@Ailibi: I disagree completely with what you are saying.
The new employee started the problem by yelling in not one but in at least two different situations that we know of. The new employee is in the wrong. She won’t last long at this barn if she just barely got there.
SnickelfritzG posted:
@BuddyRoo: what you said makes a lot of sense. What is it with these types? I understand that they like to “pee on their territory”, but what motivates them? Why don’t they realize they are just being annoying?
They don’t “realize,” because they don’t care. Their POV is that others are annoying them. They don’t see themselves as the ones who are annoying other people.
I have dealt mostly with rude, spiteful BOs. Who always blamed Obama. Can’'t wait to see whom they all blame for Trump’s family antics.
ETA: We got a new assistant like this at one barn where I rode. She had been friends with the BM, then they fell out, then suddenly she was back in the picture. She moved in on BM’s new barn and started throwing her weight around, automatically assumed the boarders didn’t know as much as she did about horses or the barn, and started out by being rude based on that assumption of hers. She rubbed me the wrong way so I did what I always do with people who rub me the wrong way, whom I can’t avoid. I ignored her. I ignored her attitude and her. Since she was apparently friends again with BM, I didn’t say anything to BM, just ignored this new/old assistant. I had a good relationship with BM and wasn’t going to have a bad relationship with anyone else there. So I just didn’t acknowledge this new/old assistant.
IME BMs/BOs are not very skilled at hiring the best people for the job. They may be good at hiring people who will do hard physical work, but they know nothing about interpersonal relationships and the ability to get along with other people. That’s not a BM/BO’s main concern. They want someone to be there, work the hours, get the job done, not be a “people person.” After all, how many BM/BOs went to business school, took courses in management, or business psychology?
Why is there no onus on the employee to make a mental note and go back to the BO and say , “I saw boarder hand walking her horse while I was riding last night. I didn’t think it was allowed, but since I’m new I wanted to check with you first before saying anything.” OR, employee could have stopped riding and quietly approached OP to ask about the situation and rude exchange would have been avoided. Do not act rudely at work , give criticism loudly in public, or otherwise try to embarrass someone…ESPECIALLY if you are the employee. It is not your job or place. Your job is to exercise the horse. Unless you are the new BO or BM, keep your trap shut and observe before barking orders.
@SnicklefritzG : How would you feel if a boarder was just ignoring you?!?
I’m not saying the yelling is right from the Worker part but I feel the OP is being overly sensitive, childish, entitled and condescending to the Worker.
Today (my first real encounter with her) she told me I could not handwalk my horse in the indoor because he was “taking up too much room.” She was riding a horse and there was another horse being flatted in the ring. There was plenty of room and my horse must be walked because it is rehabbing an injury. He gets walked on the inside track of all the horses flatting. BO and trainers are all aware of this and understanding/wonderful about it. So I ignored her, and she proceeded to yell at me and tell me to move him.
Maybe therewas too much action in the ring that day for Precious Poopsie to be walked safely. Maybe the lunged horse was crazy, maybe the Worker horse was crazy… Hand-Walked horses are at the bottom of the rank in arena use. And walking rehabbing horses can be tricky. BTDT, I’ve always waited my turn and always asked first if everyone in the ring was ok with it.
I would never go hand walk a horse in a ring that is being used by riders/lungers, even if I’m allowed, without asking them first if it was ok.
About the yelling: who knows if the worker was really “yelling”. Maybe she just talked louder since the OP ignored her right before. She might wanted to be sure the OP heard what she was saying…
[QUOTE=SnicklefritzG;8977147]
@MVP: I think you are misinterpreting other peoples’ comments. No one said that the OP or any other boarder as the right to be rude, condescending, or whatever else towards an employee.
Stating that “the way [you] have been raised” has nothing to do with the comments that I or anyone else has made.
You mentioned that you think the OP and the new employee are equals. They are not. One is a paying customer and the other is in a service position. Neither one of them are justified in being rude. As I stated, the OP was not rude. However, being in a service position comes with a certain obligation to provide that service with an emphasis on good customer service. It doesn’t sound like the new employee gets that concept.[/QUOTE]
If you’ll kindly re-read my first comment, you’ll see that I thought the OP was being rude by “answering” the barn worker’s request/yell with silence. That was a snub.
So all this comes down to who was rude to whom first. I pointed out that the OP had a hand in pissing off the barn worker because neither she–nor you, it seems-- considered that POV. But really, if you put the shoe on the other foot and you were met with some request by someone who ignored you can kept on with what they were doing, wouldn’t that piss you off?
And I stand by what I said: I don’t care if I’m a paying customer. That doesn’t mean I get to run rough-shod over someone else’s employee. They have a job to do and have to be there. I don’t need to add to whatever else makes that job hard.
There is a “chain of command” thing here that will guide good behavior: BO ultimately works for OP, so OP goes to BO with a problem that she has had with one of the BO’s subordinates. She doesn’t make an end-run around the BO to chastise one of her employees. If you have a direct financial relationship with someone, that’s the only person with whom you negotiate. Do OP can go to BO and say “Fire barn worker or I fire you.” BO can make her choice. And that’s the extent of her right to tell the BO who to hire and how that person does her job. Theoretically, of course, the BO wants to employ people who also give good customer service to boarders on her behalf. But how that gets done is really the BO’s call.
Clearly, this person does not care about you or your feelings. Perhaps she never learned to share in kindergarten. Maybe her thong is riding up. Whatever the reason for her grinchy attitude, I would avoid this person as much as possible!
Be ready with a non-confrontational way to assert yourself for the next encounter. “I’m sorry we got off on the wrong foot before. I’m Alterfe.” Firm Handshake compliment her horse/riding/saddle/outfit “I should have told you that I have an agreement with trainer/BO to do XYZ with my horses. Horse 1 is on rehab, and Horse 2 is whatever.” Friendly question about her horse/where from/upcoming show “Let’s share the indoor: If you want to work your horse at A, I can work mine at C so we won’t be in each other’s way.”
If she tries to tell you what to do and it’s reasonable, go with that. If she tries to tell you to leave or some other unreasonable nonsense, defer to trainer. “Well, I’m here to ride/walk my horse now per agreement with trainer, so you will have to talk with trainer about that. We can share!” ride/walk your horse calmly, continue to pretend like her attitude doesn’t bug you
Either she won’t last long or she will adjust her attitude. Bring any unreasonable requests to trainers attention, “new person wants me to ABC, but I thought our agreement was XYZ.”
Do not allow this person to bully you, and do not sink to her level. You are better than that!
Clearly, this person does not care about you or your feelings. Perhaps she never learned to share in kindergarten. Maybe her thong is riding up. Whatever the reason for her grinchy attitude, I would avoid this person as much as possible!
Be ready with a non-confrontational way to assert yourself for the next encounter. “I’m sorry we got off on the wrong foot before. I’m Alterfe.” Firm Handshake compliment her horse/riding/saddle/outfit “I should have told you that I have an agreement with trainer/BO to do XYZ with my horses. Horse 1 is on rehab, and Horse 2 is whatever.” Friendly question about her horse/where from/upcoming show “Let’s share the indoor: If you want to work your horse at A, I can work mine at C so we won’t be in each other’s way.”
If she tries to tell you what to do and it’s reasonable, go with that. If she tries to tell you to leave or some other unreasonable nonsense, defer to trainer. “Well, I’m here to ride/walk my horse now per agreement with trainer, so you will have to talk with trainer about that. We can share!” ride/walk your horse calmly, continue to pretend like her attitude doesn’t bug you
Either she won’t last long or she will adjust her attitude. Bring any unreasonable requests to trainers attention, “new person wants me to ABC, but I thought our agreement was XYZ.”
Do not allow this person to bully you, and do not sink to her level. You are better than that!
Having been a working student and groom for a few trainers, I’ll tell you that there’s one like this in every barn. However- she might have been rude, but the first situation could have been diffused with “sorry, you’re new. My guy is rehabbing an injury and we have to handwalk x times daily. BO knows and is ok with us walking here. Well stay toward the center, ok?” And then if she’d still tried to kick you out, then you tried and you should take it to her boss. The second encounter is just silly. If you’re doing random circles and loops and change of direction, sing out. No one can read minds, and even if other riders are looking out for her, it’s still hard to get out of the way sometimes.
I’d just have an aside with her first before going to her boss. Is she younger than you? Trying to work her way up in the horse world? Maybe she’s insecure and it comes out in the form of bossy bravado. I don’t know. But giver her a chance to realize what’s going on, then if the behavior continues, talk to her boss or consider moving barns.
@mvp: another option that the employee should have considered is that the person she was speaking to did not hear her. I know myself if I’m
On one end of the arena and someone on the othe end says something, I probably won’t hear it in its entirety where others would.
So, in dealing with other people, unless I’m next to someone or facing them,I’m not going to assume they heard every word. I wouldn’t get “pissed off” if someone didn’t answer knowing that it could very well Be they didn’t hear. It’s easy enough to have an adult conversation later on off the horse if it’s important enough
Either way, the new employee needs more tools in their toolbox than yelling.
[QUOTE=GucciJumper;8976811]
Complain. Get your friends to complain. It will get her kicked out faster. Workers like this eventually get fired, you might as well speed up the process. I doubt you are the only one to have had an issue with her.[/QUOTE]
There are several intermediate steps OP could take that involve “behaving like an adult” and “using communication and conflict resolution skills” before skipping straight to “gang up on this person and try to collectively get them fired.”
It is really amazing to me what type of behavior people will encourage on this bulletin board. Are you this awful in real life?
^^^I think people on COTH, at least those who are on regularly, are reacting based on the multitude of threads rearding problems with barns, trainers, paying for services not rendered, under the table shenanigans, etc.
People need to take these posts in context.
^^OP reported that a barn employee was rude to her twice, once about handwalking in the ring and a second time about passing left to left.
GJ responded that OP should try to have this person fired.
Am I correctly understanding the context?
Yes, people are rude sometimes and it can make the horse industry an unpleasant place to be.
But you know what else can make the horse industry an unpleasant place to be? The subset of people in it who are entitled enough to think that two instances of rudeness are sufficient to go after someone’s job.
It is also possible to respond to rudeness like an adult. In this context, even!
Several posters, The Centaurian in particular, were able to identify possible approaches that amazingly enough didn’t involve going after this person’s job as the first step.
^^OP reported that a barn employee was rude to her twice, once about handwalking in the ring and a second time about passing left to left.
The barn employee wasn’t rude for the first encounter where she told the OP she couldn’t hand walk her horse in the arena. The OP just ignored the barn workers request (not giving an explanation or nothing).
The barn employee was rude, right AFTER when the OP came back to ride her other horse.
Let me give you some more information. I work at a tack shop and employee comes in frequently. This is before she started working at the barn. She always comes in with ridiculous requests and whenever they are not met/she doesn’t get what she wants she throws a temper tantrum. She is rude and condescending to all the tack shop employees. We all run the other way when we see her and let the manager deal with her, but she is never happy. The store is very customer service oriented so under no circumstances am I ever allowed or ever have been anything but nice and accommodating to her. I am wondering if she is so rude to me because she doesn’t get everything she wants at tack shop and somehow believes this is my fault.
I’m probably 10 years younger than she is, too. I’m a college student. I have a very nice show horse and my pony (the one that’s rehabbing) at the barn. He is typically leased out to customers within the barn. I wonder if there is also some jealousy that I was riding the nicest horse in the barn and she was on a very green, less impressive animal. I have no idea but am just trying to think of reasons that would justify her behavior. She seems like an odd bird. I don’t know what satisfaction she gets in bullying a college kid, lol.
[QUOTE=Pocket Pony;8977197]
Why is there no onus on the employee to make a mental note and go back to the BO and say , “I saw boarder hand walking her horse while I was riding last night. I didn’t think it was allowed, but since I’m new I wanted to check with you first before saying anything.” OR, employee could have stopped riding and quietly approached OP to ask about the situation and rude exchange would have been avoided. Do not act rudely at work , give criticism loudly in public, or otherwise try to embarrass someone…ESPECIALLY if you are the employee. It is not your job or place. Your job is to exercise the horse. Unless you are the new BO or BM, keep your trap shut and observe before barking orders.[/QUOTE]
That would have been optimal.
I agree that the onus for being especially polite and polite first falls on the barn worker rather than the boarder. But after the wheels have started to come off, what are you going to do? You gotta turn the other cheek… (at least the first time).
OP, your last post shows are childish you still are.
I hope one day you’ll learn how to properly deal with people, even the most difficult ones.
[QUOTE=alterfe;8977349]
Let me give you some more information. I work at a tack shop and employee comes in frequently. This is before she started working at the barn. She always comes in with ridiculous requests and whenever they are not met/she doesn’t get what she wants she throws a temper tantrum. She is rude and condescending to all the tack shop employees. We all run the other way when we see her and let the manager deal with her, but she is never happy. The store is very customer service oriented so under no circumstances am I ever allowed or ever have been anything but nice and accommodating to her. I am wondering if she is so rude to me because she doesn’t get everything she wants at tack shop and somehow believes this is my fault.
I’m probably 10 years younger than she is, too. I’m a college student. I have a very nice show horse and my pony (the one that’s rehabbing) at the barn. He is typically leased out to customers within the barn. I wonder if there is also some jealousy that I was riding the nicest horse in the barn and she was on a very green, less impressive animal. I have no idea but am just trying to think of reasons that would justify her behavior. She seems like an odd bird. I don’t know what satisfaction she gets in bullying a college kid, lol.[/QUOTE]
So you two have some bad history together?
Truthfully, did that influence the way you treated her at the barn when finally the power differential was in your favor?
As you first posted, it seemed that the story was “Out of the blue, I was treated badly by a stranger (who should have submitted to me).”
I mean, I kept wondering why anyone (of any age) would start out with a snub or get so pissed so fast about a new employee at a barn doing things wrong. Now I get it. Thanks for filling in the blank.
OP, you’re in college, so here’s my take.
Aside from definitely ignoring the people who are encouraging you to try to go after this person’s job, you should consider ignoring these slights altogether.
Obviously this is not a pleasant person. You do not need to invite her over for dinner or make it your mission to win her over to your circle of friends.
But 99% of manners and class is how you respond to other people’s lack thereof. Let me repeat that, because it’s important. 99% of manners and class is how you reapind ti other people’s lack thereof. It is easy to be polite to people who are pleasant. Manners and communication skills come into play with people who are not.
In this end, this person had been abrasive to you twice. Or once, depending in who is counting. For a combined total of possibly 12 words iver maybe ten cumulative seconds. You have, in turn, invested several paragraphs of time and energy into analyzing this behavior and the history if your prior interactions in internet court.
Consider the following alternative: when she is abrasive, remember that 99% of your class is in how you react, and spend one or two sentences (that’s really the extent of it) being polite and professional in return.
Even to someone who is rude to you.
Welcome to adulthood!
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