission to be there, you ignored her. That was wrong to do to someone who is your equal. You don’t solve a problem with an adult by ignoring her.

Second, there was just a long thread about the prevalence of the Left-to-Left rule. I’m personally with you: I keep my eyes peeled and say where I’m going if I’m not sure where the other person is going. But I learned that lots and lots of people think that the Left-to-Left rule is universal or damn near it.

So maybe she thought you were wrong. And had you not started by snubbing her badly earlier in the day, you guys could have had a kinder conversation about how you want traffic patterns to work in the arena.

[SnicklefritzG]

This new person will sink their own ship rather quickly if they think nothing of this type of behavior. Who is this person’s boss? The trainer, the BM, or the BO?

Have a conversation with whoever the boss is and say that you are not happy with the new employee’s treatment of boarders. Make it a quick conversation, think of 2-3 bullet points and be done with it. Perhaps something like this:

"BO/BM, This is a fantastic barn, I love the care, the training, and the camaraderie. I feel that [new employee] is interfering with what is otherwise a wonderful place to board and train. Here is what I have experienced directly over the last X number of days/weeks:

1. I am told by [new employee] that I must not enter the arena with my horse if there are already two horses in it.
2. I am yelled at by [new employee] if I hand walk my horse in spite of her comments to please leave.
3. While riding on the rail, [new employee] runs into me and then proceeds to blame me for the problem when she should have called out her random figures or been aware of the other riders.

I do not find this acceptable. I hope a solution can be found so that I can continue to ride and train in an otherwise wonderful environment"

I can guarantee that you are not alone in how you feel. At least that has been my experience in social situations at barns, the office, etc. If you find someone really annoying and rude, it is very likely other people do also.

[SnicklefritzG]

@MVP: I don’t think that ignoring the new employee is necessarily a bad thing. It is often better to keep one’s mouth shut than to say something you regret that is difficult to take back later. In addition, these two individuals are not necessarily equals. They may both be adults. Who knows, they could even be similar ages, but one is a paying client and the other is an employee in a service position. That is not meant to be condescending or rude. It is simply to state that there are expectations for customer service with this barn worker not unlike what there would be in other service industries. That wouldn’t excuse OP from being rude if she had been (which I don’t believe she was). It would simply mean that the barn employee should be very aware of how she is treating the boarders who are paying for service and use of the facilities.

I think it is good that the OP said nothing because she was able to see the new employee for exactly what she is, a spoiled brat. It is quite telling that the new person chose to yell at the OP after she didn’t respond. Normal adults would not have yelled for something like this.

[Sansena]

Sounds like new employee is pretty impressed with themselves in this new position as ex rider/ barn grunt. I’ve encountered this type many times. Think if they can swing a leg over someone else’s horse it raises them to the level where they can be rude to actual horse owners. In their mind, they think they know more because they’re being paid to ride.

Agree: Nip this in the bud NOW. I like Snicklefritz’s suggestion of bullet pointing the events, but I’d suffice with something blunt like “Her attitude is terrible and she needs to be calibrated”.

Ask after new employee’s history. I’ll bet she’s got a list of many likely hi-end barns where she’s worked. There’s a reason for that-- she’s intolerable.

[Monica67]

Talk to your trainer, if she tells you to deal with it, use what the Jenners said and remind her you aren’t paying board for 2 horses along with training to be yelled at and treated rudely.
If your trainer and barn values you as a paying client, I am sure this will be taken care of very quickly.

[Highflyer]

@mvp, my experience as a barn employee is that we do our jobs and are polite to everyone, and especially to the paying customers. If they are friendly (and IME mostly they are) great. But even if they aren’t, you still need to be polite. It’s no different than any customer service job that way. If there’s an immediate serious safety issue you address it (still politely if possible) but otherwise you keep your head down and myob.

[Nezzy]

report to the Barn manager. That is unacceptable.

[js]

If you tell the BO about the worker, will the worker who also feeds and takes care of your horses let that part of her job decline? Just saying that if this individual is spiteful, gets talked to by the BO about her behavior or the incidents with you, it might come back on how she cares for your horses, i.e. misses a feeding, etc.

Has this worker had any run-ins with other boarders that can back you up on her behavior? You should speak up about the workers behavior; however, I would consider doing it thru your trainer and tell trainer you would like to remain anonymous for now or something to that effect.

[Palm_Beach]

It’s not acceptable for an employee to be rude to a customer in any line of business. Agree with having a conversation with the barn owner/manager per Snicklefritz.

[BuddyRoo]

Both situations lead me to believe that this new employee has an inflated sense of self and that she is trying to mark territory by “peeing on you”.

1. I would’ve said something re: the hand walking. “Oh, shoot, I forgot that you were new and probably weren’t aware. Dobbin is prescribed this and BO/BM has approved. We’ll stick to the wall and be out of your way.”

2. The whole L/L thing…yeah. While I get it, if her pattern isn’t being called out, how are you supposed to know? It’s not uncommon when we have lessons going for the L/L rule to go out the window and non lesson people just try to stay on the rail and out of the way. I don’t see where you went wrong here. She just sounds rude.

I would talk to BM/Trainer person–not in a catty way. Just the facts. “This happened and I was a bit perplexed, thoughts?”

[SnicklefritzG]

@BuddyRoo: what you said makes a lot of sense. What is it with these types? I understand that they like to “pee on their territory”, but what motivates them? Why don’t they realize they are just being annoying?

[S1969]

Is she working while in the ring? (E.g. exercising clients’ horses as part of her job?) Or is she riding for her own recreation?

I think my response would be different depending on the answer to the above - if she’s working, I’d be more willing to respect her space in the ring. I would answer more in the line of “I have permission to hand-walk, but I’ll stay on the inside track.”

If she’s just riding for her own pleasure, I wouldn’t feel the need to be all that accommodating. You pay board and for use of the arena, just like all the other boarders. Unless there are specific rules being broken, no boarder gets to tell other boarders how to use the ring.

[mvp]

[QUOTE=SnicklefritzG;8976838]
@MVP: I don’t think that ignoring the new employee is necessarily a bad thing. It is often better to keep one’s mouth shut than to say something you regret that is difficult to take back later. In addition, these two individuals are not necessarily equals. They may both be adults. Who knows, they could even be similar ages, but one is a paying client and the other is an employee in a service position. That is not meant to be condescending or rude. It is simply to state that there are expectations for customer service with this barn worker not unlike what there would be in other service industries. That wouldn’t excuse OP from being rude if she had been (which I don’t believe she was). It would simply mean that the barn employee should be very aware of how she is treating the boarders who are paying for service and use of the facilities.

I think it is good that the OP said nothing because she was able to see the new employee for exactly what she is, a spoiled brat. It is quite telling that the new person chose to yell at the OP after she didn’t respond. Normal adults would not have yelled for something like this.[/QUOTE]

What? The only two options are “Say nothing” or “Say something mean that you’ll regret?”

And on the “employee” note. The way I was raised, you don’t get to treat employees badly at a personal level. You really don’t get to do that to someone else’s employee. The OP and the worker at her barn do not have that direct boss/employee relationship.

Besides, there’s no reason start with the imperious strategy even if you are the paying customer or the boss.

I don’t understand justifying that kind of behavior. You can get done or get negotiated what you need to without being rude about it. Really. There is a third option.

[BuddyRoo]

@Snickle: In my experience, at barns and in the workplace, there are often people who are rather insecure and like to assert themselves in unnecessary ways to feel dominant over others and thus, more secure.

It has been my experience that these kind of people take an assignment of responsibility–ex) feeding or exercising horses–and then want everyone to know that THEY are in charge and THEY are calling the shots and THEY are the right hand to the big boss and you better watch out.

It has also been my experience that they flash and burn pretty quickly because people who really are bigger, badder, and more important (ie: paying customers) won’t tolerate the nonsense.

We have a gal like that at my office. When I started about a year ago, it was like she didn’t want to “share” our mutual boss. Some kind of daddy complex. She was very unkind to me and often very undermining. Bossing me around and doing weird passive aggressive stuff when the reality was that I was much higher in the org than her and wasn’t going to play. I just had to figure out what the hell was going on before I could act. She really did make my life kind of miserable for a time.

That stopped. She still has a job but she knows her place now.

[mvp]

[QUOTE=Highflyer;8976942]
@mvp, my experience as a barn employee is that we do our jobs and are polite to everyone, and especially to the paying customers. If they are friendly (and IME mostly they are) great. But even if they aren’t, you still need to be polite. It’s no different than any customer service job that way. If there’s an immediate serious safety issue you address it (still politely if possible) but otherwise you keep your head down and myob.[/QUOTE]

Of course! I have worked in that capacity, too. I know what it is to provide horse care and client-centered customer service. In fact, that’s half the job as a horse show groom, lol.

But I haven’t had a boss who told me that it would be acceptable for me to say something to a client that involved safety (here, the OP walking her horse in the ring) and that I should expect the client to simply ignore me. After all, the client knows I work there, knows I was hired (presumably) because the BO/trainer (whom we both respect) saw something of value in me. And heck, maybe I just wasn’t informed that the OP was allowed to walk her horse in the arena.

My point: Why not assume the best of someone first? Just have a polite, informative conversation about it. If you can’t work it out, then each side can take it up with the ultimate arbitor, the BO/boss of barn worker.

[SnicklefritzG]

@MVP: I think you are misinterpreting other peoples’ comments. No one said that the OP or any other boarder as the right to be rude, condescending, or whatever else towards an employee.

Stating that “the way [you] have been raised” has nothing to do with the comments that I or anyone else has made.

You mentioned that you think the OP and the new employee are equals. They are not. One is a paying customer and the other is in a service position. Neither one of them are justified in being rude. As I stated, the OP was not rude. However, being in a service position comes with a certain obligation to provide that service with an emphasis on good customer service. It doesn’t sound like the new employee gets that concept.

[alibi_18]

I’m with MVP on this one.

You were the one starting the “figth”.

Would you have ignored your trainer or the BO or any of the other boarders like you did with this new worker?

It was your “first encounter” with her.
I’m sure she was simply following your arena rules when she told you not to come hand walk your horse while there was lunging and riding going on.
This is surely a special right you have been given by BM/Trainer and being new, she probably just wasn’t aware. Is that her fault? Did BM/Trainer told her about your horse special needs? Probably not.

But you went on… ignored her completely. That’s condescending to the max.You might be a customer there, but that doesn’t give you the right to be a$$.

• “Oh, I’m sorry, you are not aware but my Special Snowflake is allowed to be walked as per BO/Trainer. It won’t be long, I’m use to stay out of the way. If there is a problem I’ll get out. Btw, my name is Alterfe and welcome to our barn.”
  Would have been an appropriate answer.

To me, you are acting in a really childish way.

Can’t you just talk to her?